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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be on the verge of a breakdown after 3 days of single-parenting...

235 replies

Odysseus · 21/09/2010 15:04

DH has been working long shifts for the last 3 days and as such, has not seen DS at all. I am KNACKERED.

I would like to take my hat off to single parents who do this day in day out. UTTER RESPECT.

Pass me the wine.

OP posts:
nameymcnamechange · 21/09/2010 20:05

Thank you harimo.

I found it hard work when my dh worked abroad for 5 weeks earlier this year.

But d'oh, silly me, I didn't realise that I was not a single parent and therefore I had no idea how hard being a lone parent was. What I really needed was someone to come along and give me a list of the differences between being on their own with the kids for a while and being a single parent full-stop.

Cannot remember a thread on 4+ years of Mumsnet that has riled me so much Smile.

youknowmeasharimo · 21/09/2010 20:07

Bugs me too... I hate the whole 'you have a man in your life, therefore parenting is easier for you' bullshit.

Bugs me more cos I'm on my own with the two kids who drive me insane are my world Grin

SoupDragon · 21/09/2010 20:09

Blimey.
I cant believe the OP got a roasting.

I was prepared to pick up a pitchfork when I read the thread title and the opening words but realised it really wasn't needed at all.

Original poster
Odysseus · 21/09/2010 20:10

nameymcnamechange - blimey - I'm sorry I said anything now!!! In 4+ years? Most rilatory? Wow!

OP posts:
mumbar · 21/09/2010 20:11

FWIW - I work in a special school with Early Years class of LO's with severe sensory, physical and medical disabilities to name a few. They are at school 6 1/2 hours a day 39 weeks of the year. I often say I take my hat of to their parents - as as Lady biscuit so beautifully put it - I have a window of how hard it is. I have the support of collegues at all times, ie I'm never alone. I would be horrified if someone accused me of being unreasonable for thinking or saying it.

I'm a LP and one of my pupils mums said she 'admires' me for being able to cope Hmm Guess everyone sees 'their circumstances' as the norm for them and if you experience someone elses life for a few days it can be a shock.

Ody glad you have DH back - will you be letting him share the wine Grin

Thanks for the chilled glass monty. Smile

nameymcnamechange · 21/09/2010 20:11

Yes. But not your op, obv.

Original poster
Odysseus · 21/09/2010 20:11

I don't mind being roasted, keeps me warm as DH won't let me put the heating on yet... (adds to list of benefits of giving him the old heave-ho)...
Grin
JOKE!
Back to my wine....

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 21/09/2010 20:14

Why do you need heating when you have a DH to snuggle up to? See, another reason why you have NO idea. [cackle]

LadyBiscuit · 21/09/2010 20:14

While I think the OP was beautifully worded, can we not get into the 'actually my life is as hard as yours even if you are a LP' crap please. I do appreciate that if you're used to having someone around it feels v hard but it is not the same as being a LP.

In the same way as having a child who has had an accident and is temporarily in a wheelchair is not the same as having that 24/7.

I'm not equating those two situations at all but let's not get into competitive 'my life is harder than yours' shit. Tis most unseemly.

youknowmeasharimo · 21/09/2010 20:15

Can someone pass me a glass please? Smile

mumbar · 21/09/2010 20:15

Well said Ladybiscuit < why is there not a clapping of hands picture!>

mumbar · 21/09/2010 20:16

you know

Original poster
Odysseus · 21/09/2010 20:16

mumbar very interesting post indeed. I guess I have just been struck in the last few days (through my own non-single-parenting-but-a-smaller-version-of-it experiences) with thoughts of admiration for LPs, and I felt I should share those thoughts. That's not to say I think they're the only group of people I'd take my hat off to.
When DS was having his operation in June, I had a lot of people asking how on earth I coped etc, but I just did, because I had to. And actually I was looking at other people around the ward with much more critical things thinking how on earth were they coping.
At the end of the day, surely it's just empathy, and it's a good thing if we can all appreciate what others go through? Its not necessarily saying its better or worse than our own lives...

Mammoth post over. More wine.

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 21/09/2010 20:17

Can I skip the clapping and have the glass of wine instead please? :o

Original poster
Odysseus · 21/09/2010 20:17

ladybiscuit when did I do that?

OP posts:
youknowmeasharimo · 21/09/2010 20:19

If it were facebook, I would like Ody's last post. All we can do it deal with our own personal circs. An be happy that we are blessed with our children.

ANd Mumbar thankyou for the wine and nibbles. Much appreciated.

LadyBiscuit · 21/09/2010 20:20

You didn't at all Odysseus! Hence my first post. But there have been others since.

Honestly, I thought your post was lovely. And very kind :) Thank you - I'll take all the kudos I can get frankly :o

Original poster
Odysseus · 21/09/2010 20:21

Oh right - sorry - I thought that was directed my way! Smile

OP posts:
cordonbleugh · 21/09/2010 20:21

I haven't patronised anyone namey, and I really can't believe you're still here with your holier than thou patronising attitude.

For the last time, all parents have bad days, being a single parent doesn't make us better than those with partners blah blah blah i really can't be bothered to explain myself for the millionth time.

Yes, I took offence, yes, I got defensive. So what no different to what goes on on thousands of other threads on MN, why harrass me about it?!

And no, being a LP isn't bloody difficult. But maybe that's because after 4 years of fuck all from xp I'm pretty used to it by now!

mumbar · 21/09/2010 20:21

Oh I love your OP Ody. My post was just to those who are complaining at you for not really being a 'single parent'. I actually re read the OP lots as I knew you'd said 'single parenting'. I still can't believe how a simple post of admiration can be turned around as an insult Confused.

We all have an insight into others lives at times and expressing empathy to it is a lovely thing to do - it's how we're meant to get along in this diverse world. Smile

BTW I hope your DS is better now.

mumbar · 21/09/2010 20:23

ladybiscuit

youknowmeasharimo · 21/09/2010 20:27

Cordon - Have some wine (I've opened my own bottle now)

I love threads like this, when women - regardless of background, race or age - just agree that sometimes motherhood is really tough and we all need to have a good moan...

Whether our kids' dad is a saint or a sinner (can't bring myself to say fuckwit or twat).. Sometime we just need that virtual glass of wine and the acknowledgement that someone out there knows how tough it is.

xstitch · 21/09/2010 20:28

youknowmeasharimo I am really sorry your dd isn't well.

However I will call the biological father of my dd fuckwit all I want (obviously never in front of dd).

He raped me, dragged me through court claiming I was an unfit mother, is still dragging me through court, told my dd I was a bitch who should die (she was 3 at the time). I will call him fuckwit on here to let of some steam and try and keep some sanity. Not trying to say my life is worse btw, just justifying my hatred of xh.

I think people have been a little harsh on the OP, it was such a well meaning post. Of course a dp working away isn't the same but she really didn't deserve a flaming, her post made a change from being slagged off.

Original poster
Odysseus · 21/09/2010 20:28

I've moved onto tequila slammers. Grab a glass...

OP posts:
poshsinglemum · 21/09/2010 20:32

Threads like this make me feel so much better about myself. Because I know that I have coped on my own for 2.5 years without a breakdown and dd is fine. I do find it tough and I'd love a man but I know I can cope alone if need be. I feel empowered.

What's more I have found lots of happy monets despite my single parent status. I've had some truly magic times.

I don't think it's patronising at all. Lighten up everyone.