To hate the way my in-laws do the food part of Christmas?

[TattyDevine]

I know I am being unreasonable about what is a common difference of preferences so try and treat it as a lighthearted thread though feel free to tell me IABU because I am.

First: Disclaimer - I am very glad my Parents in law are alive and well and able to spend Christmas with us. Whilst I hate the way the food is done, I am "grateful" that they do it - well, sort of - we do it every second year and we make a better effort at appearing grateful than they do - we at least thank them for the meal and make appreciative sounds throughout. So if anyone says YABU for being ungrateful, fine, but it kinda goes both ways and yes, I would rather be at home doing my own food, I go there for the sake of my DH and children. That's what Christmas should be about - but it is also about the food for me that we do share together, as I love food and preparing food, but accept that others have different views on how it should be done. Accept - not like! Here goes...

I hate the way they dont get a standard normal turkey with legs and wings, but buy 2 turkey crowns, overcook them, having ripped the skin off when they are still raw, discarding it when they know I like it, and serve up mountains of shreds of overcooked sawdusty breast and nothing else simply because they prefer breast.

I hate the way they cook the brussels sprouts the night before (for at least half an hour - in fact, I think they might have put them on already!) and then reheat them in the microwave 5 minutes before the meal is served. They are a deep khaki green colour and smell like hangover farts.

I hate the way the gravy is watery and tastes more like marmite than anything else - due, mainly, to its high marmite content

I hate the way all the other vegetables are burnt to a crisp and then placed on a heated trolley thing 2 hours before the meal is served to stay warm, and I hate the way they turn to cardboard.

I hate the way the smoke alarm goes off every single time, about 30 minutes before they serve up. Get an oven timer. The smoke alarm is supposed to alert you to dangerously high levels of smoke. That's that grey stuff that is billowing out of the oven and making all our eyes stream, by the way.

I hate the way the only drink they put out is Asti Spumante even though we bring champagne and decent Sav Blanc etc which they hide away then hand back to us when we leave because they "dont drink". They dont - but if they dont drink, why not just let us drink what we want to drink? We do ask them for the stuff we bought but then they turn around and say "but we've already opened the Asti!". These days we try and time it so DH takes charge of the "drinks situation" quite a while before dinner is served (hell, by midday I'm gagging for something, ANYTHING) before anything else gets opened and he holds it back now and puts it outside so its cold, but we had to politey refuse the Asti completely one year so it got tipped down the sink to get to that stage as they are pretty stubborn...

I hate the way they hold back the pudding and make us eat biscuits instead after the lunch bit, because "everyone is too full for pudding", when in fact we are not too full for pudding, because we did not overeat, and see no real benefit in consuming the same amount of bulk and calories in biscuits only to eat pudding later when we are, in fact, not hungry.

I hate the way it is assumed that custard does not go lumpy if you dont stir it just because you have cooked it in a bain-marie. It does. You have to stir it to just under the boil whatever you cook it in. And is there anything wrong with a bit of brandy butter? Just because you dont like it? Why not put out the little pot of it we brought with us? It wont kill you from the other end of the table. Hell, let us get it, rather than fobbing us off with "cant' find it in the fridge" (its in the DOOOOOORRRRRR!)

Okay, that's it for me, unless I think of anything eles. I know its mean, but better out than in - I dont want to rant to my own mother or DH about it, because its mean and bitchy, but they are not on t'internet, and it feels good, gets it out of my system and I can turn up and be charming on the day. That's not such a bad thing, is it?

What would you change about the way your parents or parents in law prepare and serve Christmas Dinner?

Crying with laughter at MilaMae's "beast in the shed and ending up dreaming about it!

Brilliant thread- I have nothing to contribute- all my siblings go to my dad's for Xmas every year, MIL comes too, the food's always good and plentiful, DSis and I bring enough booze to get happily trolleyed if you can get under DSIL's pisshead alert detector, and all is (largely) fun and games.

Thankfully, I have only spent ONE Xmas at my in-laws! We went one year when ED was about 2 and I was pregnant with YD! ED is now nearly 17!!!!
My in-laws are lovely people but like fish, after 3 days they start to go off!

MIL is an ok cook but believes everyone is midgets and therefore serves up midget portions. I was helping in the (teeny tiny) kitchen with the (teeny tiny) turkey - it said on the label feed 3-4- there were 7 of us!!! She has ONE pack of mixed veg from M&S- I remember having ONE carrot BUT at least the veggies were nice and crispy and not over cooked. We each ahd a teeny tiny slic eof Xmas pudding but no brandy butter or brandy cream and the crappiest wine you can imagine!! It was one time I was actually glad I had a good reason to say - sorry not drinking!

My mother used to do fabby Xmas lunch but her cooking has gone rapidly downhill- all the green veg is cooked til its the same soggy shade of greeny grey and any flavour has been boiled out of it! And yes, she loves her hostess trolley where everything is placed so it can dry out nicely and have the flavour sucked out of it!
OPlus the concept of a TROLLEY is lost on my mother as we all have to walk up to the trolley with our plates to help ourselves to the veg!!!!

Everything now comes preprepared- Oh yes we have had aunt Bessie's roasties!

I LOVE cooking Xmas dinner whereas my parents see it as a chore (pretty much as they see Xmas and any other family occasion) so the last 2 years they have been here- in fact last year I had my parents, my inlaws, my sister and her dh and kids- meal was fabulous but rest of the day was HIDEOUS!!

Have now learnt that we will never be "The Waltons" but as long as expectation are zero I can cope!!

This year my sister has (finally) realised she ought to have my parents for Xmas dinner so hopefully we will have a nice peaceful day with just the 5 of us.

"Oh yes we have had aunt Bessie's roasties!"

I've never heard of these. What could be easier than roasting potatoes: parboil them if that's your thing, roll them in oil and stick them in a roasting tin. In what world is there something easier that justifies something pre-prepared?

I totally agree with Tokyo. I (finally) put my foot down a few years ago, & we see the ILs before, or after, Christmas, but have the day itself at our home, doing it our way.

As for 'MIL wouldn't cope/accept it, would sulk all year'. Just Do It. There is a pain barrier and she won't understand that 'We are having Christmas Day at home this year' means exactly that, but eventually will get the message, and once you've set the precedent...

As for "How will you cope when your Dch have their own families?" Well, I will be prepared to travel to them, but I very much hope that they will come to us, to continue with Christmas in our way, that they've always loved.

My pet peeve is the use of Beef Bisto as gravy for the turkey! It makes me nuts. My FIL won't eat any other gravy and has absolute zero desire to taste anything different.

He won't eat anything except plain english food with loads of salt, no pepper.

I had a lovely homemade turkey gravy with sherry and rosemary and he didn't like that last year, we had to boil up the kettle for his bisto.....grrr

We do beef Bisto. That's what my mum always did!

I will try a nice turkey one this year though I think. Your sherry and rosemary one sounds nice.

And at least your FIL is easy to please. Not exactly hard to boil up the kettle for Bisto!

In fact till I left home I wasn't aware there was any other way to make gravy!

"In fact till I left home I wasn't aware there was any other way to make gravy!"

The thing I find bizarre is people, like my MIL, who simultaneously object to "fancy modern food" which isn't "traditional British food" and yet resort to packets of shit like Bisto. They can't have it both ways.

I have to admit - I am american of Panamanian descent - that is why the Bisto is not my favorite. For thanksgiving, we do a really nice homemade gravy too, but british hubby still thinks bisto tastes better (but at least will eat other things).

Just to give you an idea of my FIL's plain tastes - he didn't have a banana until age 17, and has never eaten a pizza. I rest my case.

Oh, droves, I feel for you! My dear late granny was of the 'you can't possibly still be hungry school'. So much so, in fact, that when my cousin, an elderly nun, went to visit her at Christmas, she was given a special religious dispensation to break her vow of poverty, take some cash with her and BUY SOME BISCUITS! The huge relief in her tone when she told us this was very telling!

It's not just about the food, it's about the emotional blackmail, sulking, huffs and general crap that people put themselves through (in order to have the same relationship throughout the rest of the year).

Whenever we've hosted Christmas (getting more common as we are the only UK based people with young DC at the mo) I've made sure to email everyone in advance asking for specific requests, i.e. if there's anything that would spoil your Christmas not to have, please let us know so we can do it.

I'm hoping, as our DC grow older and my siblings inevitably have younger DC and we gravitate to theirs that they'll remember and do us the same courtesy :)

I do accept deep down though that as my DC grow up they will want to do as we've done and stay at home to create their own traditions, we will have to go to theirs (if invited!), stay at home just the 2 of us (tempting!!) or do something else.

I quite like the idea of seeing my DGC on Christmas morning, it's all so much more fun with young kids!

My MIL did teeny weeny doll portions - then served the men with reasonable portions, and the laydeez (ie me and SIL) with really teeny weeny microscopic portions. I had to think this into a positive, so at least I always managed to lose weight at Christmas!

MIL would also offer DH seconds, yet she NEVER offered me any! She always thought I was overweight and I should be on a diet - probably right, but surely my decision not hers!

I would recommend buying yourself a box of really up market delicious choccy truffles and stashing them in your suitcase - you can then sneak off for a quick choccy fix when the hunger pangs kick in.

Bisto IS traditional British food!

Well, I'm finally (almost) looking forward to this Christmas! Two Christmases ago, I stayed at my Dad's with my DBro and his new (now permanent) GF. They didn't lift a finger the whole time they were here, she wouldn't eat anything at meals (allegedly because of 'medication' and not because of all the empty cake wrappers I found when I cleaned the guest room) and when I suggested to DBro - at 12pm - that Dad would really like it if he and GF offered to help with the dinner, the two of them turned up in the kitchen at five minutes to three (dinnertime) to make the offer. Then when DSis and partner turned up on Boxing Day, DBro went into his room in a sulk because 'they don't get on'.

Luckily I missed last year altogether (on honeymoon ), but DBro and GF turned up at my sisters on Xmas Eve two hours late for dinner (without phoning ahead), then said they'd already had Burger King, stayed up till 4am making loads of noise and keeping everyone awake, then came down at 10am on Christmas morning to tell everyone else to keep the noise down!

This year, Dsis and partner are visiting his family and I'm going to be heavily PG and want to stay home, so I've asked DBro to consider visiting his GFs family, or stay at home - he's taken the hint - and I'm making my dad come to me and DH (cue much moaning about how my guest bed is uncomfortable - except he's never slept in my guest bed and it IS very comfortable (!)). I'm expecting even more moaning about roads (it's 50 minutes), bringing his own mattress topper (feel free, but as I said, everyone who's actually slept in that bed, loved it) and the fact that I'm making rabbit pie instead of chicken (it will be lovely - and you have chicken every Sunday). But I'm being firm - he needs to get used to visiting now if he ever wants to see his first GC as I'm damned if I'm going to be the one making all the trips up the motorway!

Also, I'm more than sure he'll be in the kitchen, checking I know how to work my own cooker (I'm 33 and have lived away from home since I was 18, but he still thinks I am a small incapable child), trying to make vegetarian granule gravy (bleck!), telling me I don't need sausages wrapped in bacon (I do!) and reading the recipe book to make sure I'm not fucking up, but that much I can deal with if I'm in my own home and I don't have to deal with sibling trauma. I'll even let him bring his DVD of The Quiet Man so we can watch it for the 2000th time

Anyhoo, rant over...

PS, my DBro is 31 and his GF is 33 - the same age as me

PMSL at resort to packets of shit like Bisto
HeadlessPrinceBilly - yes Bisto is traditional British food. It's traditional if it's the gravy browning used when making gravy with the meat juices and veg water, but not the instant stuff. That is just vile.

"Bisto is traditional British food."

Hardly. It's 20th century: the company's first products date to 1908 and the rather shitter gravy granules arrived, with Mrs Thatcher, in 1979. Ersatz gravy and ersatz compassion: there's a link there.

I love Bisto. It is yummy. Obviously it would be rude to insist upon it when there is poncey homemade stuff being offered to you, but it is possible that someone might prefer the taste of bisto.

A hundred years can't constitute a tradition?

Boak! I wouldn't want to eat rabbit pie, either!:o

Trillian I prefer instant coffee :o
And I don't think I've ever had real gravy (but I've been vegi since I was 8 anyway)

"This year we are at MIL's and I am really looking forward to it. I will have a newborn by then and - even if I didn't - there is no expectation to do anything. MIL remains unflustered and just seems to potter about before producing a lovely dinner and pudding, snacks and drinks are on tap and the dishwasher does the washing up - BLISS!"

Sounds like my MIL. We're there this Christmas

[legs it]

Gravy browning is definitely a British traditional food. It's only onion powder, colour and cornflour. And gravy is amongst the finest things that Britain has ever produced. Gravy granules, OTOH, are nasty salty shite, IMO.

Am laughing and laughing at all the 'why don't you just say no' comments. You all obviously have entirely rational PILs.