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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my wife to return to work?

329 replies

Christhebear · 04/10/2010 21:14

My wife and I have been married for 8 years. Our son was born in January this year. We waited a while before conceiving as we wanted to travel and basically have a good time before we had children.

My wife is an accountant and I am a senior partner in a large company. We both have extremely stressful and demanding jobs. My wife announced to me that she wants to resign as she finds her job extremely stressful and wants to stay at home to look after our son.

This is causing massive arguments because to continue the lifestyle we have we need two incomes. My wife is basically not the person I thought she was. She spends most of the day either shouting at me or crying, never does any cleaning, rarely cooks and basically devotes all her attention to our son. I have found a very good nursery for him but every time I bring it up she melts down and starts crying. She says that she doesn't need things anymore and is quite happy to just be a mother. I am not happy with this as I enjoy the finer things in life which I work bloody hard for and I am entitled to.

I don't know what to do anymore and I am contemplating an affair as our sex life is non existent. She is also breastfeeding which I think is impacting on her mental health as our son seems to be always on the breast.

Any advice from the female aspect would be appreciated.

Thank you.

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 04/10/2010 22:34

If you'd been real I would have given constructive advice. But you aren't, so I won't

LittleMissHissyFit · 04/10/2010 22:35

oh, perleesee...

a pitiful 4....

scottishmummy · 04/10/2010 22:35

and who made you editor in chief?behave

EgyptVanGogh · 04/10/2010 22:37

Do you have life insurance?

In that case, go stand in front of a bus, pathetic fuckhead.

LittleMissHissyFit · 04/10/2010 22:37

If he's for real, then tbh, he is so entitled, and insensitive, he ought to have an affair, to bring about the demise of the relationship.

the DW could hardly do any worse could she?

cupcakesandbunting · 04/10/2010 22:38

Egypt! Tea all over keyboard.

Original poster
Christhebear · 04/10/2010 22:38

Need to go to bed now but wanted to thank you again.

Sirboobalot will definitely get that book thank you for suggesting it.

Kat2054 he is not interested in solids. He won't take purée so we are doing baby led weaning where we just give him chunks of food. Most of it goes on the floor!

Just been upstairs. Baby is asleep and I told Abbey that I will run her a bath and if baby wakes up I will take over while she has a break.

Here's to progress.

OP posts:
MadAboutQuavers · 04/10/2010 22:39

Surely if you're going to become a professional "creature who lives under bridges", you should at least change your persona just slightly, never mind the stock phrases and sentences you trot out... Hmm

And yes, I am extremely rude to those I believe are lying, as I believe you definitely are...

By the way, the only reason you're getting no biscuits from ME, is because I'm NOT GOING TO WASTE THEM

cupcakesandbunting · 04/10/2010 22:40

"I told Abbey"

No, it should have been Annabel or Jules. Abbey is not aspirational enough.

Tiredmumno1 · 04/10/2010 22:40
Hmm
NotAfraidOfTheBudget · 04/10/2010 22:41

Valpollicella Err I think you know that was not what I meant!! Babies love the night time cuddles and feeds with mummy but they dont need them (ie they wont die without them) and at some point you need to gently ensure that the baby is actually gettting enough continual sleep to help him grow and develop. That can only happen if he is eating enough during the day, and doing that requires some effort. Obviously babies arent doing it deliberately or maliciously but I know too many of my friends who just couldnt bear not to let themselves be awake most of the night, and ended up with awful sleeping problems at age 2/3/4/5. At 8 months it's relatively easy to wean baby off constant night feeds, cuddles and co-sleeping...at 2 yrs old it's a nightmare. Personally I would do it now, enjoy a bit more sleep and enjoy a happy alert baby during the day.

scottishmummy · 04/10/2010 22:42

do stop droning on about trolls.go rattle yer cage about something else. regardless of the alleged authenticity,posters have posted.squawking troll doesn't alter fact that is an active post

KickArseQueen · 04/10/2010 22:43

Food is fun until their one!!!??????

Ds 2 is 14 months and randomly sleeps 7-7 or feeds through the night, who cares? I still sleep. He gets what he needs. Mr Kick is happy, ds2 is our no4 Mr kick is used to this stage of development, Jesus/chris/bearboy isn't.

Believe me, if you think you are getting little attention ATM, don't tell her about this website Wink I think we could give her lots of helpful advice Grin

Tiredmumno1 · 04/10/2010 22:44

Active scottishmummy - my fecking heads spinning Grin

its just tiredness really Smile

LadyBiscuit · 04/10/2010 22:44

Abbey isn't a name. It's a kind of church.

Were you talking to me scottishmummy re 'editor in chief'?

The OP is absolute bullshit - he would never have referred to his and his wife's jobs in those terms if they really had those jobs so the rest is absolutely steaming. But good on everyone who gave him advice.

Maybe he's just some poor slob who earns fuckloads less and is embarrassed to say that his wife's income means they can afford to pay the electricity.

I don't like dishonestly. Especially today.

DuelingFanjo · 04/10/2010 22:45

"IMO it isn't just the fathers role to financially provide for any children."

Agreed.

cupcakesandbunting · 04/10/2010 22:45

I do adore you scottishmummy but why don't you go and rattle your wee cage about something other than us droning on about trolls, ye crabbie auld mare Wink

MadAboutQuavers · 04/10/2010 22:46

Just cos it's you, scottishmummy, just cos it's you...

Grin
cupcakesandbunting · 04/10/2010 22:48

Don't go, Quavers. You're one of the only sane voices on this thread.

Here, have a large Campari and soda

scottishmummy · 04/10/2010 22:49

no one is compelled to answer posts.so regardless of anyone else pov on opinion on authenticity it really isnt on to berate and hector shouting troll

and fwiw i dont like being lectured by someone else about alleged trolls.i have capacity i chose where i post.not someone else

kat2504 · 04/10/2010 22:50

I know this website is full of trolls but I thinks some posters ought to think before they reply. Anonymity is not a great excuse for being really nasty. Even if the OP is a troll. I think a lot of people say things on here they would never dream of saying to someone in RL. Yes the OP might be a troll. In which case ignore and don't encourage. Or he might be a really insensitive type, or whatever. Or he might not have a clue.

actually I think after 8 years of status quo in a relationship, a complete change is difficult to adjust to. I'm just surprised you hadn't discussed some of it before the birth. Can't advise on your feeding issues, perhaps consult doc/health visitor? If one or two feeds were less available perhaps your son would show a greater interest in starting solids. Not knowledgeable about baby led weaning, so can't say if it is right/wrong idea for you. ask the professionals for guidance. Make your wife see that it is not selfish, but you just want to make her life easier and less stressful so she can get some sleep at night and not have to be feeding all day long. Under no circumstances mention the topics of work or sex.
If you aren't real, well, I haven't wasted more than ten minutes.
If you are, the less than pleasant replies may be a wake up call, I hope you have some positive tips to move forwards.

LadyBiscuit · 04/10/2010 22:52

You can do what the fuck you like scottishmummy. As can I. And if I want to shout troll at this frankly very offensive OP which I can't believe has been given the time of day by anyone, I will :)

Appletrees · 04/10/2010 22:52

My God -- she must be depressed. Sorry but she sounds really depressed and you sound like a big poo. Strap on a pair and be more supportive you useless soak.

cupcakesandbunting · 04/10/2010 22:53

"It is 2010 not 1950.

Why should the father be the provider.

Imo it isn't fair to just expect someone else to provide for you."

Precisely. It is 2010 so why should OP's DW be scrubbing the floors with a baby hanging off her norks and providing OP with sex to keep the master of the house happy and his eye from wandering?

Was just pointing out that if OP was going to conform to such outdated ideals he ought to conform to the outdated ideal of father as provider.

Appletrees · 04/10/2010 22:53

oh it's a troll. ignore me.

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