Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU to think the reason some NHS trusts dont let you know the sex...

135 replies

SloanyPony · 20/09/2010 18:59

...is nothing to do with that old chestnut that "some cultures will act on the information" (i.e have a termination if its the "wrong" sex)

And that this explanation was something designed by someone not very nice to incite racial hatred, or at best a cultural generalisation gone wrong that has somehow become "fact".

Regardless of culture/religion, surely if a person has a preference for a baby of a particular sex, they would find out earlier - or in any event, would pay privately? Seriously if its that important to you that you would terminate a pregnancy over it, surely you can find £70 for a gender scan?

Does anyone actually know? Anyone worked for a hospital and seen it in writing in a policy? Anyone got anything concrete other than anecdotal whispers that this is the reason?

Because it seems more likely to me that the reson some trusts do not tell is because they dont have time to prat about if the baby is in the wrong position, trying to find a willy or lack of one. Its an anomaly scan, nothing else, and that's what you get.

There must be someone on Mumsnet who has a really good retort for people who spout this as the reason they are not "allowed" to find out the sex - "its all their fault" bollix. Help me out, as I'm sick of hearing it. (Unless I am really wrong, I stand corrected if so)

And if I'm wrong and that is actually the reason, feel free to tell me AIBU but preferably give me more than some anecdotal evidence.

I'm not starting this thread to cause a ruck by the way, this is something that's always made my teeth itch but I've never had anything "official" enough to put a stop to the notion and I'd like to.

Thanks.

OP posts:

Theincrediblesulk1 · 20/09/2010 21:02

There are many culture that boys are valued over girls, India, china and a lot of Europe too. I think that it does have a factor in reluctance to disclose the sex of a child.
Also lets not forget a lot of domestic violence begins during pregnancy (30%), perhaps this may be a factor too, if women have been beaten for having girls or boys. Just a suggestion.

But saying its because of Muslims is strange.

Original poster

SloanyPony · 20/09/2010 21:22

Karma I 100% totally utterly agree with you. Regardless of how you feel about actually finding out - I fundamentally believe the right to know or believe to be true the same as the HCP's should be yours to take if you so wish.

It drives me made in principle that this information is being withheld - it drives me even madder that you are not given a definitive reason why.

Actually, I have been given a definitive reaosn in writing why not - its standard in my PCT - they say that the sonographer does not have time. But it seems weak doesn't it, and doesn't cover off why they can't tell you if they happen to chance upon it. Its strictly no-tell where I am - you can get asked to leave if you even have the audacity to ask and I know someone who was warned not to mention it again (when all she said was "any ideas what the se..." and got cut off with that threat.

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 20/09/2010 21:39

You can write to the trust and ask for freedom of information as you are the pateint - legally they have to give you an answer - either a reason why they will nto tell you the sex or the percentage of which sex the baby may be

Anyone can write to a trust and ask for this information is it is about themselves relatie who is dead and you can prove you are related to them

I didn't want to find out - but can understand that a person has a right to knwo the answer to their question about their pregnancy

FOI has to be replied within 20 workign days and making the request appear to be FOI they woudl be under no illusion

MisterW · 20/09/2010 21:45

Another example of inconsistencies in different NHS areas. Our sonographer was more than happy to tell us the sex of our baby, with the caveat that it isn't 100% accurate.

Theincrediblesulk1 · 20/09/2010 21:48

Mine too, Well i told him he was a boy and he agreed. lol

I cant see what the problem is! really why is it ok for some and not for others! very annoying.

xstitch · 20/09/2010 21:55

I was told that the wouldn't tell people the sex because the had been sued a few times.

Original poster

SloanyPony · 20/09/2010 22:15

I just dont understand how the sued thing works. You can't sue someone for saying they think something is probably something.

Why is it that private sexing scan companies dont get sued?

Does anyone know if there is a legal precedent in this country where someone has sucessfully sued for being given misleading info on baby gender? Does anyone know how to find out? I'm getting a proper cob-on about this grrrr

DETERMINED TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT....

OP posts:

Theincrediblesulk1 · 20/09/2010 22:22

I think you have a point there. I cant imagine what someone would be suing for!?

I think that may be a cop out. iykwim. Perhaps it just keeps times down if sexing is not done.

SkiHorseWonAWean · 21/09/2010 08:03

One of my colleagues is pregnant and has been scanned in Bangalore - the doctors absolutely will not tell them the sex of the baby because girls are terminated.

You are extremely naive and lentil-eating to think this is not a (sad) fact.

olderandwider · 21/09/2010 09:03

Does anyone actually know of a case of a hospital being sued for getting the sex wrong? Surely at the first successful case, the NHS would have to issue a blanket ban on revealing the sex of a baby in all but the most extreme cases to avoid an avalanche of lawsuits.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/09/2010 09:10

I can't imagine that any hospital has been sued over this. They give plenty of disclaimer 'the informtaion is not 100% reliable' etc.

There should be a definitive reason given by the hospital trust in question, rather than the fudgy evasive reasons given so far.

I live in a multi-cultural area (south asia and afro caribbean) and you can find out the sex of your baby in the local hospital.

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 21/09/2010 09:11

We were told but only given a percentage (80) I think for DD. However the little minx opened her legs wide so the sonographer was very certain but only allowed to tell us with 80% certainity so I guess it is due to being sued.

Original poster

SloanyPony · 21/09/2010 09:13

I'm certain no hospital has been sued. I've looked for a precedent and can't find one.

There is no negligence involved.

Its another urban myth.

Prove me wrong.

OP posts:

sapphireblue · 21/09/2010 09:13

Well I found out the sex of my 2 DDs at my 20 week scan, at a hospital in Birmingham where a huge proportion of the population is not white british. I don't buy the 'other cultures chose to act on the information' excuse either.

sethstarkaddersmum · 21/09/2010 09:18

this is a really interesting discussion.

I don't believe for a moment that anyone could sue and win, but that doesn't mean hospitals haven't got themselves in a state about being sued and hence decided not to do it for this reason - after all, there are plenty of random irrational health and safety things where people have acted on the fear of being sued rather than because it has actually happened.

Similarly with the cultural thing. People who would abort because of it being the wrong sex in this country might be very few but perceived to be more; it wouldn't be the first time people have acted on prejudice rather than reality wrt another culture.

I think we would be wrong to assume the reasons are definitely rational.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/09/2010 09:28

LittleMissHissy - your 'D'H told you that if you were having a girl he would tell you to abort? And you are still married to him??

Dear God.

MollysChambers · 21/09/2010 09:34

I would imagine it can be quite upsetting for families when they get it wrong though. Maybe it's just that they have had complaints and don't want the hassle? After all if your scan and delivery is in the same hospital they could easily be made aware that they've got it wrong.

Knowing the sex before the birth can be quite a negative thing really, if you strongly favour one sex and are told it's the other. You may feel a disappointment that perhaps you wouldn't feel if you didn't find out until the birth - when relief and happy hormones take over - and you're presented with you baby.

Cost/time savings are probably an issue as well as the decision will be made at management level.

size5 · 21/09/2010 10:25

My mother had a home birth and left me to die of cold in mid-winter, because I was (another) girl. She really did; she talks about it sometimes.
My life was saved by a neighbour who visited to see the new baby and found it naked by an open window in snowy weather.
Mum sitting downstairs by the fire.
She was not poor, Muslim, Hindu, Chinese, or ignorant in any way. She was a qualified midwife.
She just didn't want a girl baby.

TartyMcFarty · 21/09/2010 10:44

Isn't it just so they can charge you £50 or whatever for a 'social' scan? Surely if you can sue for being told the incorrect gender for free, you could equally sue if you'd paid 50 quid for the privilege?

Really annoys me actually. They're telling me that, despite checking the chambers of the heart, they don't check to see if genitalia are forming properly?

TartyMcFarty · 21/09/2010 10:47

size5

size5 · 21/09/2010 10:49

I'm used to the story now. First time was a shock though - I had asked where she got my old-lady name; it was from the one who found me.

sethstarkaddersmum · 21/09/2010 10:51

size5 -
Did it affect your relationship with your mum?
Do you think she had undiagnosed puerperal psychosis or similar?

what a sad story, so glad the neighbour came. xxx

sitdownpleasegeorge · 21/09/2010 10:51

Oh size5 that is so sad for both of you. How did things progress for you both after her, I assume post natal hormonally altered, actions were thwarted ?

size5 · 21/09/2010 10:59

Well, I was rescued with shock/horror by her friend of course, and Mum said she had forgotten me! Forgotten where she left the 2-hour-old baby, like you do.

I'm sure friend did not believe her,she was a nurse too, but anyway nothing official was ever done as far as I know. Things were covered up in the old days.

My mother always said she did not want a girl, said it all through my life.It was the leaving out to perish that shocked me, not the wish for a boy - I knew that.

I was a very small baby and she had thought it would not take long, and there would be no evidence.
No questions asked apparently.

I'm kind of over it, it wasn't personal, if you see what I mean.

mclazy · 21/09/2010 11:00

some people will sue for any reason - believe there has been at least 1 case in my local hospital - also led to believe that N.Ireland has one of the most litigious cultures in the uk.

like everything else i wonder is it a trend coming from usa where they seem to claim for any and everything ?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6