to be on the verge of a breakdown after 3 days of single-parenting...

[Odysseus]

DH has been working long shifts for the last 3 days and as such, has not seen DS at all. I am KNACKERED.

I would like to take my hat off to single parents who do this day in day out. UTTER RESPECT.

Pass me the wine.

LondonNinja, I don't think the OP has been "rounded on" at all. I was simply disagreeing, and have since been defending my reasons for disagreeing.

And no fairydusty, you won't be a single parent when your DH goes away for 4 months.

Exactly - the term is open to many interpretations - all valid imo but not excluding the others.

Firstly - unless some genetic jiggerpokery went on NOBODY has just 1 parent - two sets of genetic info are needed.

Is single parenting happening if a child has two living parents who both contribute to the care? Must one parent be dead or distant?
Who cares anyway?

i know i wont be a single parent but will i be allowed to compare myself to a single parent while he is gone. What does make a single parent - some single parents get loads of help from their exs so are they not real single parents!! Oh and if your family help then your not really parenting on your own so does this again make you not a single parent

YANBU.

Dp is away with work for 12 days (as I found out today) . Today is only the 2nd day completely on my own with 17month old and 6day old ds's.

I still haven't managed a shower as ds2 is permanently atached to the boob and when he isn't ds1 needs drink/snack/nappy change etc and I can see the chaos creeping in.

No way could I do this full time.

Thanks OP - I too accept your kind compliment, because, as Ladyanonymous says, no-one else ever says that to me!! In my view, the OP was just giving a compliment and not starting some weird competition as to who has it tougher

Tbh, as someone who has been a single parent, and is now a forces wife, so have to spend up to six months managing without my husband and also worrying if he'll ever come home, it does get on my wick when people whinge about having to manage for a few days by themselves, with one child.

I can see why actual single parents would get fecked off by the implication that a husband working long hours for a few days was in any way a comparison. I would never compare my situation now to being a single parent.

So OK if OP had worded it differently with 'I've not had DH here during the day until way after DS in bed, not usual situation, I admire LP who do it day in and day out without the company in the evenings as I'm knackered' I'd be surprised if anyone would have been so negative.

THANKYOU OP for recognising how hard LP can be and complimenting LP on this thread.

Everyone else (bar Mutt) who has read the thread has understood the op's meaning so why couldn't you? She knows that this is not really like being a single parent, we all do. But you have to come on and put everybody right. If that's not patronising then I don't know what is.

1: if you have a DP/DH who is temporarily working away for a few days, or working longer shifts than usual meaning you have to look after DC's/the household on your own for a few hours, whilst at the same time, having emotional and financial support, and equal parental responsibility - you are not a single parent even "effectively"

2: if you live alone, raise your child alone, are singly responsible for all finances (bringing money in and making sure bills get paid) for your own household, of which you are also singlehandedly responsible for all the cleaning/laundry etc but your DC's father has a minority share in the care and upkeep of your child because he lives elsewhere then you are a single parent.

Midori - just because a comparison annoys you though that doesn't mean that you are absolutely in the right. It doesn't make that comparison objectively invalid.

So if the child's father provides financial support then you aren't a single parent?

Well my Ex-p lives abroad, doesn't pay maintenence or have DS for weekends - does that somehow make my LP status different to someone elses?? I can't see it myself.

How helpful. We now have the differences spelled out to us in full. Ffs.

providing financial support makes no difference. If he doesn't live with you, or help pay your bills, or do any of your housework then you are a single parent

yes, well you didn't seem to be getting it namey.

I think the title was badly worded.

I clicked fully expecting it to be someone actually feeling on the verge of a breakdown because their DP had left them 3 days ago so to see what it actually is does rankle a bit.

Saying that I can appreciate it is harder for someone to have to do more of the parenting/household stuff than they would usually do.

Ah but providing financial support does help pay the bills

But if you use the financial support for the bills.....?

Northernlurker, did I say it did make me in the right? I just said it gets on my wick and I can see where cordonbleugh is coming from.

Well I thought it was a well intentioned op to be honest and I'm a single parent.

Parenting is hard full stop, single or not. In actual fact I don't think single parents necessarily have it harder.

I am a stay at home mum to a baby and toddler and honestly, I find it easier being single. My XP was like having a 3rd child, he created work, he caused a bad atmosphere. Now, although my days are long and fairly non-stop, we have peace and the house is alot easier to keep tidy.

I am happier now than I have been in a long while.

A good friend of mine's partner has just been away on business and she said it was much easier to keep the house tidy.

Single parenthood can be lonely but that depends on friendships really. I make people come to me some nights for a glass of wine :)

Oh and this parenting thing - if he pays nothing and does nothng but you can phone or e-mail him and say do you think X should do textiles or German for GCSE - and he replies - has that also blown the whole single parent thing?

It's up to you what you use the money for. I'm sure the absent parent doesn't specify.

Personally I would keep it for spending on the DC but that's just me.

I guess the reason some single parents get offended when people compare their lives for a few days without their dp to a single parent life is that as a lp we often get told -
I dont know how you cope (we have to, we have no choice, and most of us dont at some point)
or you hear in the press about single parents 'scrounging' and how we cost so much in support (when we work really hard, and no one comments on the absent parents lack of input)
or people say - I did it on my own for x amount of time, so I am like a single parent (which it really isnt, mainly I guess for that other end of the phone companionship with the parent, and the massive financial responsiblity )
You are right, single parenting is looking after a kid on your own with no break, but our reality often includes unreasonable ex's, noone to discuss your day with, financial stress as well. The looking after the kids bit is the easy bit!!
I guess we get knocked a lot, and a lot of people really have NO IDEA what it is like in reality on a day-to-day ongoing basis, so sometimes we feel patronised when someone pats us on the head and says well done??
And we are all so bloody exhausted so we can't hear a compliment when we are given one!

Perhaps?
But thanks anyway. It IS bloody hard, but easier when you realise you rely on yourself and noone else.

:)