to find it a little bit pathetic when grown women say they won't drive long distances

[emkana]

of more than 30 (!) miles because they are scared of the driving and navigating.

Is it really that hard, am I missing something here?

I get no enjoyment from driving at all - none - but there's nowhere I won't drive. I get on with it, but do lack confidence purely due to not enjoying it.

I also feel like I'm too 'nice' and not aggressive enough to be a good driver. I will end up sitting at T-junctions, for example, for way long than is acceptable because I feel it is too impolite to pull out and effectively queue-jump. Whereas everyone else I see on the road pulls out with impunity and thinks thinks nothing of cutting people off.

For me, driving is simply something to be tolerated as a means of getting from A to B and as such I do have sympathy for people who hate it enough to not want to do it just anywhere.

I dislike driving long distance but I would never let it stop me if I needed to. My dislike comes from years of having a long commute to work in ancient unreliable cars when we didn't have the money to look after them properly. I have been dumped in the middle of nowhere too many times to find driving enjoyable

I am one of the "pathetic" drivers too. I used to drive well in another country (highway, long distance et all)
After coming here I got my license after 5 years of no driving and having 2 kids.
It's really shifted my confidence level. I do drive and I do the highway stuff etc too - but am not at all comfortable - specially with dc's in the car. If dh is with me then I am happy to leave it to him. But will take over when he's had a drink or is tired.
Also, he enjoys driving a lot but doesn't get a chance other than when we are all going out together whereas I am ferrying the kids round and doing the shop in the week.
I really need more practise, that's all - but with 2 kids and another on the way, it's not on the top of my list.
I enjoy it much more when I am on my own - but there's not much chance of that.

IME women dislike driving their DHs around because their DHs are such dreadful backseat drivers

tokyonambu yes I agree with them too. Most lived in Florida, one lived in Milwaukee though where there is a lot of snow and her husband argued for the extra control one supposedly gets with a manual transmission. I don't know enough to say who was right.

LOL at "weird shit". My DH had a car with some sort of "flappy paddle" arrangement I think three different types of gearbox in one

I am determined to learn in an auto despite DH's exhortations. I've never got further than the first two lessons because I find watching the road ahead, looking all around, mirrors, signalling and having to change gear too much to concentrate on.

Being almost forty with a vivid imagination and an ingrained "pedestrian mindset" doesn't help matters.

Add to that that DS has SN and hasn't slept through the night in over three years now. I've said to DH that it isn't like learning French or to play the violin, you won't kill people if you you use the wrong tense or play the wrong note. He's starting to see it my way.

I understand people's annoyance when anyone makes an excuse not to do any driving when they have a licence.

My mil and sil live nearly 400 miles away and both have licences but when they come to visit neither of them does any of the driving. It just seems wrong to me I'd never expect DH to do all the driving, even if we go 20 miles we'll do one way each.
They are just making things worse for themselves by not practising.

I mostly only drive to the supermarket and about 10 miles to work(not everyday). When we go further I always think it improves my driving confidence such a lot. I drove across London last summer which I didn't enjoy, but afterwards I felt I was capable of anything

I'm not talking about those with real phobias.
Some women though seem to give up too easily(maybe not all their fault if their parents/partners have always been quick to take over)Not just about driving, but all sorts of things a shame for them, I think.

If someone doesn't want to drive on roundabouts and would rather take three buses, good for them for not clogging up the roads.

What a horrible judgemental thread!
I consider myself a confident driver, but rarely drive more than 15 miles away from home - I work from home, all the people important to me live nearby, the shops are close - I have no reason to drive further on a daily basis, so on the rare occasion that I do need to go anywhere further, it is nervewracking, becausei'm not used to it - not because I'm pathetic, a disgrace to womanhood, or any other crappy reason that so many of you have stated!

If someone decides not to drive long distances, presumably they are adults, and able to make their own decisions?

So many of you have said how sad it is for people not to see different places, but I think it's a bit sad that you are judging on your own terms, not considering that not everyone feels the need to see new places all the time!

Oh, and just to let you know, if dh is about, no matter how many miles we are going, he drives - not because I'm the little woman, but because he prefers to drive.

I think it's a good thing that women are able to say they don't like it.

I have only been driving 2 years - passed when I was 30. I used to be petrified of the whole thing, would sit there in tears thinking the world would come to an end if I stalled on a roundabout.

DP was excellent - he just encouraged me to drive everywhere on L plates until I got used to it. Had a lesson a week for aeons. Passed test first time and first thing DP did was make me go straight on the M5.

As I spent my whole 20s unable to drive, I can appreciate how much difference driving has made to my life. I was able to get anothe, far better job 40 miles away down the motorway. I was able to go and see family in remote Devon without having to rely on people driving me there, or changing 3 trains on a journey which took hours. I have now got another brilliant job, whioch requires loads of driving, and I thank my lucky stars every day that I was able to get over the fear.

I don't think anyone is pathetic who has a morbid fear of driving, but I think they are mad if they just accept that they are scared of driving, and that's it. Just practice, practice, practice and overcome the fear, because the benefits of being able to drive everywhere are so enormous.

I do think if someone says that they refuse to drive in London, however. What's the big problem with that particular city?

Mind you, I do have my own reserves of pathetic behaviour. I haven't parallel parked since I passed my test, for isnstance (as am crap at it). And I can't ride a bike. Oh well.

well it does rather depend on how many of my delightful children i have in the back trying to poke one another's eyes out - it can be a little distarcting - how many men drive long distances on their own with their kids??

I only drive on Motorways if I cannot avoid it. I will drive much further on A roads though no problem.

The furthest I've ever driven on the Motorway system was from the North to Surrey and I hated it. I'm not a silly woman either just suffer from panic attacks so don't want to run the risk of having one driving through Birmingham amongst all the lorries.

YANBU to think sheesh, YABU to say sheesh! If you aren't a good enough driver to drive long distances you shouldn't drive short ones either imnsho. But, it's up to each individual to make that choice. I only speak up if they ask me what I think. That is usually a mistake as I'll tell you

KnownForSpeakingHerMindWhenAskedTiggaxx

I do find it hard to understand the fear/phobias/panic attacks/ fear of getting lost or motorways etc, as posted about ion this thread. I was always a confident driver and still love driving. love it to bits. love the freedom. love just driving and often do it just for pleasure.
so yes, i am afraid i do find it hard to understand.
hope that those who have problems can get over them with help.

Agree with sherbert, satnavs are fab. do those that fear say getting lost, are they not helpful to you ?

I don't drive long distances because my husband is such a back seat driver.
At one point I actually pulled over, kicked him out of the car and made him walk home.
I now only drive him if we've been somewhere and he's had a drink and not in a position to comment.
That said, if U had to get in the car and drive a long distance I would do it, I'd be nervous but I'd get on with it.

I don't drive. I don't like driving - or, more accurately, I don't like the unpredictable driving of some others on the roads. I don't ask or expect other people to drive me and/or the DCs around. We live in London, where I can get to most places quicker either on foot, by bike or by public transport, which is a lot cheaper than running a car. I even use public transport after dark! If I wanted to drive somewhere, I could, theoretically hire a street car. In extremis, taxis exist. We're going to York tomorrow - on the train. I passed my test on the first try 25 years ago, so I guess that qualifies me as a grown up.

For the record, regarding Gordon Brown, if you see out of one eye, you can have issues with interpreting parallax, which can particularly be a problem in the dark when trying to work out how fast vehicles are coming towards you.

I am not a confident driver. So what? It is nothing to do with being a woman.

I expect there are plenty of things I am better at than you, and plenty of things I am worse at than you.

There are probably plenty of things I enjoy and you dislike, and plenty of things that you enjoy and I dislike.

I do my best not to let this affect anyone else. If I want to get somewhere I'll weigh up the pros and cons of different forms of transportation - the balance just might come out differently to if you were contemplating the same journey.

Satnavs are great, however you can end up relying too much on them.

Couple of weeks ago went to a supplier in Walsall, then a branch in Birmingham, then back to Gloucester.

I have the sat nav on for all journeys through Birmingham, to get me through the spaghetti junction bit, when coming home I thought I pressed (on the lasy journeys taken) directions back to Gloucester, but I had pressed the directions back up to Walsall. I just merrily followed the instructions, got back on the M6 heading north and only when I saw signs for Manchester did I realise i was going the wrong damn way.

But that is being a twat, nowt to do with driving skills.

I drove to Austria last summer and Italy the year before. I love driving and long journeys make a nice change from the 5 mile trip to work I do each day. My first solo drive after passing my test was from Surrey to Yorkshire-although I set off at 2 in the morning as I had never been on a motorway before!
However I can understand why some people don't like driving long distances ,there are lots of things I don't like doing that most people would consider "normal"-don't ever ask me to swim underwater!

Responding to something way upthread that SGB said, I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to use pubilc transport at night.

I can't drive (am currently learning) and for work and other reasons have used public transport at night for many years. I can't say it has always been a pleasant experience. So while I understand that people's risk perceptions do not match the statistics, I can't blame them for having that fear.

I haven't driven for nearly 15 yrs. And when I used to drive I avoided motorways, though I was perfectly happy to drive in the traffic of Milan.
Once I had a panic attack in the middle of Exeter and stopped driving.

I do feel a bit pathetic, I agree. But I really hate to drive, though I secretly know that I should start again.
I console myself with the idea that I'm not polluting...

I don't use satnav. I like maps. I am a map-nerd

And no I never get lost (well not often anyway).

I agree that this is a horrid thread.

I am one of the pathetic women that only drive in my local area (London). I do fill up my own car with petrol, but dislike doing so (and not just because of the £££ ). Often the petrol handle keeps clicking off, and I am standing there feeling self conscientious, taking far too long to fill the tank.

I have been known to have panic attacks when driving, and so not going on motorways empowers me. I know that so long as I can pull over into a side street, I am fine. It is not safe to pull over on a motorway, therefore I do not go on them. As I live in London, motorways are not part of daily life, and nor are country roads.

As SGB said earlier, driving is not the be all and end all. I have little understanding of women that are too scared to travel on public transport (unless they have been attacked of course). If I want to go long distances, I take the train. Far more civilised than driving, and often faster too .

I've never been able to understand why driving on the motorway/at night/in the rain isn't part of the test

I honestly think that if all these were tackled whilst learning to drive with a tutor they wouldn't feel so daunting once one is driving alone.

I find it hard to understand anyone's driving phobia as I have no problem with it myself. I find it odd that people would do something they find so scary. My Mum has never learned to drive because she knows she would be a nervous driver. I feel a bit sad for her that she hasn't tried to conquer that but I respect the fact that she won't put herself in a position where she freaks out whilst in charge of a 1 ton lump of metal moving at speed and potentially causes risk to herself and others.

A question to those of you who are nervous drivers - if the test included motorways, night driving and so forth do you think that having to specifically practice for those conditions whilst learning to drive would have helped at all? I can't help but wonder whether the fact that we aren't allowed on motorways until we've passed our tests somehow makes them seem more scary than they actually are.