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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to not want to live in a house where someone has died?

152 replies

lola0109 · 22/10/2010 14:49

Ok, we live in a street that we love but our house is just too small and garden doesn't get the sun. That would be our reasons for ever moving. But the house across the road has an extra bedroom, extra living space (oh to have a playroom), a conservatory and a drive! We have a lovely old lady neighbour in this house, really lovely.

Anyway, DP and I always say that we want her house and DP (who has a sick sense of humour) always say well Mrs xxx won't be around forever so we could get her house. This will never happen, she has 9 kids and a gazillion grandkids and great grandkids.

But I've always sais the only way she'll leave that house is in a box. And I refuse to buy a house knowing someone has died in it. DP thinks this is ridiculous as it is possible someone died in our current house, but I don't know that.

Would you live in a house knowing someone had died in it?

Disclaimer: Both DP and I think Mrs xxx is fantastic and wish her a long and happy life!

OP posts:
pickledbabe · 22/10/2010 17:34

(the one about Elizabeth, not your last one)

Deemented · 22/10/2010 17:35

My nana died in my dads house, we were with her at the end and it was peaceful and dignified and right.

(Although the debacle afterwards with us tring to check she was actually gone was another thing. Think mirrors ect Grin)

Nana always said 'The dead can't hurt you, it's he living you've to watch out for'

LilRedWG · 22/10/2010 17:36

Would she consider swapping houses with you, whilst alive?

iLikeDots · 22/10/2010 17:39

I think it depends, like most posters have said, on how the person died.

My parents house is over 150 yrs old, so it is more or less certain that people have died in the house. Factors like people not living as long as we do today and difference in societies of 'now' and 'then' would be contributors, for example death was far more common amonst babies/children/younger adults than it is today, these days medicine is advanced. Also death was far more 'out in the open' and talked about in comparsion to today, people having deceased loved on in their house before they were buried etc.

However if some terrible thing happened like murder, it would make me think much more if I was willing to live where a horffic act took place. Also local feeling towards the house would make me erm and err more as local people tend to label the homes people are killed in things like "Death house" or always chatting about the house in a grim way, before you know it you stsrt getting pointed at in the street as being "the one who lives THAT house'.

In my area someone killed their wife, his wifes love and then him self in a terrible way. It was at least 15 yrs ago and it know as "that house' and some people go to look at it because of what happened and some even take family/friend who live outside area to 'look' at it. Rather grim really.

TondelayooohSchwarlock · 22/10/2010 17:48

A relative bought a murderer's house. His (the murderer's) family sold it when he went to prison for life. FWIW the murder didn't happen on the premises. And it was gorgeous. (the house)

I recall reading an article a few years back about houses where violent crimes have been committed and it said that unless it was really notorious (Wests, Dennis Nillsen -sp?) then after a reasonable period, it doesn't really have an affect on property value. Sorry was that a really Daily Mail thing to say? Grin Hmm Shock I live in London where you would literally kill for a decent size house so maybe I've become hardened Grin

What I'm saying is that most people in this country live in houses more than 100 years old and all sorts of things will have taken place - not all of them pleasant. But you have to live somewhere.

Anyway as some have pointed out, you are most likely to die in hospital these days. Even the several friends I know who've died young and suddenly died in hospital or in an ambulance.

pompadourprincess · 22/10/2010 17:50

The house I looked at the husband killed his wife and 2 small babies .. see why I didn't take it... I can't even watch an advert for a horror let alone sleep in a house where that happened .
I also thought about what DS would find out from school friends and that it may scare him to death sleeping in the same room as where 2 children were murdered. Even typing it scares the pants off me.

ajandjjmum · 22/10/2010 17:52

We looked at a house where the parents had died in an accident, leaving three 'adult' kids in their late teens and early twenties. They lived there for several years before they came to sell the property, and it was on the market for months and months. It had a sad feel.

A couple of weeks after our viewing, the son who showed us around hung himself in the garden.

I could never have lived there after that, but I know of one couple who it just didn't bother. Don't know who bought it though.

TondelayooohSchwarlock · 22/10/2010 17:53

Sorry PompadourPrincess = my post look a bit flippant in context. Sad Sad Sad

wotnochocs · 22/10/2010 17:56

When you think of how many years humans have been on the earth, every square foor of land must have had dozens of people dying (and being buried) on it

ExtraordinarySandwiches · 22/10/2010 18:06

Someone having died in a house wouldn't put me off necessarily. We're in the process of moving house now and have seen dozens of houses, lots of probate ones where the owners could easily have died in the houses. Usually they were just a bit old fashioned and needed doing up and if I'd learned the old lady or whoever had died there that wouldn't bother me.

One house we saw however was a beautiful house but I couldn't get out of it quickly enough. DH, DM and I all viewed it and afterwards said we all thought it felt evil in there, a really heavy atmosphere. I'm not particularly woo woo and I don't really believe in ghosts, but I wouldn't go back in there again.

Deemented · 22/10/2010 18:07

I always thought though, that if something truly terrible happened in a house then the house would normally be knocked down.

That's true of the house Hindley and Brady lived in, and true of a house locally where a woman, her mother and her two young daughters were brutally murdered.

trumpton · 22/10/2010 18:07

My Dad died at home and now DD , DSIL and new baby live there.My dad had a long and happy life and would be so happy that there is a baby in "his" house. ( He did have a hospice bed so didn't actually die in the bed DD uses now.)

And yes Deemented I popped back in to see Dad and trod on a creaky floorboard...thought for one second that I had reported his death a bit too soon.

pompadourprincess · 22/10/2010 18:11

That' s fine TondelayooohSchwarlock I didn't think it looked flippant , sorry my post was very depressing

emptyshell · 22/10/2010 18:15

My old uni college had some halls of residence that were basically in the keep of a castle (hard to work out where I went now huh?). Friend did get completely freaked out to the point of refusing to go back to her room having to be the only person staying in that part of the college during the vacation time (because of doing teacher training we had extended term dates and so were rattling around after the normal students had gone home).

CheeseandGherkins · 22/10/2010 18:19

Expat I love reading your posts on threads like these, you have so many interesting experiences to tell.

bandgeek · 22/10/2010 18:22

OP I'm the same. I know it's silly but I wouldn't feel easy, especially if I knew what room it was in (in my experience it seems to be the toilet a lot of the time!)

If I didn't know about it then I wouldn't mind but I wouldn't sleep easy otherwise....[have issues]

expatinscotland · 22/10/2010 18:24

My folks went to see a house way back in the 70s when I was a baby and they were looking to become homeowners at last.

One house they went to see had been vacant for months. The EA handed them the keys and said he had paperwork to tend to and would stay in the car.

So they went in. They both said they smelled cigarette smoke, fresh, but no one had been in there.

They walked around.

When they got to the kitchen, my dad opened the door and a fucking crow buzzed his head.

The cooker had been ripped out.

He walked right out of there.

Told the EA, 'Who died in there!'

A family had lived there. One of the teen daughters had a psycho boyfriend she'd split up with. He'd then turned up to the house and murdered the mother, a smoker, in the kitchen.

And believe it or not, this sort of thing happened to them twice before they found a house to buy!

A house where someone has been murdered or committed suicide is more common than you think.

This was in a city in the US that is only about 170 years old and has mostly new housing stock compared to here!

scarylooker · 22/10/2010 18:43

Think about it ... would you rather live in a house where someone had to be the FIRST to die ..... ooooooohhhhhhhh!!

And don't think that just because a house is modern no-one has died there, that's just daft. My house is only 10 years old but one of my family has died there.

expatinscotland · 22/10/2010 18:44

or it could be standing on ground that used to be something else where people carked it.

that's happened to me!

LilRedWG · 22/10/2010 18:54

Our first house was a new build and I used to hear a small girl crying in the spare bedroom when I was in our room; I never felt fully comfortable alone upstairs. All I can think is that something had happened on the ground before the house was built.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/10/2010 18:58

How strange, I wouldn't mind at all.

I could see how there having been a murder there might put people off though.

SuzieHomemaker · 22/10/2010 19:03

I slept in my parents house many times after my father died there. DH and I have slept in the bed he died in (my father that is, DH is alive and rattling). Never bothered us. It's part of the circle of life (apologies for the Elton John reference)

PenelopeGarfear · 22/10/2010 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DancingHippoOnAcid · 22/10/2010 19:08

I don't think anyone would be uncomfortable with living in a house that a loved family member had died peacefully in.

If you were not afraid of them in life, why would you be after they have died?

alipalie · 22/10/2010 19:13

How funny that you should even think of it. My house is Victorian....go figure!

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