to think this woman is either badly organised or bone idle?

[Rosieeo]

My eldest went back to school yesterday, to reception class. She attended the nursery last year. A woman whose eldest child is in the year above my DC was complaining to us at the gates.

Last year this woman, who has three DC, was consistently late for school. At the earliest running up as the bell went (fair enough) but more often than not 10-15 minutes late. In the end the school gave her a bollocking (they're very hot on timekeeping), wrote to her, had meetings, but it never made a lot of difference.

Yesterday (first day) they were just over 5 minutes late and she said that the teacher had already pulled her up on her timekeeping. She felt that the teacher was out of order and that no one appreciated how difficult it was to get to school for 8.50am with three DC. Her younger ones are about 3 and 1.

I don't have a lot of sympathy, I'm afraid. I know it can be difficult and frustrating getting out of the house in the morning, I honestly do! Plus, I only have two kids. But at the risk of sounding like Miss Smug, I have NO problems getting to school for 8.50am (we're normally up at 6.30/7am) and when I have to be at work we're out the door at 7.45am. That's hard work, but still! This woman lives a ten minute walk from school and doesn't work. I'm not trying to start a SAHM/WOHM debate, just saying that she doesn't then have to get somewhere else.

I didn't say anything, because I don't really know her that well, but AIBU to think that she's either badly organised or bone idle and totally unfair to her son who gets into bother almost every day because of such bad timekeeping?

Mama - she wont sleep because she gets a lie in every morning.

If I lie in until I choose to wake up I will then not be able to sleep until later than I would if I had got up at the time I needed to. It is not rocket science surely?

mamatomany, it's interesting how seemingly "small stuff" can become very big stuff if left unattended. The situation you have created with you dd is going to come and bite you on the backside big time.
She sounds as if she would be better of in "alternative" education tbh, if getting to school on time is too much for her psychologically, which from what what you have described it seems to be . Oh dear.

Also mama, you would do well to think about consequences this whole won't sleep business is not right. You as the adult need to sort her routines out so that she can actually get to school on time. IMO you are failing her in this respect.

we always got to primary on time- usually involved screaming and last minute searches for keys.

however one thing i always did was make them get dressed including shoes before they left their bedrooms.

And yet interestingly she is about two years ahead of her peers so perhaps it's quite the opposite and school is far from too much for her.
Very possibly she is bored stiff but that's a whole different thread.
As I have pointed out repeatedly the school have no issue what so ever.

As I said think she needs a different form of education from the things you have described. This isn't about academic achievement though is it? There are issues that you and she need to sort out. This is as much about you as it is her.

Well I disagree, she's just fine and since people said early social service would be involved if there was a problem and the school would pick up on it then clearly there isn't one.
I have raised two other children who are in perfectly good routines and done nothing different with this child.

Bringing your kids to school late is antisocial behaviour in my opinion.

I think that pressure should be put on parents to get their kids to school on time. I'm not sure exactly how this could be done though!

Well it is clear that your youngest needs different routines to the others Clearly there IS a problem here. You allow her to dictate when she goes to sleep, when she gets up, when she goes to school. She is 6 years old. That is disgraceful.
It is your job to get her to school on time, your job as her mother. Not give in for an easy life

I don't feel it is bullying or controlling to get my children into school at the correct time in the correct uniform wth the correct equipment.I see it as a stepping stone to discipline ( self and otherwise)and an awareness of social etiquette.

Consistent lateness is rude. It's that simple.

And tbh the day my six year old dictates what time they will get out of bed and go to school is the day I roll over , wave the white flag and give up my mummy badge. :o

Your children have all grown up deciding whether they get to school on time or not? Poor things :(

Each child is different but society is not, they have to fit in.

"You allow her to dictate when she goes to sleep"

Oh please do tell me how you'd make someone sleep ? Really i am all ears, my MIL too would love to know where she went wrong.

I am often late in the mornings, I hate it, as someone mentioned earlier about their friend, I also have IBS, it always hits me in the mornings, sometimes I'm in the loo 10 minutes, sometimes it can be an hour or longer... I can't predict... I get up early (5am this morning, was in bathroom feeling like death until 6.30am) to try and deal with it before DC get up but sometimes when I am bad it can be very late before I am actually able to function enough to get myself showered and children ready. I also have OCD, so having got everyone ready and in the car to go, I then go back and check and recheck the house, again I don't want to and try so, so hard not to repeatedly do it, but I feel so panicked and scared if I don't that I can't physically drive away and if I do, I then have to go back again to check. Again I hate myself for it. The result of this is my children are often 5mins or so late for school, I take them in and apologise... what else can I do? I don't want to tell everyone else in the playground what the problem is, I don't want everyone to know about how long I've been stuck in the loo, or that I've had to go back and check and recheck the house. So the upshot of it is that the teachers and DC's friends and their Mums all think I am lazy or disorganised. I'm not, I am just doing the best I can to cope and the effort and willpower it takes me some mornings to get myself and DC ready when I'm doubled over with cramps and in and out of the loo every few minutes to be ill again, and then trying to get out of the house and in the car I am sure is a lot greater than a lot of the other Mums there. But not everyone would be understanding, so I just don't want them to know. I can't cope with them seeing us heading in late and thinking "Oh there's Beth - late again - she must have been sat on the loo for an hour this morning" or "been going round and round the house in cirles". It's not fair on my DC's I know that, but what do I do. OH goes out much earlier to work. I take medication for the IBS but it doesn't stop it, it just alleviates it some of the time. OCD, love to not have it, but I do, irritatingly enough, when I have not got to get anywhere at a certain time, I can get out of the house much, much quicker - do maybe just one or two checks - but when I have to get somewhere at a certain time ie school, the anxiety is much greater, so I need to do more and more checks as I cannot trust myself to get it right.

I feel dreadful, when others comment on mine or DC's lateness, and I know that other people are thinking of me how some of you on here are referring to late people and I don't know what else to do other than never leave the house but then how would DC's go to school?

I'm just pointing out here as some other people have that you really don't know why people are late, and being smug about, "It's just a matter of organisation" isn't true, it isn't just organisation, it is also having other circumstances that allow you to predict how long it takes to do something, accurately. Not everyone has that.

Beth that was really good of you to share that with everyone.

I think most of you are being so judgemental and simplistic, who knows what the mum the OP is talking about, is dealing with at home.

Also as someone earler said there are so many much worse personality traits than being 10 mins late.

" it is also having other circumstances that allow you to predict how long it takes to do something, accurately. Not everyone has that."beth no not everyone has that, but most people do.

Beth - I know how horrible IBS can be and I totally sympathise. But not everyone who is late has a reason. Some people can't just get their acts together.

We are going again down the road of 'you can't slag off X because Y might be the case'. God it's tedious

Get her up earlier (ie in time to get to school)
Take her to the park for a couple of hours after school
Get a night time routine
Read her a story
Read her a boring book
Rub her back for a few nights

What no list of helpful suggestions ? You do surprise me, because the HV couldn't give me one when I went to her sobbing that the child hadn't slept for three years other than nursery will tire her out, well no that didn't happen.
Swimming, nope, gymnastics no, dancing no. After a full day at school. I was fcuking tired she wasn't.

Sorry ChippingIn stories keep her awake, she sleeps when she is ready and nothing works, including letting her cry it out, she could go for hours.

No, no list because you wouldn't listen. It would be pointless, there would be a reason why it wouldn't work. What you need is for someone to come round and show you what to so.

Well no I don't because as I pointed out I do perfectly well with the other two children and indeed my newborn is in a better routine than most as I work, he's 12 weeks old.

ok, so clearly there is an issue with your 6 year old?

Yes the kid doesn't sleep when other kids sleep.

She's not running around the house screaming and shouting until midnight, she's not playing out, she just isn't tired and that's the way she is. DH is the same, his mother despaired too.
He has managed to get himself through grammar school, university and holds down a very responsible job so whether the "issue" is one worth causing so much upset to the household is for me and me alone to decide.
Maybe because the OP is describing somebody who's late every day new comers are getting the idea that we are too and that's not the case actually but my sympathy does lie with those who have trouble getting out the door because in some cases with some children it's not straight forward as getting them up earlier, it just is not.

I asked a question forther down in what way did physically putting her in the car in her pjs and taking her to school not work? Surely she got to school on time in that case?
Do schools really not care if you are consistently late?

I was ALWAYS late to school as a child, my mum didn't work, had 3 under 5 at one point and was just a bit disorganised, we went to a little village school where in the early 80s (before lateness was monitored by the government and so schools cared less) no one cared a jot if you were a bit late. No one cared when she was a bit late to pick us up sometimes either.
It didn't seem to affect our education - we've got 5 degrees between the 3 of us.
I'm not as bad as my mother but I am regularly late... I've chosen a career where that doesn't matter, and I'll try v hard when DD starts school next september, we'll see how we go.....