to be so fedup of being poor

[BobbyBlue]

I am so fed up of never having any money. I don't want much, I just want to be able to buy my children clothes when they need them instead of having to cut the feet off DD's babygrows to get a few more months out of them, or washing my bra through every night because I only have the one and even that is falling apart. I was looking at DS today and he looks so scruffy in a top that is too short in the arms and is faded.

DH works so hard to look after us and works every hour he can. I had a job but it was only a temp contract and it wasn't renewed after my employer found out I was pregnant with DD3 and now I'm struggling to find anything else.

We don't smoke, drink or even go out.

I can live with having to wear old worn clothes myself but my older two DC are getting to an age where it is going to start bothering them.

I know we're not the only ones who struggle, I only have to look up and down the street to see other families who are having a hard time, but sometimes it just gets so bloody depressing!!!

Feel better for having a moan!

Ok ....sorry if i misread you secondcoming,it's a bloody shit being poor amd bankrupt....

Did you say you are on card meters for the gas and electric?

They cost a bloody fortune, I had them when I moved into my current house, I agreed to change suppliers on the condition that they changed the meters, I pay half what I paid on the card meters, its worth a try.

Ninks....bankruptcy IS still in the local papers..

I have just read this thread and feel bloody ashamed of myself and humbled by the help offered to the OP.

I have spent most of the evening moaning to my DP that we cannot afford to go skiing in March and a winter sun holiday.

Just off to look in the mirror and slap myself in disgust

moony, not everyone can be you.

and yes, people elsewhere have it harder.

that doesn't make it any easier for someone going through this because well, they are not elsewhere, they are here.

it does the world of good instead to help them and point out how they can change things round, no matter how small, and become more positive because they feel more in control.

that's true everywhere.

'give a man a fish and you feed him dinner. teach him how to fish and he had dinner for a lifetime.'

Is it? Mine wasn't. I was told that it was not in the public interest. I assumed that there were far too many of us to bother these days.

newwave.....don't feel like that.....just do something else...camping,days out,anything cheaper...if you can afford it then enjoy it....i know i would...

nothing more to add that hasn't already been said really but just wanted to wish good luck with ringing around tomorrow. Hope things get easier for you and your family.

bobby, i've gone bankrupt before. i was in another country that has no socialised medicine and little to nothing in the way of benefits, particularly for the working poor, which i was after two redundancies in one year.

the car i was driving, which my boyfriend was letting me use to get to work, was struck by a repeat drunk driver who ran a red light.

i suffered fairly serious injuries. i had no health insurance, not being able to afford it on my $12/hour job and it wasn't offered by my temp agency employer.

i had no assets and $25,000 in debt from a divorce on top of incredible healthcare bills.

i literally had no choice. i was already living in a tiny rented bedsit.

it is an option for a reason, when you have no other recourse.

and i am not ashamed of it!

do see consumer credit counselling or national debt helpline, which are free charities designed to help people in real trouble.

Ninks....my friends were in the local papers just last year and i'm dreading being there this year.....my own pride i know.

That is shite MoralDefective

BobbyBlue, I haven't read this whole thread as not enough time. I have plenty of very good quality clothes age 0-11. I have one son. Would be so happy to give to you. We would be helping each other as I don't have much room to store.
Please accept, pride can only take you so far.

I don't have CAT, but you can email me. I will be back in a moment as i'm going to create a new email address to put on here

How old are your dc, I have boys clothes here that are just hanging about and I dont know anyone who wants them, ages 6-9 mth 9-12 mth and need to sort out my 10yr old ds drawers soon so will have some 8-9 yr old stuff too. I know how it feels to be skint, i am just lucky that my mum helps out a lot helping to buy my kids stuff. x Really hope you feel better soon and things start to look up for you. Bet you're kids aren't bothered anyway as long as they have you. x

I like most people who are reasonably well off dont realise how very lucky they are until you read about the struggles of others, it is easy to dismiss TV and newspaper reports but "live" on here it brings a sense of reality

bobbyblue, I had a flat repossessed 20 years ago when interest rates went up to 16%. It wasn't really my fault, ex boyfriend and I split up and he didn't pay the mortgage even though I gave him half till we were in a position to sell. Anyway, I ignored the phonecalls, letters etc for years (not proud of this). Then when I was pregnant I was made redundant and by chance got one of the letters forwarded to me from the building society. I phoned them up and said I didn't have an income and they said they'd accept £1500 in full and final settlement. What I'm saying is there are ways round this without going officially bankrupt. I also went on to have another mortgage years later. Maybe the CAB will advise you to free up a bit of money.

email addy.

[email protected]

Ninks,why is my embarrassment shite.....i don't judge my friends,but i do judge myself,i do'nt know why they had to go bankrupt but i do know why we have to.....i can't bear for my family to know that we haven't coped and am old enough to feel ashamed of it all.....is that so wrong?

No it's shite that the papers still name ordinary families when the guidelines are that it isn't necessary.

My best friend found her Dad hanging in the garden when she was nine years old and her sister was just five because of money owed and the threat of them losing their house. The poor man couldn't bear it.

But of course you are not wrong to feel the way you do!

"It is the low wage earners who can't rely on benefits that really struggle."

That really is true. We went for years on an income just high enough to exclude us from everything except CTC, but low enough to have to go without almost everything. Being off grid in a freezing cold part of the country our fuel costs were astronomical just to keep us from shivering. I was going to work in clothes with holes in FGS, had one pair of shoes to my name, was skipping meals to make food go further. It was seriously crap, so OP, I sympathise.

I have unfortunately just sent two huge boxes of boy's clothes to charity, but how old is your DD?

I totally know how you feel. House is freezing cold, can't afford to put the heating on yet, not til it gets properly cold.

And yes, it is possible to be that skint that you can not afford basic things whether they babygrows that actually fit your baby, heating the house or whatever.

I am "working poor" but would literally be better off living solely on benefits as my rent is so high and HB is next to nothing. It just about covers a third of the rent. All my wages (I work part time as a till tart so not much) pay the rest of it. Tax credits pay for everything else including monster debt and I am nearly at my overdraft limit every single month.

Thank you for letting me moan. I feel much better. OP if I wasn't due to have another baby in 7 months time I'd be offering to send you DD's good stuff (she has loads from when she was younger, in the days I could afford to buy it).

Bobbyblue - I think you need to have a moan now and then - MN is a good place to do it. Ignore those who do not understand. My house is freezing as I cannot afford to put the heating on (night storage heaters which cost a fortune).

Plenty of us here will understand what it feels like. I would echo advice to speak to CAB about what you still owe the mortgage company - you have to be able to live. Is it worth going bankrupt to wipe this debt out? CAB would be able to advise you better about this.

My son is 8 and has just outgrown a coat I bought him two years ago. If it's any good for you just PM me as I'm happy to send it to you. I buy DS stuff from charity shops and he has stuff people give me as well. Children rarely wear out clothes as they grow so quick - can't understand why more people don't do clothes hand rounds.

Empress is it really THAT difficult to understand that a mortgage company might be asking for a much higher amount per month than the OP can afford?

I think the OP needs advice via the CAB to see if bankruptcy is a viable option. Perhaps she DOES buy £2 babygros from Asda/Tesco/wherever but maximizes their use bu cutting the feet off. I have done this in the past when we were broke. (Working poor and not entitled to any benefits). If you have NEVER had to do so then that's brilliant but please don't think those of us who have had to are somehow exaggerating our circumstances. I am glad those days are past for me.