to hate breastfeeding my baby

[FeelLikeTweedleDee]

It's supposed to be nurturing and an amazing bonding experience. But I despise breastfeeding. I'm one of those malcontent mothers who breastfeed out of duty alone. When I read about mothers who enjoy breastfeeding and who feel sad when their child self-weans I feel like sectioning them.

10 Things I Hate About Breastfeeding:

1. THE PAIN. They say "if it hurts you're doing it wrong". That's one of the many breastfeeding bluffs you'll hear at antenatal classes (don't want to scare off all the new expectant mothers do we?) Well it hurts me and I've had my latch checked by a thousand professionals. Also I've had thrush. Also I have a very strong let-down reflex. Considering the let-down reflex is normal, and indeed essential, then it's safe to say that breastfeeding hurts and I'm doing it RIGHT.

1. YOUR BODY IS OWNED BY OTHERS. All through your pregnancy you console yourself by saying "I can't wait to give birth, then I can have my body back to myself". WRONG. As a breastfeeding mother, your baby continues to have dibs on your body.

1. THE HUMILIATION. Aside from imprisoning themselves in their home for 2 years, breastfeeding mothers have to face the humiliation of breastfeeding in public. Every Tom, Dick and Harry can get a view of your baps. Some may even decide to comment as you sit there and flop an udder out. So not only does your body belong to your baby, it also belongs to the general public too. You may as well sign on the dotted line because ownership ain't yours anymore.

1. LIMITED WARDROBE. Because someone else owns your body, that means that you have to dress to their tastes. Chest access is key. Say goodbye to that inseason lacy bodysuit you've had your eye on. Say goodbye to most dresses actually. Say hello to Primark vest tops and masculine shirts. Joy.

1. FORMULA CULTURE. Most people give up breastfeeding after a few weeks. Thus we live in a formula culture. Bottles are everywhere. On Congratulations cards, in soaps, in children's books, on babygros. The result is that most people (your close family included) think that by breasstfeeding you have changed into a strange earth-mother type, and maybe even slightly pervy. And of course you're the only BFing mother at your babygroup.

1. MRS MARTYR. As a breastfeeding mother you are soley responsible for your baby's continued existence on the plannet. Only you can feed baby. (It's understandable why a lot of new dad's support breastfeeding these days!) Welcome to the world of lonely midnight feeds. Welcome to your partner going for drinks down the pub whilst you stay at home, udders at the ready. But what about expressing I hear you say? For most women the breastpump extracts 3oz. As baby grows she'll want more than that. You make an appointment with your doc but she won't prescribe anything to increase your supply. Time to pop to Holland and Barrett to get some Fenugreek herbs. As a result you end up smelling of curry. Your FFing friends at the babygroup avoid your side of the mat.

1. SO-CALLED "PROFESSIONALS". Health visitors, midwives, GPs, breastfeeding counsellors - they don't know shit about breastfeeding. But they will love to mindfuck you with conflicting info. "Your breasts have dried up because the pump isn't getting much out". "Just top up with formula, it's fine". "Don't bother feeding past 6 months". Because this is your first time breastfeeding you don't know any better. You trust these professionals. As time passes you notice that a lot of what they have instructed you to do has actually sabotaged your BFing efforts. You swear that you'll learn from these mistakes for your next child. But what about your poor first child - the breastfeeding guinea pig.

1. GROWTH SPURTS. Every month or so you're going to hit one of these bad boys. You'll be constantly feeing every 1-2 hours. No sooner have you clipped your bra cup back up then your baby demands its next meal. If you were on formula you would simply increase the volume of feed and hand it over to dad/grandma/sister in law/the dog. Also because baby is feeding so frequently you worry that your milk is not enough, and you can't see exactily how much milk your baby is getting. Are you STARVING your baby? Dark throughts creep into the back of your mind. The old lady in the post office gives you evils as your baby screams the place down. "Baby needs her bottle" the old lady comments, tutting and shaking her head. You begin to wonder if she's right.

1. MONITORED INTAKE. Really looking forward to several double vodkas after giving birth weren't you? After 9 months of t-totalism, a big blow out was just what you needed. Well tough titties. And that medication for your acne? Say goodbye to it and hello to a face that resembles those Cath Kidston pokerdotted handbags.

10. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE. A large part of motherhood is about making the right choices for your family. Stay at home - go to work, co-sleeping or seperate rooms, dummy or no dummy. And breastfeeding or formula feeding is one of those choices right? WRONG. you have no choice. From the moment of conception we are bombarded with "breast is best". The scientists and the government have made your choice for you. Afterall, you want to do what's best for your child, right? (How can you answer no to that question and not live with guilt).

And, to clarify, I've never said that your baby would be better off on formula - I get the impression that you'd be feeling this angry however you were feeding your baby and don't remotely believe that giving up breastfeeding would resolve your issues.

I don't understand what this thread is actually about. It started off as a massive moan about everything related to breastfeeding. It is now a self-righteous holding-forth about the damage done by formula.

I am so, so bored by the old chestnut about "how come only 2% of women can breastfeed but.....". This type of comment just makes everyone feel belittled and defensive - the 2% feel disbelieved, and the whatever percentage can BF but don't, feel judged.

If I join Pommedeterre in giving the response that the OP clearly hoped for right back at the beginning of the thread, can we stop the divisive, judgmental crap? OP - you are an absolute saint. To struggle on with all those valid and real difficulties makes you much, much better than all the mums who give up way too soon. Hooray for you!

Will that do?

All i know is i wanted to bf, and as i was not able to, i have formula to thank for keeping my child alive.

Now, now Redflag, I hope you can produce notorised letters witnessed by 6 health professionals to prove that you couldn't breastfeed.....

Oh dear, i don't know if i can. I did have retained placenta for 9 weeks though, and was told it impacted on my milk.

Am i excused miss?

Soooo let me get this right (cba to read all the thread- too long), this isn't really about you hating bf, but a chance to boast about how marvellous you are for sticking it out and state how mothers who cant breastfeed are bullshitters? Have a great big tit shaped medal fgs.

Hmm, Redflag. Can you produce the said placenta? Can you? Can you?

think the hospital may have incinerated it by now. Am i going to hell? tell me the truth!

OP

Go and get 6 bottles, a steam sterilizer and some SMA and book a week away on your own.

You won't regret it!!

Well, that is just too bad Redflag. Oh they have "incinerated it" have they? Well, isn't that convenient!

pacificwerewolf " I still think it is very interesting and food for thought that there simply are next to no BFing problems in societies where BFing the norm (or the only way to feed an infant)." - would those be the same societies with really high infant mortalities rate then????

"would those be the same societies with really high infant mortalities rate then??"

And the point you are making is?

Breastfeeding failure in well-nourished, healthy women is almost never the reason for infant mortality. Lack of medical care for mothers before, during and after pregnancy is a terrible danger to them and their babies, as are unsanitary living conditions and a lack of access to innoculations. Thank god so many of these mothers can breastfeed. The death rates are even higher when you combine poverty with bottlefeeding.

[takes a short break from cross-examining Redflag about her unable-to-breastfeed credentials]

Schmee - to be fair to pacificwerewolf, there certainly are societies with high BF rates and low mortality - Sweden, for example. Clearly something is not working in the UK's promotion of BFing, but I still think that sneery cynicism about women who say they can't BF doesn't help.

I think its that breasts are viewed as a sexual thing only in this country, and there fore breast feeding is seen as seedy. I personally don't think there is a lovelier sight than a woman feeding her baby.

I think its a societal attitude that causes a lot of uncomfortable and under pressure women to stop feeding, Its a real shame.

BreastMILK, fantastic stuff.
BreastFEEDING, hated it. YANBU.

"there is more to parenting than milk"

Yes - so there you damn fools who say that breastfeeding is the 'be all and end all' of parenting! [insert self-righteous face emoticon]

Oh, hang on, nobody has said or implied that have they?

Course they bloody haven't.

sigh

[titty - still feeling sorry for babies who've missed out on fresh food and the pleasure of the breast for the first six months of their lives]

What tittytittybangbang, kungfupannda and wodalingpengwin said.

thesecondcoming, thats your opinion, i gave mine! no need to bulldoze me or my opinions!

'the pleasure of the breast..'
Ermm Titty have a word with yourself- statements like that coupled with your username just make you appear to be a nork mad nutcase...please save your feeling sad for babies who grow up in substandard damp accomodation with parents who smoke like a chimney in their presence and give them the odd slap here and there when they have wound them up rather than one who hasnt had its mothers nipple shoved in its gob.

What - you don't think breastfeeding is more pleasurable for babies than bottle feeding?

I think you're both sad-sacks for seeing something rank in a mother and baby enjoying breastfeeding.

And I've got enough sympathy to go round - I don't need to ration it to babies living in deprived conditions. I've got enough left over for babies who grow up into children fed on second rate diets, who go to second rate schools and who miss out on the better things in life. Particularly those things which are freely available. Like breastmilk. For some children those first few months are the ONLY time in life that they'll be getting an optimal diet - a diet as good as a child from the most privileged home. What a shame that so many miss out on that.

OH MY GOD! money = well fed! what a load of tosh! my children are from a privileged home! one full of love, kindness and a brilliant diet! And guess what we are a bit poor! Well fuck me sideways how did we manage that!

Aww but when they try banana in week 2 that's like fresh food innit titty?
Avocados are considered the most amazing food actually - there is a theory that the human race could survive eating nothing else. As a random aside reflecting the quality of this debate.