To be very upset by friend demanding something back given to me 15 years ago??

[rockinhippy]

I'll try not to ramble, but already feeling ill & now very upset, so excuse me if I do....I would apreciate opinions as to whether or not I am being unreasonable in, a being upset, & b, refusing.

Some 16 odd years ago, probably much more, ........my friend ...(who is one of my DDs 2 GodMums) gave me a vintage astrakan coat, passed to her by her uncle, but not her style at all, but very much mine..........she said at the time something along the lines of "if you change your mind & don't wear it, or want it in future, don't get rid of it, but let me have it back, maybe I'll keep it or pass it on"

Now I love this coat, repaired the lining & keep it for winter going out for special occasions & have looked after it well, so its still in as new condition

the other day I recieved an e-mail, telling me her DD now 17 had been looking through old family photos, & has fell in love with this coat...& wondered if I still had it & was it used..& could she have it back....at first I was confused & thought she meant a 1 she had passed over to my DD....

e-mail yesterday clarified what she meant....so I replied saying, yes, I still love it & wear it with pride & even included a recent photo (we don't live close to each other anymore)

Just now recieved a reply along the lines of....

Sadly DD feels just as strongly about the coat & DD takes precedence over friend, will be popping down to your town next Monday I will collect it then

give it back in good grace.
It's hers really

Just read through most of the thread to catch up...

If she's send you an email saying how her DD feels much the same, I'd be inclined to reply telling her that she cannot and tell her again that it is your favourite coat - you received it as a gift and it remains yours.

With you saying about her not affording things in the past, could it be that she wants to sell it to raise some money?

If you feel so strongly about the coat, then why are you even deliberating. Make a decision and either give her the coat back and fuck her off, or fuck her off and keep the coat

Or, give her the 1970s fake and tell her that that's the one that you thought she meant....

Sarah x

I would give it back.

Thanks to poster who clarified about junk shop.

Well, it does seem very odd of the friend.

Maybe both are remembering how they want to differently.

I would have given it back without a second thought tbh.

And I think the 2nd email was the way it was because OP didn´t just say yes I have it & I´ve enjoyed it but of course you can have it back.

As the Kids from Grange Hill famously said, just say no...

But who'd want a coat made of fake lambs' kidneys anyway?

Can you please come back and tell us the truth about the coat?

Is it real fur?

Is it a fake?

You are contradicting yourself.

Do you think we would be less sympathetic to you if you were so keen to keep a real lamb fetus coat? Is that why you have lied?

This is the most mundane and uninteresting thread, yet it is so compelling. Like Emmerdale used to be.

Lol at the madness. Only on mumsnet.

Of course it is a real lamb coat - the OP is tying herself up in knots, but rightly knows (as Aitch ahs said) that if she admitted it was real the animals rights force would lynch her.

She gave herself away by saying that the fur needs to be cared for. Now if it was fake and made in the 50s, it would be made from some vile nylon anyway, and not need any special attention (other than to keep away from lit fags).

Lets be honest - who is going to look better than a nylon coat from the 50s? A funky teenager? Or the OP? Or Beryl Reid (RIP).

OP, give it up and grow up fgs.

Lol at QS re Emmerdale.

Yes strangely compelling when it ws called Emmerdale Farm, and the stories were centered round Annie Sugden's chickens laying too many eggs, and Jack not eating his sunday lunch.

Then the plane crashed in the village and it metemorphosed into a Herriot-country version of Dynasty.

vile nylon is surely Vylon

She is being U, I think that you should give it back after all a friendship is worth more. Cant you find something similar for yourself from e bay, secondhand shop. She did say that she might want it back in the future when she handed it to you so you should have kept that in mind.

If its a genuine 1950's coat, then its going to be real - real fur was socially acceptable until the mid 70s ish, and the first fakes were horrible, and wouldn't have lasted the 60 years this coat has been around...

I think fake fur was only just starting to become commercially available in the 50s -so was probably pretty fashionable.

This is all mental. Whether or not it's real is a completely separate issue.

It's a COAT. OP has worn and loved it, but honestly, if someone had shoved a fag end into it in a pub 15 years ago and ruined it, it would have been binned and forgotten long ago.

Give it back. Tell so-called friend that she is bloody lucky you still have it. Tell her she is an insensitive arse to hound you while you were NOT WELL. Ask her if there is anything else she has given you that she considers a loan, as you would like to make sure you don't owe her anything.

Then shut the door and forget it. Otherwise you'll be simmering over it for years.

I was given a fake fur coat by a friend 20 years ago. I was told that it belonged to her aunt and was handmade in the fifties. It certainly looks and feels 'fifties' and the material is still in great condition.

I love the coat, but if my friend wanted to pass it on in her family I would give it back without hesitation. I would consider my doing that without causing a stink as thanks for a coat that I have loved and didn't pay for. OP, your friend gave you the coat because she loved you so just give it back with good grace, woman!

QS....Piss off & read the replies if you are genuinely that interested, the answer is already there....

Well as this thread has taken off at amazing speed I feel obliged to update & clarify a bit , as I'm now a teeny bit more clear headed than yesterday....& I'm loving some of the replies....thanks.......maybe the BEEB are missing something here.......never mind a film, it could replace 1 of the crap soaps ....lol .....COAT WARS>>>>IT COULD HAPPEN IN A TOWN NEAR YOU.....follow the trivial ins & outs of broken friendships & fashion faux pas

I just dug through my mail, for some reason shes starting new ones, with same headers, rather than just replies & all on 1 e-mail

so for my own peace of mind I've just her found her original e-mail, the 1 which I took to be her asking about a much more recent coat donation for DD....a nasty hippy suede shaggy thing that a lot on this thread thought I was talking about.....made me feel a bit less brain dead that I wasn't the only one that made that mistake ...lol :)

anyway......that 1 simply thanks me for the last lot of photos,(months back) little bit of other polite chit chat, & then says her & DD were looking at old photos, DD commented on liking the coat seen in a photo, & do I still have it & do I still use it, & if not can DD please have it........so reassured myself I'm not losing the plot to be shocked by her rude response to my saying yes I use & love it etc etc

Also having read through all her replies over this....funny really as more replies in 2 days than I've had in years...haha......she generally insists she doesn't have good computer access & is rubbish with using it ....
anyway I've owned up to not having the original coat, but a replacement 1 I bought myself after the original was stolen years ago....I didn't want to write that bit on here sooner, as open forum & all that, so who knows if she would read & recognise me herself....especially as she works with kids

So I've replied to her last e-mail, owning up to that bit, (I felt I should of taken better care of it, as she was so kind as to have given it, (at least I believed that until now & I have said words to the effect.... if it means so much to her that her DD has a coat like this, as to risk a long standing friendship (her attitude, not the original request), then her DD shall have such a coat & I have already spoken to trade friends about finding 1, & will try for her visit, but that I wont be available & to arrange to collect elsewhere (we have another mutual friend down here, more her friend than mine....weirdly last time I bumped into him he was complaining about her & I was sticking up for her...that'll teach me.....lol

I've remained polite all the way through, but let her know I'm hurt by her attitute, & returned my reply on her ORIGINAL e-mail, in the hope she'll realise how uncalled for her DD trumps friend response was

so lets wait & see...as I said already above, if she realises & makes some attempt at apology for for her attitude then we'll take it from there....but to be honest if she accepts the replacement coat offer now knowing its not the 1 she gave me, then I think the friendship has had its day anyway.....cest la vie

I agree that maybe OP is remembering 'terms and conditions' differently to her friend. Friend obviously remembers it as letting OP use it long term but always wanted it back at some point. Probably didnt think for one minute OP would still wear or have same clothes style in 15 yrs !!

Oh Getorf do you remember the dead sheep on the hills after Emmerdale plane crash. Me and DD (then a teen) were absolutely rofl / could hardly breathe. Person in special effects obviously really went for it. There were these stuffed (hopefully)sheep just lying on their backs stiff as boards with all four legs sticking bolt upright - obviously they didnt consult the 'Silent Witness' production team or would have been told rigor mortis takes longer than: 'Right lads - plane crash scene - then pan left to dead sheep'.

Such a pity it was pre Harry Hill.

So you don;t even have the original coat? It was stolen?

Riiight, well no wonder why the ops attitude was surprising me, and why I found the whole thing so hard to believe. It wasnt believable.

Good Luck, I hope it all works out for you.

Sorry Rockin you lost me - too busy panning left to dead sheep . Did you really have original stolen or is that what you have told your friend ? Did you worry about her seeing on here that it was stolen or that you were gonna say it was ??

Sorry, why didn't you just tell her in the first place you didn't have the coat any more?

It's hardly unreasonable not to have it after such a long time...

Lol Suda - yes, I did remember the sheep, and whatisname Pollard looking up aghast at the flames across the sky.

I watched omn of those 100 top soap moments things and it showed the sheep! I roared at them with their legs in the air.

OP - you are a timewasting twat.

I'm lost now - you told her you had it but you actually didn't, you had a replacement? Wouldn't it have saved hassle to tell her that at the start?

Despite my confusion, the thread has been entertaining and I want to know how it all turns out!

Thanks QS :)

Suda no it was genuinely stolen..wont bore you with the details but nutty ex, nicked a lot of my favourite stuff when I kicked him out many years ago........Friend knows a bit about that, but not that the coat went too.......I just didn't want to post that on here incase of slim chance she is on here & read it..........now I've owned up to her, it doesn't matter.....also re-reading her original e-mail, she owned up that she is remembering the hand over of the coat in the same way I do....basically she got first refusal, so could pass it elsewhere if I ever decided I didn't want it anymore

good grief

An AIBU with unbelievable stealth reveal