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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to go and stick up for my little sister?

154 replies

thebrightside · 25/09/2010 20:45

My younger sister, (just turned 18) babysits for a family with 3 kids aged 3, 6 and 9. She's been doing this for 2 years. Middle boy has epilepsy, can have fits during the night, but it is rare.

AShe charges £5 an hour, pretty reasonable! It's all unofficial, no contract/agencies involved.

They're a bit tight about money,although being pretty well off, but are generally quite a nice family who relied on and trusted my sister a lot.

Anyway, she sat for them last night. Expected them to be back at about midnight but was left till 4.30am. Rung them 3 times, each time they said they were on their way.

She fell asleep on the sofa at about 3.30 she reckons. She's never done this before and was cross at herself for it, but bloody hell anyone would struggle to stay awake at that time. They arrived home and found her asleep.

The Dad had had a few and shouted at her calling her 'negligent, useless etc,' and refused to pay her for the whole night, (nearly 10 hours - so should have been £50)

She's mortified, it's completely knocked her confidence. I'm furious at them.

I understand, especially with having an epileptic child, you want the sitter to be alert and responsible. BUT parents were 4 and a 1/2 hours late. They know she wasn't asleep for long as she had rung them at 1.30, 2.30 and 3 am. They sleep through the night when they're at home.

So are there any reasons that I shouldn't go round and demand her money back? £50 is a lot for an 18 year old.

OP posts:
mumof2children · 26/09/2010 14:57

good luck and hope you get her earning for her.

YaddahYaddahYaddah · 26/09/2010 15:01

Hope you gave them what for (and got her money)

Rubbish people.

Marjee · 26/09/2010 15:15

Well done thebrightside! I wish I had a big sister like you xx

cumfy · 26/09/2010 15:23

Presume they will make grovelling apology and kiss her feet.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 26/09/2010 15:26

Marking my place because im a nosy cow and I want to see what they have to say for themselves.

edam · 26/09/2010 15:29

Hope they are currently crawling and apologising. Despicable way to behave.

If they don't hand over the cash, threaten them with the small claims court. Or a referral to social services...

HecateQueenOfWitches · 26/09/2010 15:30

Yes, Amazing, that's what my "hope it all went ok" was Blush

pigletmania · 26/09/2010 15:31

What a nice family they are, being late for about 4.5 hours, underpaying their babysitter, and having the audicity to shout and behave like neantherthals. So they never sleep do they, are if they do they have shifts Hmm. If your sister will allow it, I would go there with your sister and set them straight without being rude or aggressive. If not that you as a big sister should give her a life lesson in assertiveness or everyone will walk all over her. When I was that age, mabey a little younger I used to be so timid and would never dream of answering back or sticking up for myself. Amazing what a few years has done and bags of life experience. I would not be afraid to stick to my guns and right (in an assertive way) anyone who had treated me badly.

thebrightside · 26/09/2010 15:39

Well we're back. Some people are just URGH.

Mum answered the door, Dad was lurking in the background. My sister asked for her money.

Mum made it clear they felt that by sleeping my sister had compromised their middle child's safety. If he had had a fit she wouldn't have heard,etc. According to her when they sleep they will wake immediately as their room is right next to middle child's and they have a monitoring system.

I stepped in and said the fact they were 4 and a half hours late had compromised their children's safety. She replied that they had never said they would definitely be back at 12, it was just an estimate.

I said that it was unreasonable to expect anyone to stay awake till that time, pointed out that she had the records of her ringing them on her phone. Told her her husband's reaction was disgusting. Cue both of them denying that he had said anything of the sort.

Mum eventually said she didn't want this episode to tar any future babysitting my sister might do for them and so they would offer a peace offering of £30. I laughed in her face at the suggestion my sis might return to them. Think this took the Mum by surprise as she then offered the £50 and Dad agreed.

Sister took the money but will NOT be going back. My dh gave her another £30 to add to this. Think the hardest thing for her is the thought of not seeing the kids again, who she was very fond of and having her confidence completely knocked.
Can't believe they could not see how they were in the wrong and thought their offer was reasonable! I'm still fuming but nothing else we can do about it.

OP posts:
PlumBumMum · 26/09/2010 15:42

Good on you, I was thinking the poor kids were going to lose a nice babysitter at the end of all this

there is a big difference between probably be home at 12 and sauntering in at 4.30

KathyImLost · 26/09/2010 15:43

Well done, I'm glad you didn't let them get away with it. It's quite disgusting to think people try and haggle with shy teens like this.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 26/09/2010 15:43

good result.

I agree that she absolutly cannot sit for them again.

They have treated her with total contempt.

maybe if they had grovelled apologies then fences could have been mended, but to still have the attitude!

They will be the worse for this as I highly doubt they will find someone who will sit for 3 kids, one of whom with epilepsy, for £5 an hour.

So they've shot themselves in the foot here.

Just make sure your sister does not allow them to emotionally blackmail her into sitting for them again!

thumbwitch · 26/09/2010 15:45

So she got her money - well done! Very tough on your sister and the DC but she can't go back, the whole situation is tarnished beyond repair.
Do tell your sis to stay strong and not go back, even if they offer double the money - they will just try and take advantage again.

Glad you won the day but :( situation all round, vile people, poor DC.

diddl · 26/09/2010 15:45

OMG-I cannot believe they thought that she would babysit again.

Especially after she "compromised the safety" of their middle child-why would they want her to?Hmm

So this monitoring system-in their room even though they sleep next door??!!

Wouldn´t it be better off downstairs?

pigletmania · 26/09/2010 15:51

Good on You and your sister thebrightside, they have to know what total wankers they were being. Excuse me, my childhood friend has tonic/clonic epilepsy whereby she would also stop breathing, I have never heard of her parents staying up the night, infact her room was in between the bathroom and the spare room, not her parents. Shock that they would think that your sister will babysit for them again, what cheek.

mumof2children · 26/09/2010 15:51

well done for getting the wages she deserves to have Grin

cumfy · 26/09/2010 15:52

What twats!

At least you know now.

I do notice the only part you say they dispute is the husband's reaction, but then why was there any dispute over the money

diddl · 26/09/2010 16:06

Offered 30GBP as a compromise-compromise for what FFS?

Some people just don´t know when they are on to a good thing, do they?

RunawayWife · 26/09/2010 16:09

So I take it these parents never sleep then? Someone sit up waiting in case the child fits.

I think it is the parents who are negligent to stay out till 4.30 am.

YANBU at all

Marjee · 26/09/2010 16:10

Well done, I'm so glad you got your sister's money for her! Its very sad for her and the children but at least shes learnt a life lesson here - some people are cunts and if you don't stick up for yourself they will take advantage. As you are still feeling angry about this maybe you should print off the thread and stick it through their door?!

edam · 26/09/2010 16:13

Ruddy well done that woman. Hope your sister is pleased.

Do encourage her to put the word out on the babysitting grapevine. Other potential sitters deserve to know what this couple are like.

thebrightside · 26/09/2010 16:15

Marjee - I am so tempted!

OP posts:
LtEveDallas · 26/09/2010 16:24

Well done brightside - bloody disgraceful behaviour by those twats.

Glad your sis wont be sitting for them again, totally taking the piss - and at least now they will suffer for it, I mean, who in their right mind would sit for them now? Make sure she tells ALL her friends what happened.

Think they will either be stuck indoors - or stuck using professionals (who charged me £7 an hour before midnight, £8.50 after - and that was only 1 child!). Mum has cut her nose off to spite her face - if she'd have agreed dad was a twat and paid up immediately - and offered some extra - then they may have still had someone willing to sit for them, now, not a chance.

Oh and if you do print this off for them:

"what a couple of twats you are, I hope you are looking forward to your next night out.....oh, what's that? You can't get a babysitter? Shame."

LittleMissHissyFit · 26/09/2010 16:31

"Mum made it clear they felt that by sleeping my sister had compromised their middle child's safety."

Where do people like this get off with their attitude? Angry

Negligence was to stay out till 4.30 am.. cos you know they are not going to be rearing to go, up and at em when the DC wake up...

Still say that IF they have the nerve to call to book your sister, to accept and blow them out spectacularly 30 mins before they are due to go out.... Grin

edam · 26/09/2010 16:41

I have epilepsy, btw, don't expect anyone to sit up all night watching me. Other people need to sleep! (Although I have often wondered whether I'd know I had epilepsy if I'd been single - I had seizures in my sleep so it was dh who noticed what was going on, not me.)