Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to not want to live in a house where someone has died?

152 replies

lola0109 · 22/10/2010 14:49

Ok, we live in a street that we love but our house is just too small and garden doesn't get the sun. That would be our reasons for ever moving. But the house across the road has an extra bedroom, extra living space (oh to have a playroom), a conservatory and a drive! We have a lovely old lady neighbour in this house, really lovely.

Anyway, DP and I always say that we want her house and DP (who has a sick sense of humour) always say well Mrs xxx won't be around forever so we could get her house. This will never happen, she has 9 kids and a gazillion grandkids and great grandkids.

But I've always sais the only way she'll leave that house is in a box. And I refuse to buy a house knowing someone has died in it. DP thinks this is ridiculous as it is possible someone died in our current house, but I don't know that.

Would you live in a house knowing someone had died in it?

Disclaimer: Both DP and I think Mrs xxx is fantastic and wish her a long and happy life!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 23/10/2010 15:56

wouldnt bother me at all

old man died in my parents house and his ghost appeared sometimes

sure many people have died in my works house as 400/500 years old - and i have seen an old man there - but they mean no harm Grin

what i would do is to say to your lovely neighbour how much you like her house and see if she would do a house swap+cash as hers is bigger than yours

Hearsetease · 23/10/2010 16:12

I would not be remotely bothered by a house in which an old person had died, though I'd probably feel sad if there were upsetting circusmtances.

We have just bought a probate property and we don't know whether the old man died at the house or elsewhere, nor his wife (who went first). There was a story in the local paper about how he went to fight in WWII just after they were married, and when he came back a couple of years later he went to suprise her at the factory where she was working. They must have moved into the house soon after that. His walllpapering and DIY were crazy (and horrible to my taste) but when I'm beavering away at trying to get it all the way I want it I think about their life and the years they lived out there. I don't feel bad about stripping it away -- it's not their house any more, it's our turn for a while. Those people were just like us in many ways, they're just further along the road we all have to walk. I really think death is a part of life and that thinking about the life that was lived, knowing that it was finite, is a touching thing to do and makes you value your own time. Surely the fact that you love your neighbour might make you feel even more as though you were moving into a happy place in the world?

WannabeNigella · 23/10/2010 16:12

Mrs XXX may die in hospital of course.........

Would that be ok Wink

duchesse · 23/10/2010 16:18

Practically every house in the land will have had someone die in it at some point or other! How they died may be more relevant.

If it really bothers you if and when the time comes, you could always have the house blessed to cleanse it.

thefirstmrsDeVeerie · 23/10/2010 17:19

This thread has actually upset me a fair bit.
Not the OP's fault but its made me cry.

I am sitting in the room where my beautiful daughter died. She spent her last days wrapped in love and care.

Anyone should think themselves privalidged to buy this house if we ever sold it.

The thought of someone going 'ewwww I dont want to live there, some kid died in it' is hugly offensive to me.

By the way. I doesnt need blessing or cleansing. Its blessed because she was here.

FFS

lady007pink · 23/10/2010 17:27

YANBU, I know how you feel.

I lived in an old farmhouse until I was 17. My neighbour then informed me that the previous owners of our house cared for another neighbour right up until she died - in the bedroom I had been sleeping in all the years I lived there!!!! I was Shock, though relieved I never knew until I moved out.

lady007pink · 23/10/2010 17:30

Just read your post, Mrsdeveerie. I'm very sorry to read about your daughter.

DancingHippoOnAcid · 23/10/2010 17:35

Mrsdeveerie - you are absolutely right, of course.

How could anyone object to feeling the prescence of such a beautiful spirit as your daughter?

I for one would feel privileged to feel her prescence.

expatinscotland · 23/10/2010 17:42

It all depends on how the person feels, though, thefirst.

Try not to take it personally.

For me, murder or suicide would be a place I'd not want to live because, as someone with medium tendancies, I am quite sensitive to the energy that can sometimes be left behind.

LetThereBeRock · 23/10/2010 17:49

I could stay in a house where someone had died,but not in a house where someone had been murdered.

I don't believe in ghosts and spirits,but I can't help feeling that it'd leave a trace in some form,plus I'd be thinking about it constantly.

thefirstmrsDeVeerie · 23/10/2010 17:49

I will do my best Expat.

Wouldnt want to come across as unreasonable or illogical.

Heaven forfend.

GreenStinkingStumpSleeves · 23/10/2010 17:52

the first Sad

Haven't most houses had people pass away in them? Unless they are horrible new builds?

I couldn't care less personally

motherinferior · 23/10/2010 17:55

I don't give a toss. I like living in a quite old house, so presumably people have been born and died in it (well, I know people have been born in it - DD2 was). I don't believe in ghosts or spooks or the tooth fairy or any of that lot.

motherinferior · 23/10/2010 17:58

And in any case, even if you do believe in Bad Energies and all that, surely it's more unpleasant to live in a house where Bad Stuff happened over a longish period than one quite possibly calm and peaceful death? Which, given the incidence of domestic violence and child abuse, is really quite likely, what about that, eh?

expatinscotland · 23/10/2010 18:00

Believing in bad energies and spirits, however, seems equally illogical and unreasonable to many, thefirst.

And yes, MI, some places have not had a death in them but they feel wrong or bad somehow.

I've had this feeling in rented flats often because people come and go so much in them.

POFAKKEDDthechair · 23/10/2010 18:32

I think that is true MI. But I have experienced some very, very odd things in certain houses. no idea what caused them. But what you say has some bearing on the atmosphere of houses I think.

Original poster
lola0109 · 23/10/2010 20:19

Just to clarify, some people have suggested swapping etc with Mrs xxx. She and her DH were the first owners of that house, her DH died in a hospice a few years ago but they raised their family there so I know the family would want that house if, god forbid, anything happened to her. Plus, there is a reason I'm living in my 3 bed mid terrace sans conservatory drive etc. I couldn't afford her house.

BUT you have made me think, if it was ever a possibility I'd feel slightly better knowing that she had a long and happy life (as she's always telling us-she really is lovely). I'd just be scared that she'd want to "pop in for a cuppa and a chat" :)

I've lived in a couple of tenements in Glasgow and always felt an "energy" and had weird going ons, like phantom trumpet playing and mirrors coming off walls so thankfully was always renting. In fact one tenement I only lasted 6 months and it was start of DP and I's relationship and I refused to stay alone so I'd either be at his or him at mine, or I'd stay with my parents.

mrsdeverie I'm sorry for your loss and I don't mean to sound flippant or upset anyone. I started the thread as a hypothetical question and didn't realise the response it would get.

OP posts:
thefirstmrsDeVeerie · 23/10/2010 21:19

lola I would probably have said something similar a few years ago and not given it a second thought.

I am not blaming you for the way you feel but am being honest about the way it makes me feel IYSWIM.

Its not the first time I have thought about it and I am very sure you are not the only person who feels this way.

I have run scenerios through my head where prospective buyers 'find out' and the way the would react.

Its all a bit mad I suppose..

Morloth · 23/10/2010 21:23

I live in a victorian terrace, I assume plenty of people have been born and died there over the years. Doesn't bother me in the least.

Morloth · 23/10/2010 21:37

Some places do have a bad 'vibe' though don't they? I know when we are house hunting I rely very much on how the place 'feels' as much as on other more obvious stuff.

Our house in Australia just felt like 'home' the first time we walked through the door, other houses I have known from the moment I saw it that it wasn't for me and one we looked at here when flat hunting gave me the heeby jeebies for no obvious reason.

expatinscotland · 23/10/2010 21:42

I've had this, too. It's almost like an affinity.

MrsTittleMouse · 23/10/2010 21:44

This thread has upset me too. DH and I have each had a family member die by suicide. Just because someone is in a bad place and can't get out of it for that moment, it doesn't make them a scary person who will haunt you. There was a lot of joy in their lives too. They were very loving people.

There is still a lot of silly teenage nonsense about depression and suicide, I think. :(

expatinscotland · 23/10/2010 21:53

I'm a depressed person who has attempted suicide. I am not silly or a teen.

Sorry you find it upsetting, MrsTittle, but it can leave energy behind and if I'm in a place where I perceive energy I find doesn't appal to me I'd not want to live there.

To some people, though, it makes no difference at all and so they don't mind buying a home like this.

Everyone's entitled to an opinion about the place they live in.

boogiewoogie · 23/10/2010 22:03

Fact of life: Everyone dies.

Big deal.

FWIW I think the best place to die is in your own home. Unless of course the cause of death is murder in which case you wouldn't be unreasonable.

My penny's worth.

scottishmummy · 23/10/2010 22:18

yes but we all process and deal with bereavement differently.hence the myriad of responses.and i do understand this could cause considerable upset.given scenario op describes i wouldnt be put off