To hate the way my in-laws do the food part of Christmas?

[TattyDevine]

I know I am being unreasonable about what is a common difference of preferences so try and treat it as a lighthearted thread though feel free to tell me IABU because I am.

First: Disclaimer - I am very glad my Parents in law are alive and well and able to spend Christmas with us. Whilst I hate the way the food is done, I am "grateful" that they do it - well, sort of - we do it every second year and we make a better effort at appearing grateful than they do - we at least thank them for the meal and make appreciative sounds throughout. So if anyone says YABU for being ungrateful, fine, but it kinda goes both ways and yes, I would rather be at home doing my own food, I go there for the sake of my DH and children. That's what Christmas should be about - but it is also about the food for me that we do share together, as I love food and preparing food, but accept that others have different views on how it should be done. Accept - not like! Here goes...

I hate the way they dont get a standard normal turkey with legs and wings, but buy 2 turkey crowns, overcook them, having ripped the skin off when they are still raw, discarding it when they know I like it, and serve up mountains of shreds of overcooked sawdusty breast and nothing else simply because they prefer breast.

I hate the way they cook the brussels sprouts the night before (for at least half an hour - in fact, I think they might have put them on already!) and then reheat them in the microwave 5 minutes before the meal is served. They are a deep khaki green colour and smell like hangover farts.

I hate the way the gravy is watery and tastes more like marmite than anything else - due, mainly, to its high marmite content

I hate the way all the other vegetables are burnt to a crisp and then placed on a heated trolley thing 2 hours before the meal is served to stay warm, and I hate the way they turn to cardboard.

I hate the way the smoke alarm goes off every single time, about 30 minutes before they serve up. Get an oven timer. The smoke alarm is supposed to alert you to dangerously high levels of smoke. That's that grey stuff that is billowing out of the oven and making all our eyes stream, by the way.

I hate the way the only drink they put out is Asti Spumante even though we bring champagne and decent Sav Blanc etc which they hide away then hand back to us when we leave because they "dont drink". They dont - but if they dont drink, why not just let us drink what we want to drink? We do ask them for the stuff we bought but then they turn around and say "but we've already opened the Asti!". These days we try and time it so DH takes charge of the "drinks situation" quite a while before dinner is served (hell, by midday I'm gagging for something, ANYTHING) before anything else gets opened and he holds it back now and puts it outside so its cold, but we had to politey refuse the Asti completely one year so it got tipped down the sink to get to that stage as they are pretty stubborn...

I hate the way they hold back the pudding and make us eat biscuits instead after the lunch bit, because "everyone is too full for pudding", when in fact we are not too full for pudding, because we did not overeat, and see no real benefit in consuming the same amount of bulk and calories in biscuits only to eat pudding later when we are, in fact, not hungry.

I hate the way it is assumed that custard does not go lumpy if you dont stir it just because you have cooked it in a bain-marie. It does. You have to stir it to just under the boil whatever you cook it in. And is there anything wrong with a bit of brandy butter? Just because you dont like it? Why not put out the little pot of it we brought with us? It wont kill you from the other end of the table. Hell, let us get it, rather than fobbing us off with "cant' find it in the fridge" (its in the DOOOOOORRRRRR!)

Okay, that's it for me, unless I think of anything eles. I know its mean, but better out than in - I dont want to rant to my own mother or DH about it, because its mean and bitchy, but they are not on t'internet, and it feels good, gets it out of my system and I can turn up and be charming on the day. That's not such a bad thing, is it?

What would you change about the way your parents or parents in law prepare and serve Christmas Dinner?

We used to go to DGP's for Easter every year and every year they would put a tin of cold baked beans on the table.

Everyone comes to us which is just how I like it. On the odd occasion we've gone to SIL or my DS there has been a quantity problem.
The first time we went to SILs I served up my two DSs and myself from the small dish of potatoes put in front of me and thought it a bit sparse. Worse was to come. The dish had been meant to serve 7 adults and 3 children..

This thread reminds me of how my Mum used to complain about Christmas dinner at her ILs. So you see, it's just another Christmas tradition

I've broken the cycle by marrying a German, which means if we do go to the ILs for Christmas dinner we go on the 24th so I always get to have my perfect Christmas Day lunch on the 25th.

Fenouille - two Xmas dinners - my idea of heaven!

YANBU, sounds grim. Nightmare!

Avocadoes - I have a similar FIL. He will take most of the meat, all the gravy, majority of the potatoes, quite happily. He never ever ever offers to help with any preparation or washing up.

When they come here I dish up onto plates first, so he can't help himself to the best bits of everything.

MIL isn't a bad cook, although she never does enough potatoes (particularly with greedy FIL about) or enough gravy (ditto) - and is always a bit relaxed about when we're going to eat - fine for adults, but I find that small children get a bit antsy if they don't get lunch until 3pm (and any suggestion of feeding them a snack to keep them going is met by "oh, but dinner will be ready in a minute).

Oh and don't get me started on the "we'll need to eat this up, it's a few days out of date" thing.

I'm not fussy about best before dates, but there are certain limits. Like with meat. Or things with mould on.

My Mum actually makes a lovely Roast or Christmas Dinner.

However sausage rolls or vol au vents being left out on the side for over 24 hours as there is no room in the fridge and then dished up for the Boxing Day Buffet is a matter of great concern to me.

Keep your anecdotes coming!

Oh, and to all those who said maybe I should offer to do it myself, I did cover that off in the OP, that I actually do do it every 2nd year. Though I appreciate my OP was a bit of a dissertation long

Hmm... let me think.. is there anything I would change about the way my inlaws do Christmas lunch? Well I suppose if pushed I would admit that it's not completely ideal the way they expected my children to eat a quick cheese sandwich in the kitchen 20 minutes before the big meal, and to then hide upstairs out of the way with one toy between them while all the adults linger over a nice long 4 hour feast with crackers, party hats, indoor fireworks, games and endless delicious food and treats. My children are 2 and 4.

(No, of course I didn't stand for it.)

Are you serious Yuno?

Fraid so. They spoiled the aesthetic of it all, you see.

that is a shriek emoticon as well.

That is unbelievable Yuno.

Tell more!

We've not done xmas with the ILs in a couple of years but are going to this year, I'm terrified. MIL likes to cook but in a passive-aggressive way that refuses any help from anyone, even though I could for example help make some cheese sauce when dinner is macaroni cheese rather than using that ready made stuff out of a pot that tastes of plastic. She'll absolutely insist that each individual starts eating as soon as their food is on the plate, no matter that with 8 adults that means the first one is finished eating before the last has been served. Then she'll disappear back to the kitchen claiming not being very hungry.

Last time we were up there SIL was PG and MIL had laid on a special dinner, except that she dished up the starter of salmon mousse then whisked the plate away from SIL saying "Oh no you're pregnant you can't eat this". And didn't offer her anything else. Now that it's my turn I'm wondering what I won't be allowed to have on Christmas day... Normally I just let FIL keep on topping up the wine and let it all blur but not this year.

Mitochondria - we had exactly the same, we tried and tried to be allowed to make dd (age 1) a tiny lunch at about noon then put her down for a nap - had had a grocery shop delivered etc to make this possible. Instead we were told Oh no she must eat with the family, they've been waiting to see her. Cue lunch not being served til nearly 4 (!) and dd being beside herself with tiredness and hunger.

Never mind, I'm sure it will all be worth the 7 hour drive up to Scotland with a 7.5 month PG me and a very wriggly 2 year old

you took me right back there op to my grandparents house.I have been a veggie for over 20 years and you would not believe the confusion this caused them.I would have quite happily provided my own food no problem (then I would have had something edible.)At Christmas one year I had chicken 'well its not meat is it? its chicken',next year had all the veg and gravy and a gap on the plate where the meat would have been.Don't know if they forgot or just ran out of ideas.Bless em. We go out now for christmas dinner.

Just stay at home - I insist that we are at home on Xmas eve evening and xmas day - will eat elsewhere on Boxing Day. Otherwise Christmas Day becomes cursed with old feuds, tantrums, tears, etc... Christmas is for the kids, not to spend 2 hours eating lunch.

That's terrible Yuno. How exactly did this come about? What did they say?

I did try to stay at home one year. I was all "but darling, we have children of our own now. Wont it be nice to have a lovely christmas at home, just us?" etc etc.

He said "it would kill them". And I said , your problem is ...?

The actual reality of getting out of it could cause more bad feeling than its worth. It is only one day a year, and even if it means I have to re-enact it another day the way I like it (I can live without it truly, so I wont) then I can cope with just doing it the way I like it every second year.

Good news is this - next year, my parents are flying in, so not only will it be at my house, but without the in-laws, so I can do it my way, without any cats bum faces, and get pissed with my alchohol dependent parents.

I'm going to do the Divertmenti Turkey carving course and all, so I can walk in with a big turkey like Bree Van Der Kamp and carve it at the table

"It would kill them" to have you not come? Then you are in a position of power.

Sit them down and explain exactly what it is that makes you not want to go - not the 'you cook vegetables badly' (you'll probably have to put up with that) but the parts that are poor hosting: the refusal to let you drink the wine you brought and the serving of unnecessary biscuits instead of pudding, for example.

God, YANBU and I thought Christmas with my MIL was bad!

Her little 'tradition' is that she cooks the turkey the previous day because apparently that way it "goes further" (WTF? How does pre-cooking actually cause a bird to grow overnight?!) She then cooks everything else fresh (being generous here - Aunt Bessie's roasties and Yorkshire puddings, frozen sprouts, bisto gravy etc) and then adds the turkey to the plate cold. So we have nice piping hot vegetables and stone cold meat. Yum. And as she has no table it is dished up onto individual plates and placed on a tray so that we can eat if off our laps in front of the TV. No conversation, just everyone stuffing their faces in silence.

Avacadoes - I think this year - blasphemy though it may be - Jesus should have a twin (perhaps kept hidden until after your FIL has helped himself.) Or maybe the Nativity scene should be immediately post-natal, Mary complete with a realistic-looking placenta hanging out. Bet that would put him off

Just move abroad. That's what I did - saved me twelve years of Christmas at the in-laws....

From day one I have refused to accommodate anyone's family apart from my own.
That'll be me, DP, DD and DD's father.

Any mention of "oh but Christmas is for family" I just say "yes, and I will be with my family, thank you".

I must be very rude, but I just wouldn't put up with them telling me what time my DS is to eat. It is unfair and cruel to make a child go for hours without food just because of some tradition. I'd just get the bread out and get him a sandwich ready when he was hungry. But as I say, I am just rude and have very little patience!

Your ILs sound like mine. We just don't do Christmas there.

YANBU. We went for sunday lunch the other day and the cauliflower was boiling when we arrived and we didn't eat for at least another hour (i'm not exaggerating either).

Some people just can't cook.

The first time I had christmas lunch not at home, I phoned my parents up and CRIED down the phone because I'd had to eat bread sauce. And they were so sympathetic! (Usually VERY tough)

And the crying was done in their hall.

YANBU