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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want bumsex during my lunch hour at work?

133 replies

showery · 07/09/2010 19:58

ok, i am sorry, this isn't about bumsex at all, i just said that to make you all look.

dp and i are having a bit of an argument and i want to know who is right. have namechanged because dp thinks you will take my side otherwise

person A takes the child to school
person B takes the one to nursery

we both need to leave the house at 8.30ish

we both get up at around the same time.

person A gets up, makes their breakfast and sometimes makes breakfast for one or more of the children.
person B gets up makes their breakfast and breakfast for the children if person A hasn't done so (they usually haven't)

person A then goes upstairs and spends around 45 minutes in the bathroom. we have a downstairs toilet which person A refuses to use.
nobody else can use the bathroom to brush teeth/get showered while person A is using it

Person B gets all the children dressed, lunchbox made and self dressed.

this morning person B remarked that if it was a nursery day they wouldn't have enough time to have a shower as person A has spent too long in the bathroom.

Person A asks Person B if they think it's realistic to expect to be able to shower before they go out

what would your response be?

OP posts:
diddl · 07/09/2010 20:13

The mind boggles as to what else he might be doing for so long tbhBlushGrin

DunderMifflin · 07/09/2010 20:17

I agree that he doesn't want his wank time interrupted - he should 'get up' (Grin) earlier!

Original poster
showery · 07/09/2010 20:17

ahh yes, i knew you'd figure out who was who, but he insisted on it!

he is indeed reading his book having a shit, hence my frustration that he won't use the downstairs toilet.

my plan for friday, the next nursery day IS to get in the shower early, and leave him in charge of getting them ready.

i went ballistic when he suggested that it may be unrealistic to have a shower... he thinks i was over-reacting, hence the thread!

OP posts:
LadyBlaBlah · 07/09/2010 20:17

He will deny Wank Time

But tell him we know

Original poster
showery · 07/09/2010 20:18

ok, he now claims that the whole thread is "crooked" and i am mis-representing him

OP posts:
ShellingPeas · 07/09/2010 20:18

Yet to meet a man who spent 45 minutes having a wank. Have met one or two who spend that long having a crap.

MisSalLaneous · 07/09/2010 20:18

Surely not for 45 minutes though - won't he A get, oh, I don't know, friction burns or something??

Raejj · 07/09/2010 20:19

I admit the title DID tempt me in:)

Well now I'm here.... Person A sounds like your husband. And he needs to sort himself out. You need time for your shower, he needs to help more getting kids ready for school / nursery. Otherwise I'd be tempted to take lock off upstairs bathroom and wander in with kids/ take shower while he sits pooing (eyes v v v much averted). once should do trick:)

diddl · 07/09/2010 20:19

Well I´m assuming he´s not wanking the whole time-surely also shaving & showering as well!

LadyBlaBlah · 07/09/2010 20:20

And maybe a crap too

dittany · 07/09/2010 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 07/09/2010 20:22

"And he needs to sort himself out."

Unfortunately that might be why he´s taking so long in the bathroomGrin

DunderMifflin · 07/09/2010 20:22

The jury is convened - present Witness A!!

DunderMifflin · 07/09/2010 20:23

Or should that be Defendant A?!

YunoYurbubson · 07/09/2010 20:24

How does he want to write it then?

SpeedyGonzalez · 07/09/2010 20:25

This is hilarious. Sorry, I know I shouldn't laugh!

Okay, I'll be serious now. Sounds to me like neither if you is listening to each other properly, which is why you're finding it so hard to resolve a relatively simple matter. I think both you and your DH should swap roles then do exactly what the other person does for three days, THEN talk about it. IME trying to discuss this sort of domestic irritation isn't the way to facilitate understanding between men and women.

whomovedmychocolate · 07/09/2010 20:26

Take it in turns. One day he gets up early, has his 45 minute shit before everyone else gets up, does all the jobs he should be sharing and does the nursery run. The next day he lurks in the bog and you politely ignore this fact or get up early yourself.

spilttheteaagain · 07/09/2010 20:29

I like Speedy's idea. Think what a lovely peaceful BATH you could even have time for in the 45 minutes of crapping time Grin

nagoo · 07/09/2010 20:30

really? 45 mins for a shit? What's wrong with the downstairs toilet?

Is this every day? 45 minutes? For a shit?

He'll have to get up and do it earlier.

Or advise him from the tips thread, 'do all your shits at work. Not only do you save on toilet paper, you'll get paid for doing it'

stillbobbysgirl · 07/09/2010 20:31

Why can't he just get up earlier?

MisSalLaneous · 07/09/2010 20:32

Having thought about it some more, I feel the need to come back and suggest a bit more fibre in his diet if really not for, uh, recreation only.

nagoo · 07/09/2010 20:33

Have you tried googling it to see if there is actually something wrong with him? If it's taking that long to do it, then is it just that he doesn't actually need a shit at that time?

Original poster
showery · 07/09/2010 20:33

Um, so, this is 'Person A'. One day I will actually open an account here.

Can I just put a couple of things from my perspective (I wouldn't attempt to suggest that what I'm stating is any more accurate than anything else)

  1. I generally don't have a wank in the morning. It isn't without precedent, :-D but generally not, and I don't think ever on a work/school morning.
  1. 45 minutes includes 'having a shit' (which I do take longer than most over - I need to relax), having a shower, teeth, getting dried (out of the bathroom by this point) and mostly dressed. This isn't usually quite 45 mins, but could sometimes take that long.
  1. I (That's 'A' BTW) make a lovely cup of coffee for B - it's not much and won't count for much, but still.

There is more, but my brain is broken and I can't write.

The point isn't one of who hogs the bathroom, or if it's right to have a 45 min shower (see #3 above), but is it okay to ask if the other person can have a nice shower about 30 minutes later once all the rushing-about has been done with? Hmmm?

Is it right that 'B' wouldn't even listen to anything else said by 'A' and stomped (shouting and banging) into the bathroom, without uttering a word until 'A' left the house?

Is it also right that 'B' is still shouty and outraged about this about nine hours later and only just willing to listen?

If anyone has an accident tonight at our house, this tread is going to look really bad, isn't it?

OP posts:
weasle · 07/09/2010 20:34

45 mins on the loo?! he'll get piles. lingering on the loo is bad for your anal canal. more fibre? what breakfast cereal is he having?

preghead · 07/09/2010 20:34

Ive NEVER understood why men take so long in the toilet to do a shit - my bum would go numb by then and I'd be in agony. I've always assumed they factor in some wank time at the end too.

I second get up earlier or do it at work.