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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to go and stick up for my little sister?

154 replies

thebrightside · 25/09/2010 20:45

My younger sister, (just turned 18) babysits for a family with 3 kids aged 3, 6 and 9. She's been doing this for 2 years. Middle boy has epilepsy, can have fits during the night, but it is rare.

AShe charges £5 an hour, pretty reasonable! It's all unofficial, no contract/agencies involved.

They're a bit tight about money,although being pretty well off, but are generally quite a nice family who relied on and trusted my sister a lot.

Anyway, she sat for them last night. Expected them to be back at about midnight but was left till 4.30am. Rung them 3 times, each time they said they were on their way.

She fell asleep on the sofa at about 3.30 she reckons. She's never done this before and was cross at herself for it, but bloody hell anyone would struggle to stay awake at that time. They arrived home and found her asleep.

The Dad had had a few and shouted at her calling her 'negligent, useless etc,' and refused to pay her for the whole night, (nearly 10 hours - so should have been £50)

She's mortified, it's completely knocked her confidence. I'm furious at them.

I understand, especially with having an epileptic child, you want the sitter to be alert and responsible. BUT parents were 4 and a 1/2 hours late. They know she wasn't asleep for long as she had rung them at 1.30, 2.30 and 3 am. They sleep through the night when they're at home.

So are there any reasons that I shouldn't go round and demand her money back? £50 is a lot for an 18 year old.

OP posts:
nancydrewrocked · 25/09/2010 21:39

Don't let her write a letter detailing her point of view. There isn't a "point of view" here. What happened happened and they are behaving appallingly.

She really needs to confront them face to face. They ought to be thoroughly ashamed of themselves and I suspect they probably are.

If she needs you to accompany her then by all means do but she really ought not drop this.

GeekOfTheWeek · 25/09/2010 21:49

The fuckers.

Don't let this go.

Plumm · 25/09/2010 21:55

If she's too shy to confront them, but is happy to write to them, she could send them a bill for her time detailing the hours she worked and her hourly rate.

I agree with the poster who said she doesn't need to present her point of view - who on Earth expects a babysitter to stay awake until 4.30am anyway?

As an old sister I certainly don't blame you for wanting to speak to them, but it would probably be best if she can sort it out for herself (good for her confidence too).

StealthPolarBear · 25/09/2010 21:58

Yes, don't write a letter, she needs to request her money and then politely explain she won't be working for them again. Assuming she hadn't slept the day before she would have been useless anyway at 3.30 am without sleep!

gingerkirsty · 25/09/2010 21:58

I really think she should make the point about them sleeping whilst caring for their DCs - their anger about her doing this is totally unnecessary, especially given the circumstances, and I think it's important to show them why (just in case they haven't already realised!)

StealthPolarBear · 25/09/2010 22:01

Yes, she needs to ask for her money, pointing out that as they weren't back by a reasonable time she assumed she was staying over, and so went to sleep. And she charges double after midnight.

IMoveTheStars · 25/09/2010 22:56

agree that she shouldn't write the letter.

It sounds like they got far too pissed, and realised that their extra late night was going to cost them £50 instead of £25 and got all shitty.

I do think you should call them on it. You probably wouldn't even need to be that confrontational, just appearing on their door and stating the facts may well be enough to shame them into giving your sister her well earned money.

ONLY as long as she's happy that you do so, of course.

agree that she should charge time + 1/2 after midnight, so they really owe her close to £60...

LaRochelle · 25/09/2010 23:40

I do a lot of babysitting and get double time after midnight!

They were out of line.

angelberry · 25/09/2010 23:45

I'd be tempted to hammer their door at 4am, as they clearly see this as a reasonable time to be awake. Wink

Seriously though, don't let this go. What a bunch of twats.

DilysPrice · 25/09/2010 23:47

Your sister is only just 18, I don't think it's unreasonable for a grown up relative to intervene to help if someone has effectively stolen a significant amount of money from her and given her verbal abuse.

LittleMissHissyFit · 26/09/2010 00:23

Hell, I'd be round there like a shot if they did that to my little sister...

AmandaCooper · 26/09/2010 00:48

I agree with DilysPrice, by all means encourage her to confront them herself, but if she doesn't feel up to it, I'd go round on her behalf. The guy's behaviour was just disgraceful.

FeedMeSeymour · 26/09/2010 00:52

I'd do the same as angelberry suggests and go round there at 4am. Clearly they would be up and awake if they expected the babysitter to be up and awake!

And I'd go round there at 4am, a knocking and a ringing, every day until they paid up.

Dione · 26/09/2010 00:55

Do what your sister wants and then if there is no satisfaction I would do what Custardo recommends: Make sure they pay. I would be soooooo pissed.

Valpollicella · 26/09/2010 01:01

I would get your sister to approach them first for the money, stating quite clearly what time they were expected home, and then her subsequent phone calls. She should then say that she will not be sitting for then again and is expecting full payment for her time.

Should they then refuse I would then ask for a meet to discuss the issue, as they are behaving appallingly.

The husband's behaviour in particular is terrible - 'Negligent, useless'

She is neither negligent or useless having been awake till at least 3am (last call) and then rolling home when they did (what time did they get back out of curiosity?)

I would never kick up such a fuss fwiw if I were so many hours late back other than the time stated. In fact I'd probably hand over double the amount Blush

gtamom · 26/09/2010 04:37

Yes, go! I would "march straight over", and talk to them. Not only are they darn lucky to get anybody to babysit for such a cheap price, there are 3 children for the price of 1!
Oh course she fell asleep! Do they parents take turns sitting at the child's side? Highly doubt it.
I hope you get her money and she should blackball them with all the other babysitters!

Taking advantage of her, I am really angry.
Going to read the other replies, I got so indignant of your sisters treatment I wrote my reply right off.

ravenAK · 26/09/2010 05:32

If she really won't/can't confront them, then I'd definitely do it for her.

Go round & tell them you've come for your sister's money (just the £5/hour, not to get bogged down in supplementary arguments over rates after midnight).

If they don't willingly hand it over (to be fair, they might, having sobered up & feeling sheepish) then I suppose she'll have to put it down to experience. I'd make sure the details of their behaviour were widely known locally, mind you...

QueenStromba · 26/09/2010 05:41

Sounds like they'd realised they were complete cunts for leaving her there so late and thought she would quite rightly ask for a lot of extra money for having to stay so late and so headed the horse off at the pass by being even bigger cunts and having a go at her for falling asleep. I'd say definitely go around there even if your sister doesn't want you to - they deserve to be yelled at.

ninedragons · 26/09/2010 06:13

Please let us know if your sister gets her money back. Absolutely shocking.

You should put it on the local grapevine, so no other teenage girl ends up ripped off like that.

I am sure (well, I would hope) the mum is cringing but that's no excuse for not intervening. They should give your sister 100 quid, a sincere apology and a bunch of flowers.

The husband sounds like he has a call to AA or GP to make.

babylanguagelearner · 26/09/2010 06:27

This is appalling behaviour, I totally understand your wanting to defend your sister.

Can understand the mother not stepping in at the time, so as not to further aggravate the bloke who was clearly out of line. No point arguing with someone who has had a few. Perhaps she knew she'd get to bed sooner & avoid more of a scene if she didn't argue with the tosser there and then!

But would hope they makes things right of their own accord, in the cold hard light of day. I know I would! And if they don't, then I agree something should be done to at least make sure they pay what is owed.

Hope that the messages of support on here can restore your sister's confidence.

size6feet · 26/09/2010 07:10

Please dont let this matter drop. You can help your young sister by showing her this is how its done. This is how to stand up to a big bully.

It is very hard to do this kind of thing alone anyway. She is lucky to have you, and you seem caring enough to help her.

Perhaps give them a day to do the right thing then you go round, with our without your sister. Best Wishes and I am praying for a good outcome.

WhyAyeButterPie · 26/09/2010 07:41

That's shocking! Put it this way, if I left my children that long at nursery then the police would be called and I would have serious questions to answer.

Bunnyjo · 26/09/2010 08:14

Bloody hell, your poor sister. The only people who were 'negligent' were the parents of these children - they effectively lied to your sister for 3 hours saying they were 'on their way home' when, quite apparently, they weren't.

I am Shock Angry that they could be so bloody rude to your sister when the poor girl fell asleep at 3.30am. They should have been full of apologies and gratitude, not attacking her for being 'negligent, useless etc'

I do not think you or your sister should drop this matter. I hope they realise how awful they behaved in the cold light of day, but if they don't - and your sister is happy with you intervening - I would have no qualms about putting them firmly in their place.

I hope your sister is OK, it sounds like she does a fantastic job on VERY little money.

Mowiol · 26/09/2010 08:45

The parents were the negligent ones - not your sister.
And if they'd had a few drinks were presumably not in a fit state themselves to look after young children, especially one with a condition such as epilepsy.
I would encourage your sister to go back (with you for moral support) and present her case.
I know you said she is shy but she may meet situations like this again and it would be good for her to learn how to deal with this type of ungrateful, appalling behaviour.
What a horrible man he sounds - and if he has anything in him he will be feeling ashamed - hope so anyway!!

diddl · 26/09/2010 08:49

She must go & get her money, otherwise that´s 10hrs for nothing.

Also, re the falling asleep-well, it doesn´t look good, but, if she was downstairs & awake, would she hear if the child had an epileptic fit anyway?

5GBP for 3 children-they´re are absolutely taking advantage-and it´s double time after midnight!

And she rang them-did they think that that was just to make bloody conversation?

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