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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my brother and family not to go to church when we visit

454 replies

Trifle · 02/09/2010 10:17

I plan on visiting my brother, sil and their 2 children for a weekend in September with my 2 ds's. All the children get on fabulously and really enjoy eachothers company although, due to distance apart, we dont meet up as often as is liked.

My brother and sil are deeply religious to the point of fanaticism. They read the bible every day, pray religiously, attend church at least 2 if not 3 times a week, sometimes twice on a sunday (obviously the message doesnt get through first time).

Now, if we visit at the weekend and stay overnight, would IBU to ask them not to go to church on a sunday morning as the whole thing takes about 3 hours and we just end up hanging around waiting for them to come back. This defeats the object of the whole trip if we are there to see them plus I also think it is rude to abandon your guests.

OP posts:
2shoes · 02/09/2010 10:18

could you not go with them?

Original poster
Trifle · 02/09/2010 10:19

Christ you are joking !

OP posts:
TheGrumpalo · 02/09/2010 10:21

Yes YABU. It is obviously important to them.

elphabaisgreen · 02/09/2010 10:21

YABU - I have friends who even when they go on holiday find a local church and go. It is obviously important to them.

pookamoo · 02/09/2010 10:21

I don't think you can ask them not to, but ask them for some ideas of things you could do "while they are at church"... they might take a hint, if not, they will give you some genuine ideas.

Lots of people are going to say "just don't go if you don't like it" and lots of other people will say "why not have them to yours instead?" ...

zapostrophe · 02/09/2010 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dinkystinky · 02/09/2010 10:25

YABU - go out and do something with your kids while they are at church.

ZZZenAgain · 02/09/2010 10:26

can't you prepare lunch as a thank-you for your stay - go for a long walk etc? Do you really need your hosts there in the morning?

I don't think you can ask them not to go to church really. I'd find it a bit rude of guests to suggest that IYSWIM although I suppose if it is your brother you can be more upfront about it.

scurryfunge · 02/09/2010 10:26

I would find something to do for the 3 hours.

When we visit PIL, they disappear to church on the Sunday for hours. I just prepare everyone a lovely lunch for their return.

iusedtobeasize8 · 02/09/2010 10:28

YABU - organise to do something while they are at church and then you can all meet for lunch later.

teenyanne · 02/09/2010 10:29

YABU - if it is important to them, and you know that they are going to do it before you visit, then ask if there is something they can recommend you do for the few hours they are there to keep yourselves busy if you don't want to go with them.

Also, reading the bible and praying and going to church 2 or 3 times a week does not sound particularly fanatical, just their faith is obviously important to them (and a lot of church-goers go to a morning and evening service on a sunday).

I'm not particularly religious, but a lot of my family is and I wouldn't dream of asking them not to go to church because I was visiting.

LIZS · 02/09/2010 10:29

yabu. Prepare lunch, go for a walk, read the papers ....

bruxeur · 02/09/2010 10:30

I want to know how you pray non-religiously.

weegiemum · 02/09/2010 10:31

YABU

We read the Bible and pray every day (with the children, dh and I, and on our own) and go to church on a Sunday and we're not fanatical, just committed Christians.

It would BU for them to expect you to go with them. It is BU to expect them not to go because you are there.

YellowDaffodil · 02/09/2010 10:32

YABU and they don't sound fanatical.

Hammy02 · 02/09/2010 10:32

YABU. I think religion is nonsense but would always appreciate that other people have different views that are enormously important to them.

booyhoo · 02/09/2010 10:32

YABU. you know he goes to church on sunday, why did you arrange to visit when you know he will not be there? for many people church is not a take it or leave it social event. it is deeply important to his life.

find something to do for the 3 hours.

banana87 · 02/09/2010 10:33

Yes, YABU. And I find the "deeply religious to the point of fanaticism" utterly selfish and insulting.

Rockbird · 02/09/2010 10:35

YABtotallyU and I'm Shock that you have to ask. Go for a walk, cook lunch, lie in, watch crap on tv. It can't be that hard to fill the time.

And unless the church is in a different city I can't see how it takes three hours. Us Catholics are known for our good long sermons and mass plus coffee afterwards doesn't take anything like three hours. Methinks you're exaggerating!

booyhoo · 02/09/2010 10:36

rockbird my friend is JW and her church sessions can last 2-3 hours.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 02/09/2010 10:36

Yes, YABU. Go out and do something else for that time rather than hanging around waiting.

Rockbird · 02/09/2010 10:36

Fair point booyoo, I stand corrected :)

MrsThePoint · 02/09/2010 10:37

Yes, YAB very U. This is not just a hobby that they are doing; it is a faith, a belief, way of life. To ask someone who is clearly very religious not to attend church is at best insensitive and rude, and at worst purely offensive.

They invite you over for the weekend. They know time is short with you, yet it is still important enough for them to attend.

If you are a non-believer who wants to spend time with them, why not go with them? It?s no skin off your nose, and it certainly doesn?t mean you are declaring you suddenly wish to be baptised!

Rockbird · 02/09/2010 10:37

MrsThePoint, sorry, that is possibly the best name I have ever seen on here :o

LadyBiscuit · 02/09/2010 10:38

You're guests in their house, you fit with them. Three hours isn't that long - bung the roast in the oven and take your kids out for a walk :)