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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not reprt afriend for benefit fraud even tho she has told me she is livin with her partner but pretending she doesn't?

162 replies

burgerandchipswithredsauce · 08/09/2010 00:54

My friend has told me that her partner is living with her but pretending he ives with his mother so that friend can claim benefits for herself and her 3 children whilst her partner works fulltime to earn money to enable them to afford luxuries that most working families can only dream of.

AIBU not to report them because I am afraid of losing her friendship even though I do not agree with her lifestyle.

BTW myself and OH work all the hours God sends to provide ourselves and our children with basic essentials. We have no money left at the end of the week for an evening out as we cannot afford a babysitter. We have to pay our rent in full - no HB for us as we are a working family. We also have to pay full costs for childminding as we are not a single parent family. Our council tax costs per month push us over the edge.

Also our children have to have a packed lunch every day for school because we cannot afford to pay for hot school dinners. My friends children, however, get their hot school dinners free.

Friend has been awarded over £500 for a laptop for her eldest to have access to the internet so that he is not made to feel different from his peers - even though friend already has 3 PC's at her home. We have a secondhand PC which is well past its sell by date but cannot afford a laptop as we make sure our bills are paid on time as our priority.

Friend has informed us that she is going to try for another baby because that will enable her to obtain a larger house for her family. We live in a (very) modest two up, two down terraced house and would love to have another child but cannot afford to move to a larger house to make this possible. As the law states the ages of my children it would be against the law for different sexes over the age of 8 to share a bedroom. Because of this law the LA go all out to house families on benefits accordingly.

Am I jealous? Yes in monetary value I suppose I am, but overall I think I would prefer my children to know they have a mother and a father who is always there for them and will always put them first.

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 08/09/2010 09:24

The woman who lives next door to me has a dog. I want a dog but I can't have one because I work full time and it wouldn't really be fair on the dog.

If I were going to have a dog I would get a little one of those schnauzer ones. I saw one of them at the weekend and he had brilliant eyebrows.

I love dogs with eyebrows.

I think I should be allowed to get a little dog and take him to work with me. I would name him Simon. Yes, Simon the Schnauzer.

aquavit · 08/09/2010 09:30

Shirley, I think you should be allowed to get two little dogs, both with eyebrows, and take them to work with you in little baskets. Simon's friend could be Sally, if you wanted to mix the sexes.

meltedchocolate · 08/09/2010 09:31

I am in the same situation that the OPs friend is claiming to be in and am gobsmacked that she is essentially getting a whole wage on top of that! She'll be raking it in!! Shock You are provided with enough to cover your bills and a tiny bit more!! Faking to get more is totally wrong! Nobody needs more!

I personally wouldn't report a friend but I sure would be peeved. It is totally against the law and is no better than theft from anywhere else.

ccpccp · 08/09/2010 09:35

0.5% IB Fraud? Dont make me laugh. I know people who are on IB, and they are all scamming it.

Its not ok to commit crime just because someone is 'working poor' either.

(There is another thread on page 1 of AIBU dealing with exactly this topic. Might just cut and paste future responses across from there)

aquavit · 08/09/2010 09:42

Norman would be an excellent name for a dog, especially a dog who looks a bit cross, like that one.

A friend of mine breeds papillons, some of them look a LOT like Alistair Darling, but they are very yippy.

Lynli · 08/09/2010 09:54

I would imagine you only get a free laptop if you have a SN.

If you want to report her do so. But tell her first, give her the opportunity to do the right thing.

aquavit · 08/09/2010 09:58

that's not Darling, that's Thatcher!

brilliant

you could accessorize it with a dear little handbag

knickers0nmyhead · 08/09/2010 10:00

free laptop nothing to do with sn lynli.

usualsuspect · 08/09/2010 10:04

Op go on the other thread with a similar title

oh wait....

bride2b · 08/09/2010 10:09

Report her! Fed up of these people scrounging of the state when I have to work hard to keep my familys head above water! By all means if you are a genuine case then claim but can't stand people who falsely claim! Why should I have to be seperated from my children and go out to work when they get to sit around all day and do nothing. DISGUSTING!

DivineInspiration · 08/09/2010 10:12

OP - look, if it makes you envious and you think it?s wrong, just report her and then cut your ties so you don?t have to be her friend anymore. Only you know whether you feel strongly enough about her situation to want to do it. You don?t sound as though you like or respect or care about your friend much anyway, so why are you afraid of losing the ?friendship?? Is it really going to be an enormous loss to you if you never speak to her again?

I do think you have a basic ignorance about how the welfare system works, which perhaps fuels your anger unnecessarily: things like housing benefit are income-based, there?s no special rate for being a single parent. Likewise, someone can be eligible for help with childcare costs, school meals, computer grants regardless of whether someone is single parent. If your family is genuinely struggling to cover basic costs of living it?s possible you could be eligible for some assistance ? try Citizen?s Advice for help.

alfiethekittycat · 08/09/2010 10:12

Knickers Now the fee laptop and internet is only available to those with children with sn or a severe disability and not to anyone with a child up to the age of 14 on benefits.

GypsyMoth · 08/09/2010 10:13

why assume just sn entitled to laptop???!!

people need to get facts straight

op,you sound jealous tbh.....you'd be reporting otherwise

alfiethekittycat · 08/09/2010 10:14

It says so on the website dragon

sheepgomeep · 08/09/2010 10:53

i live in a council house, I have 4 dc plus 2 stepchildren and believe me you don't get moved to a bigger house just like that! Mine is a 3 bed and I will be waiting for years and years for a 4 bed but it was my choice to have another child.

I can turn my dining room into a bedroom in years to come anyway.

I couldn't dob a mate in either, I've been on benefits (both dp and I work now) and it is very hard to survive on them.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 08/09/2010 11:11

Whether or not you report her is up to you, OP. But I would show her the post by FairyGothMother, and ask her if she is happy to risk that for herself and her children.

If you know that she's doing this, other people will know too, and it would be very easy for someone to report her anonymously - and then the shit hits the fan.

When I did jury service, we had a very similar case in front of us - the Benefits Agency will prosecute if they get the evidence. If someone reports her anonymously she might not know until it is too late - they could gather all sorts of evidence without her even being aware, and the first she could know about it would be when there was a knock on the door, and she was invited down to the police station to be questioned at length, under caution, by people who have dealt with this sort of fraud many many times and know what questions to ask, and how to know when they are being lied to. It is a stupid risk to take, and you should point this out to your friend.

miso · 08/09/2010 11:38

"btw, nobody is forced into military duty, it's a personal choice"

Sorry, can't let this go without comment.

If you live in an area where there are no (or very few) half-decent jobs, then no, you are not literally forced into miltary duty.

But a lot of people on these boards would look down on you if you did the other option, and went on the dole.

perfumedlife · 08/09/2010 13:08

I know a woman who is claiming as a single parent, gets her mortgage interest paid (on a 300K house), tax credits, partner works abroad and sends home 2K a month, and she owns and lets out three flats!

She is richer than anytime in her life, and me and dh can only dream of her lifestyle. Would i shop her? No, she is a friend and, although i dont approve, she is taking a huge risk, a risk or imprisonment, thats really needless. I couldnt have that on my consience. If the benefits people cannot get organised in this day and age, with the billions they spend of staff and I.T. systems, that is not my job. I would not want that on my conscience. Maybe thats deemed cowardly, but i dont envy her, i just would not want to be the architect of her downfull.

I dont, however, disapprove of others who would shop, i just couldnt handle it myself.

GypsyMoth · 08/09/2010 13:13

Well the laptop goalposts have changed recently then.......VERY recently, cos the packaging is still on the one we just received!!!!!

And no SN here!

perfumedlife · 08/09/2010 13:26

What does SN stand for dragonfly?

perfumedlife · 08/09/2010 13:27

spedial needs Smile

alfiethekittycat · 08/09/2010 14:31

Well you must have applied before they changed the rules as it now says they are only available to children with sn or a severe disability.

kylesmybaby · 08/09/2010 14:46

i am sitting here using one of the FREE laptops. so they do give you £500 to spend on a laptop or desktop. and a dongle with a free years internet access.

its not to stop kids feeling different from their peers. its to be used for their homework (+ mumsnet of course).

we have a desktop at home and have been given this laptop as well. great as we can use it while on the move.

although the benefit did come to an end recently so you maybe now only available to kids in the care system, being fostered or with special needs.

they did have a big backlog of laptops still to be claimed so you could maybe still get one if you are on income support. my local Comet have lots available.