to think leaving your 4yr old to play in the park while you read a book is wrong?

[ttalloo]

I was going up and down the slide at the park today with my two DSs, when a little girl started asking me if she could come down the slide with me (I was sliding down with both boys). She seemed all by herself, and was very polite and sweet, so I said yes, and we played on the slide together for about half an hour.

After that, the boys got tired of the slide and wanted to race around, so she joined us. I asked where her mother was, and she pointed to a woman sitting about 50 feet away from us in the sun with her nose buried in a book. The boys started jumping off tree stumps, so the little girl joined in, and all the while I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable at having the responsibility for someone else's child thrust upon me in this way.

Don't get me wrong - I didn't mind the little girl joining in with us. She was a nice little thing, who obviously wanted company, and DS1 seemed to like having her around, but I just don't think it was right for her mother to bring her to the park, and leave her to her own devices, talking to strangers, while she spent at least an hour, during which I was babysitting her daughter, reading a book.

AIBU to think the mother was lazy and irresponsible, and to feel sorry for her little girl, who clearly needed some attention?

My 2 year old runs around the park on her own and goes down the slide by herself while I feed her sister.

Your children sound very old to need you hanging about the whole time seeming "fun". The little girl probably would have wanted to play with your sons even if you hadn't been there.

I'd be more concerned by a 3.5 year old that is so insecure he is glued to his mother's side than a mother who likes reading and is raising an independent, sociable child.

I think YANBU. A parent taking their child to a park should keep an eye on him/her. To not do that is irresponsible. The mother should, after a few minutes, have approached you and checked that you didn't mind her DD joining in with you. I think that is just good manners. More importantly, she should be checking that her child is okay and happy, not feeling bored or lonely.

I took my children swimming a little while ago and a little boy attatched himself to us, while his step dad swam lengths. Tbh, I wanted to play with my own children, not feel responsible for someone elses. I did think the parent here was being lazy as the child clearly wanted to be played with. I wouldn't have minded so much if the dad asked me if this was okay, but he didn't. He did his own thing and I felt like unpaid childcare.

Just want to point out that 3 year old clinging to their parents are not necessarily insecure. They may just be shy.

On a similar (although totally different) note I'm definately the type who lets my DDs get on with it (4.5 and 2.5)

But at a recent 30th BBQ they'd attached themselves to a friends (adult) brother who was having races, playing football with them etc for about 15 minutes, so I thought I ought to offer him an escape, went over to my DDs and said "girls I have some colouring set up over here for you if you'd like to come over" at which my friend's brother replied "great I love colouring, come on girls!" they played with him for the rest of the day!

blowninonabreeze - that's a lovely story

YABU op, but the mother should have least have made eye contact with you and checked that you were ok having her DD play with you.

But do you really think that she wouldn't have noticed if her child was being abducted . The annoying wonderful thing about becoming a parent is you learn always to have an eye or ear our for the kids.

But you're a big girl secondcoming, so why not just tell then to go away?
That's part of the learning curve for 4 year olds as well, the world isn't there to do whatever they want 24/7

YABU.

I thought you were going to end your tale with "... and then the little girl pointed to the pub and said her mum was in there".

Talk about mountain out of a molehill, but here's your Martyr Medal anyway.

YABVU.

I have let my DS play on his own since he was 3. As a lone parent with no help from XH, going to the park was the ONLY time I got a chance to read or chill in the whole day. I would have gone stir crazy without the chance to be an adult. It was also a chance for DS to interact with other children, and learn about his own physicality and limitations. Hovering over him would have prevented him from playing with kids his own age. I was always in eye view. My son is now 7 and very active and confident and has lots of friends, which is very important for an only child.

After so many posts overnight I don't know where to begin, but here goes.

I am astonished at how many of you think that I am unreasonable for being annoyed with another woman sitting in the park for an hour, making no contact at all with her child, while a stranger entertains her.

Her daughter didn't want to play with my children - she specifically asked if she could play with me, if she could hold my hand, go down the slide with me. She and my children ended up playing together, but that was because I encouraged it.

Some of you seem to think that I didn't have to take responsibility for this girl, but when a small child comes up to you and asks to play with you, you'd have to be quite a bitch to say no, I'm here to play with my children, not you. So because I was being 'nice', and I didn't want to hurt that child's feelings, I let her play with us. And as the hour went on I felt increasingly sorry for her because I think her mother was being unfair to her in not coming over to check that she was OK. (And yes, unfair to me in not coming to check that I was OK with providing her with a babysitting service so that she could read her bloody book.)

And as for all of you who think I'm some kind of weirdo for going on the slide with my DSs and playing with them in the park instead of ignoring them so that I can read a book / have a fag / drink a glass of wine / chat on my mobile / stand around looking bored, all I can say is that you are the ones being unreasonable here. My DSs love playing at the park with me, and I love playing with them. Like I said before, I don't have a chance to play with them much because I work, so going to the park, which otherwise is fairly boring to me, becomes fun because I can play with them.

And to clarify - it's a triple-width slide. I go down it with the boys on either side of me in a race, or one between my legs if that's what he wants. So what? It's fun. And they are perfectly capable of going down by themselves, and frequently do when they don't ask me to go on the slide with them.

And so what if DS1 lacks confidence around strangers? This is entirely to do with his personality and temperament, not my parenting skills (as demonstrated by the fact that DS2, who has had the same 'helicopter' parenting, is much less shy). There's plenty of time for him to develop confidence (and, indeed, he's changed a lot over the last year for the better), and those of you who are impugning my abilities as a mother in that regard have a bit of a nerve.

YABU. The girl wanted to play with your DD not you.

We sat int the cafe yesterday drinking coffee while our 8 year old took our DT's to play in the park. You can see the playground from the cafe. It was liberating

My DS (4) has just this summer reached an age where he wants to go off and play with other kids. It came as a huge surprise and I didn't really know that kids did this before . Before now he wanted to play with us and we often had kids join in with us and I used to get annoyed at having other people's kids with us when we were at the park.

I now realise that this is perfectly normal and acceptable and what kids do.

So, previously I would have judged like the OP has done, but now with a child having reached that age where they want other kids and not their parents I wouldn't.

OP - give your eldest 6 months to a year and you will be able to leave him with the other child to have fun and you won't be needed anymore. The little girl was simply being a very normal child. Playing with other kids.

Well after saying all that you have just said OP why bother asking if we think YABU then when quite clearly you think you are in the right?
It has become a pointless post as often happens here

OP AIBU?
everyone Yes you are.
OP Well you are wrong!

'Some of you seem to think that I didn't have to take responsibility for this girl, but when a small child comes up to you and asks to play with you, you'd have to be quite a bitch to say no, I'm here to play with my children, not you.'

Um, you don't have to say that! You say to the little girl, 'Let's go and ask your mum if SHE'LL go down the slide with you, shall we?' and then the child is handed back to mother/the mother is aware of the the problem.

And if you have a problem with the child you take it up directly with the mother - you say to her 'I think she needs you' or 'I think she would like someone to play with.'

It's not that hard!

ROFL at upahill

Time for a recap, because you all seem to think that I've got a problem with parents not playing with their children in the park.

I think the mother was wrong to sit with a book for an HOUR without going near her child, while her child played with strangers, not for allowing her child to play independently.

And it seems to me that those of you think I am unreasonable have taken umbrage at my perceived disapproval of the way you are with your kids at the park, when the reality is I don't care - play with them, don't play with them, just don't expect strangers to get on with the business of looking after them for an hour while you lounge around getting some space.

helicopter-mega-pfb-parent with judgemental overtones

you took the responsibility - it is easy to ask a small child to go back to their mother quite pleasantly - but you decided to be uber-park-mother

silly of you but you can't take umbrage at it

her mother was in the park, she wasn't neglectful - within sight of child

and possibly social issues herself because of her inability to actually talk to the mother herself which would surely be the normal thing to do here?

I beg to differ - it is neglectful to read a book for an hour and not come near your four-year-old in the park.

And where do you get the idea from, sethstarkaddersmum, that I have social issues? I didn't need to speak to the mother because I didn't have a problem with the child playing with me and my boys. I had a problem with her mother not coming near us to make sure that everything was OK, but I wasn't interested in speaking to her or even in putting on my 'helicopter-mega-pfb-parent with judgemental overtones' hat and going over to point out her inadequacies as a mother.

If you want to play in the park then fine, but it is a public park and by playing there then you will have to have some level of interaction with other members of the public. If you don't want to play with other people then stick to your own garden or tell people (or their adult) that you don't want to play with them. Don't play with people that you don't want to whilst quietly seething then bitch about it later.

You seriously can't expect other people to helicopter parent their child in a public park just so the child doesn't 'talk to strangers' in case the strangers don't want to talk and won't say so.