to feel like a second class citizen cause I'm a SAHM?

[WannabeNigella]

I don't feel I should feel this way but I do.

Everytime I get asked "What do you do for a living?" etc I cringe when I have to say that I don't, I'm a SAHM. I don't want to feel ashamed of it but I almost feel like my opinion on things doesn't count as much, that I can't possibly fully understand politics or the economy etc.

I used to have an extremely high powered and stressful job but gave it up when my DS came along and I am loving life at the moment.

Does anyone else feel this way? DH thinks I'm mental and imagining it

I guess

Some are busy socialising, lunching, you know the sort of thing that people with money do. Some are busy volunteering, some are carers for their elderly parents....

Gay40 how about working unpaid for cancer charity, helping people who are dying, to get help they are entitled to and stopping them having to attend court because they have missed a payment of council tax, but the idiots at the council constantly "lose" letters from consultant telling them the person is dying.

The council workers are paid employees,many working mothers.I wouldnt assume they are crap at their job, because they are working mothers. So dont assume that SAHMs are shallow and lazy because you really do not know what I or anyone else does all day.

Unfortunately Wannabe you will come across some people who will try to make you feel like a second class citizen when you say you are a SAHM, as this thread shows there are some people who are really that nasty rude.

However as the vast majority of posters here have said, if you are happy then be a SAHM, be proud and feel lucky, because not many people are able to make that choice and as others have said, some mums would love to be in your position.

I don't think I used the words shallow or lazy, nor do I have that opinion. My point was really that people often come adrift when their circumstances change (for example when kids leave home) and it would be prudent to at least consider that in the big scheme of things

Gay40 you did imply shallow and lazy so no point in trying to wriggle out of it. Apologise if you believe you were wrong, otherwise leave it

No, I don't believe I was wrong, and you can take what you like from my comments. So no - no apologies.

gay40 You said "I need to know I've contributed something to the world and my life other than the pattern of my latte"

That certainly imples you think that SAHMs doing nothing all day. Thus implying they are shallow and lazy.

Just because a mother works and get paid does not always mean you are contributing in a positve way to society anyway. I dont mean to be rude to anyone, but bankers havent exactly brought anything positive to this country recently have they? You could also argue a mother working in a pub on a weekend is enabling a load of idiots to get drunk, cause mayhem and throw up everywhere.

So just because you work doesnt mean you are contributing more than a SAHM who is bringing up their own child [shock horror] and then as they go to school helping other for free.

Lol at Gay40s Kevin the teenager impersonation..

I live in the la-la land of commutor belt on fast line to the City.
Consequently I know a lot of women who are SAHMs.

They are a mixed bag.

Some do absolutely bog all. Their kids are in school all day (some boarding) and they have cleaners/ironers/gardeners. They go to the gym. They lunch. They groom. They shop.

Others run small businesses, volunteer,take courses...all sorts.

Some are lovely with their kids. Some awful.

Can't generalise.

You can't really categorise anyone can you on one aspect of their lives alone.....

unless they one trick pony jordan or wags.they are defined by their shiteness

The thing is, even certain levels of shiteness don't determine a child's future.

Stop paying Gay40 attention and "she" might go away

unlikely.

I work part time and feel like a second class citizen at work and at the playground gates where I think the SAHM are judging me and I find it hard to be fully involved in the social side of things ( play dates arranged on the spur of the moment etc)

I say i THINK they are judging me because, in my rationalk moments I know they are not and it is all in my head.

women always seem to beat themselves up whatever we do, I suppose we should all stop and just be proud of our families !

I am a SAHM and have been for 3 years. I used to feel like you do sometimes but over time I have come to feel more comfortable with my choice in staying home and interacting with people who do work.

I tend to take charge of conversations and kick off with non-children topics to get the ball-rolling which helps. I also try to get as much time to myself as is humanly possible - reading a book, a paper or the web to widen my interests and involvement in the world outside my job as a SAHM. I have a few hobbies now that my daughter is a little older and that helps to have more to talk about and to feel good about in yourself.

If you enjoy your life and staying home with your children, embrace it and be proud of it! When someone asks you what you do for a living tell them loud and proud that you stay home with your children and you lead a lovely happy life :)

that book is lentil munching schlock overly optimistic

motherhood "isnt a great social leveller...where social inequalities disappear" imo,it is in fact a time where money can buy advantage. the socio-economic health and educational outcomes of a poor child are different to those of a prosperous one

yes there are commonalities,in being a parent but not necessarily unifying

I stay at home because childcare costs more than I can reasonably earn as an administrator. That, of course, is presuming that I could get a job in my field - the NHS - which is in the grip of 'restructuring' and finance & recruitment freezes.

I'm about to spend tomorrow on a trial day at a local coffee shop - but have only gone for that because, having moved closer to grandparents, I can now consider doing a small job for myself because I won't have to fork out masses of money for childcare that, frankly I believe I should be doing myself, but am more than happy to hand over to very willing grandparents on an ad hoc basis.

And there's the rub, some women choose to work, some have to work, some would rather stay at home, some feel that chldcare costs prohibit working. Why all the arguing? Who cares what other people do as long as YOU are happy?

Gay - what job do you do that makes you think you are making a contribution to the world? Just curious.

Not really prepared to say online...sorry

Oh right ...

"motherhood "isnt a great social leveller...where social inequalities disappear" imo,it is in fact a time where money can buy advantage. the socio-economic health and educational outcomes of a poor child are different to those of a prosperous one"

Maybe you don't know about the bonds mothers share because you don't have any friends that are a different social class to yourself.

My dad was a diplomat and I was privately educated. The mothers I mix with now come from a huge range of backgrounds: new immigrants, single mums who left school at 16 with no qualifications, women with no money and large families. I DO find that motherhood is a great leveller and know I learn a lot from other mothers, no matter what their background. I love the fact that being a mum gives us a shared interest - it's been a very good thing for me.