to hate breastfeeding my baby

[FeelLikeTweedleDee]

It's supposed to be nurturing and an amazing bonding experience. But I despise breastfeeding. I'm one of those malcontent mothers who breastfeed out of duty alone. When I read about mothers who enjoy breastfeeding and who feel sad when their child self-weans I feel like sectioning them.

10 Things I Hate About Breastfeeding:

1. THE PAIN. They say "if it hurts you're doing it wrong". That's one of the many breastfeeding bluffs you'll hear at antenatal classes (don't want to scare off all the new expectant mothers do we?) Well it hurts me and I've had my latch checked by a thousand professionals. Also I've had thrush. Also I have a very strong let-down reflex. Considering the let-down reflex is normal, and indeed essential, then it's safe to say that breastfeeding hurts and I'm doing it RIGHT.

1. YOUR BODY IS OWNED BY OTHERS. All through your pregnancy you console yourself by saying "I can't wait to give birth, then I can have my body back to myself". WRONG. As a breastfeeding mother, your baby continues to have dibs on your body.

1. THE HUMILIATION. Aside from imprisoning themselves in their home for 2 years, breastfeeding mothers have to face the humiliation of breastfeeding in public. Every Tom, Dick and Harry can get a view of your baps. Some may even decide to comment as you sit there and flop an udder out. So not only does your body belong to your baby, it also belongs to the general public too. You may as well sign on the dotted line because ownership ain't yours anymore.

1. LIMITED WARDROBE. Because someone else owns your body, that means that you have to dress to their tastes. Chest access is key. Say goodbye to that inseason lacy bodysuit you've had your eye on. Say goodbye to most dresses actually. Say hello to Primark vest tops and masculine shirts. Joy.

1. FORMULA CULTURE. Most people give up breastfeeding after a few weeks. Thus we live in a formula culture. Bottles are everywhere. On Congratulations cards, in soaps, in children's books, on babygros. The result is that most people (your close family included) think that by breasstfeeding you have changed into a strange earth-mother type, and maybe even slightly pervy. And of course you're the only BFing mother at your babygroup.

1. MRS MARTYR. As a breastfeeding mother you are soley responsible for your baby's continued existence on the plannet. Only you can feed baby. (It's understandable why a lot of new dad's support breastfeeding these days!) Welcome to the world of lonely midnight feeds. Welcome to your partner going for drinks down the pub whilst you stay at home, udders at the ready. But what about expressing I hear you say? For most women the breastpump extracts 3oz. As baby grows she'll want more than that. You make an appointment with your doc but she won't prescribe anything to increase your supply. Time to pop to Holland and Barrett to get some Fenugreek herbs. As a result you end up smelling of curry. Your FFing friends at the babygroup avoid your side of the mat.

1. SO-CALLED "PROFESSIONALS". Health visitors, midwives, GPs, breastfeeding counsellors - they don't know shit about breastfeeding. But they will love to mindfuck you with conflicting info. "Your breasts have dried up because the pump isn't getting much out". "Just top up with formula, it's fine". "Don't bother feeding past 6 months". Because this is your first time breastfeeding you don't know any better. You trust these professionals. As time passes you notice that a lot of what they have instructed you to do has actually sabotaged your BFing efforts. You swear that you'll learn from these mistakes for your next child. But what about your poor first child - the breastfeeding guinea pig.

1. GROWTH SPURTS. Every month or so you're going to hit one of these bad boys. You'll be constantly feeing every 1-2 hours. No sooner have you clipped your bra cup back up then your baby demands its next meal. If you were on formula you would simply increase the volume of feed and hand it over to dad/grandma/sister in law/the dog. Also because baby is feeding so frequently you worry that your milk is not enough, and you can't see exactily how much milk your baby is getting. Are you STARVING your baby? Dark throughts creep into the back of your mind. The old lady in the post office gives you evils as your baby screams the place down. "Baby needs her bottle" the old lady comments, tutting and shaking her head. You begin to wonder if she's right.

1. MONITORED INTAKE. Really looking forward to several double vodkas after giving birth weren't you? After 9 months of t-totalism, a big blow out was just what you needed. Well tough titties. And that medication for your acne? Say goodbye to it and hello to a face that resembles those Cath Kidston pokerdotted handbags.

10. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE. A large part of motherhood is about making the right choices for your family. Stay at home - go to work, co-sleeping or seperate rooms, dummy or no dummy. And breastfeeding or formula feeding is one of those choices right? WRONG. you have no choice. From the moment of conception we are bombarded with "breast is best". The scientists and the government have made your choice for you. Afterall, you want to do what's best for your child, right? (How can you answer no to that question and not live with guilt).

Mastitis? Savoy cabbage leaves Pacific. I tells yer.

Listen, if you can breast feed, great. If you can't, well thank God there is an alternative that (in this country) doesn't kill you.)

I lived to tell the tale.
Hell, when we were kids we lived on tartrazine, and Space Dust and didn't have seatbelts.

Life is toooo short to stress about this. OP BF for four months. She has provided a great start for her baby.
If she hates it she should move on. No harm, no foul.

I remember this feeling well I felt like absolute shit because i was in agony, it sounds like you really don't want to give formula? I didnt give myself the option I just said, right its gonna hurt for 6 months then I will stop.

It wasn't until 2 months that a BF counsellor noticed my latch wasn't good (tons of others said it was fine) SO sorry if you don't want advice but I can't not share just incase it helps. I was clutching DD's head tight (you know because every fucker tells you "support the head, support the head" as if it will fall off, just like in my reoccurring nightmare when 9 months pg)

Anyway turns out you need to let their head flop back a little. You need to aim nipple to right at the back of your mouth as they have a soft pallate. My bf cousellor said DD was hitting nips on hard palette and causing friction resulting in "nipple trauma" oh the drama!

A week later after few tips and new technique and pain was gone either that or my nips just toughened up and i got used to it.

So yanbu to hate the pain of BF its horrible but FFS "people who enjoy it til self weaning need sectioning" establishing BF is hard work I wouldn't try to shit on you now would I? Continuing BF a toddler to self weaning is also very hard thanks to other people thinking its wrong/mad/weird so dont dump on them/me please

I hope it gts easier/nicer for you I really do and at the risk of annoying you It did for me, there is hope you can learn to love it

erm just noticed my stupid typo I do not suggest trying to aim your nipple to the back of YOUR mouth! I meant their mouth.

Agree, arses, that's why I gave FF. As others have said, thank goodness for FF. No argument here.

However, much as poor BFing can do harm, so can FF. There is just no point in pretending otherwise. IMO.

ScaryFucker, ok, I'll stop making lighthearted remarks then. I am not scaremongering. I am passing on facts that took me years to learn. Do with them what you want.

People whose babies are doing well on whatever way they fed them yet still have unresolved issues that make them feel guilty need to address those issues, not ask for facts to be fudged. My mother FF both of us and to this day feels guilty about that rather than angry that she was told hours after giving birth that 'she didn't have any milk' .

((untwists self from trying to aim nipple at back of own mouth))

YANBU, but there's a few things I disagree with.

Sorry I haven't read the thread, but BF babies do not increase their intake of milk with age. So if 3 oz is enough now, then it will continue to be so. (Fat content changes with time)

Growth spurts are bitches, I completely agree.

Have to say I did have a night of getting quite wasted. Didn't trust myself to feed her in the morning. I do think though if you get drunk, it doesn't matter if your feeding or not. If you can't feed in the morning, then you shouldn't be looking after them. Kids stop you from having hangovers, BF just doesn't help matters.

I'm sorry you have the body hangups though. Keep ranting away.

PW, if your mother still feels guilty for FF you, then she is a martyr and a fool and she should get over herself

Are you were saying that you were damaged by it then ? In what ways ?

or is it just all those "other" hypothetical babies who are being "harmed" by formula milk ?

"I am passing on facts that took me years to learn"

It's all right there on NHS Direct and on NHS Choices and in most NHS sponsored information on breastfeeding.

"Breastfed babies have less chance of diarrhoea and vomiting and having to go to hospital as a result. They also have fewer chest and ear infections and having to go to hospital as a result" NHS choices

What's not to understand?

"PW, if your mother still feels guilty for FF you, then she is a martyr and a fool and she should get over herself"

We're entitled to feel ongoing disappointment about missing out on something that we suspect might have been a pleasurable or important part of our baby's early life. Better if we didn't carry the marks of past disappointments through life, but we're human, and not very rational when it comes to the very intense feelings we have towards our children.

Yes, titty, I agree

that is why the pro-BF lobby shouldn't make women who will not (or, as in my case, was not physically able to) breastfeed feel bad about it

getting back to the OP, she admits she is doing it because she thinks she ought to, even though it is causing her much stress and unhappiness

struggling so much is spoiling the precious first few weeks of bonding with her baby

are the strident pro-BF'ers who force "facts and figures" at her (and may others like her) happy about that

RL overtakes us sometimes. Physical problems can make some things impossible. Am I meant to feel bad about it ?...because you know what...I will not

oh, and titty (apt name [hsmile]), PW and I have had a chat by pm, so you don't need to pick up on my comments on her behalf

have not read all thread but guess being mn this has kicked off

op its hard I know, as my SIL said @its hard work and its knackering@

TBH I do it cos I can, if that makes sense? unlike many women I have it easy. so i think why faff with bottles etc. plus I do have an weird feeling about a small human living on powder and water, but thats just me

anyway OP, hang on in there!!!!

I love Fltb's diatribe - it certainly rings bells with me - thank goodness though, it's all a distant memory now.

I think some have probs because being in control of your life is of real importance to you and you're basically unhappy when someone takes that away from you (baby, partner, employer or whoever).

My friend loved bfing but she was a complete slut and just lay around reading books and bfing all day whereas I needed a busy, active life with concrete achievements (sadly sitting around with baby wasn't it) at the end of each day so bfeeding made me pretty miserable, to be honest.

Will no doubt get lambasted for suggesting breastfeeders are sluts but you have to admit it involves alot of sitting about.

Fltb is probably having an off day and, though it doesn't seem it at the time, bfeeding is only for a few short months/years, there's years of great fun with your child beyond the bfing stage.

sluts of slobs JosieZ? Either way it's quite offensive.

Well I work full time and still EBF/EBM. Wouldn't say I sit around all day.

I also still climb outdoors (baby comes along with DH). Have moved countries. We travel long weekends at least once every other month and make sure we have days out the other months.

Breastfeeding doesn't have to take over, (well once you come out the newborn faze, but that;s true regardless of feeding method)

josie, I'm guessing you are American. Mumsnet is a british site, and in Britain, the word 'slut' is synonymous with 'whore'.

Breastfeeders are sluts?!

Can you imagine if a breastfeeder wrote "Formula feeders are lazy fuckers who don't do what is best for their baby because they're selfish" - the uproar it would cause? How dare you say something like that?!

Having a baby involves a lot of sitting around, regardless of how you are feeding. If you're not willing to allow your life to be manipulated and altered by what your baby needs, then don't have children.

I can't believe your nerve.

In fact, just piss off.

..oh dear

I sat around a lot when I FF

it kinda comes with the territory of feeding a baby, whichever method you do it by

Woops -should have rephrased that.

My friend was a housewifely slut, not a whore type of slut.

Gosh,

maybe I'm the first respondee to make an albeit inadvertant deleterious comment about breast feeders!

I was a total slut when I breastfed. Mostly doing it lying down. Yes! Sometimes for a whole hour!
While wearing a lacy bodysuit.
Hooray for breastfeeding sluts!

I'm a reader's wife myself, but when I grow up I'll be a breastfeeding slut too!

Wow, and this was going so well! I must remind myself that being a slut/slob I really shouldn't have gone out for a lovely walk in the sun with DD and the dogs today for a couple of hours, cleared out/reorganised my wardrobe, cooked a lovely dinner, done the internet shop, hoovered and had coffee with a friend today? All whilst being a breastfeeder? Awesome, bring on the box sets and chocolate.