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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman is either badly organised or bone idle?

333 replies

Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 09:51

My eldest went back to school yesterday, to reception class. She attended the nursery last year. A woman whose eldest child is in the year above my DC was complaining to us at the gates.

Last year this woman, who has three DC, was consistently late for school. At the earliest running up as the bell went (fair enough) but more often than not 10-15 minutes late. In the end the school gave her a bollocking (they're very hot on timekeeping), wrote to her, had meetings, but it never made a lot of difference.

Yesterday (first day) they were just over 5 minutes late and she said that the teacher had already pulled her up on her timekeeping. She felt that the teacher was out of order and that no one appreciated how difficult it was to get to school for 8.50am with three DC. Her younger ones are about 3 and 1.

I don't have a lot of sympathy, I'm afraid. I know it can be difficult and frustrating getting out of the house in the morning, I honestly do! Plus, I only have two kids. But at the risk of sounding like Miss Smug, I have NO problems getting to school for 8.50am (we're normally up at 6.30/7am) and when I have to be at work we're out the door at 7.45am. That's hard work, but still! This woman lives a ten minute walk from school and doesn't work. I'm not trying to start a SAHM/WOHM debate, just saying that she doesn't then have to get somewhere else.

I didn't say anything, because I don't really know her that well, but AIBU to think that she's either badly organised or bone idle and totally unfair to her son who gets into bother almost every day because of such bad timekeeping?

OP posts:
ShinyAndNew · 07/09/2010 10:07

I am the kind who has dramas every morning, but I know this so I allow ample time for the dramas.

Although this morning there were two massive dramas and I forgot to make dd1's sarnies, so had to stop at the shop, but I still managed to get there just before the bell went. Only just though and god knows how.

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/09/2010 10:09

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Original poster
Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 10:09

MrsDoofenshmirt I never suggested that it had any impact on my DC! In fact, I quite clearly said that they are in different classes.

OP posts:
MrsDoofenshmirtz · 07/09/2010 10:09

She is passing on the message that being late is stressful - he might be the type to never be late as a result. There are so many worse things in the world really it is none of your buisiness.

MrsDoofenshmirtz · 07/09/2010 10:10

"MrsDoofenshmirt I never suggested that it had any impact on my DC! In fact, I quite clearly said that they are in different classes."

So why do you care then. I expect they will all survive without your input.

neuroticrobotic · 07/09/2010 10:11

I have three; 5, 3 and 8 months and we're never late.
FFS - how can you be when you're up so damn early. There's abour 2 hours to get ready in this house. If she has very small kids, it can't be that different for her

PosieParker · 07/09/2010 10:12

Starlight.....How is a baby not sleeping going to make someone late everyday? DC4 never slept and screamed for 8 months, reflux, but we were never late....we realised that in order to get to school on time I would have to be in the shower at 6am and so I was. Breakfast stuff was ready by 6.30am and lunch the night before.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 10:12

Starlight you're right. She sounded so angry this morning though, that I didn't want to mention anything for fear of sounding patronising.

I think school is important to her, but she is very defensive about her lateness and always has an excuse for it.

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 07/09/2010 10:12

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pluperfect · 07/09/2010 10:13

They may be on the wrong sleep-cycle (going to bed too late, waking up too late), which is different from idleness but could be made better by being organised.

The late sleep-cycles could be because her husband gets in so late that if she went to bed "on time" she wouldn't see him before bed, or in the mornings. Even if he got in at 6-ish, that could still mean a rise in excitement levels among the children and late bedtimes.

FellatioNelson · 07/09/2010 10:13

Yes but Starlight if there are regular mitigating factors, then the woman needs to plan ahead for them, and organise herself accordingly! If you always get up at 7 and always leave the house at 8, and you know are always 15 minutes late for school or work, then surely you know that you need to get up at quarter to seven, and leave home at quarter to eight?

If you always do what you always do, then you always get what you always get!

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/09/2010 10:14

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Original poster
Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 10:15

"So why do you care then. I expect they will all survive without your input."

Someone obviously woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning! Why do we care about anything? Why are you reading and commenting on this thread? Because it's normal to be interested in the society we live in.

Defensive or what? Hmm

OP posts:
HerBeatitude · 07/09/2010 10:15

"AIBU to think that she's either badly organised or bone idle and totally unfair to her son who gets into bother almost every day because of such bad timekeeping?"

No yanbu. But so what? Some people are very badly organised.

If you want to help, you can offer to drop by her place and pick her DS up every day and drop him off with your DC's. That's what my mum did for a neighbour of our's when she had a new baby. She remembered how very stressful and difficult it is to be organised with a baby, so she offered to help.

I guess if MN had been around then and she'd been computer literate, she might just have come on here and moaned about the woman instead... Wink

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/09/2010 10:15

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hobbgoblin · 07/09/2010 10:16

I'm late for everything. My DC are usually on time but more frequently late than the average child at school. I can't help it much but I couldn't tell you why.

There are aspects to my personality and life that may offer some explanation but they are not the sole reason. For me it is quite inherent and deeply upsetting because I feel like I let others down, myself and my children.

It isn't just a matter of alarms clocks and organisation. I can be up at a sparrow's fart, have uniform all laid out, packed lunches made and even in the car in winter and still be late.

My mother always got us to school late and we nearly missed many flights abroad when I was a child due to tardiness of my parents. They are still always late in grander style than I now, even though retired, etc.

OrmRenewed · 07/09/2010 10:16

There may be all kinds of reasons - we don't know - but whatever they are she cannot carry on being late every day! She just can't. It's not a question of whether it's difficult.

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/09/2010 10:16

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pluperfect · 07/09/2010 10:18

Starlight is right if you take into account the situation I suggested - late-returning DH. After all, if she is a SAHM with 3 small children, she could be insane with the need to alk to an adult, or even - possibly - gasp - have sex with her own DH!

QS · 07/09/2010 10:19

Whats it to do with you, op?
Why do you think it is your business to pull her up on it?

Original poster
Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 10:20

Yes, she is upset. Angry, but that comes from the upset. Most of her anger is directed at the teachers.

I suppose I could offer to pick her DC up on my days off (two days a week). She lives in the opposite direction of the school to me and it would make my mornings more demanding.

If I could see a reason for the lateness, I might do this, but there is nothing that I know about apart from three kids. At the moment I'd rather not offer to be honest.

OP posts:
pluperfect · 07/09/2010 10:21

Yes, Orm, you are right that she does have to stop being late, and it must be horrible to be like this. However, speculating idly about why she's late is just idle unless OP can do or suggest something to the woman to change it.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 07/09/2010 10:21

"Whats it to do with you, op?
Why do you think it is your business to pull her up on it?"

My life. I don't, and I didn't! She was ranting to me! I said nothing! I'm not sure how I can say this in a clearer fashion! Hmm

OP posts:
piprabbit · 07/09/2010 10:22

Think what you like - just so long as you know that, ultimately, it is none of your business.

GetOrfMoiLand · 07/09/2010 10:22

Yes, she is evidently badly organised for a reason.

She has been pulled up about it by the school previously, so she obviously knows it is a problem. She was just moaning to the OP about teh school commenting on lateness again - I certainly don't think it was a veiled cry for help.

her children have to be at school for a certain time, it is up to her to get them there. LOADS of us have to play the game and get up by a certain time, in order to be at school and work, whilst battling depression, anxiety, stress, money worries, sleepless nights and shrieking kids. The fact that she is moaning about teh school protesting yet again about her lateness just makes me think she is feckless and doesn't care.