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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

in thinking 7 years old is not too young to walk 65 ft to the school bus

126 replies

DuelingFanjo · 14/09/2010 10:46

story

how ridiculous of the council.

OP posts:
prettybird · 15/09/2010 12:04

Just keep them inside forever - then they'll be totally safe. HmmHmm

It is small increments of "independence" like this that contributes to the safety of children. Then we might not experience the spike in RTAs involving 1st year secondary school kids who are suddenly "on their own" and have no sense of traffic awareness. :(

FioFio · 15/09/2010 12:08

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curryfreak · 15/09/2010 12:11

If she's scared to cross the road, then she is too young to cross the road!! Her parents are obviously forcing her to do this and dressing it up as encouraging her independance,- so yes that's neglect, plain and simple.

prettybird · 15/09/2010 12:26

Where does it say that she was too scared to cross the road? Was that on the radio?

All I can find is references to the bus dirver feeling "obliged" to accompnay her across the road - which could have been a self-imposed obligation. It says nothing about whether she would have been happy to cross the road.

And looking at the photo, I agree with Glenthamgirl: all the bus driver needed to do was to stop not close in to the edge and so blocked any cars from overtaking. Although that would have then had the ngative effect of effectively teaching her to cross the road beside the bus, rather than waiting until she knew it was clear.

FioFio · 15/09/2010 12:37

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prettybird · 15/09/2010 12:44

... I suspect that the father made them correct it then! Especially if she wasn't scared.

FioFio · 15/09/2010 12:47

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Strix · 15/09/2010 12:52

Over the years, people have no become overprotective and paranoid. But, rather, times have changed. I used to wak myself roughly a mile to school when I was 7. I lived in a posh suburb of Chicago and there was not a danger in site (apart from moving cars). I was very independant.

Today, my 7 yr old DD is very much like me, and very independant. She is capable of looking for cars, waiting and then crossing... UNLESS she happens to be walking with her friend discussing their baby dolls in which case she is likely to not even notice there is a road in front of her, proceed straight across without looking and be so absorbed in the conversation that neither of them hears their mother yelling screaming their names 15 feet behind them. I was yelling as loud as I could. She didn't hear a word I said. Thank God there was no car.

I don't think I am overprotective. I might be safety concious. But I don't know anyone who would let their 7 year old on a bus alone.

Perhaps it is different in rural areas. But, guns, knives, and road accidents as far as I know are restricted to big cities.

Strix · 15/09/2010 12:54

Perhaps it is different in rural areas. But, guns, knives, and road accidents as far as I know are not restricted to big cities.

FioFio · 15/09/2010 12:55

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happystressedmum · 15/09/2010 13:03

I am glad this was posted as I currently have a similar dilema. I work part-time and on the days I work I take my 8 year old (year 4) to breakfast club at 8am. He has is said he does not want to go to breakfast club and wants to walk to school which is a ten minute walk and crossing one busy road at zebra crossing and 2 quiet side roads. He goes to a private school where many of the mums don't work and I personally think this will be frowned upon by the school and other mums. I also am a bit of wrap them in cotton wool and feel really uncomfortable about letting him walk to school at this age (although he is very mature for his age). He is putting me under pressure to let him but IF I agree he will want to start coming home on his own and DH doesnt get home until 430pm!

dustythedolphin · 15/09/2010 13:07

I think that anyone who has concerns about a child's safety should report it and the fact that the council has been ridiculed in the press for responding to such a report will, unfortunately, only discourage people from reporting their concerns about children's welfare in future :(

The thought of a seven year old girl standing alone on a country lane at the same time every morning horrifies me as predators are opportunists. Think Sarah Payne RIP :(

Oblomov · 15/09/2010 13:14

I hope it does discourage people dusty.
Of course people need to be aware. but this is just ott.

prettybird · 15/09/2010 13:15

Strix, I disagree, I beleive that people have become overprotective and paranoid.

One of the reasons that people often give for not letting thier kids go to the park/outsdie to play unaccompanied is their perceived reisk of paedophiles and/or abduction. Yet the risk of that has not changed over the years - only our percpetion of the risk.

When I was at school - primary school, it was not uncommon for kids to be "latch key kids". Working others were a new phenomenon (this was in the 60s Blush) and after school care did not exist. There was concern raised over the rsing number of latch key kids - but not a whiff of a suggestion that Social Services should be involved. Whereas nowadays, there would be cries of "neglect".

I will just about accept the increased risk from traffic - but that does not explain the reluctance of people to let their children out of their sight even in quiet suburbs/quiet streets/in the park/on the way to school with lollipop men.

I live in an inner city suburb of Glasgow but am not concerned about guns or knives. These things exist - but are unlikely to be a problem for under 12 year olds (in fact,I'd be more concerned at secondary school). Ds has been the vicitm of a minor mugging (more just pushed to the ground) where we found out afterwards that knives might have been involved (although were never displayed). We still let him walk places on his own - but he is now more wary of groups of (certain) boys: which is good because he is learning to judge danger. A notorious racially motivated murder occured (or more accurately began) just around the corner from his school - but the odds of something like that happening again are miniscule.

Oblomov · 15/09/2010 13:22

and its good thta the council have been ridiculed. they admitted the fact the letter was badly worded. did you miss their admission ?
what does that tell you ? do you watch the news, read the papers ?

every single time, there is an article in our local paper, the council, comment with a bland, non commital, non obligation, we've-done-nothing-wrong, type statement.
thats what they are trained to do. hospitals, nhs, doctors, councils, try very very hard never to admit wrongdoing. never. even in a minor, 'we could have handled it better', way. never, 'we were wrong'. why ? because liable. fear of being sued.

so when someone does admit even a minor wrondgoing, actually, in this day-an-age of 'have you fallen on the street, let us help you sue', this is actually quite significant.

edam · 15/09/2010 13:40

It's very unfair to start casting aspersions on the family and claim 'there must have been more to it'. The council has backed down. They wouldn't have done that if 'there was more to it'. There are plenty of examples of councils overstepping the mark and abusing their powers - using anti-terrorist legislation to carry out intensive surveillance of a family for daring to apply for a place at an popular school, for instance. (That one was in Poole IIRC - eventually the council apologised.)

Children are at risk if we are too paranoid to let them learn how to cross the road and how to use a little bit of independence. Being too protective is just as dangerous as being slack. But the most important point is it's down to the individual parent to make judgments about the capacity of their own child in their own circumstances.

The council should get a sense of perspective and stop threatening parents. Clearly Lincs childrens' services are rather underworked if they have the time to start harassing a family over letting their daughter walk 20m back from a bus stop.

GabbyLoggon · 15/09/2010 14:16

The Monty Python crew would have said: When I was at school in the north, we used to get up at 3am , spend 2 hours down the pit, eat bread and dripping sandwiches and walk 14 miles to school

edam · 15/09/2010 16:35

Bread and dripping? You were lucky. We 'ad to eat the sweepings off the factory floor at the end of a 16 hour shift etc. etc. etc.

Grin
prettybird · 16/09/2010 11:11
Grin

Should they even be at school and not still down the mines in at night and then up the chimneys during the day?

darcymum · 16/09/2010 13:40

My mum was very over protective and I was never allowed to walk to/from school or play out etc by myself, all the other children were. I had an unhappy, oppressive childhood as a result of all this 'protection' and still to this day have a very poor relationship with my mother. Ok nothing ever happened to me, I was never abducted or run over, but nor were any of my friends.

Seems to me all parents are like that now, she was just ahead of her time. I am very very sad about that.

prettybird · 16/09/2010 16:16

That's very sad darcymum :(

MrsThisIsTheCadillacOfNailguns · 16/09/2010 22:40

I let dd1 who was 6 at the time,walk around the village to post a letter on her own.It involved crossing the road,but we are in a very small village with little traffic and she is sensible.She was SO proud of herself for going on her own.I also let both dds play out in the lane in front of the house on their scooters.

I know a couple of teenagers whose parents arrange for them to go up mountains with the Duke of Edinburgh scheme and do stuff like that,but don't allow them to travel to the city on the bus and it is only 10 miles away.Madness.

prettybird · 17/09/2010 12:30

I had forgetten that I let ds, age 4 or 5, take a letter to the post box around the corner(about 2 minutes walk away). I watched him go around the corner and then went upstairs to watch him walk back. He took forever to wander back, examining (it seemed like) every stone of the garden walls that he passed. He was just revelling in the freedom to walk at his own pace :)

castleonthehill · 17/09/2010 13:36

I think people are to nosey since I had my second child, who just started school. I have let the big one walk to school on the odd actuation. I can't win my health has meant I could get to the car to drive round the corner to school. If I ask a friend to pick her up my daughter would then worry about being late. When I let her someone told be someone else was going to call ss if she saw by dd on own again.

When I drove to school I could carry dd2 so I left her in the car as wanted to arrange for someone to bring dd1 home. I could see dd2 all the time car was lock. Someone again threaten to call ss. In the end I have decided I will let by children do what I feel happy that they can do

I will never let dd1 walk dd2 to school and I wont leave the both in the house on their own.

I do feel sorry for them though as all the kids in the area are wrapped up tin so much cotton wall their parents will be taking them to uni

ruthie48 · 17/09/2010 19:27

Hubby told me he used to cycle round the hills of Buxton at 5. How things have changed.Confused

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