To be fed up with 'expats'...

[EveWasFramed72]

I am an American, living here in England with my British husband and children (who have both nationalities, but have only lived in England). I've been here for 4 years, and when we were first here, I was miserable;I was at home full time with a new baby, then preganant running after a toddler, basically no close friends, etc. I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and got myself a life: went to uni, got a job, driving licence and created a life for myself outside of my husband. Now, I love our life here, I have loads of friends, a job I like, etc.

But...I am part of a group of American women living in the UK, some of whom have been here longer than me, married to British men. They won't drive, work, survive without several care packages of food from home(because they can't possibly eat what's on offer in England), basically, they sit around and moan about England, and how much better EVERYTHING is at home.

Now, I love my home country, and I do get homesick sometimes, but I just find myself fed up with these women who have given up on life because they are living abroad (and didn't they REALISE that marrying someone from another country means living in said country at some point???). When they aren't moaning, I do enjoy them...it IS nice to have home connections, but this attitude of deliberately NOT acclimating drives me nuts , and I feel like they make the rest of us who enjoy life in England look bad!!!

Rant over...I know, you're going to tell me to cut them off...and I have largely...just not completely.

I just want to know if this is 'typical' expat behaviour?????

Listened to a fab Radio 4 documentary a while back. The radio interviewer was chatting to loads of English who had settled in southern Spain.

He asked why they had left the UK and they responded it was cos immigrants were taking over England, they didn't bother to learn the language, sent their kids to their own schools, ate their own food.......

Interviewer then quizzed them on their lives in Spain....(and you know whats coming!).....they hadn't learnt Spanish, they sent their kids to British schools there, ate in restaurants selling English food.........

fab!....

MmeBlueberry I do agree about giving my children some good bits about their American heritage. It's one of my favourite things! I 'do' Thanksgiving every year (and I'm going to encourage my DS to talk a little bit in class about the holiday), and we've been lucky enough to have been in America for the 4th of July for the last few years. I even try to explain why Daddy and I use different words for things...and they kind of pick which suits (though they usually lean toward the British!).

You've all given lovely and reasoned discussion here today...thank you for your perspectives.

Good luck to those moving on from where you are...travelling mercies!!

Where I live in Central Oregon there are lots of supermarkets with a little British section - I think it is because there are a lot of expats here as it is so gorgeous! I have a lovely home but I think I would struggle to resurrect my career as a German teacher here. Because I miss my family, friends and career(and the shopping isn't that great in this small town, 4 hours drive from the nearest big city) I think I would want to go back to the UK eventually. However dh doesn't miss it at all, so who knows. I will make the best of what I have here though, even if the snowy, icy roads for a lot of the long winter are a bit of a nightmare! [hgrin]

I feel the cockles of me 'eart oddly warmed by how many of us are expats or living abroad. When I got pregnant (after living here for 4 years) I got homesick. It was odd, but American women were so foreign about pregnancy- so different to how my older sister and her mates had been - and I just needed someone around to have a moan/rant with.

That's when I found Mumsnet

So yeah, I think that's one thing that's true for sure, the internet has made expattery easier. My sister lives in Nairobi, had a kid 2 days ago, and I've talked to her and seen her lots since then. Not even remotely possible 20 years ago, easy as pie now.

PS Fairway in NYC for English goods - ribena, beans, cadbury's, PG tips -not too pricey at all. There are designated 'English Shops' which are ok but much more expensive.

I think whoever mentioned the festivals was dead-on. I miss Guy Fawkes night so much. And Fish and Chips! From a Chippy! A real Chippy!

Yy blackcurrants to Guy Fawkes, chippies and also a really good Indian takeaway. Things I always insist on when I go back! [hgrin]

Boffin, it's a silly hour if the morning so apologies if I'm not very coherent. My Mum is German and my Dad is British. I was born and have always lived in the Uk but have dual nationality.

I was born in 1969 and my brother in 1974 and we both have it. Both of us had Kinderausweis which lapsed but subsequently renewed them some years later. I did mine in 1999 so it was current until last year. Mum said something about my Grandfather taking this up for us in the 70's, it was available for a limited amount of time. I'll ask my Mum if she can remember more about it, but I definitely have this legally so there is a precedent for it.

Bodyinbasement:

Yep I'm still in honeymoon, I do feel like I'm cheating as an expat though as TBH I can get everything here Dubai (and am 5 mins from the Worlds biggest shopping mall)

It even has a Waitrose FGS

[slinks off]

[disclaimer my local supermarket does not stock saladcream though can I stay?]

Well I am 1967 and my brother 1971 and I think I remember my parents discussing this in the mid-1970s and deciding it was risky and we might end up stateless, so they didn't do it. TBH I just find it offensive that the German Government can decide half your blood doesn't actually count as German for the purposes of jus sanguinis for this reason.

I think it doesn't help that I get a bit of anti-foreigner treatment over there from time to time, and I am quite sensitive about that (to be fair my mother does too until she gives them a ticking off - it's usually former Ossies being rude). While my grandparents were alive and we had a house there it didn't seem to matter, but now all my remaining relatives are ancient or out of touch with us, and I don't hve a German address any longer, I feel a bit lost sometimes tbh.

Wordonascreen you can't class yourself as an expat if you aren't struggling to find things you like to eat. It's just not fair to the rest of us!

Now, see...I will be DESPERATE for the chippy and good indian takeaway if we ever go back to England...I just don't really know life anymore without a chippy round the corner!

Sorry...I meant back to America!!

Boffin
That has to be the grounds of your argument, imo. The fact that it is a) against sex discrimination laws and b) denying you access to your heritage.

This is why I would never hand over my British passport, because it is more than just a piece of paper. It is part of my heritage. Being British is not about where we were born, it is the common heritage, the things that bind us together as a nation, from PG Tipps to Waitrose, from Salad Creme to the Chippy on the corner.

It is fantastic so see so many expats together on MN. We should resurrect the FOOC thread perhaps. It was always interesting and informative about living in a foreign country.

And I agree with Eve, Wordsonascreen is doing expat-lite

:o

"This is why I would never hand over my British passport, because it is more than just a piece of paper. It is part of my heritage. Being British is not about where we were born, it is the common heritage, the things that bind us together as a nation, from PG Tipps to Waitrose, from Salad Creme to the Chippy on the corner"

Well said, Mme...I feel that way about being American...I will ALWAYS be American, no matter how much I love England. I guess that's why I'm okay with being away...my American-ness is always with me, I don't have to leave it at the border.

Exactly (re passport thing). A couple of years ago, there was a possibility that I would had to give up my South African passport in order to inherit from my grandmother. The thought of it was horrible, as it isn't just a travel document, it's a link to your heritage and background.

When I lived in Turkey for 3 years I lived surrounded by Turkish people, I ate Turkish food and tried to speak the language, I only had Turkish TV apart from BBC world.

I know there were British people in the same town and they would love to go and have their sunday roast and English breakfasts, read their English newspapers and watch Eastenders on TV but for me that wasn't what I was doing living in another country

Oh, this thread is making me so homesick. I think I'm stuck in Phase 4 of that curve at the moment, when everything is hard and miserable and I miss home so much I want to cry. We're in Bangkok where I'm finding it really hard to make friends with non-expats or non-misfits (have a group of transexual local friends, but that's a long story) - most expats here are viewed by locals as either sexpats or transient, and neither make for attractive friends.

Boffin, wishing you luck.

That is so sexist!

mwahh

proper greasy fish n chips with vinegar

boffin the embassy people were just going by the book (surprise surprise eh?), you need to go over their head but I don't know who you need to apply to.

However if you get German citizenship, you will first need to prove that you no longer have the British citizenship. They'll want proof of that in writing. How are you going to fudge it? (You don't need to say but you need to think about it...) Or are you ok giving it up?

i found this attitude to be prevalent amongst expats in the middle east. used to drive me potty. I really truly felt like saying to them that if they hated it that much, what was stopping them getting up and going back to wherever it was they came from?
but i didnt. i zipped my lips.

That is flipping outrageous Boffin I've spoken to Mum about it and she said her Dad pointed out to her that my brother and I could have a German passport, it was something for a limited time only sometime in the 70s so she decided to take it up for us.

I had absolutely no idea of the ruling on this about mothers not counting, it's terrible. I do know what you mean, I spent a lot of time in Germany as a child. My Mum had a big falling out with her remaining sister after their other sister died and we've all become completely cut off from my Aunt, Uncle and cousins as a result. We've been on holiday the last two summers and I've been tracing the family tree for my German side and it's made me really sad so I'm going to get in touch with my cousin and see if my generation can build some bridges.

Good luck with getting the passport, I really hope you get it, am very angry on your behalf now.

norm.bverwg.de/jur.php?rustag,4

Boffin, This is what you haveto try and argue around. I'm reading it as mother or father tbh.I am sure there must have been a fair number of court cases regarding cases similar to yours - would be the Verwaltungsgericht which decides. You might find some relevant Entscheidungen if you google. I don't know perhaps you need to discuss it with a German lawyer if it is really important to you?

TheBossofMe I think being an expat in a non English speaking country is far different than me being in England. When I lived in China, I didn't have 'local' friends really...my friends were expats mainly because of the common language thing. Mind you, I did make huge efforts to be friends with Westerners other than Americans...my best friends were English, and the people I taught were pretty diverse, as well. Though I lived in a Chinese neighborhood, and spoke to local people there all the time, they weren't my main source of friendships. In your situation, it's not a bad thing to connect heavily with the expat community...I am still really close with some of the folks I met in China, so it is possible to make connections on more than just a common language.

I hope things start to get better for you. I've been to Bangkok as a visitor and really loved it...and we travelled to Phuket as often as possible!

Best wishes to you!

Mme Blueberry, I can assure you the care package thing does make sense... this thread gave me a massive attack of homesickness this morning which has been helped a little bit by raiding the children's supply of mini Flakes and Crunchies I ordered online.

OP I know exactly what you mean, but perhaps your American friends feel they can be themselves with you and therefore you get more of the moaning? I don't have that many expat friends any more, most of them went back to the UK but when we get together we have a little collective whinge and then talk about normal things.

Thanks for link and also everyone's righteous outrage on my behalf!

The law looks very untidy in this regard, so I imagine I could make a case, but I have to say I don't feel I can justify shelling out for a German lawyer to do this for me, given the state of the family finances at the moment. It's such a shame. I am trying to work out what would be for the best in view of the financial impossibility of bringing a case. Perhaps write a letter in my best German to Mrs Merkel herself, in the light of last week's speech about integration? I can't think what else to do if the Embassy are being so determined to reject me.