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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is a terrible reason to let a child be cold??!

106 replies

lisad123isgoingcrazy · 28/09/2010 20:57

DD2 went to preschool today and they pulled me aside at end and said they had noticed a rash on DD2 arm. I explained its birth mark (mollted one, quite large) but it normally only really shows when cold.
Her reply was "yes well DD2 chose not to wear her coat outside so she might have been cold"!

she chose! shes 3!! make her wear it. She also "chose" not to wear her shoes either so came home with wet socks in her bag.

They had earlier changed her into a short sleeved tshirt as she'd got wet

AIBU? Is this standard practice now??

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 28/09/2010 21:00

Sounds mad to me, I'd think a duty of care would make it necessary for a child to be made to wear appropriate clothing or not go out.
Not wearing shoes?
I'd make your opinions very clear on this one. I was on break duty today and all our 4 year olds were wearing jumpers. When it's cold, we spend ages zipping and unzipping coats.

GeekOfTheWeek · 28/09/2010 21:01

How ridiculous. Yanbu.

JaneS · 28/09/2010 21:01

Sorry, I've no children but I clicked on this by mistake and I really hope no-one thinks YABU! Are you in the UK? It was really cold today, if she was wet then in a short-sleeved shirt with no coat, that sounds awful.

ZZZenAgain · 28/09/2010 21:02

never heard of anything quite like that. So she was outdoors in a short sleeved tshirt and socks but no shoes?

They do like the dc to wear shoes that are easy to get in and out of (no shoelaces etc)

girliefriend · 28/09/2010 21:02

No that sounds rubbish, I'd have been well peed off if that was my dd! They are the adults they know if its cold enough for a coat, a 3yo doesn't really!!!

Algebra18MinusPiEquals16 · 28/09/2010 21:03

can just about accept the coat, but no shoes?!

at my DD's preschool they have to wear coats or a jumper to go out.

MmeLindt · 28/09/2010 21:04

Yanbu

have a word with them tomorrow.

I sometimes let my dc go without a jacket if they don't want to we are one but they are 6yo and 8yo.

JoanPlaysTheAccordion · 28/09/2010 21:07

Is it a Montessori pre-school? Only a friend of mine had a similar experience, but they explained it was down to the principles of Montessori.

I don't think YABU, although if it is a Montessori, it may be down to that style of education, in which case you may have to consider whether it is the right pre-school for her.

littleomar · 28/09/2010 21:08

how would you "make" a 3yo wear a coat if he/she didn't want to? i wouldn't attempt to force mine - he DOES know when it's cold enough to put it on. if you're in Canada fair enough but it wasn't cold where I am in the UK (admittedly the southern bit).

littleomar · 28/09/2010 21:08

wasn't cold TODAY where i am etc

pooka · 28/09/2010 21:10

Wasn't cold here either.

Original poster

lisad123isgoingcrazy · 28/09/2010 21:10

no not Montessori, just standard preschool.

OP posts:

DiscoDaisy · 28/09/2010 21:13

My DC's were running around in t shirts and shorts today. I, on the other hand, had a great big thick jumper on. Whenever I said it was cold they all in unison disagreed and were saying how warm it was. Mind you they are the ones who dress in December as though it is August!

TheNextMrsDepp · 28/09/2010 21:13

I'm a bit more in the "learn by experience" camp. If mine refused to wear a coat they'd go without, but I'd always secretly bring it along for the inevitable moment when they got cold, and mummy could say "told you so".

Also, some children have different thermostats to others; my niece wears short sleeves all winter, is never cold and hates being forced into a coat.

bumder · 28/09/2010 21:18

I've heard that some preschools like to let kids choose whether to wear jumpers or coats to work towards some OFSTED objective to do with the kids being encouraged to make their own decisions but NO SHOES FFS!!!! Who goes out with no shoes? Lucky their feet weren't cut to ribbons from stones etc.

taintedpaint · 28/09/2010 21:18

I was thinking Montessori as well, but you say it isn't....I'd be asking questions tomorrow.

JoanPlaysTheAccordion · 28/09/2010 21:19

Fair enough - YANBU, have a chat with them tomorrow. If it were me, I wouldn't have been too bothered about the coat, but I would have been fed up about the shoes.

wouldliketoknow · 28/09/2010 21:19

the name of that school, so we all can avoid it, please?
a 3 year old chose not to wear a coat and shoes, in the cold, did she explain why? could be funny...
i would bite their heads off if that was my child,.. call ofsted and tell them, they might be due for an inspection soon...

MmeLindt · 28/09/2010 21:19

I can almost see their reasoning (and I have done it too) with regard to learning by experience but what about letting her go outside without shoes?

Aside from anything else, it ruins socks.

Original poster

lisad123isgoingcrazy · 28/09/2010 21:20

im begining to wonder about them. I asked them to take our religious beliefs around not celebrating christmas and their replay was "well if she wants to do it we cant stop her". something about EYFS

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 28/09/2010 21:23

didn't understand that.
You asked them not to involve your dd in a nativity play because you don't celebrate Christmas?

SloanyPony · 28/09/2010 21:24

Shoes is bad and probably health and safety (not for being cold and wet but for stepping on something).

Coat - at 3 - what can they do, man-handle her? I know they could say "you can't go outside" but if everyone else is then someone has to stay inside and supervise her then there is a ratios problem. They can't bluff because there could be a mexican standoff resulting in them having made a false threat.

So in essence, whilst its not great, I can see where they are coming from. On the coat thing, not the shoes. But I guess the same principles apply to the shoes - I'd be saying she could only sit and watch until her shoes were on.

If she's genuinely too warm I can actually sympathise with them not making her wear the coat (though it sounds as if it got cold)

I'm all for natural consequences though, within reason, so if I'd picked her up and found she'd been cold with no coat, I'd have been "Fine! Loving your work". Seriously, this stuff needs to become self-motivated at some point (within reason of course. I do see where you are coming from a bit particularly with the shoes)

wouldliketoknow · 28/09/2010 21:25

i don't think you are going to be able to hide christmas for her...
they do a lot of choice to 3 year old in that nut house school

Original poster

lisad123isgoingcrazy · 28/09/2010 21:25

no about doing anything to do with christmas, but its about their attitude to letting kids do as they wish under the EYFS umbrella

OP posts:

ballstoit · 28/09/2010 21:25

YANBU. Maybe if they had discussed it with you first it would gave been ok for her to go out without a coat, to learn from experience.

However, to let her go out without shoes seems a bit odd IMO. Especially if it was wet. Could also have been a bit dangerous depending on the type of play and the surface. For example, I wouldnt let DC go on a bike without shoes. Or play football on a hard surface.

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