Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very upset by friend demanding something back given to me 15 years ago??

555 replies

rockinhippy · 08/09/2010 11:39

I'll try not to ramble, but already feeling ill & now very upset, so excuse me if I do....I would apreciate opinions as to whether or not I am being unreasonable in, a being upset, & b, refusing.

Some 16 odd years ago, probably much more, ........my friend ...(who is one of my DDs 2 GodMums) gave me a vintage astrakan coat, passed to her by her uncle, but not her style at all, but very much mine..........she said at the time something along the lines of "if you change your mind & don't wear it, or want it in future, don't get rid of it, but let me have it back, maybe I'll keep it or pass it on"

Now I love this coat, repaired the lining & keep it for winter going out for special occasions & have looked after it well, so its still in as new condition

the other day I recieved an e-mail, telling me her DD now 17 had been looking through old family photos, & has fell in love with this coat...& wondered if I still had it & was it used..& could she have it back....at first I was confused & thought she meant a 1 she had passed over to my DD....

e-mail yesterday clarified what she meant....so I replied saying, yes, I still love it & wear it with pride & even included a recent photo (we don't live close to each other anymore)

Just now recieved a reply along the lines of....

Sadly DD feels just as strongly about the coat & DD takes precedence over friend, will be popping down to your town next Monday I will collect it then Shock

Confused
OP posts:
saintlydamemrsturnip · 08/09/2010 22:23

what I don't understand is how someone saying 'give it back to me when you've finished with it' can be interpreted as a gift not a loan.

PinkElephant73 · 08/09/2010 22:25

OK OP you have 2 choices:

(1)Keep the friend

or (2) keep the coat

Whats it to be?

Personally I wouldnt bother with
(3) give the coat back and simmer with resentment for evermore, but thats just me.

ivykaty44 · 08/09/2010 22:25

My full length winter coat is 20 years old this year - next year we are throwing a party Wink

I do have a sweude (sp) coat that was my mothers and I rathe rlike - I am not loaning it or letting my dd1 have it as I like it and wear it soemthimes - it needs relining - oP can you borrow it for a while Grin

Original poster
rockinhippy · 08/09/2010 22:26

the more I think on it, the more I like the e-bay idea...lol

& dexter, it IS fake, but friend always thought it was real, at least thats the impression she gave....no matter really as I wouldn't of charged anyway

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 08/09/2010 22:27

It was "if she finished with it" not when

Original poster
rockinhippy · 08/09/2010 22:28

half of that disappeared Shock...damded gremlins....too knacked to re type it

night night all :)

OP posts:
saintlydamemrsturnip · 08/09/2010 22:28

yes but you say 'if you finish with it' not remotely expecting that if you ask for it back after 15 years someone will kick up a fuss.

To me a gift is 'I don't want it back - pass it on when you have finished' whilst a loan is 'I'f like it back at some stage please'.

dexter73 · 08/09/2010 22:37

Night rockinhippy! Have enjoyed your thread a lot!

Original poster
rockinhippy · 08/09/2010 22:39

Pink E

Its going to be down to her & her ongoing attitude really...if she realises her aproach over it was highly shite & discusses it properly

if not, then it likely to be ditch the coat AND the friend......along with a few other bits shes given for DD to grow into.....just incase she decides in years to come she wants them back to

& no, I won't be simmering with resentment, crap health has taught me 1 good life lesson, life is too short, & too precious to waste time & energy on people who p' you off...so I will feel sad for a short while...lay it to rest & move on..........

DD wont be so much of a problem as I feared really, as she reminded me tonight, that she complained only the other day that she wished another friend of the same name, was her Godmum instead of this friend....I felt really sad about that at the time, & that was before any of this really started.........

obviously I;d rather things were different, but I don't see or hear much of her these days, & my health is worth more than a coat & a non friend anyway

OP posts:
Aitch · 08/09/2010 22:45

amen, rockhippy.

now get on ebay. Wink

ChippingIn · 08/09/2010 22:58

Rockinhippy I'm aware that I bang on about this quite a lot, but I don't think I have to you before Grin do you have it detailed in your Will who would be your DD's guardians if anything happened to you and your DH? If you do, is it still current (as in what you would want now)? Don't feel you have to answer!!

expatinscotland · 08/09/2010 23:28

You are going to wind up on Judge Judy over this, hippy.

This thread belongs in classics, where I hereby christen it Fake Astrakhangate, the coat that ever was.

StayFrosty · 08/09/2010 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LostVagueness · 08/09/2010 23:30

Oh come on now. It's a coat not a kidney! Is it worth losing a friend over this?

Aitch · 08/09/2010 23:31

yes, because the friend is a weird bitch.

expatinscotland · 08/09/2010 23:31

I beg your pardon, Lost! Lamb foetuses have kidneys, too! :o

LostVagueness · 08/09/2010 23:34

LOL Expat
It's no laughing matter, there are dead lambs to consider here!

Aitch · 08/09/2010 23:35

mmmm, dead lamb.

StayFrosty · 08/09/2010 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aitch · 08/09/2010 23:41

i am just adoring the new mn catchphrase of it's a coat not a kidney. it's fabulous, like it's been around forever.

Havingkittens · 08/09/2010 23:52

it IS fake, but friend always thought it was real, at least thats the impression she gave....no matter really as I wouldn't of charged anyway

but then you're patting yourself on the back about storing it in the appropriate manner because...

for the record... fur if not stored correctly rots & attracts, forget word critters that eat it...... especially if not regularly worn & aired

Make up your mind?

Sorry, I am just massively anti-fur and astrakan is about as nasty as it gets even it it does look pretty. My stance on fur is, "if you can't lick your own a* then you shouldn't be wearing fur" Wink

I understand why you're miffed about it being re-called by your friend having given it to you as a gift. She should've said "if you don't want it anymore, or if I suddenly decide I want it back please pass it back to me". Anyway, like everyone else says if she is a good enough friend for you to be asked to be her kid's godmother would you rather loose your friend or your coat? That's what it boils down to now really despite what you feel about her welching on the 'gift'.

BitOfFun · 09/09/2010 00:20

But it's fake.

And it's a coat, not a kidney.

And OP never did take me up on my offer. Hey ho. Around and around we go.

thumbwitch · 09/09/2010 00:27

weirdness on a thread...

your friend is being somewhat unreasonable because she has left it in your care for 16 years and said to give it back IF and WHEN you had finished with it, which you haven't. So she shouldn't come over all "it's mine and my DD is more important than you" because she didn't want it in the first place.

Give it back, and forget about it and her if you can.

Tortington · 09/09/2010 00:30

i think the friendship - if it was me - would be beyond repair.

given that

i would keep the coat - shes not a friend anyway so bollocks to her.

Grin
BitOfFun · 09/09/2010 00:32

Quite.

But she will still never feel the same again when wearing the coat

Unless she can wrap herself in the warm satisfaction of vanquishing an unreasonable and rude ex-friend.