To ask my brother and family not to go to church when we visit

[Trifle]

I plan on visiting my brother, sil and their 2 children for a weekend in September with my 2 ds's. All the children get on fabulously and really enjoy eachothers company although, due to distance apart, we dont meet up as often as is liked.

My brother and sil are deeply religious to the point of fanaticism. They read the bible every day, pray religiously, attend church at least 2 if not 3 times a week, sometimes twice on a sunday (obviously the message doesnt get through first time).

Now, if we visit at the weekend and stay overnight, would IBU to ask them not to go to church on a sunday morning as the whole thing takes about 3 hours and we just end up hanging around waiting for them to come back. This defeats the object of the whole trip if we are there to see them plus I also think it is rude to abandon your guests.

YABU.

Why would the OP want to go with them if she's not religious ?

I agree that it would BU to expect them to not go though. I reckon you should just plan something else to do while they're at church.

lol @MrsThePoint missing the point - to paraphrase - "To ask someone who is clearly not religious to attend church is at best insensitive and rude, and at worst purely offensive."

It's not the neutral option, you numpty.

YABVU and quite rude about them.
This is one AIBU where it looks like everyone agrees so hopefully you will take note!

YABU. Just have a nice slow breakfast, watch TV, it's only 3 hours out of a weekend. You have to accept that church on Sunday morning is non-negotiable for them and take that into consideration when you arrange to spend the weekend with them. The potential rudeness of "abandoning" their guests pales in comparison to asking your hosts not to go to church.

Rambling- I'm not religious but when I stay with my parents I go to church with my mum (she knows I'm not religious- I don't go just to appease her- she doesnt mind one way or the other).

I just like the time for some personal reflection and I find a lot of the content is still relevant to that. I suppose just because I dont believe in an omnipotent God, doesnt mean that I dont see any relevance in the teachings. Plus I like the music.

YABU. You know this is important to them

YABU. You don't ask someone to stop doing what they normally do and feel strongly about.Plan a trip out on sunday morning, yourself. or start doing the roast prep. or visit or another day, not sunday. go during half term.

YABU, we go to church fairly regularly, sometimes guests have been here and we've gone, it's not a problem. There are loads of things you can do whilst they're out, it's only 1 morning ffs.

YABU. It is thier choice and belief. How would you feel if they asked you stop stop doing something you liked or enjoyed?

I am sure that you can entertain yourselves for three hours.

YABU. It's only 3 hours.

If they were Muslims would you feel it acceptable to ask them not to go to mosque? Or Jews not to go to synagogue? Or to break their Sabbath observations? If not, then why is this different? And if so - then I think you really need to work on seeing the world from someone else's POV.

I don't think they sound fanatical either, just committed. Unless they're trying to convert you over breakfast and exorcise you over lunch, that is?

Lazy breakfast, get roast in oven, go for a walk. Sounds good to me!

so Op has truely been told.
anyone saying YANBU ? nope ? thought not

YAB 100 types of U.

Get a fucking grip and go for a walk and stop being so bloody lazy, critical and dependent.

yabu.

YABU to ask them not to go, but I can understand a little where you're coming from.

My dad and step-mum are born-again Christians and are very involved with their church, so they will often (but not always) still go on a Sunday if we're visiting and staying with them. We would never suggest that they didn't go. I'm hoping they'll never suggest that we go with them, it would be very awkward. Similarly my PIL are devout Catholics so always go to Mass on a Sunday when we're there (DH has to go too, although he never goes at home, but that would be a whole different thread....). In fact my MIL goes to Mass 6 days a week, but I would BU to suggest that she didn't go just because we were there.

YABU

For all the reasons that have already been said.

Being commited to ones faith is not the sma as being "fanatic".

But I have to ask, the 3 hours you are talking about, does it include the way there and back? I have not been to a church service for a very long time but it was never that long.

YAB utterly utterly utterly U.

I stay with an aunt and uncle who are very religious. I often accompany them to services/choir practises etc. If I don't, I stay home and cook lunch or tidy up or maybe just read, fill in my time somehow, either usefully or not!

To expect them to abandon what is to them extremely important for your sake is beyond selfish.

My friend is Muslim. I am going to her house this afternoon when I usually have lunch. Would I be U to ask her to just, y'know, sack off this Ramadan thing because I usually eat at that time and really I think it's rude to not eat with your guests? I mean, isn't the whole Ramadan thing a bit, well, fanatical?

My other friend is Jewish. They do this pesky thing at funerals where women and men are sat in different rooms. If his mum dies (as she looks likely to, soon ), would I be U to ask her, y'know, just to let me sit with my husband because I will miss his company in the other room and I think it's rude to separate male and female guests? I mean, it rather defeats the point of me going if I am not even in the same room as him, doesn't it?

Getting it yet, OP?

Of course you are being bloody unreasonable. And rude. And selfish. It's not fanatical to have a belief system that you don't just cast aside because it would suit someone else better if you chose not to observe at that point in time.

"This is not just a hobby that they are doing; it is a faith, a belief, way of life. To ask someone who is clearly very religious not to attend church is at best insensitive and rude, and at worst purely offensive."

Many football fans feel the same. But if I went to see family for the weekend and the went to the match on Saturday afternoon, I would be not a little put out. The distinction between "hobby" and "way of life" is a purely arbitrary judgement, but the idea that regularly attending church and regularly attending Anfield is different is a bit mysterious to people who do neither.

"If you are a non-believer who wants to spend time with them, why not go with them? It?s no skin off your nose, and it certainly doesn?t mean you are declaring you suddenly wish to be baptised!"

If church-going is such a central part of their lives, won't they be offender by dilettantes going along just to fill a spare couple of hours?

The point about people who are religious, just like obsessive football fans, is that they believe that their hobbies are more important than you, and don't mind telling you that. You're expected to suck it up, and say things like "oh, I wish I was as committed". In reality, inviting people to your house and then popping out for a few hours to do something more interesting instead is crashingly rude.

OP, invite your brother to visit one weekend, and then once they've arrived announce that you all have a pre-booked trip to the theatre on Saturday evening and they won't mind looking after themselves, will they?

That is outrageously offensive tokyo. And I'm not even religious. But then you knew that.

tokyonambu, that is a 'crashingly' fuckwitted post.

I kind of agree.
I am a Christian myself (disclaimer!) but I think to invite people for the weekend and then disappear for best part of half a day is somewhat rude.
On the other hand I don't think the OP can ask them not to - ideally they should realise themselves.

I LOLed at "pray religiously" as well.

YABU, if you don't want to be left behind, go along. If you don't want to go along, find something else to do. They're your hosts but that doesn't mean they have to be at your disposal 24/7 for the duration of your visit and only do things that you want to do.