to not have newborn in our room?

[rpickett]

I see on here a lot that people assume that babies are going / should go into their parents room for so long when home from the hospital but is it really nessacery? (sp?)

I planned on putting DC3 straight into a cot in her own room, now before I get flamed her room is next to ours in the sense you have to walk through ours to get into hers and lot of people would say it would probably make a better walk in wardrobe then a bedroom, so she wouldn't be more then 2 meters from my bedside techinically, I just wondered if maybe IBU and should put her in a moses basket right next to the bed instead?

We have a sensor mat alarm for the cot and thought that it would be reasurring enough am I wrong?

My 2 older DC's stayed in our room for the first 6months but that was due to lack of space more then anything else, before we moved last year.

I never undersatnd how people dont have room for a cot as well - that means that the only thing in the room is a bed that touches all the walls - the small ikea cots fit between the bed and the wall - granted you then have to climb out the other side...is it because people have mahoosive cotbeds?

No it's because people have small bedrooms. Ours isn't big enough to have space to get out of the double bed in both sides (dh has to climb over me or out the bottom) - if we'd put a cot in our bedroom, we wouldn't have been able to open the bedroom door or the door to the wardrobe cupboard. And fwiw, we have a small ikea cot.

I'm just suprised by the lack of enthusiasm for trying to take a baby's perspective into account when working out 'what's best for everyone'.

I hate thinking of newborns isolated in separate rooms In my opinion they should be snuggled near their mums. if not next to them then at least where they can hear them and smell them.

I put my DS in a separate room after 3 nights at home; I didn't have a monitor or sleeping pads or anything like that. He was absolutely fine (a brilliant sleeper - still is, aged 9).

You must do what YOU feel comfortable with - not what a bunch of us on the internet tell you! Also, those of us who did put our newborns on their own probably get a bit weary of repeating it so don't tend to contribute to these threads due to the flaming! Good luck, whatever you do.

We had DS in our room for 3 weeks then he moved into his own room.( he was unbelieveably snuffly and wriggly all night) I b/f until he was about 6months old but at about 12 weeks he was having a feed at 11pm, then another at about 6am so the getting up and going to another room wasn't an issue. And despite me having always been a heavy sleeper, the wonder of motherhood meant that I would be awake and by his side in about 5 seconds flat if he woke up. Personally I felt i was much better at parenting during the day because I'd had a good nights sleep

My ds, now 3' went into his own room at 9 weeks and was sleeping thru from 5 weeks. His toon was next to ours and we had his monitor on the bedside table. My reason too was due to the constant snuffing etc so even tho he was sleeping thru I was not.
It's a personal decision, and only you can make it after reading al the facts.
I am with you Ragwort but felt I still had to say something, as I too am tired of all the flaming!

i totally understand all the reasoning for sleeping in parents room at night time...however how does it stack up for their nap times...surely they are put to bed on their own, without proxomity to mum or dad? How does the logic apply there?
I'm curious, and wanting to learn, not being challenging! :)

We moved ds into his own room at 3 weeks. We slept better, he slept better. He is a healthy happy 8 year old. No harm done!!!!!

My DD is now 37 and DS 34 they both went in their own rooms when we got home from hospital which was 7 days then. They were both quite large babies and brilliant sleepers DD slept from 11. 00pm till 6. 30am at 6 weeks and DS at about 9 weeks. When my DD had her first DD she slept in their room for 6 weeks then put in her own room with the monitor the second DD only last 3 weeks she was such a noisy sleeper she kept them awake still is at 6. They are the most healthiest of girls rarely pick up anything and still like their sleep. I think you have got to do what you feel is best for you and your family.

Everyone has to make up their own mind.

However, I doubt you are going to get many women coming on here saying 'I put my newborn in it's own room and it died of SIDS' are you? You are going to get parents who didn't put the baby in their own room and parents who did, who now have older children - that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of women out there wishing they hadn't put the baby in its own room.

Coraltoes- I suppose when they are napping, you tend not to be, so are more relaxed about keeping an eye on them. IIRC (7 yrs ago now) dd slept mostly in her pram in a corner of the living room anyway.

Mowbraygirl- when I was a baby, HVs told mothers to put crushed rusks in their bottles from 8 days old. I'm as fit as a fiddle too, but it doesn't mean that advice was right, does it?

" it's that the baby hears your breathing while you are asleep " Can you honestly say that you can hear someone breathing when you're asleep?....

Chil 1234 - perhaps you'd be best advised to actually educate yourself about the reasons for the SIDS recommendations and then perhaps you would lose the scathing dismissiness? Lots of excellent research that you can look at here :
fsid.org.uk/Page.aspx?pid=269

OP - I'd put your DH in the spare room until he quits the cigarettes and keep the baby in with you.

There are, in my view, two strong and pressing reasons why a newborn should not go into a separate room unless it is completely, totally unavoidable.
First and foremost is the fact that it goes against every natural need the baby has to be close to its mother, and every natural need the mother has to nurture her baby and keep it close. We were not designed to spend extended periods of time away from our newborn babies and it seems pretty basic to me that a baby will be disturbed and distressed to find itself alone. Harvey Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block" book deals with why newborns don't respond well to silence and space around them - they have been surrounded by your bodily sounds and smells and wrapped up tight inside you. The first three months of life is considered by Karp, and many other experts, to be a fourth trimester during which a baby will benefit from womb-like conditions (swaddling, repetitive noise, being close to its mother etc). A quiet, dark room in a moses basket or cot is not what a newborn expects or craves.
Second is the risk of SIDS - I am surprised to see a poster rubbishing the suggestion that a newborn is assisted by the breathing of a nearby adult - I thought this was pretty widely known by now. Of course the child isn't consciously lying there thinking "breathe in, breathe out" - but a baby's breathing patterns are regulated by an adult breathing nearby. There is also the issue of long, deep sleep not being ideal for a newborn - this is why breastfeeding (regular waking as breastmilk not so digestible) and co-sleeping (adult movement and noise) are both proven to reduce the risk of SIDS.
Of course there are many children who went straight into their own room and were fine - what we cannot, of course know, is whether any of the babies who were tragically lost to SIDS might have survived if close to a parent.
Only you can answer whether you are being unreasonable - it depends on your view of risk. If you are confident that the reduction of risk is so small as to be insignificant then you are not being unreasonable. If you accept that the reduction is significant then yes, you would be unreasonable not to take advantage of that benefit.

TBH having read all the statistics, I would never be able to sleep with future-DC in a separate room.

I would be really worried, and would worry for the wellbeing of Baby too.
TBH what is better for DP and in terms of our relationship, is not what I think is best for Baby.

Even at nap time I will be a little worried - and checking every ten minutes.

Saying that, as long as your DC is only 2 metres away and the door is open, that seems like a decent compromise.

There's a bit of a recurring theme here - 'my baby was unbelievably snuffly and wriggly..' - that's the rule, not the exception with newborns!

Also noting the 'it was best for everyone' comments, generally translating as 'it was best for me', given that baby doesn't generally voice a preference.

Having said that, I think as long as you're aware of the guidelines and you make an informed decision, that's all anyone can ask. :)

I think coraltoes has a good point - what about when babies are napping - some parents might be hovering around checking their breathing every couple of minutes but I guess most are rushing around doing chores or - hopefully ! - napping themselves. My DS always napped in his own room during the day anyway (with the door closed - shock horror) - it used to be the done thing for babies to nap in their prams in the garden - I wonder if this 'sleeping in the same room' is a relatively new concept, yet another guilt trip for many parents today.

Even if they are doing chores, there's generally much more background noise in the house during the day than at night - presumably enough to stop a baby from falling into a very deep sleep.

5Dollar Not in my house there wasn't !

My DH can be unbelievably snuffly and wiggly but I don't make him sleep on his own.

I never put my children to bed for naps they napped downstairs in the pram, in a sling and when they were older in the pushchair or on the sofa.

Or perhaps this 'sleeping in the same room' advice is based on sound scientific research and advancements in medical knowledge ? Given that deaths from SIDS have decreased dramatatically over the last couple of decades ? i think it's way to easy for older parents to go on and on about how 'we did this and it all turned out ok' but we all ahve a responsibility to make sure our choices and those of others are based on sound knowledge rather than random anecdotes.

"Chil 1234 - perhaps you'd be best advised to actually educate yourself about the reasons for the SIDS recommendations and then perhaps you would lose the scathing dismissiness? Lots of excellent research that you can look at here"

I think that the causes of SIDs are still being guessed at, frankly. If a baby is in a well-ventilated, cool environment, not surrounded by mould spores, secondhand smoke, not in a place where it can be rolled on and smothered, not tangled in excessive bedding or clothing, laid on their back and all other commonsense measures then whether they are in the same room or a different room is largely immaterial. And therefore mothers should not be scaremongered into thinking that if their baby cannot hear their heartbeat all night they are doing it a disservice.

Annec, my understanding of the protective effect of sleeping in the same room is that it has something to do with higher C02 levels (produced by adults exhaling) stimulating the baby to breath. Really can't remember where I read/heard that. Has anyone else come across it?

tittybangbang - that does ring a faint bell, although my understanding is that one major factor is the breathing regulation. It may of course be true that more than one factor leads to the same effect.

Chil1234 - if mothers shouldn't be scaremongered they should also not be misled into thinking that there are no actions that they can take to reduce the risk. There is a good deal of evidence for the reduction of SIDS risk by some practices, including co-sleeping or same-room sleeping. Have you come across any research to support the opposite argument?

And if space is the issue I would recommend the Amby hammock. We used it and it was fantastic and didn't take up much space as the base went under the bed so that the hammock was right next to my side of the bed.