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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not have newborn in our room?

146 replies

rpickett · 16/09/2010 11:07

I see on here a lot that people assume that babies are going / should go into their parents room for so long when home from the hospital but is it really nessacery? (sp?)

I planned on putting DC3 straight into a cot in her own room, now before I get flamed her room is next to ours in the sense you have to walk through ours to get into hers and lot of people would say it would probably make a better walk in wardrobe then a bedroom, so she wouldn't be more then 2 meters from my bedside techinically, I just wondered if maybe IBU and should put her in a moses basket right next to the bed instead?

We have a sensor mat alarm for the cot and thought that it would be reasurring enough am I wrong?

My 2 older DC's stayed in our room for the first 6months but that was due to lack of space more then anything else, before we moved last year.

OP posts:
omnishambles · 16/09/2010 11:09

Its just the statistics clearly point to it being safer from a SIDS pov. And if you are bf then it makes sense anyway.

There is also the emotional argument about why you would want a tiny baby to be that far away from you.

SecretNutellaFix · 16/09/2010 11:10

It is a recommendation from the Foundation for the study of Infant deaths and they have found that babies sleeping in the same room as their parents have a lower risk of SIDS.

Seabright · 16/09/2010 11:10

I never had DD in my room and didn't have a mat sensor either.

She was in her own room in hospital (special care) and TBH it never occured to me, before or after she was born to have her in our room when she came home.

I think we'd just have disturbed each other.

She's nearly 2 now and it's never been a problem or an issue for us.

nowherewoman · 16/09/2010 11:11

Also you don't have to get out of bed to feed her if she's next to you.

thisisyesterday · 16/09/2010 11:11

advice from SIDS is to have them in the same room with you for at least 6 months.
statistics show that more babies die of sids if they are in thier own room.

tbh it's just a whole load of faff having to walk through to another room x number of times a night to feed.
far easier to have them right next to you

scaryteacher · 16/09/2010 11:11

Ds went straight into his own room when we came home. There was a bed in there so I could sleep in there if needed.

He is 15 next month....so he survived!

Original poster
rpickett · 16/09/2010 11:24

I do plan on breastfeeding and I have nursing chair in the room to use, I'm always worried about feeding in bed as I'm worried about falling asleep and as my husband is a smoker I thought that would be a safer alternative.
I fed my other DC's in bed but my husband had quit smoking but has started since.

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 16/09/2010 11:34

I wouldn't ask anyone's opinion or listen to the nasty SIDS death threats, I'd just do what you think is best. My baby son's moses basket was evicted from my room after a week or two because he is a terrible wriggly, snuffly thing when asleep and kept waking me up. No problems at all.

tittybangbang · 16/09/2010 11:37

They're recommendations - not rules.

It's up to you what you do with your baby.

But fwiw, I think all mammalian newborns are 'programmed' to want to stay close to their mothers - including human babies, and therefore allowing them to spend hours on their own in first few weeks of life must be in some way to their detriment, even if this damage doesn't manifest itself in any obvious way. I'm sure all newborns are emotionally and physically more comfortable when they kept close to their mothers day and night, if this is possible.

MrsJamin · 16/09/2010 11:38

I would have them in your room until you really (or your partner) really has trouble sleeping because of it. "Do what you think is best" is a ridiculous mantra, it's important to educate yourself on the risks and then make the decision based on that. And Chil1234 just because your DS didn't die from SIDS, doesn't mean everyone else's children are safe too. Hmm

To be honest, I can't imagine not wanting your newborn to be sleeping in the same room. I still love it when 7 MO DS2 "has" to come in our room to let DS1 sleep (they share a room).

Chil1234 · 16/09/2010 11:39

Get your husband to smoke outside rather than inside the home. That's for all your children and not just the baby....

salizchap · 16/09/2010 11:41

Up to you entirely. For me personally, I prefered keeping my DS in the bed with me as I had severe sciatica and the effort involved in getting up out of bed, and the agony of sitting up while feeding for an eternity just made it unbearable. With him beside me all I had to do was lie on my side and put him to my breast, and we would both drift off to sleep again within seconds. Saved my sanity!

However, you are the mum, do what feels right for YOU!

Bucharest · 16/09/2010 11:42

Is it your first?

I was like you beforehand. Read my Gina Ford, chuntered about newborns "wriggling and snuffling" (gosh, how very dare they!)and how that absolutely was not going to happen to me.

Still co-sleeping 7 yrs on. Grin

Do read the guidelines rather than listening to anecdotes though. They are there for a reason.

Chil1234 · 16/09/2010 11:42

"therefore allowing them to spend hours on their own in first few weeks of life must be in some way to their detriment,"

What rubbish. If you're asleep you're neither with or away from anyone... you're not conscious of the world at all. If baby wakes up totally alone, distressed, uncomfortable and no-one comes to them for hours, fine, that would probably be damaging if repeated. But if they open their eyes in a safe, warm place, feeling happy, needing a feed and a parent turns up shortly after... they are not going to be damaged.

Original poster
rpickett · 16/09/2010 11:43

Chil1234 He doesn't smoke inside, I would kill him LOL but the smoke still clings to him on his hair (which he has a lot of) and skin, and have read that you shouldn't co-sleep if one of the parents smoke due to risk of SIDS.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 16/09/2010 11:43

Statistically, it is safer to have the baby in the same room as you - it's not just that you can see/hear that they are ok, it's that the baby hears your breathing while you are asleep and that "reminds" it to keep breathing (human babies are born very early because they need to get out through a passage which hasn't adapted well to the whole walking-upright part of our evolution, so they are not as able to cope with being outside as most other mammal babies).

No number of people saying "my baby went straight into their own room and was fine" changes the statistics.

Ineedsomesleep · 16/09/2010 11:46

Could you get your DH to stop smoking? Personally I wouldn't sleep if my LO was in another room, but I realise that's not the case for everyone.

musicmadness · 16/09/2010 11:47

I thought the guidelines were different if one parter was a smoker, especially if they smoke in the same room?
If the baby is only about 2m away, and the door is left wide open I can't see the difference in this case anyway. If your room was large they could be further away than that in the same room!

anonymousbird · 16/09/2010 11:49

My DD went in her own room on her second night home. She was only in with me the first night because I couldn't take my eyes off her. I just stared in wonder all night, even though she was my second, I still couldn't quite believe it.

After that, I had to sleep so she went next door. Otherwise, I'd have sat up all that night too.

Chil1234 · 16/09/2010 11:50

" it's that the baby hears your breathing while you are asleep " Can you honestly say that you can hear someone breathing when you're asleep?.... .Confused

Original poster
rpickett · 16/09/2010 11:55

Musicmadness that was my thinking the room doesn't even have a door on it at the moment and wont have for a long while, our bedroom is quite small as it is (gave the master room to DC's) so our bed is practically next to the cot but with a wall seperating us.

OP posts:
Bucharest · 16/09/2010 11:57

Current SIDs awareness thinking is that, rather than "hearing you breathing" very small babies, who just haven't had it hardwired yet that they need to keep breathing and therefore stop, sense their mother's heartbeat when they are sleeping nearby or co-sleeping, which kick-starts them back into their own breathing pattern.

BertieBotts · 16/09/2010 11:59

Are you aware that breastfeeding (and, in fact, room sharing) lowers the chance of cot death more than parental smoking raises it? Numbers are quoted on this thread. It's right at the top of page 4 or 5.

Your husband can also lower the risk by showering or at least washing his hair before bed, never smoking in the clothes that he sleeps in, washing hands face and brushing teeth and making sure his last cigarette is more than an hour before bed. Any of these things reduce the risk, all of them would reduce it more. Especially if you have the baby on your side of the bed with a bed guard or bedside cot.

Chil1234 it's not a conscious process, it's a subconscious trigger. And babies sleep much more lightly than adults anyway.

NoSleepTillWeaning · 16/09/2010 12:06

Read the stats - the foundation for study of SIDS has lots of info - and then make an informed decision that's right for you.

notso · 16/09/2010 12:09

I don't get how having them in a different room means you get more sleep, my two used to wake loads when they were little not just for feeding but general grizzling, I used to just stick out my hand and put it on their tummy, shhh a bit and usually they would go back to sleep, it would have been a right faff to have to get out of bed, go into their room, quieten them down then go back to bed an I'd end up wide awake.

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