to think that, no, it is not possible to pay private school fees simply by "going without"?

[nameymcnamechange]

Of all the many thousands of things that annoy me about Mumsnet, it is this myth that more people could send their children to private school if they prioritised school fees over "extravagant lifestyles" and made sacrifices including but not limited to

• running one car or no car
• not going on holiday, or camping
• economising with food
• buying second hand clothes and not being interested in designer handbags

No, those small economies are not going to make the difference between a state or private education for the vast vast vast majority of families.

So can we please stop posting this kind of nonsense?

How many 100% bursaaries does the average private school give out? One a year? 2?

Sorry for taking this discussion OT OP. But I do think it's absolutely absurd. As indeed is the notion that if I shopped at Tesco rather than Waitrose I would be able to afford the fees.

Blu - see? That's exactly what I mean :o

elportodelgado - do you know the educational background of all your aquaintances then?
Maybe you do.

I certainly have many friends and aquaintances, no idea whether they were privately educated or not,it would never occur to me to ask to be honest. I judge people on how they appear to me, not where they went to school, public, private or state doesn't factor in my discussions. I make up my mind on an individual basis, i make no sweeping generalisations or judgements in advance.

As I said previously, the local state school head's attitude to disabled ds was appalling, however 'inclusive' she is meant to be in an ideal world.

As i have also said previously, every school -private or state should be judged on it's own merits, not on sometimes misguided preconceptions. I am sure there are as many bad private schools as there are state, but that is just my opinion.

yeah well maybe I'm a cava socialist

There's some weird opinions on this thread - is it really desirable that we should all cripple ourselves financially so our little darlings can go and be the poorest pupils at a snooty school? A school where they will be looked down for being the poorest ones there and not quite fit in, how lovely for them. And where they will eventually learn to look down on their lower middle class parents and pity them. Where they will eventually social climb to the ranks of the nouveau riche which as we know is sooo attractive. And where as LadyBiscuit points out there is by no means a guarantee that the education or teaching is any 'better' anyway.

I have one friend who is geniunely old money, ridiculously well off family, went to Rugby. Somehow I find this style of real old fashioned wealth much more attractive than this weird grasping aspirational bollocks. If you think sending your DC to the local private school is going to buy them some kind of cultural capital you are wrong. I would rather have my DC at the state school and teach them to have confidence in who they / where they come from.

I have never said we are financially crippled by paying for independent schools as it happens.

totally agree Verity

But not everyone is 'crippling' themselves by sending DC to private.
Why such sweeping statement? That gargantuan chip must be keeping you up at night.
Live and let live.
We all want the very best for our children and must do with choices available to us. Sadly, many have no choices, however, that doesn't make resident evils out of those who do.

I earn 8k a year the tax credits cover the nursery fee's.

Once we've eaten, paid the mortgage and bills I think I'm safe to say we won't be privately educating.

Add message | Report | Message poster TrillianAstra Thu 23-Sep-10 17:20:44
Depends how much you earn, doesn't it?

There are incomes where you can afford private school fees and holidays/horse-riding/violin lessons
Incomes where you can afford private school fees or holidays/horse-riding/violin lessons
Incomes where you can afford neither

Agree totally with what trillian said, we fall into the secoind camp, so can just afford the £8k a year but live in a small house, no holidays, one car, clothes from ebay etc. Handy that I have no interest in designer clothes / bags so not a problem to not have those.

I know many people though that could not afford the fees no matter what they gave up and I also know a couple who can afford the fees comfortably.

Never seen it said on mn that everyone could afford if just gave up... that would be a silly statement.

but Rollmops, I can afford private without crippling myself but I choose not to. By your reckoning I am therefore not doing the 'best' for my DC, bad mummy.

Comparing on my grades at GCSE and A Level (from state comprehensive) with those of my fellow Army Officers (from private schools), I concluded many years ago that private schools were essentially expensive schools for children with special needs.

I'd still happily send mine to one though.

But then I'm a sharp-elbowed, aspirational type!

I just plain hate the assumption that it's better to send a child to private school, or it's something everyone would do if they could.

elporto - I just think you need to take your time and go slowly and read the thread again. There are one or two posters making their case in favour of private education. But most people seem to have twigged what my op was actually about and, dare I say it, agreed with the op.

Elportido....we don't have much cash but nobody looks down at us...my DD is very popular and we mix finewith parents from differing financiaal situations...I think your ideas of independant schools are hopelessly out of date. These days most of them have childen from many backgrounds...I also chose to send mine to independant school for the small class sizes and the excellent headteacher.

lol elportodelgato. Must add that to the list of things never to say that I do on MN. The list of "bad mummy" choices.

The OP said that some people go without to pay for private school, not everyone.

I's lovely for you to share how you can pay for it and still go on lots of holidays and run two cars etc. Bully for you.

It really reminds me of being at private school where we had competitions to see who had the most Benetton jumpers. All a bit unseemly

Starlight, I feel your pain, me and DP are living in a wheelie bin in a derelict car park, and DS has a patch of straw in an old guinea pig hutch as his bed. But it's SO worth the sacrifice.

Some parents are just selfish

Me too hairy ...I would never send my kids to a private school ...I don't give a toss what other people do,just don't assume everyone aspires to it

I agree too usual and hairy!

But whatcanyoudoaboutit?

Given that the average salary is around 22K most families would never be able to afford 10K per annum school fees unless they gave up eating and living in a house. However the school fees are just the start, parents are also expected to shell out for extraciricular activities. A close family member worked in private school and (because he did so) his children were educated there. He would not allow them to attend most birthday parties (he found that many excluded the kids who were not "wealthy enough"). According to him the main difference is summed up as such: You are asked "what did you learn at school?" State school kids give a list of subjects, private school kids will say "I learnt to think/lead".

Both of these can be taught by parents, as well as school. The important thing is that parents/teachers remind kids that this is what they are learning.

usualsuspect - why not?