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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to not want to live in a house where someone has died?

152 replies

lola0109 · 22/10/2010 14:49

Ok, we live in a street that we love but our house is just too small and garden doesn't get the sun. That would be our reasons for ever moving. But the house across the road has an extra bedroom, extra living space (oh to have a playroom), a conservatory and a drive! We have a lovely old lady neighbour in this house, really lovely.

Anyway, DP and I always say that we want her house and DP (who has a sick sense of humour) always say well Mrs xxx won't be around forever so we could get her house. This will never happen, she has 9 kids and a gazillion grandkids and great grandkids.

But I've always sais the only way she'll leave that house is in a box. And I refuse to buy a house knowing someone has died in it. DP thinks this is ridiculous as it is possible someone died in our current house, but I don't know that.

Would you live in a house knowing someone had died in it?

Disclaimer: Both DP and I think Mrs xxx is fantastic and wish her a long and happy life!

OP posts:

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 22/10/2010 15:04

my grandma died in front of the tv, watching Wimbledon.

SummerHeightsHigh · 22/10/2010 15:06

lola have you ever been with someone as they were dying?

I used to have similar feelings to you, hated the idea that a previous owner had died in the house, as if the house would be tainted in some way.

Now it doesn't bother me at all though and the turning point was caring for a dying family member and being there when they died. I see death as a natural part of life now and the mystery of it has gone now I've seen it.

I do think that I might avoid a house where brutal murders occurred though, somehow thats still somehow different in my head.

Original poster

lola0109 · 22/10/2010 15:13

Summerheightshigh my Granny dies of a stroke and I was with her in the room in hospital and she dies 10 mins after I left. Her body was brought back to her house as was my grandads 10 years earlier and placed in one of the bedrooms for the rosaries.

The family bought the house so it sits empty for most of the year unless some far away relatives are visiting and parties at christmas.

To this day I still can't go into that bedroom!

OP posts:

Mishy1234 · 22/10/2010 15:14

When we viewed our current house it was like someone had just got up and left (towels on the bathroom floor, tea cups left on the counter etc). I thought that the occupant had passed away, but in fact she had collapsed (hence the state of the house) and was alive and well in a care home.

It didn't bother me at all (when I thought she had died). The thing that DID bother me was that no family came to clear her personal belongings and when we took the keys there was still loads of stuff belonging to her there (photos, carefully packed baby christening outfits etc). We packed it all up and sent it on to her solicitor. I just hope they sent it to her and didn't give it to her relatives. She definitely had family not that far away.

KurriKurri · 22/10/2010 15:14

The majority of people live in houses where someone died. I certainly do, and have never been troubled by spirits of any kind. The fact that you do or don't know of the death wouldn't logically affect ghosts would it?
Are you worried she'll pop back and say 'I don't like what you've done with the kitchen'?

Rather than think of it as a house where someone has died, think of it as a house where someone has lived a long and happy life.

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 22/10/2010 15:16

what about houses where someone has been unhappy? I found out recently that the people who lived in my parents' house at the end of the 19th century lost all 4 sons in the First World War. Even without deaths on the premises that will have meant a hell of a lot of grief.

Carrie06 · 22/10/2010 15:21

I wouldn't mind at all. For some people the tough part might be leaving a house where a loved one has lived/died etc.

mrsoliverramsay · 22/10/2010 15:35

I could never live in a house knowing someone died in it. I also could never live in a house that was over 100 years old. I would be scred shitless all the time. I went on a cottage holiday to a place that was 400 years old and vowed to never do it again. Every night in the bedroom it was like someone was hitting the vase with a bit of metal. It was very scary and slept with every single light on. I also refused to go to the bathroom at night. I am a believer in ghosts after that experience

belgo · 22/10/2010 15:36

My house is 100 years old and has seen at least one death - and two births. It's all part of life, it just brings more character to the house.

samay · 22/10/2010 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FoghornLeghorn · 22/10/2010 15:51

Knowing someone had died there would probably make me a bit nervous but I am a big scaredy cat with anything spooky.

My FIL died in the living room of DH's family home and it took me a long time to feel comfortable in the room on my own, I used to freak myself out completely!

stubbornhubby · 22/10/2010 15:53

I wouldn't like it if they were still there.

whenever we move house I always ask the surveyor to look under the patio before we exchange contracts.

piscesmoon · 22/10/2010 15:57

Only if they were murdered in it and buried under the patio.
Normal death is a part of life and so much nicer that people die in their own homes.

thegoodishlife · 22/10/2010 15:58

We live in DP's nan and grandads house. His great-grandad died here, and laid in the back bedroom (now our ensuite bathroom) for about a week before the funeral. Scared the sh!t out of me when they told me; now it doesn't bother me.

pagwatch · 22/10/2010 15:59

I guess we all have our own personal issues. My house is nearly two hundred years old but as far as I know no one has ever crossed the threshold wearing Primark.

Rather a few stiffs than all that brushed nylon. If we get it listed I may get that written in. Plus no leisure wear as day wear

PrettyCandles · 22/10/2010 16:02

I think I might have difficulty buying or living in a house where there had been a violent death, but I wouldn't be in the least bothered by knowing that someone had died of natural causes in the house. As other posters have said, consider instead the life lived.

The first house we wanted to buy had a pair of pet graves in it. The owners had made a sort of grotto around the graves, with a bench and an arbour. Quite a lovely spot,really. They wanted us to agree not to disturb the graves. I had no issues withthat, it adds to the character and history of what was a fairly bland modern house, but apparently this request had cost them several sales. Other viewers were either freaked by the graves or refused to accept them.

nubbins · 22/10/2010 16:21

One of the previous occupiers died in the house we rent, and their pets are buried in the garden. I'm more worried about digging up their dead cat than where they died in the house! Anyway, i had my last baby here, so i figure it's all quits anyway.

I can however see how it might be different if it is someone you know.

RunawayPumpkin · 22/10/2010 16:27

I am with your DP on this one you are being ridiculous, unless you build a house or buy a new build chances are someone died in it at some point.

pickledbabe · 22/10/2010 16:34

I actually think I couldn't live in a house where someone hadn't died.

Okay, that sounds odd....

What I mean is, that I want a house that has seen all of life, that has properly been lived in - born in, died in, all of it.

I think it gives the house a bit of purpose, you know, makes it settled into its place.

As I type this, I have a cartoon image of a house snugly sitting there, sighing contentedly. [hgrin]

pagwatch · 22/10/2010 16:38

snuggly pickledbabe

pickledbabe · 22/10/2010 16:41

thank you pag! I wondered about that spelling, anyway!
is that bloke on the left a ghost?

pagwatch · 22/10/2010 16:42

PrettyCandles · 22/10/2010 16:43

That's not snug - that's Scrooge!

Lulabel27 · 22/10/2010 16:43

I couldn't do it. I also turned down a lovely flat that had been part of a church redevelopment.

However after we moved into our house we found out our immediate quite old, eccentric and reclusive neighbour has buried her husband in her back garden (apparently with all special permissions). I find it very odd and when she dies they'll have to resume him...

Funnily enough when we moved in, in February our other very normal and lovely neighbours said it was a fertile house as every other owner since the 80's had had a baby there. After a (what we thought) failed vasectomy reversal 2.5 years ago we just smiled and nodded. I found out in May that I'm pregnant and due in January :)

ohbabybaby · 22/10/2010 16:44

I bought a house where someone had been murdered, about 3 years beforehand. Wasn't very pleased when I found out (especially as the estate agent lied about it...) but I decided to go ahead with it because the guy had been caught (it was a domestic) and would be away for a long time - I would not have liked to have lived there if someone had broken in and was still on the loose, or if the guy would be out of prison soon (imagine him walking past - horrible!).

But a normal death should be nothing to worry about. Especially at the end of a good life. My next house was only about 10 years old, and when I commented to someone that at least no one had died in this house the response was 'how do you know....' - good point!

However coveting someone's house before they have died is not a very nice thing to do...

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