to think this woman is either badly organised or bone idle?

[Rosieeo]

My eldest went back to school yesterday, to reception class. She attended the nursery last year. A woman whose eldest child is in the year above my DC was complaining to us at the gates.

Last year this woman, who has three DC, was consistently late for school. At the earliest running up as the bell went (fair enough) but more often than not 10-15 minutes late. In the end the school gave her a bollocking (they're very hot on timekeeping), wrote to her, had meetings, but it never made a lot of difference.

Yesterday (first day) they were just over 5 minutes late and she said that the teacher had already pulled her up on her timekeeping. She felt that the teacher was out of order and that no one appreciated how difficult it was to get to school for 8.50am with three DC. Her younger ones are about 3 and 1.

I don't have a lot of sympathy, I'm afraid. I know it can be difficult and frustrating getting out of the house in the morning, I honestly do! Plus, I only have two kids. But at the risk of sounding like Miss Smug, I have NO problems getting to school for 8.50am (we're normally up at 6.30/7am) and when I have to be at work we're out the door at 7.45am. That's hard work, but still! This woman lives a ten minute walk from school and doesn't work. I'm not trying to start a SAHM/WOHM debate, just saying that she doesn't then have to get somewhere else.

I didn't say anything, because I don't really know her that well, but AIBU to think that she's either badly organised or bone idle and totally unfair to her son who gets into bother almost every day because of such bad timekeeping?

I think over-eating is a well documented addiction. Isn't that what you compared it too (sorry am too tired to trawl through thread so apols if I got the wrong end of the stick which is quite likely )

I was late this morning by 5 minutes. I slept through my alarm (bad night with dd3) and didn't wake till 8.15. poor dd1 was eating breakfast on the way to school.

I'm not sure reasons for being overweight (which is what I compared it to) can be reduced always to a food addiction really.

Or even being overweight because you eat too much.

I think whether overeating is an addiction is well debated.

I have a tendency to do that as well as run late as a matter of fact

I was the child that was late every day. Then the teenager that was late every day and then the adult that was late for every meet up. I got a reputation among my friends. I have pulled my socks up a bit after meeting DP. He's the first person who actually told me how annoying it was and didn't just joke about me being late like my friends did. I became embarrassed.

I wouldn't say it's an addiction but I still find it REALLY difficult to be on time. Nature or nurture I don't know, my mum would say I was a nightmare in the mornings and I was, but we were even late for pre-school which can't really have been my fault.

I always always underestimate the time it will take me to get ready. This makes me sound really thick (and maybe I am when it comes to this) but I am usually doing fine until about 10 mins before I have to leave then I think 'I will just grab my lunch/brush my teeth/stick my hair up/put my shoes on and go'. Then I look at the clock and 20 minutes have passed. I have to really concentrate on not falling into this trap. I assume other people have a better instinct for time passing than me because they don't seem to find it as difficult. But now I am aware I am trying extra hard not to pass it onto DC.

Just thought I'd share how I felt. If I was mum in the OP I would be so ashamed I would be running away without talking to anyone. But not everyone deals with embarrassment in the same way - maybe she was just mouthing of to cover up, OP?

mouthing 'off'

Also just read previous post back and thought it sounded a bit woe is me. Not asking anyone to feel sorry for me because of my tardy-spectrum-disorder just trying to explain how I find being on time to those of you who find punctuality simple. Everyone has things that don't come natural - catching a ball/filling out a form/working an iphone/speaking a foreign language. Time keeping is mine (as well as catching balls, incidentally). I am working on the former.

TFM - I will have to look back in the morning to see what bollocks wisdom I was giving out earlier,

thename: "but we were even late for pre-school which can't really have been my fault."

Exactly! It wasn't your fault at all. But your parents taught you that being late wasn't a big deal, that there was always more time, etc etc

mamatomany - I hope you're listening.

5 minutes is not that much, it is just a case of aiming to be early rather than exactly on time.

But perhaps she is just avoiding some mums at the gate. Perhaps I can see why OP.

Op I think you, and many others on this thread are extremely judgmental.

You really don't know what is going on in the woman's life.
And what do you mean 'the school gave her a bollocking ?'.She is an adult.They have no right to 'bollock'her .They can discuss their concerns with her, and if deemed necessary bring in other agencies to follow the matter up.
Although being late for school is not desirable, I can't see making a huge issue about it is going to do anything but heap more stress on the mum which will transmit the child , resulting in him/her coming to school all wound up.

If she's consistently late, she's getting something out of it that she fears she would lose if she did as everyone else did and got there on time. It's only a few minutes difference after all, but there's a massive amount of contact and attention from the school as a consequence of those few minutes.

This quirk of hers is getting her lots of attention, but also the nagging feeling that she shouldn't be doing what she does and that she is failing; the school is firm and consistent and not indulging her. Her persistence has not paid off in any signs of the school engaging with her on the level she craves. Her annoyance at the school is really annoyance at herself and bafflement at how to change. And a fear of letting go of her 'thing', getting over herself and fitting in.

Mamatomany: I have a DD like yours, who didn't sleep much at all when young, and still has a bit of trouble falling asleep. Getting up time was never negotiable though. The DCs had to be up at 7, and in school at 7.55ish for an 8 o'clock start. Nowadays (age 12) she is up with the larks despite a late night most nights, just lying there patting the cat or listening to classical music on her radio alarm. It takes her a good 2 hours to fall asleep after she goes to bed. She walks herself to school and is anxious to be there on time, checks the clock, and is very organised with her things. She was very resistant to my attempts to organise her up to last year, but suddenly has got her act together. Don't give up hope. You might just have a very self-driven child on your hands.

mama children with ADHD are not necessarily hyperactive in an obviously full-on way. In fact some are not hyperactive at all, merely muddled and inattentive, forgetful, overly talkative, disorganised, and easily over-stimulated. The terms Attention Deficit Disorder and Hyperactivity are not really recognised as separate conditions now, but merged into one. Not all children display signs of all the signs of both. Some ADHD children are exceptionally quiet and away with the fairies, maybe even highly focused on something in an almost Aspie way - just not on what the rest of the world needs them to be highly focused on at that moment!

And you say your DH was the same with sleep, which is a classic hereditary sign. I wouldn't assume to diagnose her at all, but from what you said about the sleep, if you really are sure she has a good routine with no unhealthy stimulation from a loaded diet or late TV etc, then it's worth investigating.

Children being constantly late disrupt the whole class.

mamatomany have you tried asking your Dr about melatonin it helps a lot of children with sleep problems.

My DS listens to classical music on the radio as well to help him unwind when he can't get to sleep! Even when he was quite little he'd come in my bed about 11.30pm, all fed up and wanting to sleep, and say 'Put the number three with the nice music on mummy'. He meant Radio 3!

I think whatever the reasons for the OP's example being late, the real point here is that she was moaning about being victimised.

Beth for example (very brave sharing BTW) I doubt you go into the school moaning to all and sundry that the teahcers were having a go. That is the difference really. If she was silently late then yes there could be any number of reasons etc.

"Our school closes the door at 9am, if you are not there they will not let you in until 9:30am when the kids change activities."

Morloth - I think that is a fantastic approach. I think when parents are inconvenienced to that degree then I think the regular offenders will be more likely to pull their finger out and get to school on time.

Could only bear to read the first two page of this thread.

What a bunch of self-righteous gits.

YANBU in thinking she is disorganised.

Not self righteous just organised

Its not self rightous and OP was simply stating a woman she knows is always late, complained to her as the school have pulled her up on it. OP simply asked if what she thought was correct or not to engage opinions.

No different to the threads about -'was I wrong to say this', 'this person to say that to me'.

Well perhaps it is only self righteous for those who have, shall we say, time management issues
I don't do late, freaks me out.