Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman is either badly organised or bone idle?

333 replies

Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 09:51

My eldest went back to school yesterday, to reception class. She attended the nursery last year. A woman whose eldest child is in the year above my DC was complaining to us at the gates.

Last year this woman, who has three DC, was consistently late for school. At the earliest running up as the bell went (fair enough) but more often than not 10-15 minutes late. In the end the school gave her a bollocking (they're very hot on timekeeping), wrote to her, had meetings, but it never made a lot of difference.

Yesterday (first day) they were just over 5 minutes late and she said that the teacher had already pulled her up on her timekeeping. She felt that the teacher was out of order and that no one appreciated how difficult it was to get to school for 8.50am with three DC. Her younger ones are about 3 and 1.

I don't have a lot of sympathy, I'm afraid. I know it can be difficult and frustrating getting out of the house in the morning, I honestly do! Plus, I only have two kids. But at the risk of sounding like Miss Smug, I have NO problems getting to school for 8.50am (we're normally up at 6.30/7am) and when I have to be at work we're out the door at 7.45am. That's hard work, but still! This woman lives a ten minute walk from school and doesn't work. I'm not trying to start a SAHM/WOHM debate, just saying that she doesn't then have to get somewhere else.

I didn't say anything, because I don't really know her that well, but AIBU to think that she's either badly organised or bone idle and totally unfair to her son who gets into bother almost every day because of such bad timekeeping?

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 07/09/2010 11:01

Oh please, mama, you are her mum!
You are in charge. Just wake her uop and send fer to school!!

Anyway,must go, my youngest has started reception today. He is finishing early and i mustn't be late to pick him up!

MrsDoofenshmirtz · 07/09/2010 11:01

Anyway enjoy your enormous judgy pants.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 11:01

LOL MrsDoofenshmirtz, as do I!

OP posts:
mamatomany · 07/09/2010 11:01

Nope it doesn't, she has not curtains at the moment as it's a velux window and i broke them over the holidays.
Her dad before we got together would stay up until 6am at the weekends and then sleep all day, he still doesn't go to bed before 2am now and holds down a responsible job because it matters to him to be on time and therefore not sacked.
She couldn't give a monkey's being 6 and all that so we've hit a brick wall.
They don't delay registration she just misses it if she's late and mark in unless I call them.
But lets face it they aren't missing double algebra are they.

nancydrewrocked · 07/09/2010 11:02

It is sad for the child who will no doubt be effected to some degree by the fact that he is always late.

There are habitual late arrivals at every school - at the DC's last school the gates were closed at excatly 8am. If you were late you then had to walk round the school to the main entrance, get a security pass, go to the reception, register your child as late and tehy would then have to wait to be escorted to a classroom by a TA. It was an enormous faff and virtually stopped anyone being late.

prettybird · 07/09/2010 11:03

Ds' primary school makes late arrivals sign the late book and have to see the head teacher. They hate it. It is their only way into the school as the "kids" entrances have closed once the classes are in.

The school takes late arrivals very seriously because, as it points out, it is not fair on the other kids as it disturbs their education: the teacher has to let the late kid into the class room, sort out the register and then let the kid know what work the class has begun. So one child disrupts 24 other kids.

cornsilk909 · 07/09/2010 11:04

I don't thinl it's any of your business. How do you know that the school gave her a bollocking?

cornsilk909 · 07/09/2010 11:04

that was to OP btw

HerbWoman · 07/09/2010 11:04

We used to be late regularly, and it wasn't down to poor organisation or laziness - simply that DD just would not do as she was asked. She'd disappear and I'd find her reading a book somewhere (never thought I'd have to confiscate books!) and she just would not get shoes on when it was time to leave, despite being ready in plenty of time. It got completely ridiculous and I was so frustrated because the rest of us were ready. On time. And yet we would still end up late every day. With DD in an emotional state after me getting cross because she would not budge. And she loves school so I could never see the reason for it. It was only last year when she would bike to school with her friend who also complained that she took too long that she now ends up at school on time as she wants to do it herself.

Oh, and there were the several weeks where I couldn't be on time as I kept having to go to the loo repeatedly. Have now been diagnosed with coeliac and it isn't a problem now, but I didn't know the cause back then.

So neither laziness nor poor organisation involved here.

DaftApeth · 07/09/2010 11:05

mamatomany, I have to wake both of mine most mornings. I hate it!

Of course, at weekends they are awake at 6am.

I just pick dd (5) up out of bed if she won't get up (I don't nag, say very little) and put her on the loo. Usually she is then ready to walk downstairs.

I would carry her down though and sit her at the table with her bowl of cereal infront of her if I had to though.

Ds (8) just gets threats of no ipod that evening which seems to be very effective at getting him up Wink

I think it is definitely a change of mindset needed for some poepl who are always late. Once you have been arriving somewhere 10-15mins late for a while, it becomes the norm and that is the bar against which lateness is measured.

I always aim the get the school 10 mins before the door opens at the latest whereas others have the mindet that to arrive at the door as it closes would the earliest time to arrive.

FioFio · 07/09/2010 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

Original poster
Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 11:07

nancy and prettybird our school has a similar system (although I don't think they have they have to see the Head), which is why she's being 'harrassed' all the time. And I totally agree, it should be a serious matter.

cornsilk, yes, I know it's none of my business. I know school gave her a bollocking because she told me about it.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 07/09/2010 11:08

You sound smug and unreasonable.
Do you know this womans home life?
Many reasons she could be late, she may have a DH or relative she has to look after, she may have a child who has SN and has different transport to fit into the school run.
She may just need a bit of support.

cornsilk909 · 07/09/2010 11:09

So she's confiding in you and you're criticising her on the internet?

Original poster
Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 11:10

So I've been told Onlyjoking!

I only know what she has chosen to tell me and the other people at the school gates. If there are good reasons, I've never heard them, just the usual morning stuff. I've sure she does need support. Don't we all?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 11:11

Cornsilk She's ranting at the school gates and I'm criticising her on the internet. I wouldn't call it confiding!

OP posts:
MrsDoofenshmirtz · 07/09/2010 11:12

A real friend in a time of need eh ?

mamatomany · 07/09/2010 11:13

It used to be called bitching behind her back, which I suppose is less hurtful than to her face but still a more unpleasant trait than tardiness.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 11:15

I never said I was her friend. I said I didn't really know her.

I wanted to know if my thoughts on her timekeeping were reasonable or not. I now know that some people think they are and those that don't think I'm a smug bitch. Which is fair enough; I did ask!

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 07/09/2010 11:16

I'm manage to get my 3 up and ready to be at school bus for 8.10, I've not always managed it and I wouldn't have taken kindly to people commenting about it, cos they may not have known that I had so sort out my terminally I'll DH as well as 3 kids with autism.
You really shouldn't judge.

GetOrfMoiLand · 07/09/2010 11:17

Blimey OP you are getting it in the neck!

If we all just stood and minded our own business and decided not to ever comment on other people MN would have about 7 threads a day.

No need to flame the OP imo.

nancydrewrocked · 07/09/2010 11:18

mama I have to wake both my DC (4 and 5) pretty much every day for school.

I open their curtains and they get 5 mins of me sitting with them talking to them to try and wake them up then the gloves are off - duvets back, sit them up and if they are still uncooperative they are lifted out of bed and put on the floor.

After a couple of mornings of that they are plenty tired enough by day 2 to be in bed by 6pm. You really need to take some control.

MrsDoofenshmirtz · 07/09/2010 11:18

"I said I didn't really know her." so you have no right to judge then.

You wanted to know if it was OK to call her bone idle. Which it is not.

You could have posted elswhere with a query about time keeping and asked if some people find it harder than you do.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 07/09/2010 11:19

If she manages it max of say 15 mins late, then she should get up 15 min earlier, no? Once in a while I totally understand, but if it's every day you have to think suddenly "oh, I'd better get up earlier".

Syas me who is a school run first timer tomorrow with a 4 year old, a just 2 year old and a 9 week old and depression ShockGrinBlush

EleFunTess · 07/09/2010 11:20

It's a bit pathetic, really, but who knows what her reasons are? Perhaps she is depressed. Perhaps she is just badly organised? Either way, it does sound like she is struggling.

We are rarely late for school, but there have been mornings when it was hard going. I sympathise with her, to be honest, but only to a point. She is going to have to get her kids to school for the next 15 odd years, so she had better go back to the drawing board and work out how she is going to achieve this. You say you're not her friend, though, so not much you can do about it.