to not have newborn in our room?

[rpickett]

I see on here a lot that people assume that babies are going / should go into their parents room for so long when home from the hospital but is it really nessacery? (sp?)

I planned on putting DC3 straight into a cot in her own room, now before I get flamed her room is next to ours in the sense you have to walk through ours to get into hers and lot of people would say it would probably make a better walk in wardrobe then a bedroom, so she wouldn't be more then 2 meters from my bedside techinically, I just wondered if maybe IBU and should put her in a moses basket right next to the bed instead?

We have a sensor mat alarm for the cot and thought that it would be reasurring enough am I wrong?

My 2 older DC's stayed in our room for the first 6months but that was due to lack of space more then anything else, before we moved last year.

I wake up in a panic If I can't hear mine breathing, So yes you can hear in your sleep,

Everyone should make an informed decsion based on the facts, but considering the facts are so strong I think to go against them would be stupid,

These aren't 'nasty SIDS death threats' , the recommendations are there for a reason.

Having a baby in the room can make sleep a bit more disturbed, but that is partly the point I think, your movement/sounds stop the baby from going into too deep a sleep. Also, I believe that you tend to sych sleep cycles (adult cycles are about 1.5 hours long, babies an hour) which presumably means that you are more ready to wake up when they do for a feed.

I don't think anyone is going to flame you, and it is up to you, but the recommendations are there for a reason.

Both DC were in their own room from Day 1 at home - albeit with a sensor. When I woke I could hear it bleeping quietly, and it kept me resting easily!
They're now 17 and 18, so it didn't do them any harm.
I think you have to do what you're comfortable with.

Personally I would keep newborn next to me and tell dh to sleep in spare room.

He can re join you when he has stopped smoking :)

I wouldn't put a newborn in a separate room because (and i am not claiming this causes any long-term damage) of the short-term distress caused to baby by not being able to hear and smell another human being all night.

granted baby would get used to it, but i think small animals need the reassurance of their parents physical presence, and just wouldn't do it.

sids is very rare, so although that is well-substnatiated, perhaps less of a major rsk.

up to you OP in the end.

I don't know if anybody else has found this, but when I've slept with one of my baby's very near to me, I sleep differently to when they are in their own room. I seem to hear everything they do, and while it doesn't make for a completely peaceful nights sleep, I find it very reassuring that I am so tuned into my baby, as they are close.

rpickett, no-one can tell you what to do, it's your baby, but please read the guidelines. They, and all the leaflets you get when your baby is born, are there for a reason :)

It's worth considering also that sometimes there just isn't room to have your child sleep in the same room with you. I was prepared to have DS in our room for longer after he was born but he grew out of his moses basket by 6 weeks as he was so tall and there just wasn't room to fit a cot into our bedroom. He was fine though, happily

all of mine slept in own nursery from birth.kept door open.were in close proximity

I think I will definatly look into the SIDS statistics more, however I'm unsure on where I would put a moses basket or similar in our room as it is that small, lots to think about thank you x

I tried to have my DD in same room as it was expected of you at the time but she was so snuffly and such a noisy sleeper that I quickly moved her moses basket into the landing just outside our room. I could still hear her so she was moved into her room right next door so our doors are next to each other and both open etc and there was never a problem. She was 5 days old!

I had spent first night in hospital and the next 4 nights sleeping with her on sofa until I was told that that was main cause of cotdeath and suffocation. Rather have her in her own cot and in her own room naturally than risk that.

You have to do what you think is best not what HV tells you and I wish you all the best with your decision OP!

I had the same setup in my previous house and considered putting ds in his room from the start. Decided against it in the end. Feeding was pretty easy while he was in my room as all I had to do was lean over, pick up, stick on boob, doze while feeding. We had to move him into his own room once he grew out of his moses basket though (and we crammed him into it for as long as we could!)

It was definitely more faff once he was in his own room, even though it was right off ours.

In some countries they separate mothers and babies routinely for the first few days of life, and bottlefeed the babies in large, institutional nurseries. I'm sure you wouldn't be able to tell which babies this happened to afterwards, but it's not what I'd call a particularly nice welcome to the world though!

"therefore allowing them to spend hours on their own in first few weeks of life must be in some way to their detriment,"

Would you take a 1 year old who had slept next to you in your bed, cuddled up to your body every night since birth, and put them into a room on their own to sleep with no explanation or preparation for the sensation of sleeping alone in a silent room and expect them to feel comfortable doing it?

Why do it to a newborn then who's spent their entire life so far INSIDE you?

From the way you've described the layout of your room, you will basically be in the same room as your baby anyway if you leave the door open/ajar. I think it sounds fine - you are obviously familiar with all the SIDS advice and do what feels right for you and your family.

Your baby your choice.

DS2 lasted 3 weeks in our room - and I wore earplugs as i just can't sleep with a snuffling baby in the room. We all make parenting decisions which may perhaps slightly raise the SIDS rates eg not bfing, one parent smoking etc

So you are not being unreasonable.

baby in own room is ok.if it suits why not

YANBU. Do what works for you, what youy feel comfortable with.

I put ds1 in his own room at 7 weeks and ds2 from day 1.

We used to have ours in the dressing room across the corridor. I'd get up, feed them on the sofa in there and often nod off.

We had noisy snufflers too, there seemed no point in both of getting no sleep when dh was going to work the next day.

A speaker at a FSIDS conference told me that the thinking in that the newborn needs to be near to mature humans to help protect against SIDS.

It is thought that the regular low level noise disturbances from being close help prevent the infant slpping into too deep a sleep. The shnuffle, snores, moans and movement noise provide regular stimulation to the imature sleep management centres in their brain.

So it is not about us hearing them, it's about them hearing us.

I don't know if you could find that information online, but hth.

Those pads are ok, but will only alarm relatively late into a potential episode of SIDS, and it will then only be useful if you are able to provide resusitation. The training is available btw.

But listen, Congratulations!

Are people pretty much in agreement here that apart from the SIDS issue newborn babies probably don't have any sort of preference as to where they sleep and therefore the only thing to be considered is the wishes of the parents?

Is it only once children are able to talk that we see the need to take their feelings into account?

We were the same mumblechum, DH was commuting at the time and up at the crack of dawn so sleep was a big issue. All 3 had their own room from the start-I was so tuned in that I was up to them at the first whimper. I couldn't see any point in us all losing sleep. Do whatever suits you best-there is no 'right' answer and it doesn't stop you being as emotionally close to your baby as those in the same room.

We kept both DDs in with us until they were 3 months. They then went in their own room with a motion sensor under the mattress. They were both such noisy sleepers it was impossible for me to get much sleep whilst they were in with us...........I was waking with every little wriggle and it was awful being that sleep deprived.

Plus there was a space issue.......we have room for a moses basket in our bedroom, but not for a cot. When they outgrew the moses basket we had no option but to move them.

Congrats on the new baby (not sure if she is here yet)

Its up to you. Lots of people have their babies in nurseries rather than their bedrooms.

Personally I wouldnt do it. I didnt do it before I knew about the SIDS stuff. To be honest its usually been down to lack of space as well.

But I really cannot understand why anyone would want to get up and go to another room, sit up and feed the baby and then have to settle them and go back to bed. Its sounds an awful lot of faff.

But I do take your point about falling asleep whilst feeding. That bothered me but I always made sure I had the DCs on top of the duvet and on my side of the bed, not in the middle.

It takes me ages to put mine in their bedrooms. I like having them near but I dont like the flipping cot taking up room.

Seriously though, I do think its worth taking note of the guidelines from FSIDS.

No tbb - I think it is important but it always causes a row to say so so its best to stay out of it I think.

I never undersatnd how people dont have room for a cot as well - that means that the only thing in the room is a bed that touches all the walls - the small ikea cots fit between the bed and the wall - granted you then have to climb out the other side...is it because people have mahoosive cotbeds?

rpickett if it's only 2 metres and the door to the "room" you are planning to have your dc sleep in is open, is it not just like having dc in your room? My dd was probably about that distance away from me, even though she slept in the same room (until about 3 months, then outgrew moses basket, no space for cot in our bedroom). And if it works for you and your dc then what's the problem? It's not like you are shutting her in her own bedroom at the other end of the hallway.