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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arg! Primary school is a minefield. Another one...

434 replies

Rosieeo · 29/09/2010 19:50

DD came home today and told me that her teacher makes them say grace before they eat. DD has no idea what it's all about; she thinks she's saying thank you to the person who gave her lunch, i.e. me!

The school has no religious affiliation although the prospectus alludes to 'collective daily worship'. I appreciate that schools are somewhat obliged to provide some kind of 'spiritual' stuff. I just expected it to be Harvest Festival or a few hymns in assembly.

Obviously I have no problem with religious education, as long as it is 'education' (some people believe this, others believe that) and not religion presented as fact.

I went to a CofE primary school and even they didn't make us say grace! AIBU to be vaguely annoyed/disturbed and to possibly have a quick word with the teacher?

Any thoughts? Sorry if this has been done to death by the way, DD is my eldest and this is unexplored territory.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosieeo · 29/09/2010 20:29

Josie, I agree, but this isn't being presented as an option for them to explore. If tomorrow they prayed to Allah, then someone else, then one day they didn't pray, I could maybe get on board.

OP posts:
barnsleybelle · 29/09/2010 20:31

If they asked her to play Mary in the nativity would you say no, unless they were doing an alternative also ?

Aitch · 29/09/2010 20:31

i met my neighbour taking his five year old kid to school... school is catholic, family is not.

dad says 'aitch you'll never believe it, the teacher is saying a poem every day about someone's daddy dying... it's really upsetting dd, i'm absolutely FURIOUS about it and am going in there to read the riot act. they're far too young for maudlin poetry at that age etc etc etc etc'.

i said to the dd, 'is the teacher saying 'our father, who art in heaven' by any chance?'

much nodding of head...

Grin

i would personally check the wording of the grace, i think it is wonderful for children to be reminded taht across the world other kids like them do not have full tummies. you are quite within your rights imo to check wording.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 29/09/2010 20:36

Barnsley, I am aware that every school is obliged to provide some kind of collective worship. As I understand it, they have no choice. I actually felt I could turn a blind eye to songs and nativity stories, but praying at lunch time is more than I had expected.

I don't find it offensive. I don't have a problem with the children being asked to think about where their food came from and to be grateful for what they have when many have nothing. But I don't see why she should have to pray when it isn't something that we subscribe to.

I almost feel as if the school/teacher is taking advantage of their age and unquestioning belief that what they're being told is true.

OP posts:
NoelEdmondshair · 29/09/2010 20:37

Rosieeo - you're being too PC.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 29/09/2010 20:38

The grace she has repeated to me is the traditional one: 'For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful. Amen.'

OP posts:
Aitch · 29/09/2010 20:39

so you do know exactly what is being said? thanking the lord probably just means thanking a lord to a child who doesn''t know about religion. i was a catholic ans still thought the lord was a minor royal for the longest time.

barnsleybelle · 29/09/2010 20:39

I assume then that you don't believe in the part that is thankful to god ?

Again though, if dd came home saying she had been chosen to play Mary would you say no as the god thing is something you don't subscribe to ?

Original poster
Rosieeo · 29/09/2010 20:40

LOL Noel, I'm really not! I'm just trying to fit our beliefs (or lack of them) in with DD's daily routine in school. I honestly didn't expect this.

OP posts:
ornamentalcabbage · 29/09/2010 20:41

Complaining if your child getting a poor quality education is quite justified but if you are making a big deal of this then you have too much time on your hands. Sorry but YABU

Aitch · 29/09/2010 20:42

do you know if all the classes say grace or is it just one teacher? i'd be curious to know... although i can't say what i'd do with that information.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 29/09/2010 20:44

That's right Barnsley, personally I don't believe in the the part that is thankful to god. I don't expect others to subscribe to my thoughts on the matter and I don't expect DD to have to subscribe to theirs. Not that she either cares or understands.

I haven't said no yet by the way. As for the Mary thing, how could I turn down her first leading role, dahling? Wink

OP posts:
Aitch · 29/09/2010 20:45

i think the point is that if she was to be Mary you would have a lot of explaining to do... so perhaps you could just explain away the grace as well?

Original poster
Rosieeo · 29/09/2010 20:46

Not making a bit deal ornamental, trying to decide whether or not to let it go.

Aitch, I have no idea. I think it's just one teacher. Will try to figure that one out.

OP posts:
Skyrg · 29/09/2010 20:47

I have to object to the questions about the nativity. The nativity is performing a story, whereas saying grace is practising the religion.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 29/09/2010 20:47

Not sure, the nativity thing can just be seen as a story and it seems completely different to actually praying.

OP posts:
barnsleybelle · 29/09/2010 20:51

Errr, the "nativity thing" is not just a story, but a celebration of god, far more so than saying grace Smile

I sniff hypocrisy here. thanks for being honest in your replies.

Oh and yabu !

Aitch · 29/09/2010 20:52

oh no, that is a big fudge. nononononooooo.

the nativity is a story that will be taught as a belief by this teacher, fo sho. she's not going to be stressing that it's a fairytale if she's having them say grace.

ColdComfortFarm · 29/09/2010 20:53

If my girls were picked to play Mary I would treat it as if they was playing any other fictional character in a drama, and explain it in that way.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 29/09/2010 20:53

I would definately complain.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 29/09/2010 20:54

I guess that depends on whether you believe the 'story' is true though.

Although I will admit that allowing her to be Mary would be hypocritical. Thankfully that scenario has not reared its ugly head just yet.

OP posts:
ColdComfortFarm · 29/09/2010 20:55

I was also tell them that if someone tried to make them pray to any god they wouldn't have to join in and could refuse or simply stay silent.

barnsleybelle · 29/09/2010 20:55

Yes coldcomfort, but school won't will they, and that it seems is the issue the op has.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 29/09/2010 20:56

I'm sick to death of the idea that children have to have collective worship. Why do they?

/there are enough religious schools and oulets for those that choose to believe.

yet no choice for those don't.

Aitch · 29/09/2010 20:57

what of nativity plays in general, though? they really aren't taught as just stories, i don't think. even if she's a sheep she will be worshipping the baby jesus as a pretty special kid. i think that you are fucked here, tbh.