To be fed up with 'expats'...

[EveWasFramed72]

I am an American, living here in England with my British husband and children (who have both nationalities, but have only lived in England). I've been here for 4 years, and when we were first here, I was miserable;I was at home full time with a new baby, then preganant running after a toddler, basically no close friends, etc. I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and got myself a life: went to uni, got a job, driving licence and created a life for myself outside of my husband. Now, I love our life here, I have loads of friends, a job I like, etc.

But...I am part of a group of American women living in the UK, some of whom have been here longer than me, married to British men. They won't drive, work, survive without several care packages of food from home(because they can't possibly eat what's on offer in England), basically, they sit around and moan about England, and how much better EVERYTHING is at home.

Now, I love my home country, and I do get homesick sometimes, but I just find myself fed up with these women who have given up on life because they are living abroad (and didn't they REALISE that marrying someone from another country means living in said country at some point???). When they aren't moaning, I do enjoy them...it IS nice to have home connections, but this attitude of deliberately NOT acclimating drives me nuts , and I feel like they make the rest of us who enjoy life in England look bad!!!

Rant over...I know, you're going to tell me to cut them off...and I have largely...just not completely.

I just want to know if this is 'typical' expat behaviour?????

YANBU.
I'm Italian and I lived in the UK for more or less 8 yrs. Our dc were born in the UK.
Yes, it is hard to adapt to the culture of a new country. Yes, I moaned and felt homesick and on the verge of depression, yes, learning to adjust to a new life is difficult and challenging.

But it is silly, imho, to close yourself in an expat bubble (unless of course you know you are staying in a foreign country short term, but even then I wouldn't), as you miss so many wonderful opportunities of embracing a different culture and a different way of life, of discussing and reflecting on your own culture, etc etc.

Mind you, some American relatives of ours always bring tons of stuff with them on their short visits to Italy, as if it was impossible finding shampoo or batteries here

WARNING: if you ever go to Cuba, do bring batteries and shampoo. Lots. Give them out, too, as gifts and even to offer as payment.

You have to remember that my grandmother refused to let my mum have Marshall milk after the war, muttering about how we could feed our own children thank you very much etc etc.

But was also happy to claim kin when the Americans took over our house, telling them her brother was a US citizen.

All very ambivalent.

They don't bring this stuff as a present for us, but in fear of not finding it in Italy.

'They don't bring this stuff as a present for us, but in fear of not finding it in Italy.'

Or because it might be much costlier.

I have also found, too, that, in general, many Americans are much much more organised and better planners than the likes of slackers like me, and do not like surprises.

Hence, can sometimes tend towards over-packing.

I think the Americans are probably the worst (IMHO). Living in Kingston, Jamaica, a friend of mine at the American embassy opened her kitchen closet to reveal shelves and shelves of American food she had brought with her. The irony is, the Jamaican supermarkets are FULL of imported American food!

And here in St Lucia, my dh met a group of American tourists the other day. One of the men refused to buy a beer because he "only drank Bud". wtf!

But Brits can be bad too. You should have seen the frisson of excitement that ran through the island a few weeks ago when a new supermarket opened and we could buy Walkers crisps, Pataks curry paste and even Naan bread!

Yes, these are both valid reasons.
I do suspect however that they think they are visiting some remote and undeveloped country

I live in Italy and am planning to go home. I love Italy but certain aspects of it I just can't live with. I know exactly how you feel and enjoy your expat friends as you need them, you don't have to be best friends but its nice to have them there!

happychappy better check for bats hanging off your trailer as you depart...

I would also say Americans are the most shocked at finding how the rest of the world really is, and that they tend to be the most likely to turn themselves into little individual fortresses, bastions of USA pride wherever they end up. There's a strong tendency to see the US as the norm and the rest of the world as the aberration. And to worry that the basic necessities will not be available or be of similar quality. A combination of ignorance about the rest of the world and the living standards most in the developed world enjoy, extreme brand loyalty and patriotism maybe?

Middle class Americans tend to live rather sheltered lives compared to middle class Britons, Irish, or Europeans in general, imo. There's much more rubbing shoulders with people from every other stratum of society in Europe than there is in the US. This can mean danger for some when, for instance, they blithely wander around parts of Dublin that are really not safe at all, but until they come upon a group of glue sniffers or some similar phenomenon they assume since everyone looks like them that all is well.

Gloomy You too then?

mathanxiety you are spot on. What's really ironic is that I had that worry about basic necessities in reverse: I've only ever been a mum in England, so the first time my DS and I travelled to the US, I was all freaked out about diapers, baby milk and all the rest!!

I do agree as well about being sheltered; we are very class oriented in the US, and even for me, that's been difficult to 'get over', even though I welcome opportunities to get to know people from all sorts of backgrounds. Oddly enough, I understand that bit about Americans wandering around dangerous places in Europe; you can't miss dangerous neighborhoods in the US...they LOOK bad. Here in England, places deemed to be dangerous still look so innocuous to me...really, we drive through 'bad' neighborhoods a lot on our way to places, and they look just as quaint as the village where we live!

I wish I could be an expat. Sounds so glamourous and worldly! :o I love America, but would like to live somewhere else for a bit. And I bloody well wouldn't whine about it! :)

Come on over, CheerfulYank I'd love to have a non whinging American to hang out with!

I love being an expat! I don't even know any other British people here. Of course I want to complain and whinge sometimes, but I would do that anyway, it's not the country per se, it's just part of being human! And that's only sometimes. Mostly I love it here! (Although I do get my brother to bring Yorkshire tea when he comes to visit!)

OP, YANBU. After nearly 8 years here I cannot be arsed with most other expats, due to the whinge factor. My personal opinion is that you're allowed about a year to get it all out of your system, and then you need to get over it and really start trying to fit in.

I've got one expat friend that I met within that first year, but after that I stopped seeking out other expats because the conversations were frankly boring!

Obviously if I met another American I'd be pleasant, but I'm not likely to make any effort to become friends unless we have other things in common.

I grew up non-white and very middle class in the US and I guess I have a very different experience from mathanxiety and Eve.

I'm glad because it taught me never to generalise. I can't say 'Americans are' or 'we are' but can say 'many' or 'in my experience' because it's a vast place with hundreds of millions of people.

So I don't do that here anymore than I did there.

The middle school where I was zoned to go (I didn't because I went to Catholic school, and faith schools are fee-paying there), now has pupils that speak over 44 different languages in teh home.

I've never lived in England, wouldn't have a clue about life there, tbh.

Am now very much working poor but my own children are far more 'sheltered' and less exposed to much variation in their small Highland village than I was.

I never travelled on public transport (it's almost non-existent in the very large, sprawled out city where I grew up) on my own until I moved, age 15, on my own to France.

I went on to travel to a total of 48 countries and live in 11.

My sister, with the same upbringing I had, still lives about 50 miles from where she was born.

Who one is, what one becomes, how one copes with, well, anything, is a function of so many things.

All places have good and bad points. It's what you make of them and what your own set of standards is, and that changes over time, that makes one place a better place to live for you than another.

I went through a period of time when I got fairly annoyed with some expat behaviour.

But, well, I've been here nearly 10 years now.

Everything's relative.

That dallmayr link was cruel boff - it's been years since I lived in Munich! Being such a europhile, one of the things I miss about living not close to an international airport is the thought of not being able to go to Europe in the foreseeable future, finances permitting. At the moment if we go back to the UK it is to do our duty and bring the grandchildren home. [hsad] Sorry you're having a tough time boss.

Pretty much the entire town where I live is middle class or very rich expat though there are pockets of deprivation. It's also very white with a growing hispanic population. An African American round here turns your head, they are that rare (and I went to uni in Wolverhampton!) I went to school in Wales, Scotland and England and I can't say I ever noticed any difference in the way of life. England is more crowded than the Highlands of Scotland.

Well, of course England is more crowded than the Highlands of Scotland.

Duh.

Some places in teh US are very white.

Others are not.

Yes.

And?

Where we live now, more than a few people farm for a living, as a way of life.

Where DD1 went to nursery in Edinburgh, no one farmed for a living.

That was a different way of life.

Just saying that the Americans I know here think it is a bubble and not very representative of America. There is a noticeable difference in the way people are when we visit places like Portland and again when we go further East in Oregon into ranch country. I think you have to make the most of whatever opportunities are available and assume you won't be there forever, if it is not where you are from originally. Didn't mean to offend.

If I ever do realize my live-in-the-UK dreams I'll look you up, Eve. :)

And you too, FranknCock. Love the name! :)

I'm an American living in the UK with a British husband and a dual-citizen baby. I've been here five years now and have only become "friendly" with one other American but I knew she was temporary as her husband was studying and have met through work functions (mine or MrScout's) a handful of other Americans. People seem to think "Oh, you're American, too, so you must know each other or be from near each other." Um, no. They also seem to think we'll become instant best friends. It really doesn't work that way.

I live in an area, despite being close to (in American terms, mind, not necessarily British ones) ye ol' university town, was entirely English born/raised. I am the token foreigner (though I have noticed a few Polish and French speakers in my little town recently). I am definitely the token foreigner in the village where I am a Guide leader. Quite frankly I enjoy being just a little bit different but I do not go out of my way to scream "I am foreign, treat me as such!". It's fun to watch people do a double take and try to ease-drop, just to listen to the accent. By no means am I a loud, brash, my-way-or-the-highway sort of American, but it is fun. I'm asked to help at all sorts of Guide/Brownie/Rainbow units to help teach about Girl Scouts, so of course then I play up to my Americanisms.

I have lived in different parts of the US and even just going from one region to another is foreign. Believe it or not, I found it harder to become part of the community moving from home to another region of the US than I did moving from home to England. I didn't do anything differently I got a job, I smiled at people, I chatted with people at the store, I volunteered with Girl Scouts/Girl Guides but people seem more open to true foreigners.

Maybe that's just me, though.

I have to say, though, I am very much looking forward to our annual Thanksgiving trip to my parents'. BabyScout will be one next week and this upcoming trip will be his third. Normally we only go once a year (Thanksgiving) but this was a special year. I have been more homesick this past year than the previous four combined, but I thinking having a baby, and a baby who is the only grandchild on the American side, does that to a girl.