to go straight to the Head about my concerns about HER?

[thedollyridesout]

DD has had a great first week at middle school, until this afternoon anyway. She came home off the bus very upset having been 'told off' by the Headmistress - let's call her Mrs Smith.

DD said that Mrs Smith shouted at her for pulling a face at a boy who got up and changed seats rather than have DD sit next to him. DD was not aware that she had done this until Mrs Smith bellowed at her something along the lines of 'you do not do that to another person young lady'.

DD was confused and mortified in equal measure. She feels that Mrs Smith was wrong to have spoken to her that way and the whole incident has tarnished her experience of her new school.

She can take very little pleasure in being Star of the Week or in breaking the Y5 long jump record and she certainly won't be striving for an award from the Headmistress. She would however accept an apology.

So am I mad to go and speak to the Headmistress about this? I would really appreciate some advice on how to handle things.

Frankly can't be arsed....too much mollycoddling going on fom OP

How do you know it happened exactly as your dd says it did?

Kids can sometimes 'forget' certain bits to a story when it suits them.

she'll be reminded when she gets the eamil Monday morning

Dolly, the email was daft, but it's not unusual to have an emotional overreaction when it comes to your DCs. Take this any further and you will simply be making a fool of yourself.

Downplay this whole thing to your DD, seriously, she will face worse treatment than this. You can't be sure the HT did anything like what your DD says, it could be that she was upset to be caught out being nasty to another child and she just embellished, that's what children do I'm afraid, even the so-called model pupils.

In good conscience, I will say that it's very silly to pass on a sense of precious entitlement to children. Life is tough, you can't win every battle and sometimes when you feel hard done by, you need to accept it and learn from it. Don't make an idiot of yourself over this, teach your DD to let it go and move on, which is exactly what you should be doing.

Sorry to be harsh, but you are taking this way too far.

LOL mumbar

LOL Mumbar no I think it's v unlikely that they mentioned it to their parents! Suspect it's not such a big deal to them as to the OP's DD

and also that fact she IS embarrassed shows she knows what 'bad' behaviour is.

Imagine the flip side to this - DD doesn't give a toss when HT tells her off over minor things. Worried about what she'll get up to if she continues not caring.

am loving the lost jumper addition
yes? and?

So, how does this sound:

DD, most of the ladies on MN think that it is not worth getting upset about. Maybe you could speak to Mrs Smith and tell her that you think you may have gotten off on the wrong foot. Tell her that you want to and will try to do the right thing and you hope that she won't feel the need to shout at you again.

If I get a reply from the afore mentioned email I could always email back and say that DD will be speaking to her about it later.

She's lost a school jumper?....my kids have lost me a freaking fortune in school clothes over the years...will this woman never get over it?...aaaarrrggghhh...actually gotta go,driving me mad....g'night

I agree with taintedpaint.

I think that your DD is under too much pressure to be good - maybe self-inflicted, but pressure nonetheless. Ime, children who are a little bit naughty, or who feel free to be naughty, enjoy school so much more. (I hated school, and I sympathise with your DD!). Can't you get your DD to see that it doesn't matter? Talking to the head is just bigging the experience up again, in my opinion.

What's her jumper got to do with it? Is that the HTs fault too?

This thread is hysterical. OP - get a grip. Do you really think the HT scolded your daughter for no reason whatsoever?? Really??

Perhaps you should say to your DD "Clearly the HT thought you made a face. If you didn't then, it was a mistake on her part. Nothing really to get upset about"

Glad someone thinks you think you're a great parent.

Yeah, thieving bitch.

Saggy, did you see this thread today? example of real helicopter parenting

not by the OP, I hasten to add.

Maybe she was a bit over emotional because she thought I'd flip over the lost jumper.

No mollycoddling here

You are being overs sensitive and are doing your dd no favours by reacting in the way you are. Everyone gets told off at school, sometimes teachrs don't see the whole incident and get the wrong person. However, this is minor, everyone else is right, save your strength for real problems. This is nothing!

It is all very trivial! Use it to explain to your DD that life isn't fair. You are helping her far more if you help her move on.

Oh dear Dolly, bless you for giving me a chuckle, goodnight.
PS tomorrow's the weekend, do something fun with your DD, she will soon forget all about it, the telling off and the jumper!

NOPE! I think that all of this is just getting blown completely out of all propertion.

OK, Dolly, you've sent an email? RECALL RECALL RECALL

If you can't do that just LEAVE IT.

You say your lovely DD is too old to cajole? You are entirely denying your ability as a mum. My eldest son is 13, going on 17| and will be possibly sitting his first GCSE's this year (he is very bright) Do you know something? one eyebrow, one "you're in on this whole life thing eh son?" look; one acceptance from me that he is growing up and standing on his own two feet results in either: gales of laughter, looks of derision or a serious chat.

This is not far off for you. And I strongly advise you to get a seriously dark sense of humour and an ability to either ignore the derision/drama or live a very grey life.

Honestly.

Pretend the email never happened. Turn the whole situation into something "easy" for her without hurting her sensibilities - not easy, but hey! we're back at my original point, life ain't easy is it?

DO this. FORGET this and quick, and make sure your DD does too. It's not worth it. honestly/

OP you are blatantly a pushy parent wanting a perfect daughter, whether you admit that or not. Let me spell this out.

LET IT GO.

Tell your DD that she needs to respect her teachers even if she doesn't feel like it's fair, she must learn this anyway. What you are doing otherwise is teaching her that their authority means nothing because mummy will fight her battles and the teachers will always be wrong because mummy thinks her little girl is perfect and can't do a thing wrong. Your DD does not need to speak to the HT at all. She needs to go in on Monday and get on with her day like she would anyway. And you need to stop being so silly and overprotective.

Get a grip, you are going way too far. Drop this now, you should've already done so. If you get a reply, this only thing you should be saying to them in return is that you're sorry for wasting their time.

Dolly please read by PP about DS experience as it shows why its worth monitoring incidents.

BUT I do think its putting far too much pressure on your DD to say hopefully HT will NEVER have to tell her off again. Seriously she cannot go through life being worried about being told off.

I did - I hated it, felt like a failure all the time - it is NOT WORTH IT. Tell her it DOES NOT MATTER - PLEASE.

If we do nothing, DD will just join the ranks of DC saying how horrible Mrs Smith is. Maybe that is just as it should be, solidarity and all that.

Dolly, although in danger of coming all hearty and Joyce Grenfell, good on you for taking this on the chin It sounds like your dd could sort this out herself, maybe your follow-up email chat with the head could pave the way?

Have a look at the other thread I linked, that's a helicopter parent!

This thread is actually hilarious. Bravo to all involved.