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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not have newborn in our room?

146 replies

rpickett · 16/09/2010 11:07

I see on here a lot that people assume that babies are going / should go into their parents room for so long when home from the hospital but is it really nessacery? (sp?)

I planned on putting DC3 straight into a cot in her own room, now before I get flamed her room is next to ours in the sense you have to walk through ours to get into hers and lot of people would say it would probably make a better walk in wardrobe then a bedroom, so she wouldn't be more then 2 meters from my bedside techinically, I just wondered if maybe IBU and should put her in a moses basket right next to the bed instead?

We have a sensor mat alarm for the cot and thought that it would be reasurring enough am I wrong?

My 2 older DC's stayed in our room for the first 6months but that was due to lack of space more then anything else, before we moved last year.

OP posts:

sarinha2203 · 17/09/2010 12:48

I think it's entirely up to you - everyone has diff opinions on how to raise their children disregarding statistics etc. Personally I would not feel comfortable with a newborn in the next room, I would not be able to sleep a wink. All my 3 children were in our room for quite some time but that's what we decided to do because we felt comfortable with it. Whichever choice you take is the right choice for YOU. :)

AbricotsSecs · 17/09/2010 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sarinha2203 · 17/09/2010 13:12

I really think it's not my place to tell people what to do or not to do with their own babies. As long as they have a good monitor etc then I think it's up to them. When I had my first baby, I had had such a long and painful labour that they decided to take baby to sleep in another room overnight so that I could get some rest. This room is for babies to sleep in, alone, there was nobody with baby, and this is in hospital.

hystericalmum · 17/09/2010 13:15

DC1, own room at 7 weeks. Started sleeping through without us there.
DC2, own room at 2 weeks as was incredibly noisy.
DC3, own room at about 2 months. Was disturbed by DH alarm clock at 5am.

But do what is right for you.

God Forbid, if a child is going to die, it would without you knowing.

Keeping the room cool & not over heating the baby is important.

kittywise · 17/09/2010 13:34

couldn't you have put ear plugs in?

tittybangbang · 17/09/2010 13:59

"I really think it's not my place to tell people what to do or not to do with their own babies".

I don't think anyone here is telling anyone what they SHOULD or SHOULDN'T do with their babies, only expressing an opinion about what they believe to be best for babies and for families.

"As long as they have a good monitor etc then I think it's up to them".

Why do you need a monitor if you have the door open, and if the monitors are not shown to help reduce the risk of cot-death?

"This room is for babies to sleep in, alone, there was nobody with baby, and this is in hospital."

I don't know when you had your baby but current 'best practice' guidelines for Baby Friendly hospitals are that mothers and babies should not be separated following birth unless there is clear clinical evidence to justify it.

Makes my heart ache to think of a baby only a few hours old lying alone in a room in a large institution.

tittybangbang · 17/09/2010 14:00

"I really think it's not my place to tell people what to do or not to do with their own babies".

I don't think anyone here is telling anyone what they SHOULD or SHOULDN'T do with their babies, only expressing an opinion about what they believe to be best for babies and for families.

"As long as they have a good monitor etc then I think it's up to them".

Why do you need a monitor if you have the door open, and if the monitors are not shown to help reduce the risk of cot-death?

"This room is for babies to sleep in, alone, there was nobody with baby, and this is in hospital."

Makes my heart ache to think of a baby only a few hours old lying alone in a room in a large institution.

sarinha2203 · 17/09/2010 14:08

Well some people DO need monitors so they can hear the baby (I for one am hard of hearing so would need one)

I have said earlier that PERSONALLY I would not be happy with baby in a separate room from an early age. All of my babies have slept in our bedroom for several months - last baby for over a year!

I was just giving an example of how they look after babies in hospitals (not institutions by the way!) And this was 11 years ago. I still believe that it's up to the parent though, and we should respect people's opinions and choices even if sometimes we don't agree with them!

Original poster

rpickett · 17/09/2010 14:14

Wow I come back online and I have a lot to read, my DC isn't due for 7 weeks so still have some time to read up on SIDS and make a decision.
It's not because I don't want her in my room with me but more due to space as with only our bed and a chest of drawers there is no room next to my bed the only other option would be a moses basket at the end of the bed against the wall (approx 2 foot from end of bed) which is the same distance from me of where she would be in her cot in her own room IYSWIM?
Starting to wish I'd put DS's in the smaller room now then I wouldn't have this issue.
I haven't got any worries about her being snuffly as I still remember what my boys were like as newborns.

OP posts:

IssiNoho · 17/09/2010 14:19

Could you put your chest of drawers in the spare room? That might free up enough room for a cot/basket. Just a thought .

Original poster

rpickett · 17/09/2010 14:26

unfortunatly not my chest of drawers were the narrowest I could buy and it is still a tight fit as in I cant even open the drawers without difficulty, a moses basket and stand would still be wider then the space avalible if they were moved if my measurments are correct, its my own fault for buying a ridiculously large bed but as I'm still paying for that replacing it wouldnt be a possibilty.

OP posts:

kittywise · 17/09/2010 14:31

Ok this is a serious suggestion, how about your dh move out to another room for a while so that the newborn can be with his mum? His/her needs are what matters here.

shodatin · 17/09/2010 14:31

I remember my mother saying that in the past, people in small houses used to put the baby to sleep in an open drawer in their bedroom (possibly at the bottom of the wardrobe)
until it grew too big - and the drawer was usually required for the next infant by that
time.

Most modern bedrooms have a chest of drawers these days, and I wonder if this old-fashioned idea might be due for renewal?

tittybangbang · 17/09/2010 14:40

here

You have a mahoosive bed? Considered one of these? (you could put it on your side and push the bed against the wall)

frasersmummy · 17/09/2010 14:41

When ds was born the advice was to move them to their own room at around asap not because of snuffling, moving and waking you up.

It was more about helping them to adjust so they didnt stay in a crib next to mum for 6 months and then find themselves alone in a strange bed in a strange room all alone thinking what did I do to deserve this

Obviously the sids research has moved on and there are new guidelines which any new mum should be aware of

I am just pointing out that we didnt all just put our babies in their own room for our own needs

IssiNoho · 17/09/2010 14:41

I second Kittywise. You could sound your DH out about the idea - see how he feels. He might like the idea of a room to himself for a while. Mine would do it just for the extra sleep - and doubly so if he could have a telly to himself in there - with his own remote . He'd be in heaven

Original poster

rpickett · 17/09/2010 14:43

Kittywise short of sticking my OH on the sofa for a few weeks I have no idea where else he could sleep our nursery is too small for a single bed although we do have one in our loft my two DC's are still in cots ATM as my DS1 is too much of a wriggle bum and when we tried to put him in his own bed he would roll out (and yes even with a bed guard dunno how he managed it but he did!) my hubby isn't exactlty a small man either so I would imagine sleeping on the sofa would be very uncomftable so unfair on him.
My house is too small I think, we only moved in last year but it looks as though moving again is going to be our only option soon.

OP posts:

Again · 17/09/2010 14:48

Well we co-sleep in a double bed with a 3 year old up until 4 nights ago when we decided a 3 year old and 31 week pregnant mum and dad does not go into a double bed, so dad's out until we get a bigger bed.

IssiNoho · 17/09/2010 14:49

Could the cots go in the spare room? Or at least one so that the single bed could go in with one child. The child who gets to share with Daddy would probably love it!

Could that work?

Bonsoir · 17/09/2010 14:51

Litchick - possibly. I have a hard time understanding how and why people make choices based on societal pressure.

kittywise · 17/09/2010 16:59

OK then, how about moving the cots into your room, they will fit surely if there is room for a double bed? And move your bed into the children's room?

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