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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that, no, it is not possible to pay private school fees simply by "going without"?

310 replies

nameymcnamechange · 23/09/2010 17:09

Of all the many thousands of things that annoy me about Mumsnet, it is this myth that more people could send their children to private school if they prioritised school fees over "extravagant lifestyles" and made sacrifices including but not limited to

  • running one car or no car
  • not going on holiday, or camping
  • economising with food
  • buying second hand clothes and not being interested in designer handbags

No, those small economies are not going to make the difference between a state or private education for the vast vast vast majority of families.

So can we please stop posting this kind of nonsense?

OP posts:
Blu · 23/09/2010 21:32

Sorry Starlight...if you have had to rescue a child then it is serious - and I probably would do all in my power.
Probably move rather than unsustainable ongoing debt - and because I have 3 friends wh have taken children out of private school because of bullying I would fear for a vulnerable child just as mmuch.

Hope it is working out for you and worth it.

BoffinMum · 23/09/2010 21:35

Average salary in the UK is something like £26k(gross) £19k (net)

Top 10% of earners make £50k or more a year (£36k net). 90% of the population earn below this.

Average day school fees are probably about £11k

Average house price £224k (mortgage repayments something like £15k a year)

If Mr and Mrs Average both earn the averge wage, have 2 kids in private school, and an average 3 bedroom semi, even on £50k they are looking at living on £3k a year.

School fees are far too expensive IMO.

Rollmops · 23/09/2010 21:36

No dear, it's your choice. And I truly hope I haven't given impression that I care.Hmm

Original poster
nameymcnamechange · 23/09/2010 21:38

LadyBiscuit whose post is this referring to "It's lovely for you to share how you can pay for it and still go on lots of holidays and run two cars etc. Bully for you." ?

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 23/09/2010 21:38

This reply has been deleted

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usualsuspect · 23/09/2010 21:39

Because my kids got a perfectly good education at state schools Barmy , because I'm not actually bothered about my kids mixing with the poor people from the estates and because no one should have to pay for their kids to get a decent education

elportodelgato · 23/09/2010 21:39

Well Starlight if you think that you have some God-given right to have choice in all things then by all means... what about the people who can't afford the choice? I suppose you would say never mind if their kids have special needs which are not catered for properly and that those kids therefore fail. As long as it's not your kids it doesn't matter.

The state system may not currently be fit for purpose for all kids, but that's because increasingly parents feel that they have the choice to opt out of the system rather than invest in it. It has been shown time and again that a critical mass of engaged committed parents in a school can make an enormous difference, not just for the children of those parents but for ALL children at the school. But when the middle classes desert the state system it means there are no articulate committed parents involved as governors etc ensuring that the school strives to be successful.

BrianAndHisBalls · 23/09/2010 21:40

maybe my dd goes to a weird private school but its not 'posh' people, everyone in her year has two working parents with jobs such as Sky technician, marketing, 3 x teachers (not private school teachers), probation officer, electrician. Every child is invited to every birthday party, usually held somewhere like a 'just play' type centre. No ponies, 4x4s, no cliques.

We chose it because of the 'family feel', there are 9 children in dd's class.

I appreciate that not everyone can make those choices whether they sacrifice or not, of course they can't. That doesn't make them 'bad' parents/people, same as me choosing that school doesn't make me a 'bad' parent/person either.

LadyBiscuit · 23/09/2010 21:42

namey:

we are in the can and do afford it for both kids at a top 100 independent school in uk.
And yes, we have 2 overseas hols per year and two cars too.

is what MABS said.

That's lovely for her. But it does come across as a bit like boasting.

Anyway - have to go, my DS is sobbing so good night :)

StarlightMcKenzie · 23/09/2010 21:44

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Pollyanna · 23/09/2010 21:47

i pay for one of my children to go to private school. i often feel like asking the other parents how they afford more than one set of fees. I don't know how anyone can who is not extremely wealthy.

Most parents at my dd's school don't seem to do without 2 or 3 holidays a year, car, big house. I certainly couldn't afford the fees just by giving up a holiday.

onimolap · 23/09/2010 21:52

The number and extent of bursaries varies from school to school. Some schools do offer 100% bursaries (plus top ups for uniform and school trips), others cap at a different level. So yes, your child would have to compete for a place ( so it wouldn't ever be the case that every child on benefits would get funded), but if you have a sparky child, the assisstance is there and can be obtained.

For example, Eton runs a very generous scheme for boys from low income families educated this far in the state sector. All the schools registered as charities have something. If you want to, you can go for it.

It's those stuck in the middle who have the problems, especially as fee inflation has vastly outstripped other indices in recent years.

elportodelgato · 23/09/2010 21:53

really don't think my opinions are harming anyone actually, whether you consider them to be stupid or otherwise Hmm

what I wrote about 'the middle classes' was a generalised POV on the whole situation and not a targeted attack on you. What you had written previously was basically: 'I have the choice and so I will exercise it' - an attitude I disagree with.

StarlightMcKenzie · 23/09/2010 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StewieGriffinsMom · 23/09/2010 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

electra · 23/09/2010 22:06

elporto - it's twattish to make an assumption like that about anyone. Who are you to judge Starlights values? You don't know who any of us are or what our circumstances are.

MollieO · 23/09/2010 22:07

Eton runs a very generous scheme for state educated boys not from low incomes too! I know someone (both parents professional occupations and good income) who got a scholarship from state school. Paid for everything, including the prep school from 11 to 13.

southeastastra · 23/09/2010 22:08

my friend's brother got a scholarship to eton, i wonder what happened to him somtimes, their parents were both academic types but they lived in a normal semi

SpottyMuldoon · 23/09/2010 23:03

To quote Hugh Laurie (from a sketch show many years ago)

'(To afford school fees) rather than not go to Skegness for a fortnight you've got to not go to Fiji for three or four months.'

It does get up my nose when people justify it by saying they had no choice because the state school couldn't meet their child's needs (and I don't mean needs as in SEN). They do have a choice and they choose to pay. I mean fair enough if you can afford it but what about pupils with similar needs who don't have the choice? Why can't all this money go towards making state education better for all children? It's never going to happen but it's a heartwarming thought nevertheless.

Appletrees · 23/09/2010 23:19

"Why can't all this money go towards making state education better for all children?"

It kinda does, in a way. I'm paying for three children's education which they're not getting and others are getting the benefit of (grammer).

But tbh, so much money has been thrown at state education in the last decade and too many primary children leave school without decent 3rs it makes you wonder if money is really the key.

Appletrees · 23/09/2010 23:21

"One kid getting a bursary to Eton isn't going to fix an entire generation of kids left out and behind."

That's true -- nor is removing the private school option. Quite the opposite, probably.

Anenome · 23/09/2010 23:25

SpottyMuldoon...I know...I wih I could send my DD to our local state school but there are no places and it's crap...to get a place in any of the good schools here, you have to bloody camp in the grounds!

My only other option was to send her 5 miles away...and since I don't drive...well..not an option.

Yes...state schools SHOULD be as good as Eton...all of them...but they're not and until that day comes, people have a right to choose...and to say that the local school didn't meet their DC's needs...I mean..my DD needs to be taught well and in a safe environment...if we had gained a place in our local school...according to reports from Mothers who's kids do go there...she would neither have been taught well nor been safe...

Quattrocento · 23/09/2010 23:34

I agree with the OP wholeheartedly

It's deluded to think that going without sky and a big TV (neither of which we have, incidentally) will fund the £130k minimum required for an independent education from 3-18.

It's rude and it's patronising.

But there is a message in there - which is that if you would like to have an independent education for your children, you need to plan and work to have the sort of careers that will enable you to fund that for your children. It's not just dumb luck (although dumb luck might play a part).

Anenome · 23/09/2010 23:58

Quattocento

But what if you can get a bursary too? Often they're only available once you are "in" the school...why not give the child the opportunity to get the best prep education possible so they're in with a chance of a good scolarship for secondary?

Plus...even if they don't get scolarship well they go to the loccal state secondary armed with a great start.

Agree about the planning and working on careers though...that's what and DH are doing right now.

Jelllie · 24/09/2010 00:02

Well, we do have enough money to send both our DCs to private schools. And we are choosing NOT to.
DH is against it because he went to a normal state, had talent and worked hard, and graduated with a first from Oxford. I studied at a (quite rough in hindsight) local church school, worked hard and graduated at another popular university with phd later.
I HATE to see people struggle to send their DCs to private school on the basis they feel it will do something the state can't (except for specific needs). Surely it all depends on the child and then support of the parents.
My parents were the archetypal upper class titled family, and it caused a stir when they chose not to send their three children to private school (we all gained straight A's). What most people don't wish to admit is that it is not just about the education, it IS the social status. I find that equally ridiculous and grasping, in a trying-to-hard way. I hate social climbing through children.
I have been flamed for this before, but don't care Wink