to go straight to the Head about my concerns about HER?

[thedollyridesout]

DD has had a great first week at middle school, until this afternoon anyway. She came home off the bus very upset having been 'told off' by the Headmistress - let's call her Mrs Smith.

DD said that Mrs Smith shouted at her for pulling a face at a boy who got up and changed seats rather than have DD sit next to him. DD was not aware that she had done this until Mrs Smith bellowed at her something along the lines of 'you do not do that to another person young lady'.

DD was confused and mortified in equal measure. She feels that Mrs Smith was wrong to have spoken to her that way and the whole incident has tarnished her experience of her new school.

She can take very little pleasure in being Star of the Week or in breaking the Y5 long jump record and she certainly won't be striving for an award from the Headmistress. She would however accept an apology.

So am I mad to go and speak to the Headmistress about this? I would really appreciate some advice on how to handle things.

As a general comment I don't see that it is SO shocking that an adult (yes, even a Headteacher!) should apologise to a child for being unjust

agree that in this situation OP and her dd should just put it down to experience and move on

but find some of the attitudes on the thread a bit

"Humiliated" makes you both sound very oversensitive.

Heh heh, I love these threads.

Yes OP, you must complain first thing Monday morning and insist on an apology for your poor, hurt DD.

Please, please can I come and watch?! Bet the school will lurve you...

um.

Has your DD expressed the following to you?

1. I can take very little pleasure in being Star of the Week 2) I don't care about breaking the Y5 long jump record
2. I certainly won't be striving for an award from the Headmistress.
3. I would however accept an apology.

?

Because honestly? If my child said these things to me they would be getting a massive dose of GRIP UP.

Look, you and I both know that life is not always fair. Children also need to learn this. Sometimes shit happens, and SOMETIMES you have to suck.it.up.

If your child didn't say these things to you, then you are projecting more than a cinefilm projector and you need to cool down.

You won't do her any favours. Not everyone in life is going to bow to her wishes and teaching her to rebel against authorty in this way will do her no favours.

I'm not talking about being a doormat, but for her to be HUMILIATED about being told off (in a pretty light way) by a teacher? Then that is something she has to learn to deal with. Hell, I sometimes get told off as an adult, and I just shrug and think "wanker" and move on, I don't let it affect my desire to beat the world in the long jump next week

I remember being humiliated as a child, and it wasn't trivial to me then and it isn't now

or don't you think children have basic dignity?

fgs

At first I thought OP was being OTT, but some of you are taking the piss

I get the distinct impression that the OP isn't really asking if she is unreasonable - more looking for reassurance that her dingbat opinion is valid.

You are being unreasonable. Assuming that your DD is completely without blame (and that's a big if) perhaps now is a time to explain that life isn't always completely fair.

If you go helicopter parent raving loonesque into the school then based on what you've posted here you're going to come across as a bit of tit...

I agree with the others - let it go. You've only heard one side of the story. It also gets you off on the wrong foot with your daughter's new school and could cause you hassles down the line.

Rather than refusing to take part in or get pleasure from the awards and competitions, it's a good opportunity to help her to learn to dust herself off after a setback and carry on striving. If she doesn't, the other kids/parents are bound to just see it as sulking anyway.

If she gets derailed by every little unpleasant incident she'll be doing her own development no good. How's she going to handle it if/when Life really socks her in the face one day?

Not a good way for her (or you) to start out in middle school. Try to turn this into a learning experience (after all, pulling faces is rude, and hard to do unintentionally) and move on. The longer you stew about this the worse it will get, and your daughter will take her attitude cues from you.

I was humiliated by a teacher and waited after lesson to demand ask for an apology. Nowt wrong with teachers apologising if it's needed. BUT it was the 'she would accept an apology' even though she would no longer enjoy her star, etc!!

Agree with the projection post

get a grip - and take greenseleeves with you to the get a grip corner

I understand why your daughter would feel upset and you feeling she will never get over it.Its sad that so many teachers seem so ready to jump in and shout at children without bothering to ask why something happened I wish teachers were trained to think before they shout How are children meant to grow up relating well towards other people when teachers act like this.My daughter experienced lots of unfair cruel reactions at school and hasnt forgotten them I have always talked to her a lot though and said that not everyone is nice so at least shes had some practice for when she is out there working

YABU. It sounds like an appropriate reprimand to me, tbh.

If she's upset & thinks it was unjust than that's a pity, but arf at the notion that any HT is going to contemplate an apology for ticking off a 9 or 10 year old for rudeness.

It might be worth going to see her, though, as you've only had dd's version of the story so far...

Crickey,get over it comes to mind....life's a bitch,toughen up the pair of you....sorry if this sounds harsh...but really?....she got told off...so what

She has never been told off before, so to be told off by the Head teacher in a new school is a big deal to her.

I tried to make her feel better by asking her about her day and she told me about the long jump and Star of Week but she also said that she didn't feel that good about them anymore. She doesn't want to get used to being treated rudely.

Honestly Greensleeves?

Honestly? You remember every slight which was dealt out to you in primary school? (and I promise you, I am not saying this snippily (ooh I made up a word!) I am asking you seriously)

I remember very little about being told off in school, I'm sure I was, I was a feisty little thing, still am - although not so little - but I really truly believe that this incident is so small that it must be brushed off by the OP in order to teach her DD that the world is not always equitable. Sometimes you get "told off" and it's unfair but you have to move on, make the most of it and not cut your nose of to spite your face.

I don't think my post was unreasonable or uncaring. I truly believe that this is an important part of learning about the realities of the world.

Years ago (in fact when I was still at school) kids got the cane for stuff they hadn't done. There is so much wrong with this I can't even begin to put it into words, but a light admonishment from a HT is surely nothing to get into a lather about? Surely/Shirley!

I didn't say I remembered every little slight

I said I remembered being humiliated and I didn't think it was trivial

in response to the poster who said the use of the word "humiliated" made her dd sound oversensitive

FWIW I have apologised to children when I have been hasty or unfair

any teacher who thinks he/she is above this is a knobber IMO

if that means I belong in the "get-a-grip-corner" then so be it

She will find the school lacking.....she will accept an apology

O.M.G!

You really are doing your DD no favours at all if you encourage her to think in this pompous way.

Anyone who states seriously that their child is a model pupil needs to get a bit of perspective frankly

'She has never been told off before'?...good grief.....look, i'm sorry,but, really..never been told off before?....she sounds very precious...

I did say I wasn't backing OP in going in and complaining btw, I think she should put it down to experience and move on

I was responding to some of the unpleasant attitudes that came out in other posts

some people really don't think children are fully human

I was told off in front of the whole school assembly when I was 9 and made to walk up to the front and sit beside the piano facing everyone. In fairness I'd slapped the boy behind me who was pulling my ponytail constantly... He never got told off! I do remember the humiliation but I'm not traumatised by it, I'm sure your daughter will cope!

The accept an apology bit came about when I asked DD what would make her feel better - 'nothing' was the reply. So I said 'not even an apology' and she said that Mrs Smith would not apologise in a million years. However, if by some miracle she did, DD would forgive her and her faith in Headmistresses would be restored again (that last bit was mine).

I feel that something needs to be said and that my DD is looking to me to set an example. I would be perfectly polite during my encounter with HT but I am not sure what I am trying to achieve or even what is achievable.

FWIW, I have certainly apologised to my students if I have dealt with them unfairly, or if I have over-reacted to something. More often though, I have explained why I don't think I was over-reacting. My perception of an event and theirs might be quite at odds. I usually try to understand their position, and ask them to see mine. I think if you are going to talk tothe head, that might be a better approach TBH.

She doesn't want to get used to being treated rudely.

Who does? But she'd better, if she wants to make any kind of life for herself in this world, because it's going to happen again and again and again, sometimes fairly, sometimes not, and she'll need to know how to deal with it without getting knocked off course every time.

Life isn't always fair, but it still has to be lived and dealt with. You're doing her no favours by such hothouse-flower nurturing.

She is precious to me. She is a model pupil in that I would be more than happy to have 30 like her in my class. Hardworking, kind, caring, helpful, reliable are the qualities that I am talking about.