to think this woman is either badly organised or bone idle?

[Rosieeo]

My eldest went back to school yesterday, to reception class. She attended the nursery last year. A woman whose eldest child is in the year above my DC was complaining to us at the gates.

Last year this woman, who has three DC, was consistently late for school. At the earliest running up as the bell went (fair enough) but more often than not 10-15 minutes late. In the end the school gave her a bollocking (they're very hot on timekeeping), wrote to her, had meetings, but it never made a lot of difference.

Yesterday (first day) they were just over 5 minutes late and she said that the teacher had already pulled her up on her timekeeping. She felt that the teacher was out of order and that no one appreciated how difficult it was to get to school for 8.50am with three DC. Her younger ones are about 3 and 1.

I don't have a lot of sympathy, I'm afraid. I know it can be difficult and frustrating getting out of the house in the morning, I honestly do! Plus, I only have two kids. But at the risk of sounding like Miss Smug, I have NO problems getting to school for 8.50am (we're normally up at 6.30/7am) and when I have to be at work we're out the door at 7.45am. That's hard work, but still! This woman lives a ten minute walk from school and doesn't work. I'm not trying to start a SAHM/WOHM debate, just saying that she doesn't then have to get somewhere else.

I didn't say anything, because I don't really know her that well, but AIBU to think that she's either badly organised or bone idle and totally unfair to her son who gets into bother almost every day because of such bad timekeeping?

maybe her DP works late at night so they dont get to sleep until well after midnight. I couldn't burn the candle at both ends.

You seem to get up very earlt to me which says either you are getting to bed very early or require less sleep than other people/are sleep deprived.

When we had a new baby and a schoolaged child one of us stayed in and the other would do the school run. I know I couldn't have got them both up and out by 9, (more like 11 ).

YANBU, she's had a whole year to get used to it so no excuses really, especially living so close! plenty of people have lots of kids and still manage.

if you were consistently late by 10-15 mins, surely you'd just set the alarm 15-20 mins earlier

there's plenty of things you can do, maybe she just hasn't thought of them? like laying out clothes, packing bags, getting breakfast bowls out etc the night before?

I don't value good timekeeping, I never think 'my that person is a good time keeper'. I never have, and I've chosen a career where morning starts are flexible most of the time BUT I'm not late for meetings, or trains and I don't intend to be late for school - its a matter of recognising when it matters - and that's usually when you are inconveniencing others - this woman clearly think the school is being precious, she hasn't recognised that it is disruptive.

ormrenewed of course she CAN keep on being late every day, it will annoy the teachers and give a bad message to her children, but the world will not come to a grinding halt - some perspective is needed here

But you clearly don't have any relationship with her that will help her to sort this out so its time for blandishments 'dear dear its so stressful, hope you can sort it out' sort of thing.

We have each others mobiles for precisely this reason at school.

Now if a parent is held up beause of one child a quick phone call to the person nearest to them results in one of us picking up the child that needs to go to school.

My friend got slated by other Mums for being repeatedly late with dd. Her dd suffers from chronic constipation bouts, she is late as her daughter needs the toilet and can be there for an hour in tears. She is up at 6.am every morning and doesn't expect a medal - she used to make the comment it's hard to get them out the house and was slagged of by other Mums.

I intervened as I had enough and explined that no one wants to say "I am sick of being late as my daughter needed a poo due to a medical condition that is being looked into" to all and sundry" . It stopped the bitching that shouldn't have started in the first place.

UANBU to wonder whether the op needs help
UABU to say she is bone idle or badly organised.

I fear turning into this woman, I'm a bit slack most of the time, my employers are very relaxed about time keeping as long as I get the work done, and while DD was at private nursery, anything went. However DD is now in reception, and 4 days in we've managed to be on time every day. It's taken a whole shift in my way of thinking. I hope I can keep it up! (We've actually been at the gates each day even before they're unlocked, I'm pretty determined that we're going to manage this!). I have a baby DS, he's been in his PJs for the walk over two days out of four.

I'm liking the new sense of control!

Yes starlight, but they should be. They bloody well should be

We are up at 6am so far from bone idol, unfortunately my youngest child is an owl and will stay awake in her bedroom until 11pm (aged 6) and then cannot be stirred before 7.30am, we have to leave for school at 7.55am
There is nothing and I mean nothing I haven't tried, including putting her to bed in her school uniform, more as a joke than anything, but are regularly late.
Until something that matters to her motivates her to get moving in the morning no amount of nagging is going to shift her.
We've started taking the older two in separately as it's not fair on them getting grief from the teachers but you cannot impose your will on children, you just can't and the schools know this better than anyone.

"She was ranting to me! I said nothing!" except on here. You seemed quite concerned. I thought that was why you posted.

Sorry, dont see how I could have missed out such an important part of your op.

Reminds me of an interview I read recently with Jane Asher, when she boasted about the amount of time that she had saved over the years by always being late for meetings and so not having to hange around.

But what about all the other people's time she had wasted?

The school is sorting it out.

mamatomany pour cold water on her. That will wake her up before 7:30am. And if she is awake earlier, she will likely sleep earlier too.

It might sound harsh, but you really cannot use that as an excuse for being constantly late. It's not just your child's learning time that is being disrupted but that of the rest of class too.

Dd2 does not sleep. She never has done. She is rarely asleep before midnight. She wakes up at 7am. Because I make her. She cries and whinges and makes my mornings hell sometimes. But she is still awake. As is dd1 who constantly woken by her nocturnal sister. She is also tired and hell hath no fury like an over tired dd1, but she is till woken up and out of the house by a certain time, even if I have to drag her out of the house half nekkid.

The only time we were regularly late was when my nephew was ill and she and dH were upset a lot and when she was suffering from chronic constipation, similar to the situation HoneyDragon mentioned.

Being tired and sleeping late is not a sufficient excuse to disrupt the education of 20+ children imo.

I'm tempted to mention just setting her alarm clock earlier. The excuses she makes are just the same thing that everyone who does the school run faces (brushing teeth, where's my [insert item here]?, I've forgotten lunch etc)

I don't think I get up that early. I always thought 6.30/7am was pretty good for small children who've been in bed since 7/7.30pm. I tend to get about 7/8 hours a night, so can't complain.

My eldest has started sleeping later, but if she has to get up then she has to get up.

Well i don't think she is bone idle. She has three small kids to look after, so whether she works or not she will have plenty to keep her occupied! She just needs to get up 15 mins earlier and if that doesn't work, she needs to get up 30 mins earlier. As you say it isn't fair on her son to be late all the time.

MrsDoofenshmirtz Are you her??

QS, that's ok, don't worry about it.

Horrible judgey thing to post and makes me think very badly of the OP

People struggle with timekeeping sometimes. I struggle with cooking, with shopping, with social events. I just have a mental block.

She might suffer with this kind of thing. As someone said there is at least one family like this in every school and I think the schools and by the sound of it other parents need to take a different approach to it.

It's consistent and the usual strategies have not worked. Therefore it is probably a condition the woman has, something she can't get past, mentally.

Her kids should be treated with great care so as not to make them feel different.

OP - what do you struggle with? Anything? Of course it's not ideal but we all have failings and all do our best.

Just, basically, get over it and leave her alone.

FioFio, really? You don't think it's unfair on your kids and a pretty bad habit to pass along? Just for the sake of getting up 10 minutes earlier?

My girls where always late until high school even though I was up from 6, but ds's taxi pick up was between 8.30-8.50 often later so had to wait in for it, it took 10 minutes drive minimum so no way I could get them there and back in time.

am not sure what the point of this thread is

she is always late, she is to be derided for this? is that the gist of it?

Pour cold water on her .... er I don't think so.
The point is is actually doesn't really matter at all does it, it disrupts nothing important.

No actually, and I have three kids who are always on time. I am anal about time and so are my dds, but so what.

I just think it is a problem that the school will sort with her and it is nothing to do with you. Calling her bone idle is not going to help.

LOL @Flightattendant

Rosie- There is a parent at my school like this too. It really annoys me. She is late for picking up too, and I find it infuriating.
I am not sure why I feel so strongly, maybe it's the laziness, or the stupidity of it all.

It has been going on for years and is unlikely to change. It's unfair to the child and to the rest of the class imo