to be so fedup of being poor

[BobbyBlue]

I am so fed up of never having any money. I don't want much, I just want to be able to buy my children clothes when they need them instead of having to cut the feet off DD's babygrows to get a few more months out of them, or washing my bra through every night because I only have the one and even that is falling apart. I was looking at DS today and he looks so scruffy in a top that is too short in the arms and is faded.

DH works so hard to look after us and works every hour he can. I had a job but it was only a temp contract and it wasn't renewed after my employer found out I was pregnant with DD3 and now I'm struggling to find anything else.

We don't smoke, drink or even go out.

I can live with having to wear old worn clothes myself but my older two DC are getting to an age where it is going to start bothering them.

I know we're not the only ones who struggle, I only have to look up and down the street to see other families who are having a hard time, but sometimes it just gets so bloody depressing!!!

Feel better for having a moan!

Curious as to why you are politely declining very kind offers of baby clothes?

Do not mean to offend you but as I was thinking of offering to post you some myself (if any of my DC's hardly worn but grown out of clothes would be any good) I am interested to know why you would be refusing such help when that is one of the issues you're complaining about...

I'm decluttering the house at the moment and am giving bags full of decent child and adult clothes to the charity shops, it would save you a rummage!

You are right about the law preventing debt repayments being too high Empress but debt collectors and other creditors rely on people being ignorant of the law in this area to squeeze out every extra penny. There are some very unscrupulous creditors about.

It's evident that the OP is paying far too much to her mortgage company every month - she needs advice.

Have you looked at the moneysavingexpert website www.moneysavingexpert.com/, it's really helped me to save money. I buy clothes in the Charity shops (often very good quality), it helps the environment too!

Oh and I don't think you are being/coming across as a "bitch"

Forgot to add that if you go onto the forums there are plenty of people in the same boat and can offer good advice.

Bobby...I can totally understand your situation. Without the mortgage we owe nearly £30,000 but we have definite light at the end of our tunnel and sort of have for two years, since our financial world fell apart and I have parents that can/will help if I'm desperate. I don't know what we would have done without them the weeks I didn't have enough for food.

We have cut back on meat, turned radiators down in bedrooms, hand washed clothes (when in short supply), planned meals (much less wastage), I have tirelessly negotiated with our debts to get them interest free and manageable (which is hard with a DH who is an Ostrich). I found CAB was very busy all the time and so I called this instead

Bobby I think your mortgage company are seriously taking the piss by expecting you to repay a mortgage for a house that they have repossessed and sold for less than the outstanding amount.

The person I was talking about earlier, who went bankrupt, was in a similar situation wrt a mortgage on a repossessed house. He basically said bollocks to the mortgage company, told them that they shouldn't have undersold the house and that he would not be repaying them. What's the worst they can do, really? They've already had the house. It must be utterly soul destroying to be paying a mortgage on a house you no longer have.

Get some professional advice, because I'm sure there are ways out of this. The person I know who went bankrupt is now debt free. He doesn't have a lot of money, but what he does have isn't being sucked into repayments anymore.

Good luck

Bobby- I sympathise. DH and I are lurching from crisis to crisis at the moment. We've gone from being OK-ish to skint. He works and I'm a SAHM. However, I have sold loads of stuff on ebay and I also do mystery shopping on the side. Its not much but that extra few pounds has saved our (smart price) bacon on a few occasions, and means I can still look after the kids.

Also, if I were you I really would consider second hand. You can call it vintage or preloved if you prefer, but its kind to the environment for one thing. My 2 DCs are often in hand me downs and TBH I can't remember whether its brand new stuff we bought or something my friends have given us. Both my DCs are well dressed in clothes that fit and are good quality, and you'd be shocked to know how much of it I didn't pay for and accepted as gifts.

When push comes to shove, don't let foolish pride get in the way of good quality well fitting clothes.

I really do sympathise though, and don't listen to Empress, with your mental health issues and job loss, it does sound as though you've had it tough.

Now I have never been poor so I obviously cannot empathise with your situation but I have always been a grafter. I am lucky( relative term as I believe luck is what you make it and he is feircely ambitious)that Dh has a great job but I still work as I think it is good for you socially and mentally not to just be a mum.

I have always said if we ever get poor I would happily scrub toilets or stack shelves all night. You know we all have massive debt , its called a mortgage and it doesn't go away ( not for 25 yrs anyway) so we are all really in the same situation really.

I am sorry you are unhappy but honestly there is an answer to everything..you just have to look and try very hard..good luck x

Some good advice on here Bobby, and if other are offering clothes that they don't need, take them! I have kept dds old baby clothes for if we have another baby. EmpressREality, say it as it is . Even though she has come across as very harsh and uncaring, she does have a point, contraception is free

Hope that you use some of the advice and help on here Bobby, good luck

Thesecondcoming, you are right that I feel guilty about accepting offers of clothes from people. I don't want to come across as trying to get people to give me things.

But I should accept peoples kind offers, I have no problem with second hand stuff at all and would gladly accept things if people are giving them away anyway.

I will post more later, really appreciate all the advice. Just hard to post in the day with the DC off school and the baby.

Oh and re the contraception. We had our DC when times were better and we had more money. Also DC3 wasn't planned, hence the big gap between her and the other two. I actually had the coil fitted but it didn't work! So yes contraception is free but its also not always reliable. We learnt our lesson though and DH had the snip last year, pay back for the three children I gave birth to

"I think it is good for you socially and mentally not to just be a mum. "

Bishbo- there is nothing wrong with "just being a mum". You make it sound like SAHMs are not socially or mentally as agile as working mums. You say you have always been a grafter and have never been poor. The fact is, lots of us have grafted non stop too and still been skint. Its not always someone's fault when they get poor.

We are all only three steps away from being homeless, no matter how "lucky" we are or how hard we graft

Bobby-things will look up I'm sure.

Sorry Bobby did not mean to sound rude , but i guess its a practicle solution . Even though we only have one (not out of choice) its a struggle and I am keeping dds clothes for the next, one if there is any next one. If its a boy than we obviously will have to buy a whole new wardrobe of things. We alos have kept a lot of dd baby equipment to so we dont have to buy again.

Nesta that is scary, I am a STAHM too, but would get a weekend or evening job if we were really struggling.

BobbyBlue - do you know anyone with older kids who can pass you grown out of clothes? You could do them some favours in return. I have received clothes from friends for my kids & I've given them things or helped them out. Your children don't always need new. Could you fix & patch up clothes. I'm trying to fix winter coats with broken zips & have resewn old school cardi's.

OP - you mention in your first point only having one bra which you have to wash every night.

I used to be really hopeless at buying bras and have a ton of bras I bought that didn't fit properly and hence have never been worn. I am never quite sure what to do with them but it would be great if someone could use them.

Could you face posting your size? I will only be able to help if you have a small back and generous cupsize but I bet someone would be able to help whatever your dimensions.

OP - you mention in your first point only having one bra which you have to wash every night.

I used to be really hopeless at buying bras and have a ton of bras I bought that didn't fit properly and hence have never been worn. I am never quite sure what to do with them but it would be great if someone could use them.

Could you face posting your size? I will only be able to help if you have a small back and generous cupsize but I bet someone would be able to help whatever your dimensions.

bobbyblue, i echo babysitting and ironing (especially as you have a first aid cert. Do you have the Police check asweel?).You need 4-5 good regular clients. If you find the first 2 then they will recomend you to friends and you will be busy.

It is the best time of the year to start with christmas approaching.

• join some agencies.

• Place ad cards at notice boards, shop windows, libraries, baby clinics, cafes, toy shops.

• Place ad on gumtree, netmums and here on the childcare section.

• See if you can print those free business cards (i think 250 cards for free?).

• Contact all your local hotels re babysitting. They always have requests for babysitting from their guests.

• Contact wedding companies, tell them you do wedding babysitting.

Would you like to tell us where you are? Many of us use this services and have friends who do so perhaps we could do something? But if you dont want to say your location dont worry.

Reality, some people are naturally more pro-active and confident than others. The combination of poverty, health problems plus loss of house can make the strongest person to dispair. It is not laziness.

Just to clarify that bankruptcy did use to be advertised in local papers but it is not usually done any more - this is a cost cutting exercise by the Insolvency Service.

Really you should just stop paying the mortgage company - what can they do? Petition for your bankruptcy? Well that would save you £400 odd that you would pay if you did it yourself.

BobbyBlue Please pm me, im about to get rid of some womens clothes and UNWORN bras, sometimes im too lazy to take them back and get a refund if theyre on the snug side. Please pm me your size and if theyre any good i can post them off