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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu thinking 1st time parents sent home too fast

59 replies

lilyliz · 03/10/2010 21:46

young couple next door home from hosp seven hours after birth of their 1st DD.The two of them don't have parents or other rellies around and are totally at a loss what to do with this new being,would it not be better to keep mum in a few days to sort of show her the ropes.I know myself and others will help but there is maybe folk out there with no one.

OP posts:

lifeas3plus1 · 03/10/2010 21:52

YANBU but shouldn't just be 1st time parents.

I was home the same day as giving birth to ds1.

Ds2 who is 2 1/2 weeks old, I was home exactly 2 hours after giving birth to him.

I felt much more in need of support after the 2nd baby,

Can you go to your neighbours and offer them a hand?

lifeas3plus1 · 03/10/2010 21:52

Sorry just realised that you said you would help.

MoonUnitAlpha · 03/10/2010 21:53

Post-natal wards are such unpleasant places though. I'd have been much happier and more relaxed at home than in hospital. Presumably the midwife will be round to see them tomorrow?

Original poster

lilyliz · 03/10/2010 21:55

whole block(4 flats)willing to help as such a nice couple and hubby cuts grass and does wee jobs for the couple of older tennants.

OP posts:

PinkieMinx · 03/10/2010 21:57

I gave birth at home so NO time in hospital

cat64 · 03/10/2010 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MollysChambers · 03/10/2010 21:58

IME there's no one with any time to help on a postnatal ward anyway. It is rubbish. I don't know how I would have coped without extended family to pitch in after DD1.

OneLieIn · 03/10/2010 22:00

yabu, hospital is there for you to give birth if you choose and not to get you good at being a parent or help you out.

MrsMoosickle · 03/10/2010 22:01

We were home in 6 hours! Not a clue between us but having clean sheets, an MRSA free zone and not having to use the insanitary trench toilet, made it worth it!

Needaname · 03/10/2010 22:01

In an ideal world they'd be getting lots of support in hospital but in reality the woman will probably be left to her own devices and without the support of her DH at night. The midwives are simply too busy to help out postnatally.

I only got help with BF because there was a studet MW available to show me. No one was that interested because they'd already ticked the box that said 'BF established' because they'd attached DD to me when I was still in a fog 30 minutes after the birth! At least at home the midwives come and visit you and you have their undivided attention.

EldonAve · 03/10/2010 22:01

they will no doubt get more help home than they would do in hospital

ivykaty44 · 03/10/2010 22:04

babies have been born at home for decades before, people rally around and help.

It woudl be far better to have good quality anti natal classes on the NHS than keep mothers in hospital when they could be at home with baby and bonding as a family

thisisyesterday · 03/10/2010 22:06

yabu

i had to stay in for 4 days with ds1 and i hated every moment. couldn't wait to be home

had homebirths for the next 2 and it was fabulous

i think there should be choice actually. when i was in hospital they were asking people if they felt ready to go. i don't think they tend to chuck you out really quick unless they are very, very, very busy and need the beds

MoonUnitAlpha · 03/10/2010 22:12

I was desperate to get home, but the girl in the bed next to me requested to stay in for an extra couple of days while she got the hang of feeding.

Marjee · 03/10/2010 22:17

Yanbu, I don't think new mums get enough home visits after the birth either.

CoinOperatedGirl · 03/10/2010 22:18

YABU, I discharged myself after elcs with my third. Hospitals are hideous places to be after birth. Support is minimal, noise is maximum. I was in a ward with 3 other women, 2 of the babies screamed all night. Obviously dp's (a major source of support) are kicked out.

Visitors in and out all the time, along with HCA's/Dr's/support staff/bounty ladies/cleaners. Stupid Mw would pull back the curtains without fail if I even thought of getting my tits out. It was fucking HELL.

36 hours after section I was outta that door, would have been sooner if the stupid Mw would have actually listened to me.

I had to walk a good while to get home after the taxi, was in a lot of pain etc. It was utter bliss to get into my own house. Dp dispatched older ones to bed and I took painkillers and sat on my own sofa drinking tea for about 4 hours, just because I could.

It was different with my first as she was in scbu, but felt the same with 2nd child. I think the 72 tear ridden exhausting hours I spent in hospital with him contributed to PND.

DaisyDaresYOU · 03/10/2010 22:21

I hate hospitals.I came out a few hours after dd was born.I requested it.

dilemma456 · 03/10/2010 22:21

I stayed in three nights after DD was born (including the night of her birth which was at nearly midnight). I must have been in a very good hospital as they showed me how to bath her, change her nappies and feed her. The staff were lovely and when she wouldn't stop crying for 3 solid hours on the second night came and took her from me and let me sleep for a couple of hours before bringing her back swaddled and showing me how to feed lying down. I'll never forget how lovely that midwife was

BooBooGlass · 03/10/2010 22:25

Yabu. I stayed in with my first for 4 days when tbh there was no real need to. The wards were quite empty and I was encouraged to stay, I'm not sure why really. I had no problem bfing, no real problems with the birth. I wasn't shown anything really, the midwives were too busy. I think the onlt person who spent time with me was the Bounty lady tryign to sell me things
With ds, I was discharged in 12 hours, and would happily have gone home straight from the labour room, but wasn't allowed. WHat I would prefer is more private rooms so partners can stay. That's what I find a bit unnatural about staying in hospital. And yes, home births, I should imagine, are fab but after my first birth I knew I needed to be in hospital as I bled seriously afterwards. Havign had a fabulous birth with ds, I would like to try a homebirth should there be a next time.

piscesmoon · 03/10/2010 22:27

I found a big difference between my eldest and youngest. I was out in 6 hours with the 3rd whereas I had plenty of time with the first. I wouldn't have managed to bf if I had been out so quickly with the first as neither of us had a clue.
I liked the time in hospital to really concentrate on the baby.

wigglesrock · 03/10/2010 22:28

Same here I stayed 3 nights after dd1 was born, also born near midnight. Got shown how to bath, change, great advice on how to aid my recovery, given witch hazel etc. Let me sleep for a few hours night she was born, we all had a pelvic floor class!!

Stayed 2 nights after dd2 was born. Great again. Due dc3 in a few months, hoping to wheedle a few nights as well, much easier than the madness that is my home.

cat64 · 03/10/2010 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Icoulddoitbetter · 03/10/2010 22:29

DS finally arrived on wed afternoon after labour starting late monday night, and we had to stay in hospital till sat (DC at 10pm?!) as I had CS and DS had jaundice.

It was hellish!!!!

I had zero sleep from labour starting to getting home. I got no help from the midwives with basic tasks never mind "showing me the ropes" re bathing etc. Bedside alarms are just there to be ignored.

7am the day after he was born, the midwife swanned into the bay, looked at DS's nappy and said "he needs changing" and swanned out again. No "have you done it before" (I hadn't) or "do you understand what meconium is / looks like" (i did)

So yes great stay in longer if there is actually a plan to help the new mum and dad get to grips with parenthood. But, well round here anyway, they haven't even got the basic aftercare services sorted so god knows how they'd fit that in!!!!

salizchap · 03/10/2010 22:32

I think it might be too soon for some, and more help should be offered for those who don´t feel confident.

It would be a great idea to maybe have more post natal visits at home from HV for example.

borderslass · 03/10/2010 22:38

With DD1 I was desperate to get out but wasn't allowed out for 8 days because I was so anaemic. I had been around and looked after older sisters babies since the age of 12 so no problems there.DS I had late at night and was out by the following lunchtime could of got out with DD2 after 6 hours but DH wouldn't have it as DS was only 14 months insisted I rested was bored to tears as DD2 did nothing but sleep.
Don't know what its like now as mine are nearly all grown up.

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