to go straight to the Head about my concerns about HER?

[thedollyridesout]

DD has had a great first week at middle school, until this afternoon anyway. She came home off the bus very upset having been 'told off' by the Headmistress - let's call her Mrs Smith.

DD said that Mrs Smith shouted at her for pulling a face at a boy who got up and changed seats rather than have DD sit next to him. DD was not aware that she had done this until Mrs Smith bellowed at her something along the lines of 'you do not do that to another person young lady'.

DD was confused and mortified in equal measure. She feels that Mrs Smith was wrong to have spoken to her that way and the whole incident has tarnished her experience of her new school.

She can take very little pleasure in being Star of the Week or in breaking the Y5 long jump record and she certainly won't be striving for an award from the Headmistress. She would however accept an apology.

So am I mad to go and speak to the Headmistress about this? I would really appreciate some advice on how to handle things.

YABU. She got told off for pulling a face- big deal

Yeah she's embarrassed, aren't most people when they get pulled up in public for bad behaviour? If you tell your DD off for unreasonable behavaiour, do you then apologise?

Let it be a life lesson to her- sometimes people are too harsh on others but you sometimes have to be the bigger person and let it go. Holding a grudge will make you and DD look silly and petty imo.

I am trying to encourage her to respect her teachers. That is what this thread is about.

I am so not the kind of parent that some of you lot are making me out to be. She was crying at the end of what would have otherwise been a wonderful week. I should probably mention that I phoned the school straight away - they were closed . So I sent an email sUing something like - DD has retuned home from school in tears and I would like to get to the bottom of the incident. I am writing to you directly as the incident involved you.

Sorry but... fucking hell... she is also precocious(have i spelled that right)?...confident?...willing to speak to the HT herself?...are you raising a monster...

Am I the only one wondering about how the OP knows exactly what her DD is like at school?

My DD can behave really hideously at home; I don't imagine she is like that all the time at school tho (I hope not). In fact her teachers wd tell me (I hope).

So surely vice versa? Nobody can know what someone is like when elsewhere.

I am not saying yr DD behaves badly when out of yr sight, OP, but how do you know she is so perfect?

And never told off? I am sorry but that is rather unlikely. If my DD had never been told off I'd be a bit worried tbh.

OK.

You're not going to listen. I understand.

See you in 3 years once she has hit secondary school.

FGS, get over yourself! What are you going to do when she starts work and someone says something to her that doesn't quite suit?

HOW DARE THEY CLOSE ON A FRIDAY EVENING! Don't they know you have liquid mentalism to pour down the phone?

Is this for real?

The thing that still gets me is that she's convinced you/ herself that she didn't realise she pulled a face!

Any teacher who referred to me or anyone else as a helicopter parent would feel the sharp end of my Tongue! It's insulting. Everyone brings up their child the best way they know how. People have issues and history which affects the way they do this. I personally allow my kids many freedoms and the chance to be independent. However, if they are upset, or feel wronged, I help them to sort it out. It doesnt meen agressive confrontation, whats wrong with discussion? Why should anyone, let alone kids have to accept any treatment as acceptable which humiliates them? If this had happened in a workplace, you would all be shouting 'harassment'!

Are you absolutely sure your DD is as perfect to others as you make out?

I only ask because staff at DD's nursery keep telling me how polite, helpful and what a good eater DD is while she's there. I bloody wish she was like that home more often!

Like I said before, it's one of those life lessons- life aint always fair. And I say that not only as a child who got screamed at while at school for silly things (forgetting P.E kit, misplacing books, chatting in class) but as a mum of my own perfect PFB (and only child).

Did you tell her what MNetters said to you...bet you didn't..thanks Mum..do her a favour and grow up..

Bagpuss, are you claiming that there's no such thing as helicopter parenting?

No saggy.

No, I wouldn't. sorry old bean, but I wouldn't.

If my boss spoke to me sharply because I'd make a wanker gesture behind another colleagues backs (just groping for correlation here) I would think, "ok fair enough" (because, let's be fair and honest here - the HT has no reason to single out OP's child, she must have pulled a face,becuae as the OP states, she is a perfect pupil) not "I am going to the union rep"

C'mon!

i still remember the vicar telling me off for pulling a face in church at that age. from the pulpit, in front of the entire congregation.

from that i learnt not to pull faces that could be viewed by an adult in authority.

i honestly can't believe you called the school because the head told her off for pulling a face.

one thing is clear though. she won't do it again. job done by the head, i'd say.

(unless, unless, ... mummydolly gets an apology out of the head. mwahahahaha.)

ShirleyKnot - I am listening, what would be the point of posting otherwise?

The bus was unusually packed and DD went to sit on a seat next to a boy who promptly got up and moved. I daresay that she was perplexed, hence the look.

The HT has a bit of a reputation - no one has a good thing to say about her. Up until today, DD was very much in the minority for liking her. I am not a helicopter parent and I have said all the right things about the HT. I have encouraged DD to take it on the chin and although she will be fine, a little bit of something has been lost. Is it really to late to restore her faith?

Saggy...tbh, I'd hope that face-pulling is uncommon in the workplace.

Although if I indulged in it, & got ticked off, somehow I doubt my mum would ring up to sort it out for me...

All I have to go on re: the model pupil comment is what her teachers have told me over the years.

I'm with BoF. Punchline?

Leave it. It is more than likely that your daughter and the HT would have a different version of events. If you give your DD the impression that the HT owes her an apology you are undermining the HT authority. I think its more important you use this as a way to teach her to deal with similar situations in the future - it won't be the first time someone speaks to her in such a way or accuses her of something she didnt do. She needs to deal with it. As do you.

You haven't listened OP nor do you seem to realise how... umm.... crazy a mum you sound. You think your child is perfect - don't we all want to think that - but really, she is not. She got in trouble. She will get over it. No biggy. Realise your daughter is a little girl like any other yep, that's right, like any other.

liquid mentalism has just made me gob tea all over the place!!!!!!!

I'm not claiming anything. I just think the term is insulting. People don't do things for no reason. If people are over protective of their kids, maybe there is a reason. Who are teachers, or MNs come to that, to judge?
The OP knows her child, fair enough, she has been a bit gushing, but when you are upset, you don't think straight. Why should anyone not expect an explanation for being reprimanded? Or are we teaching kids to accept all treatments Without question?

It is threads like this that make me realise what great parent I am.