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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be on the verge of a breakdown after 3 days of single-parenting...

235 replies

Odysseus · 21/09/2010 15:04

DH has been working long shifts for the last 3 days and as such, has not seen DS at all. I am KNACKERED.

I would like to take my hat off to single parents who do this day in day out. UTTER RESPECT.

Pass me the wine.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 21/09/2010 16:45

And therfore the money benefits the chil - is an act of parenting so you're not a single parent are you in that case? Your parenting alone for a period of time - which is exactly the op's circumstance come to mention it......

cordonbleugh · 21/09/2010 16:45

oh fgs and I thought I was being pedantic!

Ladyanonymous · 21/09/2010 16:45

The bills are for the DC - its for their electric and heating and food and a roof over their head Hmm

Northernlurker · 21/09/2010 16:46

Cordon - don't get huffy about definitions if you don't want people to go in to that with you.

GypsyMoth · 21/09/2010 16:47

i thought it was well intentioned too

and i'm a lone parent to 5...teens to toddler

only the youngests dad see's him,the other 4 have NO contact with their dad at all,so i barely get a break

but its in many ways alot easier than having a man around. there are tough times,like with anything,times when i just wish i had someone to share the load with....thats where you lot come in!!Grin

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 21/09/2010 16:47

I've wanted to start a thread about 'single parenting' since DP started working away from from sunday evenings so friday nights. Also along the lines of UTTER RESPECT to real single parents and asking for tips. I haven't because I knew I'd get these sort of reactions (having seen previous treads over the years) Hmm

It would be great to talk about P/T 'single parenting', unfortunately it obviously not allowed.

I do do all the ,cooking house work, childcare (two DC under 3), DIY, well everything. Apart form bringing in the wage. TBH I always have, his hours were very long before he started working away. DP takes the children one weekend morning and does a bit of light tidying downstairs once or twice a day.

Tabliope · 21/09/2010 16:48

I'll take it as a compliment too, not often I get one. I don't think it was meant to be patronising. TBH you get used to the physical side of things, being the only one doing it all (saying that the garden doesn't get done much and there is less of a workload in a way as ExP was very messy) but the thing that gets me once in a while is being solely responsible for making big decisions on my own. That's the hardest as you never know if you're getting it right and it's all your responsibility. It still gets me down.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 21/09/2010 16:48

"1: if you have a DP/DH who is temporarily working away for a few days, or working longer shifts than usual meaning you have to look after DC's/the household on your own for a few hours, whilst at the same time, having emotional and financial support, and equal parental responsibility - you are not a single parent even "effectively"

2: if you live alone, raise your child alone, are singly responsible for all finances (bringing money in and making sure bills get paid) for your own household, of which you are also singlehandedly responsible for all the cleaning/laundry etc but your DC's father has a minority share in the care and upkeep of your child because he lives elsewhere then you are a single parent"

Could we get Mumsnet to sticky this definition to the top of tha page, just so we all know where we stand.

OrmRenewed · 21/09/2010 16:49

Bloody hell! Shock

How very dare you OP!

Hmm
cordonbleugh · 21/09/2010 16:51

we're talking about hypothetical people and situations now though, I was talking about the OP and posters who have subsequently come on and mentioned partners working away or doing long shifts. My point is it's not the same.

I have already said that I understand the OP's intention of this thread, I don't dispute that people may find it bloody exhausting when they are used to having more help from a DP, but it is not single parenting.

cordonbleugh · 21/09/2010 16:53

Well if hadn't of come on and said it, someone else would!

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 21/09/2010 16:53

I think what makes it so hard to discuss is that parenting alone for a period of time clearly isn't single parenting, but, there's no term for it.

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 21/09/2010 16:55

cordonbleugh - yes, they would. Most certainly. It just might have taken a bit longer Wink

cordonbleugh · 21/09/2010 16:56

I was obviously in the wrong place at the wrong time! Perhaps I should go and do some of this single parenting I keep harping on about Wink

nameymcnamechange · 21/09/2010 16:56

Yes, that would be helpful. Perhaps it could come under the title *Unnecessarily and Self Importantly Stating The Bleeding Obvious".

GypsyMoth · 21/09/2010 16:56

if i had a partner working away or doing shifts,then i would be leaving all the crappy jobs,the diy,the difficult stuff etc,for when he WAS around.......

i'd also deal with every emergency knowing in my mind that i could ring him for support/to drop everything/for advice etc

being a lone parent means there is no answer lurking.......do it yourself or it doesnt get done!

but god,i LOVE it this way,and dont ever want to rely on another again

OrmRenewed · 21/09/2010 16:56

I can see your point cordon but did you have to sound so very snappish about it?

cordonbleugh · 21/09/2010 17:00

Apologise if I've come across as snappish. Guess I'm more defensive than I thought.

Northernlurker · 21/09/2010 17:05

'I don't dispute people may find it bloody exhausting when they are used to having more help from a DP but it's not single parenting'

Not - it's not being a lone parent but they may well be doing single parenting for however long.

Northernlurker · 21/09/2010 17:07

Sorry that xposted with your apology - don't want it to seem like I'm prolonging this. I'm sure you have nothing to be defensive about though - you sound very capable and I'm sure your dc is doing great.

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 21/09/2010 17:08

dragonfly68

"i'd also deal with every emergency knowing in my mind that i could ring him for support/to drop everything/for advice etc"

I could ring for him help in a dire emergency. I have no family in this county so that is definitely a boon.

I don't think anyone was ever trying to compare what I can only (totally inadequately) label as P/T 'single parenting' to actually being a single parent. But, having an absent partner on a long term basis does have it's own set of problems and complications.

cordonbleugh · 21/09/2010 17:09

Thanks Northern Smile We'll have to agree to disagree!

Alambil · 21/09/2010 17:15

some people round these 'ere parts would argue the sun is the moon, I swear!

Thanks OP - I'll take it in the spirit it was meant.... hope your dh can relieve you soon! (no, that's not a barbed comment!)

AnxiousLand · 21/09/2010 17:17

ffs the op is a nutcase

Northernlurker · 21/09/2010 17:20

Anxious - you plainly have an axe to grind. Maybe go sharpen it elsewhere?