To hate the way my in-laws do the food part of Christmas?

[TattyDevine]

I know I am being unreasonable about what is a common difference of preferences so try and treat it as a lighthearted thread though feel free to tell me IABU because I am.

First: Disclaimer - I am very glad my Parents in law are alive and well and able to spend Christmas with us. Whilst I hate the way the food is done, I am "grateful" that they do it - well, sort of - we do it every second year and we make a better effort at appearing grateful than they do - we at least thank them for the meal and make appreciative sounds throughout. So if anyone says YABU for being ungrateful, fine, but it kinda goes both ways and yes, I would rather be at home doing my own food, I go there for the sake of my DH and children. That's what Christmas should be about - but it is also about the food for me that we do share together, as I love food and preparing food, but accept that others have different views on how it should be done. Accept - not like! Here goes...

I hate the way they dont get a standard normal turkey with legs and wings, but buy 2 turkey crowns, overcook them, having ripped the skin off when they are still raw, discarding it when they know I like it, and serve up mountains of shreds of overcooked sawdusty breast and nothing else simply because they prefer breast.

I hate the way they cook the brussels sprouts the night before (for at least half an hour - in fact, I think they might have put them on already!) and then reheat them in the microwave 5 minutes before the meal is served. They are a deep khaki green colour and smell like hangover farts.

I hate the way the gravy is watery and tastes more like marmite than anything else - due, mainly, to its high marmite content

I hate the way all the other vegetables are burnt to a crisp and then placed on a heated trolley thing 2 hours before the meal is served to stay warm, and I hate the way they turn to cardboard.

I hate the way the smoke alarm goes off every single time, about 30 minutes before they serve up. Get an oven timer. The smoke alarm is supposed to alert you to dangerously high levels of smoke. That's that grey stuff that is billowing out of the oven and making all our eyes stream, by the way.

I hate the way the only drink they put out is Asti Spumante even though we bring champagne and decent Sav Blanc etc which they hide away then hand back to us when we leave because they "dont drink". They dont - but if they dont drink, why not just let us drink what we want to drink? We do ask them for the stuff we bought but then they turn around and say "but we've already opened the Asti!". These days we try and time it so DH takes charge of the "drinks situation" quite a while before dinner is served (hell, by midday I'm gagging for something, ANYTHING) before anything else gets opened and he holds it back now and puts it outside so its cold, but we had to politey refuse the Asti completely one year so it got tipped down the sink to get to that stage as they are pretty stubborn...

I hate the way they hold back the pudding and make us eat biscuits instead after the lunch bit, because "everyone is too full for pudding", when in fact we are not too full for pudding, because we did not overeat, and see no real benefit in consuming the same amount of bulk and calories in biscuits only to eat pudding later when we are, in fact, not hungry.

I hate the way it is assumed that custard does not go lumpy if you dont stir it just because you have cooked it in a bain-marie. It does. You have to stir it to just under the boil whatever you cook it in. And is there anything wrong with a bit of brandy butter? Just because you dont like it? Why not put out the little pot of it we brought with us? It wont kill you from the other end of the table. Hell, let us get it, rather than fobbing us off with "cant' find it in the fridge" (its in the DOOOOOORRRRRR!)

Okay, that's it for me, unless I think of anything eles. I know its mean, but better out than in - I dont want to rant to my own mother or DH about it, because its mean and bitchy, but they are not on t'internet, and it feels good, gets it out of my system and I can turn up and be charming on the day. That's not such a bad thing, is it?

What would you change about the way your parents or parents in law prepare and serve Christmas Dinner?

You had to eat bread sauce? How did that come about? Did they plonk it all over your food while your mouth was full to prevent you from saying 'No thank you'?

Either you are far too over-polite when it comes to condiments you don't like or there is an interesting story here.

Very polite. Also seventeen and brought up to eat the food on my plate and not cause A SCENE. And I'd never had it before, so I didn't know I didn't like it. And then I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that it was revolting and what on EARTH were they thinking of.

Now, of course, I know that saying: No thanks, I don't like it does not equal A Scene, but that's where my mother and I differ.

You definitely ANBU. I would hate to go to your in-laws for Christmas lunch, it sounds dire!

We have only stayed at our ILs once for Christmas, and although they have different ways of doing things from me (I'm far more into doing fresh cooking than they are) it wasn't that bad.

But I really prefer to cook myself at Christmas. Even though it's hard work, I like cooking and can cook what I like, although I try to accommodate everyone's preferences, like the fact my sister is vegetarian.

And the single bottle of Asti would just finish me off!

Fortunately my PILs are good at the old Christmas dinner thing (if you overlook the Aunt Bessies roast potatoes) but I have to find excuses not to let my mother host Christmas Day now, since the Christmas I bit down on a sizeable lump of broken glass hiding in my food. All food was dished up prior to sitting down, regardless of likes/dislikes, on ancient glass plates, so I assume that's where the glass came from.

Last year she went to my sister's (we have to take it in turns as mum refuses to be in the same room as my father) and as her contribution to the meal brought along a chicken which she had been defrosting in the conservatory for a whole week. To say it was a bit niffy is a gross understatement. Luckily she brought it round on Xmas Eve so sis still had time to go out and find another.

Oh and mum thinks that more than one glass of wine = raging alcoholic and gets all purse-lipped about it. Kind of takes the joy away.

Yanbu because it sounds vile and you clearly hate it.

Yabu because you are. You are lucky. You have inlaws who are reasonably fit and healthy, able to cook a meal and host Christmas dinner. The eccentricities you can live with. It is only brandy butter, creme anglaise and bad drink, for ONE meal.

Neither dh nor I have anybody to cook Christmas dinner for us. We cant go to inlaws. Mil a widow, looking after her adult multi disabled dd, she is in fact going in and out of hospital this year, as sil is very very ill now. Besides, she lives 5 hours away by plane. My mum has descended so far in to alzheimers she barely knows Christmas is coming, and my father is paralyzed and in a wheel chair, so obviously cant cook.

This year, we will gather at their house, I will cook all the meals for Christmas, as next year they will both be in a nursing home. And then we went be able to have them home to ours for Christmas, because we cant get my dads electric wheelchair up the stairs to our house. They will spend christmas at the nursing home.
My mum probably wont mind. But my dad will, as he is of sound mind.

And our children will mind very much. They are 8 and 5 and love their grandparents. Children see through wheelchairs, paralyzis, the odd behaviours of a person with alzheimers, they are just mor and far and totally lovable.

So yabu. See through the bad sprouts, the bad drinks, the lack of brandy butter, for truly, you are blessed.

There's always one who takes a lighthearted thread and makes it bleed

yep. that would be me.
That is my role in life.
You have threadkillers, and threadbleeders.

Avacadoes, this you you simply MUST serve the kids and yourself before your FiL, simple host manners dictate that the lady guests are served first, then the male guests.

Tattydevine...how do you not upchuck during this dire ferrago? What they do to the Brussel sprouts is definitely vegetable abuse.

I think it is perfectly possible to like someone very much but still acknowledge their dire cooking skills.

YANBU, OP. I am lucky, in that both MIL and FIL are fine cooks, and serve up a jolly good spread on all occasions, including Christmas.

The booze, however, is severely lacking. One bottle of crap wine between 8 people. DH was most miffed to find served at his last birthday meal, and apparently constituting a 'choice':

a) half a bottle of red wine, left over from the previous weekend (and thus turned to vinegar);
b) a bottle of his dad's home made and completely undrinkable white wine drain cleaner.

3pm, Christmas day. I'm gagging for a sherry after my half glass of wine with lunch. FIL asks if I would like a drink with the Queen's speech. Oooh, yes please FIL, a sweet sherry would be just grand. Actually, dearest DIL, I meant a cup of tea.

Tea. Fucking tea.

Christmas with my family is a somewhat more drunken raucous affair. No Queen's speech either. And good food.

Oh dear God, at my parents the last 2 Christmasses.
2 yrs ago brother and sil decided not to put any stress on my mum and cook dinner for us all at their place which is about 20 mins away. I had to drive so everyone could have a drink (except me)
They did a starter, smoked salmon. I dont eat fish/seafood of any description. (Actually that wasn't really a problem, but they have known me for a very long time so have often had the dont eat seafood conversaton with them)
The turkey was cremated and dry. I had mentioned I liked dark turkey meat on some random occasion. I got served up both legs, meat crispy to the point of making my mouth bleed. Don't like brussels sprouts,and requested not to have any but they put so many on my plate that everything stunk/tasted of over cooked sprouts. Roasted veg were burnt. Roast pots were burnt. And they put raw onion through the mash (for flavour!!). (yes we are a mash with roasties family)
I could bearly swallow it was so hideous.
I was polite, as I actually love my brother and am fond of his wife, but only if they stay out of the kitchen!
Swore to mum that the next year I would cook.
So was getting excited about Christmas dinner last year. Had sorted out the shopping. Then 3 days before Christmas, was informed that we were going to brothers again. I could have cried. Poor mum said she didnt want them to feel bad as they went to so much effort the year before. She put the meat in the freezer and the veggies got used up over the week.
Same story except with overcooked ham on top of everything else.
And the icing on the cake was the food poisoning I and sil got from (we think) the pate. We were the only 2 to eat it and we were so ill. I didn't eat or leave the toilet much for 3 days.

Am not going anywhere near them this Christmas.

Blimey, this makes me appreciate my parents' and IL's cooking!

Neither my DM or DMIL are very good cooks, but can bang out a pretty good roast, even if a little overcooked for my taste.

Also, neither family really drink but both can put it away in vast amounts on Christmas Day (because it's allowed ).

The only thing that I'd change is the the boredom . My parents' house is VERY tidy and there's not even a magazine left out to flick through. MIL likes to watch ALL of the Christmas TV. And there are only so many walks you can go for!

In all my years married, neither DM nor MIL have ever invited us to Christmas dinner, though they have been here plenty of times. in fact, DH and I have never had a single meal at MILs in all our years together! ( Married 25 years, together 28 years!)
I would love the chance to get wound up because she didn't use the wine we brought!

And, if your in-laws are hell, then no amount of other people saying "mine are infirm/dead so be grateful" makes any bloody difference to how you feel.

well, Gay40, I beg to differ, as usually it does, but somepeople are so up their bad sprouts they just dont see reason.

I really like Daisy's idea of the Jesus twin. You should do that.

Also, OP, YANBU.

Life is too short to eat shitty dinners at other people's hell holes.

funtime - I'm with you on the Christmas TV. MIL doesn't understand that some people don't watch soap operas. She seems to watch all of them. There are usually plenty of dramatic episodes on at Christmas.

I have to go and sit in another room.

TattyDevine - I feel for you.

My suggestion? Have a full,gorgeous, just- as you -like- it Christmas dinner as near to the 25th as you can. Then (hopefully) your desire for decent nosh and booze will be somewhat satiated and then have another gorgeous "it's still Christmas, let's spoil ourselves" meal when you get back.

And keep a hipflask of something alcoholic in your handbag.

And smile tis CHRISTMAS

Lol at the OP. SO glad that you enjoy your 'family' time, which is what it's all about, eh? despite the food not being perfect.

I, too, feel your pain. I love your desription of the fart brussels. Oh yes.

MIL doesn't do carrots. Not too disappointing, but much worse is the fact that she also doesn't do Christmas cake - no one ever eats it so she doesn't bother, apparently. (I do. I stuff myself with it. It's my favourite bit. But you kept it 'on display' rather than in a tin so it got dry, presumably, but it was never cut into & I was never offered it, so I wouldn't know.)

But my dear Mum is the ultimate. No 'tradition' is going to dictate to her what she will eat on Christmas Day, so one year I went back home to find that we were having cod and chips!

I have done Christmas for the last 18 years. Every year we have to sit through a discussion from MIL about the no. of potatoes and about how she and FIL (now sadly deceased) were so poor they were hungry as children. Every year there are comments about extravagance and direction such as: "when you go to the shops please buy some set honey because FIL doesn't like runny". The only time we have ever eaten at her house (they live 300 miles away) she lobbed the packets on the table, ie, prawns, ham, tomatoes, etc. Couldn't even be bothered to put it on a plate. I wouldn't keep inviting but I feel sorry for her but it's all expected as a god given right - and she's never so much bought the children a token of a present to unwrap. She does send money - but it's not the same. Her two daughters live abroad and rarely visit England.

God this is making me feel depressed we are ging for the big 'Who does Christmas dinner this year talk' in a couple of weeks - I don't want to do it this year as have done the last two and my cooking is fab I will have you know. My gripes ae that it costs so much as DH's family don't really pull their weight (they sit on their arses doing fuck all actually!)

We can't go to one BULs as he lives abroad, the other one lives in a flat and we wouldn't all fit in and the other one well I do have OCDs but even DS complained that he was covered in cat hair last time we visited! Am trying to ensure MIL does it this year. Their dinners are nice, if a little tasteless and always served at the temperature you serve food to geriatrics at!

The last few years I have had a right royal moan as have asked DHs family to bring certain things eg - crackers (do we get ones from Fortnums or Selfridges or even John Lewis - no no no no no you are going to be waited on hand and foot for 2 days and fed every meal and drinking lots of expensive wine - you bring Woolworths crackers!!), Cheese (you are coming from France, you are buying cheese for 20 people - do not bring 14 euros of cheese that is so smelly it has to live outside and then we have to fumigate the room), please bring mints for after dinner - splash out on bendicks or even after eights aren;t that bad - no no no your sole contribution is a pack of Elizabeth Shaw mints. AAARRRGGGHHH

Oh and don't get me stated on what the gluten free lady can have, after the fourteenth email I wanted to email back telling her to bring her own plate with cling film and I would put it in the microwaveand how I shouldn't be cooking bacon because the jewish one will be offended.

I was going to post about how much and why I hate my MIL's cooking, but as my post was going to be longer than the OP (and not anywhere near as funny) I'll just stick with YASNBU. I'm suffering from cold chills at the thought of ever eating another xmas dinner there and I'm trying to think of every and any excuse why we won't ever be able to. And like the OP I'd quite happily cook for them, but I have a nasty feeling I don't cook veg long enough, serve meat that resembles meat and worst of all, make them choose what they like to eat from a selection of serving dished on the table in front of them.

Nope, can't stop the rant. OP, you have my sympathy.

Oh and in case you were wondering - my parents have friends and do wonderful grown up things on Christmas day like going out to restaurants,drinking champagne or occasionally even a Christmas cruise. They know how to enjoy themselves - we usually have a "christmas" with them a week or two before the real day to swap presents and share love and enjoyment.