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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not "take to" a friend's child because she isn't attractive

150 replies

princesstumble · 16/09/2010 16:53

This isn't something I have spoken about to anyone because I feel pretty awful about it. One of my friend's has a nearly 2 year old. I have seen this friend & her child once or twice a week since her child was born. But I haven't taken to her like I have with my other friend's children. There is nothing wrong with this little girl. She is a typical little toddler & very smiley. But I don't feel affection for her because she isn't attractive. (I am always very nice to her though). I haven't even spoken to my husband about this because I know that it is wrong. I am very fond of other friend's children & I love my own. Does anyone else feel like this or am I the only shallow one?

OP posts:
getabloodygrip · 16/09/2010 17:36

Oh piss off back under your bridge.

PS. yours is a minger too by the way.

Greensleeves · 16/09/2010 17:40

I don't think it's a troll
just an idiot

mooncupflowethover · 16/09/2010 17:45

This post is a wind up. Nobody's that big a twat.

wukter · 16/09/2010 17:46

One and the same in my book, Greensleeves

Ripeberry · 16/09/2010 17:48

And I suppose you are a stunner...no? How would you feel if someone called your kid a munter?

Have a Biscuit it's not the best looking one out of the biscuit tin Hmm

PosieParker · 16/09/2010 17:51

New poster, only one post.....

No trip trapping across this bridge for me.

PS there's research to suggest this does happen, all of the time, to all of us.

pranma · 16/09/2010 17:54

Children cant be 'not attractive' at 2 surely?If the little one is smiley and friendly then she is attractive to normal people.

Tokyotwist · 16/09/2010 17:56

Unfortunately, some people really are that big a ...

My PILs have nicknamed one of my dds friends as "the ugly one" in the group. She is 2.

I tried telling them how awful this is but that has just made them do it more.

Sometimes I want to tell them that they are the ugliest people I have ever met, but unfortunately my mother taught me to be polite.

wigglybeezer · 16/09/2010 17:57

It tends to be personality that makes toddlers unattractive, you know the ones who seem to be permanently whinging and grizzling, I know families where the children all look very similar but the child with the sunnier personality is inevitably more attractive than the whinger, (I fear this holds true for my own children with others too, although my friends are all too nice to show it). I also find it hard to love the toddler adorned semi-permanently with green streamers of snot on the top lip!
There have been many surveys done which prove that people respond more positively to more "attractive" people, hence the fact that they end up earning more money etc., its a harsh fact of life and I don't see why it wouldn't apply to children too. I don't see what is wrong with admitting that, its what you do about it that counts.

annec555 · 16/09/2010 18:25

Is it just me or is this too weird a topic for a troll to come up with? What is wrong with weaning/breastfeeding/discipline/private education if someone wants to cause a row?!
I have a nasty feeling this is real. If so, why would you feel the need to post about it, rather than just keep your dirty little secret to yourself?

hmc · 16/09/2010 18:34

annec55 - this is her first and only post. She is a troll. Either that or she is a regular poster who has changed her name in order to do some part time trolling. I know everyone has to post for their first time at some point, but usually genuine newbies start with a less contentious OP

Do feel free to discuss it though - as someone said it is interesting to ponder, but just didn't want people investing too much time into addressing this person seriously under the misapprehension that she needs guidance / a good shake, when (s)he is a very definitely a wind up merchant

TheGrumpalo · 16/09/2010 18:36

Trip trap back off under your bridge ffs!

Biscuit
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 16/09/2010 18:39
Dominique07 · 16/09/2010 18:40

I believe this happens. The world judges us on our appearance decides whether we look healthy and wholesome, sickly, chavvy...

I have no evidence, its just a hunch.

The attractive children may be paid attention to more by other parents, shopkeepers/strangers in the street, children and at school and less likely to be blamed for problems and their confidence improved.

SixtyFootDoll · 16/09/2010 18:50

I canhonestly say I have never seen a child that I thought was ugly, some are more attractive than others, but really.
I know this is a troll but cannot believe anyone would think this way

curryfreak · 16/09/2010 18:50

I think it is niave in the extreme to think that attractive people whether they are children or adults are not more popular than plain ones. It's a sad fact of life, and
countless studies have shown this. There are many toddlers who i think are unnatractive. I would never voice this, so i feel that the op is just being homest in saying what a lot of people secretly think.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 16/09/2010 18:53

Sometimes honesty is not the best policy.

Pancakeflipper · 16/09/2010 18:56

There are certain children I don't take greatly to... It's never been based on looks. It's their personalities that I am not over keen on.

Often the ugly child turns into the stunner. Ugly duckling syndrome.....

Rockbird · 16/09/2010 19:19

Well then curryfreak, I can only think you are looking for things in small children that others are not. Judging by the responses on this thread, most people don't judge a small child on how good looking they are, small children are exempt from this.

Odysseus · 16/09/2010 20:01

Whilst in the main most of the comments on this thread seem to recognise the trollish nature of the OP and the abhorrent opinion, I'm saddened to see that there are still a lot that do think looks govern how people perceive oneself. I hope that's not true.

curryfreak · 16/09/2010 20:02

No they're not exempt rockbird. i've heard people comment on how unnatractive a child is. I didn't say i agreed with it,- just said it was out there. There's a difference.
And do not honestly tell me you have never seen a child who you thought was plain to say the least?

proudnglad · 16/09/2010 20:19

Daily Mail journalist anyone?

Oh and junior reporter - a little more subtlety is generally required.

TheLadyEvenstar · 16/09/2010 20:27

didn't schools already go back??
Shouldn't you be doing homework now?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 16/09/2010 20:31

Well I've never met anyone I feel is more attract e than my own children - motherly love of course Wink

But I'm with trillian, I generally don't like children, even my friends and family, it's shitty but tis the way I am, nice to know that the op is shitty than me though Grin

lilyliz · 16/09/2010 21:08

children are all different and some are better looking than others but usually what puts me off a child is their nature. My neices DD is one I can't take to because she is so sly and manipulative,she tells younger kids to do naughty things and then goes yelling to her mum or gran to tell and stands smirking while they get a row,I have seen this on numerous occasions and told them what she does but they will not listen so she gets away with it.Grrrrr