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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want bumsex during my lunch hour at work?

133 replies

showery · 07/09/2010 19:58

ok, i am sorry, this isn't about bumsex at all, i just said that to make you all look.

dp and i are having a bit of an argument and i want to know who is right. have namechanged because dp thinks you will take my side otherwise

person A takes the child to school
person B takes the one to nursery

we both need to leave the house at 8.30ish

we both get up at around the same time.

person A gets up, makes their breakfast and sometimes makes breakfast for one or more of the children.
person B gets up makes their breakfast and breakfast for the children if person A hasn't done so (they usually haven't)

person A then goes upstairs and spends around 45 minutes in the bathroom. we have a downstairs toilet which person A refuses to use.
nobody else can use the bathroom to brush teeth/get showered while person A is using it

Person B gets all the children dressed, lunchbox made and self dressed.

this morning person B remarked that if it was a nursery day they wouldn't have enough time to have a shower as person A has spent too long in the bathroom.

Person A asks Person B if they think it's realistic to expect to be able to shower before they go out

what would your response be?

OP posts:

Original poster

showery · 07/09/2010 20:35

oh... and another thing.... this isn't about any other solutions, this is about the quesion itself. Of course, if we both want a shower then one of us will need to get up earlier, that isn't a problem at all.

(A)

OP posts:

Becky99 · 07/09/2010 20:35

Yes yes but what about bum sex in your lunch hour.......?

preghead · 07/09/2010 20:37

x post person A sorry, I like your ethical stance on wanking on school days, good for you, putting your children first.

In that case if you need 45 minutes I think you should get up 15-20 mins earlier.

MisSalLaneous · 07/09/2010 20:37

Joking aside, you both actually sound a little hurt and frustrated. Use us to joke or tease each other, but (and I don't mean to sound patronising) consider relationship counselling or a holiday - it's not normal to be this cross about something so small. Annoyed, sure, but not furious for hours. Hope you can sort this.

Horton · 07/09/2010 20:43

I think person A should be eating more fruit and using the downstairs loo for his shit, frankly.

Me and DH take around twenty minutes each in the bathroom every morning and I think that's quite long enough for any adult.

is it okay to ask if the other person can have a nice shower about 30 minutes later once all the rushing-about has been done with? Hmmm?

I don't understand this bit.

Original poster

showery · 07/09/2010 20:43

yes, i am very stubborn and i do bear a grudge.

the reason i was STILL angry this evening was more because he does this thing where he's like "but that's not what I meant, you took it the wrong way" and makes out like he was being perfectly reasonable.

that's what makes me cross.
if i was really angry 9 hours later i wouldn't have made him dinner

it is minor i guess, but it impacts me greatly, and for him to then suggest that it's not realistic for me to shower before i go out was just outrageous i thought, esp because he showers every single day (i tend to only do it every other day) and he would never, ever leave the house without a shower

so i guess what wound me up was the feeling that he was saying "i'm not going without my shower, so you will have to" without thinking of any other possible solution

i HAVE suggested to him that there is something wrong if he needs that long to do a poo, he says no, so there isn't much else i can do

OP posts:

Original poster

showery · 07/09/2010 20:44

Horton, what he is saying is that I could have a nice shower 30 minutes later- ie, once i am back from the nursery run and only have ds3 at home with me

OP posts:

Horton · 07/09/2010 20:45

I meant up there that we take twenty minutes each including shitting, showering and all the other basic stuff, not just on the loo. My bowels are very healthy, thank you.

DamsonJam · 07/09/2010 20:45

Person A needs to eat more fibre and drink more water! :-)

Original poster

showery · 07/09/2010 20:46

I am going to suggest that on nurserty days I get up and go straight into the bathroom while he at least gets the kids breakfasted and maybe partly dressed

that way the only person he impacts with his stay in the bathroom is himself. he would never knowingly make ds1 late for school, so i think it might chivvy him along a bit

OP posts:

Horton · 07/09/2010 20:46

Horton, what he is saying is that I could have a nice shower 30 minutes later- ie, once i am back from the nursery run and only have ds3 at home with me

Ah, got it. That's really unreasonable. It's not a nice shower if you have a small child in the room with you, is it?

MisSalLaneous · 07/09/2010 20:47

I don't get that part - if you're going to be home anyway, and you don't mind going without a shower some days (eww, sorry), why can't you shower when you get home then?

I wouldn't go out without showering, but as you're not fussed about that, he does seem to have a point. Both unreasonable in parts btw, so not taking sides here.

Original poster

showery · 07/09/2010 20:47

sorry not to answer everyone individually btw, we've been trying to do some tidying up etc in between posting

OP posts:

Horton · 07/09/2010 20:48

I think the best thing would be if he gets up his usual 15-30 minutes early (better if 30 minutes) and goes straight in the shower. That way he's only holding up the entire rest of the household by 15 minutes instead of nearly an hour. But you showering first while he does breakfast would work, too.

MadAboutQuavers · 07/09/2010 20:50

Sorry. I still can't stop laughing at the thread title.

Original poster

showery · 07/09/2010 20:52

i tend to only shower every other day because i don't think it's necessary every single day, and because my hair only needs wash9ing every other day.

on that day, i really do appreciate my shower.

it's not like i am some skanky slattern who doesn't care if she is clean or not.
and on days when i don't have a shower i do still need to come in and wash etc

OP posts:

quiddity · 07/09/2010 20:54

Person A/Mr Showery: no, it's not okay to ask if the other person can have a shower later. Especially as at least part of the need to rush is caused by your hogging the bathroom. Why are you more entitled to a shower when you want one than person B?

Also, if this is a daily occurrence, then it's also right that B is still shouty etc, assuming that B has raised the subject in a civil way before and yet good sense has not prevailed.

If you insist on taking so long, then you need to get up earlier so you'll be out of the way by the time everyone else needs to use the bathroom for showering or anything else they would like to do in there.

StarExpat · 07/09/2010 20:55

This is a funny thread! Person B is right. Person A is unreasonable. But a brave soul to come on here, so credit for that. I want to know who the OP is(before namechange)

MisSalLaneous · 07/09/2010 20:57

Sorry showery, I'm still shocked at people washing their bedding once a quarter, ignore my comment. :) Sorry!

From all the suggestions above, I think the taking turns thing might be easiest to implement. Otherwise, would he be willing to take the kids out for half an hour every evening (walk to the park if near before bed) so that you could have a bath / long shower in peace?

StarExpat · 07/09/2010 20:59

This is a funny thread! Person B is right. Person A is unreasonable. But a brave soul to come on here, so credit for that. I want to know who the OP is(before namechange)

Original poster

showery · 07/09/2010 21:01

i was about to change it. honest

OP posts:

MisSalLaneous · 07/09/2010 21:01

MrsLevinson · 07/09/2010 21:02

A needs to get over the downstairs loo phobia and use it for a leisurely poo while B is in the shower.

Inertia · 07/09/2010 21:05

Well, 45 mins in the bathroom is unreasonable if nobody else can get in. Then again we don't have locks on our doors, the idea of being able to poo in peace is something of a luxury.

Seems to me that the OPs problem should be easy to solve :

Both parents up, showered and dressed an hour before leaving time.

Nice family breakfast.

One parent sorts lunches, other makes sure kids brush teeth / get washed and dressed. Keep a set of toothbrush and flannels for everyone in both bathrooms just in case.

Dumps to be taken in the downstairs loo .

By my calculations this should comfortably accommodate Person A's current toilet regime. If necessary tempt him into the downstairs loo by keeping the newspapers in there.

Original poster

showery · 07/09/2010 21:05

i am sure he still feels like i've twisted it so you will all agree with me.
he's out in the shed now, possibly plotting against all us crazy women

he IS making tea tho

OP posts:

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