To hate the way my in-laws do the food part of Christmas?

[TattyDevine]

I know I am being unreasonable about what is a common difference of preferences so try and treat it as a lighthearted thread though feel free to tell me IABU because I am.

First: Disclaimer - I am very glad my Parents in law are alive and well and able to spend Christmas with us. Whilst I hate the way the food is done, I am "grateful" that they do it - well, sort of - we do it every second year and we make a better effort at appearing grateful than they do - we at least thank them for the meal and make appreciative sounds throughout. So if anyone says YABU for being ungrateful, fine, but it kinda goes both ways and yes, I would rather be at home doing my own food, I go there for the sake of my DH and children. That's what Christmas should be about - but it is also about the food for me that we do share together, as I love food and preparing food, but accept that others have different views on how it should be done. Accept - not like! Here goes...

I hate the way they dont get a standard normal turkey with legs and wings, but buy 2 turkey crowns, overcook them, having ripped the skin off when they are still raw, discarding it when they know I like it, and serve up mountains of shreds of overcooked sawdusty breast and nothing else simply because they prefer breast.

I hate the way they cook the brussels sprouts the night before (for at least half an hour - in fact, I think they might have put them on already!) and then reheat them in the microwave 5 minutes before the meal is served. They are a deep khaki green colour and smell like hangover farts.

I hate the way the gravy is watery and tastes more like marmite than anything else - due, mainly, to its high marmite content

I hate the way all the other vegetables are burnt to a crisp and then placed on a heated trolley thing 2 hours before the meal is served to stay warm, and I hate the way they turn to cardboard.

I hate the way the smoke alarm goes off every single time, about 30 minutes before they serve up. Get an oven timer. The smoke alarm is supposed to alert you to dangerously high levels of smoke. That's that grey stuff that is billowing out of the oven and making all our eyes stream, by the way.

I hate the way the only drink they put out is Asti Spumante even though we bring champagne and decent Sav Blanc etc which they hide away then hand back to us when we leave because they "dont drink". They dont - but if they dont drink, why not just let us drink what we want to drink? We do ask them for the stuff we bought but then they turn around and say "but we've already opened the Asti!". These days we try and time it so DH takes charge of the "drinks situation" quite a while before dinner is served (hell, by midday I'm gagging for something, ANYTHING) before anything else gets opened and he holds it back now and puts it outside so its cold, but we had to politey refuse the Asti completely one year so it got tipped down the sink to get to that stage as they are pretty stubborn...

I hate the way they hold back the pudding and make us eat biscuits instead after the lunch bit, because "everyone is too full for pudding", when in fact we are not too full for pudding, because we did not overeat, and see no real benefit in consuming the same amount of bulk and calories in biscuits only to eat pudding later when we are, in fact, not hungry.

I hate the way it is assumed that custard does not go lumpy if you dont stir it just because you have cooked it in a bain-marie. It does. You have to stir it to just under the boil whatever you cook it in. And is there anything wrong with a bit of brandy butter? Just because you dont like it? Why not put out the little pot of it we brought with us? It wont kill you from the other end of the table. Hell, let us get it, rather than fobbing us off with "cant' find it in the fridge" (its in the DOOOOOORRRRRR!)

Okay, that's it for me, unless I think of anything eles. I know its mean, but better out than in - I dont want to rant to my own mother or DH about it, because its mean and bitchy, but they are not on t'internet, and it feels good, gets it out of my system and I can turn up and be charming on the day. That's not such a bad thing, is it?

What would you change about the way your parents or parents in law prepare and serve Christmas Dinner?

It's not just saying no Hotron, the trick is to then not drive there on Christmas Eve. Then you're not there for Christmas.

I never am, anyway, Trillian. I only ever go for the day and home before bedtime. But saying no to that would produce WW3, I think! And quite rightly, actually. Despite the horrible food and lack of actual fun, PILs are nice people who love us and our daughter very deeply and it's only right that some years they should get to see her on Christmas day. No matter how much it makes me gag to think of the food crimes I will have to put up with!

I love Bisto powder/browning and can't STAND Bisto granules! Won't give the latter houseroom. Sadly can't get it at all now in Oz (the various British food sites only offer the granules - BLECH!)

Bisto powder only really tastes of whatever meat juice you add to it - so adding turkey juices to it = turkey gravy. We have a half-decent GF version that we buy that does the same job. All of the Aussie Gravox crap contains wheatflour so have never tried it.

I agree with Horton. I couldn't ever refuse to see my parents at Christmas as they'd be so hurt and they are really lovely and do so much for us and the children, it would just feel cruel, however much I secretly long to take off for a far flung hotel with just DH and the kids!

However, I do fully intend to break the cycle and tell mine, when they are grown up, to do whatever they want at Christmas and we will not be in least bit offended as long as we see them at some point in December or January! Of course, if they want to invite us or come here, I will be more than pleased (especially if one of them hooks up with someone who is a better cook than me and actually and enjoys doing it - that would be wonderful!)

If they end up with spouses with rather more demanding parents, they can always use us as an excuse to escape every other year!

I don't have inlaws any more, but my ex's parents were ghastly, and extra awful at Christmas. They'd been married over 40 years and HAATED each other, and couldn't be bothered to hide it. They constantly talked over each other and then would sulk if you answered the other (louder) person! Last time I saw them was for Christmas dinner years ago. They'd had another row, MIL couldn't be arsed to cook the turkey, but out of shame I think, did us some bacon in the MICROWAVE, served on plastic bread, with a couple of sprouts and a slice of gravy.
The house stank, they stank and as I was about to sit down, MIL told me not to sit there as it was the dog's chair. So I moved, miffed, and FIL said, "yeah, he pisses there, love."
We stopped for McDonalds on the way home, and I've never been so pleased to see the golden arches of the sign that says you're welcome! And then we had a row and broke up.

I don't see why "seeing" your parents has to involve travelling to them.
I think once married with kids your main "family" is husband and kids, not your parents and sibs.
To me continuing to travel to parents every Christmas once an adult is continuing to behave like a teenager.
Fine if people want to do this, I'm travelling to one of my sibs this Christmas, but I don't think it's unreasonable to want to spend at leat half the Christmases in your own house, to build your own xmas traditions with the kids and be able to celebrate the way you want.
I can't imagine any of my relatives having a childish strop just because I invited them to my house rather than going to theirs.
If they did I'd probably just tell them that they are being selfish and have to accept their offspring are now adults, and that the kids prefer not to travel every year.
It does seem that alot of you pander to selfish relatives who won't consider anyone else's needs or wants.
BagofHolly's experience sounds awful.
Don't think I'd even invite relatives like this.

My MIL overcooks the veg and uses frozen roast potatoes and yorkshire puddings.

They also provide far, far too much food and then pretend to be offended when it doesn't all get eaten.

That reminds me Oliffin there is a LOT of that kind of thing as well - too much food - they dont mind if it doesn't get eaten at the meal, but you are constantly getting these things forced down you for days after (yes, I refuse most of it but its an effort)

3 day old coleslaw that's started to go fizzy. "Its perfectly fine!". Also they always buy an ABSOLUTE SHEDLOAD of "baby yogurts" (Petit filous and the like) which my children dont really eat (we have Greek) and sure, they'll have one or two if coaxed but they buy literally trays and trays of the stuff. We'd never get through it in a 3-4 day stay.

Also, my children drink cows milk now being of age, and my son who is 3 has semi-skimmed. They are always trying to criticise me for not giving him full-fat milk (even though they'd probably tip it down the sink if I dared to use their fridge!). Any child over the age of 2 can have semi skimmed milk, and in fact the guideline has apparently now changed to suggest that they should have it and nurseries etc are starting to provide it instead of full fat. Yet because SIL gives her obese 6 year old full fat, apparently so should I, because its "dangerous" not to.

Love it love it love it.

Expat, you don't know what you're missing

Rabbit, bit of bacon, apple, prunes, some leeks, bit of tarragon - mmm, yummy... (I might put a small ham on for dissenters...)

YANBU! I LOVE your post... what a fantastic rant! brilliant, really made me laugh and must have been cathartic to write it. That's exactly the kind of thing I wish I had the balls to say out loud. They clearly have appalling taste and are too old to EVER change or try anything new! I think you're doing a sterling job to carry on going, selflessly, for your family's sake. Sounds like a nightmare to be endured, but thank god it's not every year. Can you try to find humour in the situation? does DH agree with you and can you have a private joke about it at PIL's expense? Will it be more fun when your DC's are old enough to understand how awful it is?
Best of luck this year! maybe take a little flask of vodka to add to the asti to get you through it!
you've really made me smile this morning.. thanks!

The selfish and most fun solution to xmas nonsense is to just get the hell out of the UK! we try to go away for xmas at least every other year. our families are a both bit of a trek away (in opp directions from london) so it's never a short trip to see them and we would not do it every year.
happily, this year we'll be in mexico with toddler. although i will be 4 months pregnant so no tequilas for me. booo.

Boak at Bisto granules, and microwaved bacon.

When it was DD's first Christmas and I was wibbling because my parents and sister were going away and at 19 I couldn't imagine Christmas without them, both my Mum and my MIL told me not to do the same thing every year or even every other year.
It is probably some of the best advice I have ever been given as a parent. DD is now 10 and we have done things differently every year.
Nobody expects us to be at their house, though we are always welcome.
In fact the only constant apart from the food is that PIL always ignore their own advice and have to see DGC for at least 20 mins on Christmas Morning, but as long as I don't have to eat their luke warm mush Christams Dinner every year I'm fine with that.

Hilarious thread, I love it.

My in laws have been coming to us for christmas day for the last decade, I'm desperate for something different this year and have left the ball in DH's court so to speak ..... which will probably mean lunch at ours again .

His parents are lovely and do so much for us with the kids but they are completely and utterly barking, esp MIL.

FIL considers xmas day to be one big piss up and will start on the brandy at breakfast time, by lunch he is knocking back the red wine and being loud and raucous, singing rugby songs, much to the DD's delight and MIL's horror. Then MIL starts hissing at me and DH to stop pouring him drinks, 'He's had enough, the silly old fool' and she starts shouting at him, telling him what a let down he's been all their married life and how she should have married her first boyfriend who she loved much more. She'll then have a little weep as she reminisces.

After a few more Baileys MIL will start on about the affair she had when DH was 10 and how she only stayed for him. FIL will tell her to bloody shut up and ask for more wine, "What does it take to get a bloody drink round here then". MIL will hiss at us again, 'Don't you dare refill his glass, he's had far too much already', so DH is torn between being a good host and upsetting his mother .

At some stage FIL will grab hold of me for a bear hug, tell me how much he loves me but that I'm filling out a bit, need to keep an eye on the old weight!

Oh I can't wait!

I am SO asking for a hip flask for Christmas this year. ILs live 200 miles away and we always have my mum for Christmas, so I am spared that at least (still smarting about the time they made me eat Sunday lunch in the kitchen with the children while all the adults ate in the dining room - and that was six years ago!) but we do New Year with them. They make the children go to bed at 7.30pm (DD1 is 13!) and then MIL spends the evening sending me upstairs to shush them every time a floorboard creaks. The house is so cold that last time I had to barricade myself in the bathroom where I wrapped myself around the heated towel rail which was the only source of heat in the house.
MIL disapproves of drink so hides the stuff we bring at the back of a kitchen cupboard frome whence it will reemerge only when she needs to make a donation to the Church Fete tombola. Sometimes poor FIL manages to sneak in a quick round of room-temperature G&T when she is out of the room for which DH and are so grateful that we can cheerfully ignore the fact that the tonic lost its fizz sometime in the 1990s. Then after an evening spent making desultory conversation while MIL vetos any TV programme anyone else might want to see (Oh, I don't think we want to watch that) we will be sent to bed at 10.30pm because she is profoundly uncomfortable at the notion of anyone staying up later than her.

Sorry i haven't had the time to read all of this thread but your op had me ROFL - reminded me of that film "christmas vacation" when the whole family sits down ready to carve the turkey & as soon as the knife is put in it the turkey folds in on itself in a puff of smoke & they end up crunching on the dried up bones lol .
YADNBU BTW .

Hahahaha loving this thread, isn't everyone's family like this?!

I actually laughed out loud at Avocadoes "DD1 asks if she can eat baby Jesus" Back on page 1.

My MIL gets in a giant flap if she's just cooking any old roast! We don't typically see them on Christmas day, but several times per year she'll do a roast for us, she seems to need 10 hours on the day, after three whole days prep, and lots of helpers near the eating time, to turn out a roast! She always looks frazzled by food time. She can't be enjoying it at that rate!

Diamond, that sounds yummmy! Mmm, cute little rabbits, baked in delicious delicious pie.

I had an ex-boyfriend whose family did big 'family' christmasses, which I was expected to attend - there'd be at least 3/4 big Christmas meals at different houses and I got ticked off for missing one/two (er, because I was with my own family). They were incredibly smug about managing to do two whole kinds of meat (always unboned joints, just bunged in the oven, not basted, and consequently solid on the outside), roasties made by peeling the potatoes the day before and leaving them soaking in water for 24 hours, and limp veg (green beans - why?).

Because I wasn't 'part of the family' and came from the wrong background, they decided it wasn't possible I could cook and so would make smug comments about teaching me, then loaded up boyfriend with leftovers to take back to ours so he didn't have to suffer my cooking.

I've been cooking Christmas roast since I was 18 and even my tosser boyfriend far preferred mine and my mum's cooking to his family's crap ... but still I had to sit through lectures about the arcane secrets of making gravy with (uncooked) flour stirred into the pan juices and 'flavoured' with musty dried herbs and pre-ground pepper, because:

'LRD doesn't know about cooking, when she first came over here she thought the custard was rice pudding!' (cue merry laughter from all concerned ... never occurred to the stupid bints that custard probably shouldn't be that lumpy!

Bleugh.

LGP: "still smarting about the time they made me eat Sunday lunch in the kitchen with the children while all the adults ate in the dining room"
WHY? What reason did they give? The rest of it sounds grim, I can't stand it when people hate something just because they might enjoy it. FIL came out for a drink with us and had a couple of pints. He then spent the next day beating himself up over it and saying how much he hated drinking. Well don't then. Or do, and enjoy it.

SPB - IIRC MIL claimed it was too much hassle to extend the dining room table so there was room for everyone - I think really she was afraid the children might make a mess on the carpet. Despite the fact that though DD3 was only two, they were accustomed to eating in restaurants and had perfectly good table manners. She has always had a 'seen and not heard' attitude to children and prefers adults and children to eat seperately.

Oh I don't have a problem with the children eating separately - used to do that with my cousins and we loved it - but hy did you have to??

Because MIL dictated that the children needed an adult with them - she thinks I am v slack parent because I don't follow them to the loo etc and continually micro-monitor their every movement. She is a total control freak and no one is allowed to contradict her - and TBH it is rarely worth the hassle.

Lady Glencora I have sympathy. MIL likes to micro-manage her grandchildren as well. I often enjoy winding her up by pretending I don't know where the DSs are on a Sunday afternoon.

(Actually sometimes I don't, but I know which of two friends houses it will be...)

Families eh!!??

And in years to come our own DILs and DDs will be moaning about our funny old ways!

y y to the trays of mini-yoghurts Tatty

My PILs also buy several dozen fruitshoots whenever we go over there with the children. (Disclaimer: I am not precious and don't mind the kids having junk now and then but they can see piles of them in PILs' kitchen and therefore assume they can have one every half hour).

FIL, bless him, always says: 'they're good for them you know; they are sugar free!'