To hate the way my in-laws do the food part of Christmas?

[TattyDevine]

I know I am being unreasonable about what is a common difference of preferences so try and treat it as a lighthearted thread though feel free to tell me IABU because I am.

First: Disclaimer - I am very glad my Parents in law are alive and well and able to spend Christmas with us. Whilst I hate the way the food is done, I am "grateful" that they do it - well, sort of - we do it every second year and we make a better effort at appearing grateful than they do - we at least thank them for the meal and make appreciative sounds throughout. So if anyone says YABU for being ungrateful, fine, but it kinda goes both ways and yes, I would rather be at home doing my own food, I go there for the sake of my DH and children. That's what Christmas should be about - but it is also about the food for me that we do share together, as I love food and preparing food, but accept that others have different views on how it should be done. Accept - not like! Here goes...

I hate the way they dont get a standard normal turkey with legs and wings, but buy 2 turkey crowns, overcook them, having ripped the skin off when they are still raw, discarding it when they know I like it, and serve up mountains of shreds of overcooked sawdusty breast and nothing else simply because they prefer breast.

I hate the way they cook the brussels sprouts the night before (for at least half an hour - in fact, I think they might have put them on already!) and then reheat them in the microwave 5 minutes before the meal is served. They are a deep khaki green colour and smell like hangover farts.

I hate the way the gravy is watery and tastes more like marmite than anything else - due, mainly, to its high marmite content

I hate the way all the other vegetables are burnt to a crisp and then placed on a heated trolley thing 2 hours before the meal is served to stay warm, and I hate the way they turn to cardboard.

I hate the way the smoke alarm goes off every single time, about 30 minutes before they serve up. Get an oven timer. The smoke alarm is supposed to alert you to dangerously high levels of smoke. That's that grey stuff that is billowing out of the oven and making all our eyes stream, by the way.

I hate the way the only drink they put out is Asti Spumante even though we bring champagne and decent Sav Blanc etc which they hide away then hand back to us when we leave because they "dont drink". They dont - but if they dont drink, why not just let us drink what we want to drink? We do ask them for the stuff we bought but then they turn around and say "but we've already opened the Asti!". These days we try and time it so DH takes charge of the "drinks situation" quite a while before dinner is served (hell, by midday I'm gagging for something, ANYTHING) before anything else gets opened and he holds it back now and puts it outside so its cold, but we had to politey refuse the Asti completely one year so it got tipped down the sink to get to that stage as they are pretty stubborn...

I hate the way they hold back the pudding and make us eat biscuits instead after the lunch bit, because "everyone is too full for pudding", when in fact we are not too full for pudding, because we did not overeat, and see no real benefit in consuming the same amount of bulk and calories in biscuits only to eat pudding later when we are, in fact, not hungry.

I hate the way it is assumed that custard does not go lumpy if you dont stir it just because you have cooked it in a bain-marie. It does. You have to stir it to just under the boil whatever you cook it in. And is there anything wrong with a bit of brandy butter? Just because you dont like it? Why not put out the little pot of it we brought with us? It wont kill you from the other end of the table. Hell, let us get it, rather than fobbing us off with "cant' find it in the fridge" (its in the DOOOOOORRRRRR!)

Okay, that's it for me, unless I think of anything eles. I know its mean, but better out than in - I dont want to rant to my own mother or DH about it, because its mean and bitchy, but they are not on t'internet, and it feels good, gets it out of my system and I can turn up and be charming on the day. That's not such a bad thing, is it?

What would you change about the way your parents or parents in law prepare and serve Christmas Dinner?

YANBU. It sounds like the meal from hell cooked by the people with no tastebuds.

Aside from the food, they also sound like terrible hosts. You can drink the wine you brought! Open your own wine in the car and gulp some down, then arrive with the open bottle. That should answer that one?

I wouldn't change anything, I love it when folk cook for me. Do it your way the next day at your own house or something. It's only one day out of your life.

Or grow a pair and tell them you're not coming.

pmsl at the marmite gravy.

op i feel for you !

Nah, I am happy enough just waiting till the following year when I do it more to my taste.

The thing that annoys me is that they almost seem to deliberately try and make it so we dont enjoy it. The entire focus is on how they like it.

Whereas I do it to my liking, yes, but I dont chuck away the breast bit of the turkey or chop it off while still raw and bin it simply because I prefer the dark meat. I cook it all and give them breast, knowing they prefer skinless breast.

I appreciate some of it is skill - there's a reason they do the brussels the night before, no doubt - and use the heat trolley, they possibly struggle with the timing of all the different components.

I dont give them biscuits after dinner though, I serve the pudding and its up to them if they have it - but then its easier to wait and have it later than have it after if they haven't even cooked it.

Yes, they are bad hosts, it is the lack of appreciation of other people's wants and needs that gets me. They like custard on Xmas pudding, so I provide custard as well as the things we like. They simply do in my opinion bad version of only the bits they like.

Horses for courses, its fun to whinge about it and hopefully stops too much of a cats bum face on the 25th...

.... and breath
actually sounds very much like my in-laws. Mil started cooking the sprouts and cabbage in September!!

Love the disclaimer. feel your pain on the meal though. This year is PIL cook in and already I'm hoping for chicken pox or something equally contagious to get me us out of it!

YANBU at all

pmsl. I feel your pain.

I cook every year for the inlaws, which I really enjoy doing. I am lucky, they do not complain (except for the year we had goose, as they prefer turkey).

And we all drink WAY too much of everything.

I have just realised how lucky I am.

Why don't you invite them to your house this year instead? I can't see the point in suffering in silence every year. It does sound vile.

The only gripe I have with Christamas dinner at the in-laws is that MIL gets into an enormous flap about it (so does FIL, although he has not planned, shopped for or contributed any part of the cooking). Despite the face that she is an excellent cook and serves similar dinners for the same number of people several times a year witout panic.

As for mother....well, she is not an excellent cook, bless her, so I have to supervise heavily (as no one likes roast potatoes cooked by pouring cold oil onto raw potatoes and then putting into the oven at gas mark 3 until every atom of said oil has been absorbed). And she is obsessed by serving at 2pm exactly.

Oh dear!

I sort of envy you because I don't get the opportunity to eat with parents or in-laws now so I think that I am looking back at earlier Christmases through a rosy glow ..... I couldn't help but laugh at the Brussels sprouts cooking already (traditionally started on on Bonfire Night, I think Victoria Wood said) and the lumpy custard.

The wine situation would annoy me the most because I think that I could put up with everything else if I could have a proper drink. I think maybe your DH should call beforehand and establish that he you and he will look after the drinks and tell them (SEVERAL TIMES IF NECESSARY) that there is no need to buy the Asti Spumante.

I do hope that you manage to sort it out and have a good day

YANBU.

I hate the way my in-laws NEVER cook enough potatoes. FiL is in charge of prepping the potatoes and he is too lazy to make many. Every year we offer to prep the potatoes and every year he refuses and we are all left with one or two roast potatoes per plate.

I hate the way that FiL always serves himself first and takes loads of everything, including the potatoes, so there is never quite enough for everyone else. He therefore never suffers as a result of his lack of preparation.

I don't eat birds so MiL very kindly makes me lamb or beef to eat with the veggies etc. I hate the way that FiL always fancies "a taste" of my lamb or beef, in addition to his pile of Turkey, and always takes at least half of what has been made for ME.

I hate the way that every year I make a marzipan nativity scene to sit on the christmas cake. And every year DD1 asks if she can eat baby Jesus but every year she is disappointed because FiL serves himself first (again) and always has Jesus and Mary. He then tells the kids he has saved the animals just for them as if is being generous.

I hate the way that DH and I always bring 12 bottles of really nice wine from Majestic and FiL keeps it for himself and serves us wine from a box.

You are. I think it could all seem a whole lot more bearable if it were appropriate to get a little toasted and them as well.

If only it weren't impolite to bring a big jar of full fat mayo to the table to put on the cold yet burned oh so dry turkey breast. And a couple of bits of bread. And a shedload of butter.

Never have I needed Ross-from-Friend's "moist maker" so much...

Your FIL eats Jesus and Mary every year?! Do you think he has issues?

YANBU, the way we're brought up to have Christmas is ideally the way we'd like it to continue, and it's very difficult for me (and no disclaimer here - except for the being alive bit obviously!) to accept that any other way of doing Christmas is right!! :o

I'm free from getting worked up about my ILs' Christmas 'lunch' this year as am heavily pg and staying put, but had to put up with their version two years ago when my DD2 was a couple of months old and so I couldn't even help out get -my own way by sheer brute force--. The whole day was crappy and not like it should be!!

Oh yes PL, there is no doubt my FiL has issues.

MIL doesn't like cooking - it makes her nervous and she's not very good at it. I love cooking, and care very much about what I eat and how it's prepared. After an episode the year before when I had to remove myself from the kitchen to avoid an argument about resting the turkey (MIL: but it'll go cold! No, I'll just leave it to overcook in the oven while I do the roast potatoes) last year I said that we would go to them on condition I was allowed to do all the catering, including the shopping. It was great. MIL was relieved and incredibly grateful (as was PIL). I menu-planned for the week, got everything delivered, and had a wonderful time by myself in the kitchen, while MIL and PIL played with DD and DH collapsed with a trashy book. Everyone was happy!

Avacadoes Yuck. That sounds GRIM. I hate it also when people take all the food! We went to dinner recently with a friend. She cooked one roast chicken between 6 adults, and her DH took BOTH legs, one wing and some breast! We were like WTF??

It really actually changed my opinion of them both. Shallow maybe.

Provincial, we do it every second year - which is a blessing. I had to fight hard for that - first few years of marriage it was "but we always do it here, its tradition" etc etc until they finally accepted that we wanted to make our own traditions too.

Starting to see some other posters anecdotes, its very medicinal, thank you, and keep them coming...

You could rotate 1 year at your parents, one year at your in-laws, one year just at your house (just your little family), to cut down how often you go there.

YANBU at all.

My mum wasn't the best cook in the world but she used to put on a bloody good Christmas lunch. The veggies might have been a bit overcooked but when I got older, I fixed that by taking over that part of it. Her roasties were fantastic and she always cooked a turkey, even though she hated it herself and used to have pork instead.
That's what you do for your family - accommodate their wishes/likes etc.

Your ILs sound like selfish nutters, I'm afraid and good on you for being so kind about them.

My MIL - I don't know what she'd do for a Christmas roast - I don't know if she's ever done one! Being an Aussie, they tend to do the seafood platter thing. DH, otoh, is fully converted to the whole roast bird thing (we prefer goose to turkey though) and has cooked for the last 3 years. He does a mean roast dinner as well but his roast spuds still aren't quite up to Mum's standard (which he acknowledges).

Am thinking you might need to be a little more robust in your requirements - just drink the fizz you've brought, eat your own brandy butter, go and do the pud yourselves to "give them a break from the kitchen work" - that kind of thing. :)

scare that sounds like a good plan - might 'offer' it next time!

My ILs do mash with their Christmas lunch. Am I alone in thinking that is just plain wrong?? (they also discard the skin, but I kicked up a massive fuss last time and so they piled the whole lot up on my plate

We can get to my parents about one year in 5, for various reasons, but it is expected of us that we go to them every 2nd year. I know we could try and break the mould for that but it involves other obstacles unfortunately!

I'm tough enough to hack it every 2nd year, but do like a whinge...

It felt really good to type that post, I wont rant at DH now which is a good thing - its not his fault they are the way they are.

Avocadoes - your FIL sounds like a selfish, greedy chauvinistic PIG. I hope as your DC get older they get around to mentioning that (as politely as possible).

You have mash with Thanksgiving turkey Bubba - no idea why you would haveit with Christmas lunch.

Bil will be serving the usual. Snow in a bowl aka mash.